I eloped, but i still want to have a wedding!

ashm42910

I got married in a court house February of this year, a few weeks after my daughter was born. We could not afford a wedding, nor did we have the time to plan one. I still really really want to have a ceremony/reception. I dont want a huge wedding, just our close friends and family, with a small 5k budget, i want to wear a dress, i want my dad to walk me down the isle, i want my daughter to be our flower girl. My venue is a beautiful old historic home in my city,

But we are already married? Can i do a vow renewal or something? It won't be for another year or two if we do this. Any suggestions?

Sincerely,
A sad eloper

Queen Jane

You made a decision to get married in the manner in which you did. You can have a vow renewal, but like Stage said, I would side-eye that hard after such a short period of time and without some major trial having gone on in your relationship. That is the consequence that came with your decision.

If you really feel like you missed out, maybe you and your husband could plan a really amazing and special trip for your anniversary?

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_i-eloped-but-i-still-want-to-have-a-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:8136f908-050e-4841-82f3-fa2a8502b174Post:64e4a684-c5a2-427f-94cd-b7e81ab9c790">I eloped, but i still want to have a wedding!</a>:
[QUOTE]I got married in a court house February of this year, a few weeks after my daughter was born. We could not afford a wedding, nor did we have the time to plan one. I still really really want to have a ceremony/reception. I dont want a huge wedding, just our close friends and family, with a small 5k budget, i want to wear a dress, i want my dad to walk me down the isle, i want my daughter to be our flower girl. My venue is a beautiful old historic home in my city, But we are already married? Can i do a vow renewal or something? It won't be for another year or two if we do this. Any suggestions? Sincerely, A sad eloper
Posted by ashm42910[/QUOTE]

You get one wedding.  You can always do a vow renewal five or ten years down the line.  You don't want a wedding (which you had); you want a pretty princess day.

QueerFemme

You had a wedding. That ship has sailed.  I agree with previous posters... you could do a vow renewal in 5 years or so, and have a nice party, but I would wear a simple dress, not the big princessy ball gown.  And, no first dance, no cake cutting, etc.  Your dad can walk you down the aisle, but it would seem ridiculous, since you aren't being "given away".  You will have already been married for quite some time, so, that custom wouldn't really fit. 

Scaponigro

I totally disagree with above*. Have a big damn reception if you want one. One life. One marriage. Enjoy it.

aragx6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_i-eloped-but-i-still-want-to-have-a-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:8136f908-050e-4841-82f3-fa2a8502b174Post:05ff102b-fa54-4f39-a530-a437eca6e9c0">Re: I eloped, but i still want to have a wedding!</a>:
[QUOTE]I totally disagree with aboce. Have a big damn reception if you want one. One life. One marriage. Enjoy it.
Posted by Scaponigro[/QUOTE]

One wedding too right?

HobokensFury

You get one wedding. You had yours already.  You can't now decide that you want a "wedding". Have a vow renewal in 5 years.

[Deleted User]

go for it and do what you and your husband want
If I was family I would attend and celebrate with you!

sparent2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_i-eloped-but-i-still-want-to-have-a-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:8136f908-050e-4841-82f3-fa2a8502b174Post:1abdff14-7686-443b-a9c8-3d92ba07d9a6">Re: I eloped, but i still want to have a wedding!</a>:
[QUOTE]You had a wedding. That ship has sailed.  I agree with previous posters... you could do a vow renewal in 5 years or so, and have a nice party, but I would wear a simple dress, not the big princessy ball gown.  And, no first dance, no cake cutting, etc.  Your dad can walk you down the a isle, but it would seem ridiculous, since you aren't being "given away".  You will have already been married for quite some time, so, that custom wouldn't really fit. 
Posted by cmgilpin[/QUOTE]

::Nods:: Sorry OP no one here is going to validate your wish for a PPD.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_i-eloped-but-i-still-want-to-have-a-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:8136f908-050e-4841-82f3-fa2a8502b174Post:1abdff14-7686-443b-a9c8-3d92ba07d9a6">Re: I eloped, but i still want to have a wedding!</a>:
[QUOTE]You had a wedding. That ship has sailed.  I agree with previous posters... you could do a vow renewal in 5 years or so, and have a nice party, but I would wear a simple dress, not the big princessy ball gown.  And, no first dance, no cake cutting, etc.  Your dad can walk you down the a isle, but it would seem ridiculous, since you aren't being "given away".  You will have already been married for quite some time, so, that custom wouldn't really fit. 
Posted by cmgilpin[/QUOTE]

disagree!

