My husband and I have been together for nearly 10 years, married for almost four, and we recently welcomed our first child this winter. I have had a very difficult time postpartum. A few weeks after my baby was born, I felt overwhelmed with debilitating anxiety, depression, and insomnia. It became so bad I was prescribed antidepressants along with medication for panic attacks. Since I started medication it has slowly gotten better, but due to my ADHD and anxiety it’s still a struggle. I haven’t felt like myself at all, and I’ve also been feeling extremely insecure about the weight I gained during my pregnancy (close to 50 lbs.) and getting back to my pretty fit previous weight. I’ve lost about 35 lbs. so far, but I don’t feel confident about my body and while I know I should be exercising regularly (my husband bought me an expensive exercise bike for this purpose), I am so exhausted and overwhelmed nearly every day and completely lack motivation. Due to the antidepressants my sex drive has also pretty much disappeared which is another thing I feel anxious about.
My husband has been amazing. He’s the one that will get up with our baby in the morning after I’ve had yet another sleepless night to give me an opportunity to sleep in. I still take on the lion’s share of caregiving (feedings, playtime, diaper changes, bath, and bedtime routine), but I do appreciate how he’s supported me in this way. About three months postpartum, he went to his close friend’s wedding on the other side of the country. I was home alone with our baby and dog and felt completely overwhelmed. I couldn’t stop crying and was so on edge I was too scared to even shower when the baby was asleep in case something happened, and I couldn’t hear the cries. It was miserable and very scary for me. Now, a few months later, he wants to travel again to a friend’s bachelor party—internationally. It’s only for a weekend, but I don’t think I can handle it and every time he brings it up I beg him not to go but he says that I’m being unreasonable, and that the wives of other friends of his that are going and have more than one baby are handling it just fine, so I should too.
I know this is in part due to feeling insecure about my postpartum body and uncomfortable about him being in tropical country at a bachelor party where there will most likely be strippers or just women in general in various states of undress. But another part of me feels like he’s completely negating my feelings and the trauma I’ve dealt with postpartum just because he wants to go on this trip. He is going to this friend’s wedding later this year which is also across the country while I will stay at home with our baby and dog. This friend also lives locally so they could get together nearby any other weekend. Am I being unreasonable by asking him to skip this overseas bachelor party? If so, what can I do to help myself get through this? I don’t have family or close friends nearby to help out, and I’m a shy and introverted person that dreads asking for help from acquaintances/neighbors. I feel like I’m losing my mind and would really appreciate any advice you have to offer.
— Am I An Unreasonable Wife?