JA0424

At the end of the day, do what you want.  Forget everyone else's opinions and whatnot...do what you and your husband want to do.

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_i-eloped-but-i-still-want-to-have-a-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:8136f908-050e-4841-82f3-fa2a8502b174Post:fe551765-1b88-4b85-ac2b-109d781db3eb">Re: I eloped, but i still want to have a wedding!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I eloped, but i still want to have a wedding! : ::Nods:: Sorry OP no one here is going to validate your wish for a PPD.
Posted by sparent2010[/QUOTE]

One person did.  Guess which one OP is going to listen too.

HobokensFury

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_i-eloped-but-i-still-want-to-have-a-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:8136f908-050e-4841-82f3-fa2a8502b174Post:0ea123aa-6deb-4d46-962d-10e9d4b50057">Re: I eloped, but i still want to have a wedding!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I eloped, but i still want to have a wedding! : Actually 3 did.  Which makes me very very sad, but does explain a lot about the current state of the world.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

Notice they're all newbies that have no clue about etiquette.  But sadly OP will listen to them.

ootmother2

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_i-eloped-but-i-still-want-to-have-a-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:8136f908-050e-4841-82f3-fa2a8502b174Post:60ce9f7f-9ab2-4ff0-ad74-5690e186bd02">Re:I eloped, but i still want to have a wedding!</a>:
[QUOTE]True on both points, Hoboken.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

well, you're already married so why not have a kick ass party to celebrate?

I would skip the bridal party but I'm sure you could wear a pretty white dress and dance the night away!

I would just make sure that your guests knew it was a celebration, not an actual wedding.  You can send announcements for that part

futuremrandmrsrioux

How rude some people can be! Who cares if you're a newbie or an "old hag"? We don't know the whole story of who was there and all of the reasons why and frankly it's none of our business! When people elope they often have a party to celebrate with all of their loved ones. Go ahead and celebrate your marriage, white dress and all!

Lisa50

For the love of Mike, you had a wedding.  Don't you remember??  It was in a courthouse.  You were there, your (now) husband was there, you signed a form.  You were pronounced married, husband and wife, or something similar.  It's done.  Move on.

HobokensFury

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_i-eloped-but-i-still-want-to-have-a-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:8136f908-050e-4841-82f3-fa2a8502b174Post:47848090-049b-455b-a3fb-396083de0455">Re: I eloped, but i still want to have a wedding!</a>:
[QUOTE]How rude some people can be! Who cares if you're a newbie or an "old hag"? We don't know the whole story of who was there and all of the reasons why and frankly it's none of our business! When people elope they often have a party to celebrate with all of their loved ones. Go ahead and celebrate your marriage, white dress and all!
Posted by futuremrandmrsrioux[/QUOTE]

It's called proper etiquette. You should learn it. You can't have a wedding after you're already married.  A simple party or get together is one thing; a wedding with a bridal party, dress, ceremony, reception is improper.

And for what it's worth newbies need us "old hags" for real advice and help or else it would be the blind leading the blind.

gattamelata

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_i-eloped-but-i-still-want-to-have-a-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:8136f908-050e-4841-82f3-fa2a8502b174Post:47848090-049b-455b-a3fb-396083de0455">Re: I eloped, but i still want to have a wedding!</a>:
[QUOTE]How rude some people can be! Who cares if you're a newbie or an "old hag"? We don't know the whole story of who was there and all of the reasons why and frankly it's none of our business! When people elope they often have a party to celebrate with all of their loved ones. Go ahead and celebrate your marriage, white dress and all!
Posted by futuremrandmrsrioux[/QUOTE]

I agree. no need to be so rude. there are lots of reasons they may have had the wedding like that and we dont know. I don't see why they can't still have a big party after the fact without it being a 'wedding'. I had several friends who eloped then had a big party afterwards. I think though that no more than 6 months afterwards is reasonable, a year later gets a bit weird.

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_i-eloped-but-i-still-want-to-have-a-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:8136f908-050e-4841-82f3-fa2a8502b174Post:af157a7e-7509-443b-bcde-401c6a0d3f3d">Re: I eloped, but i still want to have a wedding!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I eloped, but i still want to have a wedding! : I agree. no need to be so rude. there are lots of reasons they may have had the wedding like that and we dont know. I don't see why they can't still have a big party after the fact without it being a 'wedding'. I had several friends who eloped then had a big party afterwards. I think though that no more than 6 months afterwards is reasonable, a year later gets a bit weird.
Posted by gattamelata[/QUOTE]

How is it that the old married hags are the only one who are comprehending that OP is not talking about a reception?  She is talking about having a do over wedding.

From her original post:
I dont want a huge wedding, just our close friends and family, with a small 5k budget, i want to wear a dress, i want my dad to walk me down the isle, i want my daughter to be our flower girl. My venue is a beautiful old historic home in my city,

Annas2013

OP wants a wedding, not just a party.  A party celebrating an elopement is different.  OP had a wedding.  She is now married.  You don't get two weddings during the same marriage.  Sorry.  It's not possible.  The older posters are just giving you honest advice.  It's not that their trying to be mean, they're just trying to explain how what you're doing is against wedding etiquette.  

GoodLuckBear14

I consider it an elopment, we didnt tell our families, we just did it.

This was from one of OP's posts on the C&T board where she made the same original post.  I'd still like to know if the families know that they are married or if she is not telling them to try to get a PPD.

Annas2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_i-eloped-but-i-still-want-to-have-a-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:8136f908-050e-4841-82f3-fa2a8502b174Post:0b35a06b-73a4-4c4b-b5da-7b622a8c9112">Re: I eloped, but i still want to have a wedding!</a>:
[QUOTE]I consider it an elopment, we didnt tell our families, we just did it. This was from one of OP's posts on the C&T board where she made the same original post.  I'd still like to know if the families know that they are married or if she is not telling them to try to get a PPD.
Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]

<div>I have a strong feeling she will try to pass off the PPD she wants as her original wedding.  </div>

JessicaPop

I wouldn't listen to most of the people on this site, they seem like they spend way too much time on here. Seriously calling people newbies?? How would you know whos a "newbie" unless you stalk these boards day and night. Most of you are married... you move on. Honestly it's your life and YOUR wedding and you should be able to do what you want. If you don't feel good about your couthouse wedding you go out there and do it again. This is a very special day and you should be able to remember it as being perfect! Who cares if these people think it's not proper, I can assure you no one who is invited will think that. I've seen this done many times and I've never heard anyone say anything bad about it. And seriously this site is here for HELP, ADVISE, and SUPPORT not for all this negativity that I am way too used to seeing on these boards. 

futuremrsgates

I say do what you want, but be prepared for a few snide remarks (like above) from people. My FI and I considered doing what you're doing (a small courthouse wedding, then a big party) but I realized that the PPD was just as important to me and I have a very etiquette-centric family who would just side-eye me for FOREVER if I asked for what you want. But if your friends and family are down, I say go for it.

Question, though, and I honestly don't mean to be rude, but if you wanted this, why did you do the courthouse wedding in the first place? Was it just for legal reasons regarding your daughter? I would get married tomorrow but the PPD is important to me so we're waiting for that sole reason.

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_i-eloped-but-i-still-want-to-have-a-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:8136f908-050e-4841-82f3-fa2a8502b174Post:57f1129d-6b2f-4b55-aeb1-25a4f965bb1c">Re: I eloped, but i still want to have a wedding!</a>:
[QUOTE]I wouldn't listen to most of the people on this site, they seem like they spend way too much time on here. Seriously calling people newbies?? How would you know whos a "newbie" unless you stalk these boards day and night. Most of you are married... you move on. Honestly it's your life and YOUR wedding and you should be able to do what you want. If you don't feel good about your couthouse wedding you go out there and do it again. This is a very special day and you should be able to remember it as being perfect! Who cares if these people think it's not proper, I can assure you no one who is invited will think that. I've seen this done many times and I've never heard anyone say anything bad about it. And seriously this site is here for HELP, ADVISE, and SUPPORT not for all this negativity that I am way too used to seeing on these boards. 
Posted by JessicaPop[/QUOTE]

Are you serious?

All of us who are married have planned and lived through our wedding days.  Whether you want to admit it or not, we have a better perspective than someone who hasn't.  If you were about to give birth, would you rather take the advice of someone also pregnant for the first time or someone who has gone through labor and delivery?  The married ladies who stuck around used this site and were helped tremendously by the "old married hags" and even though it was sometimes a bitter pill to swallow, they were always right.

This site is for help advice and support.  It is also about HONESTY.  We don't have any emotional investment in you.  We look at situations from the perspective of your guests so you can bet that if we are saying something is wrong or rude you will have a lot of guests saying the same thing.  The difference is that we will tell you before you do it and they will talk behind your back (possibly for years to come).

What exactly have you seen done many times and never heard anything bad about?  OP eloped without telling anyone (and it sounds like nobody knows today) and wants to have a fake wedding.  Other knotties have been in this situation (including me with a friend's wedding) and beyond pissed does not even begin to describe the reactions of the guests when they found out the the "bride and groom" were already married.

AdeleDazeem

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_i-eloped-but-i-still-want-to-have-a-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:8136f908-050e-4841-82f3-fa2a8502b174Post:57f1129d-6b2f-4b55-aeb1-25a4f965bb1c">Re: I eloped, but i still want to have a wedding!</a>:
[QUOTE]I wouldn't listen to most of the people on this site, they seem like they spend way too much time on here. Seriously calling people newbies?? How would you know whos a "newbie" unless you stalk these boards day and night. Most of you are married... you move on. Honestly it's your life and YOUR wedding and you should be able to do what you want. If you don't feel good about your couthouse wedding you go out there and do it again. This is a very special day and you should be able to remember it as being perfect! Who cares if these people think it's not proper, I can assure you no one who is invited will think that. I've seen this done many times and I've never heard anyone say anything bad about it. And seriously this site is here for HELP, ADVISE, and SUPPORT not for all this negativity that I am way too used to seeing on these boards. 
Posted by JessicaPop[/QUOTE]

Sooo... who should she listen to?  People like you who just tell her to do whatever she wants?

I'm going to a pretty princess day "wedding" in a few weeks.  You better believe that I'll be sitting there side eyeing the whole event because it's ridiculous.  Some people will say it doesn't matter; some people will think it's silly.  It's doing a great disservice to women who come here and ask for A-D-V-I-C-E to tell them "Oh whatever!" and then have them be heartbrokenly surprised on their pretty princess day that people think it's weird.

In the end, people can do whatever they want, but they sure as hell should go into things with their eyes open.  I think some of the responses in this thread provide some good perspectives that the OP should take into consideration before making her final decision.

JessicaPop

I'm just saying that I've seen it done before where two already married people get married at the church and throw a regular wedding reception. For some reason or another she couldn't have the traditional wedding that she wanted so she had to have the courthouse wedding. And if someone invited me to there wedding do-over I wouldn't side-eye a damn thing! Your inviting people to share this day with you because they couldn't share it with you the first time around, why would they criticize anything you do and if they don't like the idea of it then they aren't obligated to attend. I'm just saying that If you aren't completely happy with your wedding day then you have the right to change it. Of course your advice is very valuable because you've been there but there comes a point where the comments are just ment to be mean. There is a certain way of talking to people that doesn't make them feel ashamed and stupid. 

HobokensFury

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_i-eloped-but-i-still-want-to-have-a-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:8136f908-050e-4841-82f3-fa2a8502b174Post:57f1129d-6b2f-4b55-aeb1-25a4f965bb1c">Re: I eloped, but i still want to have a wedding!</a>:
[QUOTE]I wouldn't listen to most of the people on this site, they seem like they spend way too much time on here. <strong>Seriously calling people newbies?? How would you know whos a "newbie" unless you stalk these boards day and night. Most of you are married... you move on</strong>. Honestly it's your life and YOUR wedding and you should be able to do what you want. If you don't feel good about your couthouse wedding you go out there and do it again. This is a very special day and you should be able to remember it as being perfect! Who cares if these people think it's not proper, I can assure you no one who is invited will think that. I've seen this done many times and I've never heard anyone say anything bad about it. And seriously this site is here for HELP, ADVISE, and SUPPORT not for all this negativity that I am way too used to seeing on these boards. 
Posted by JessicaPop[/QUOTE]

Actually I don't stalk day and night.  I just know how to read.  Under your name it clearly says your post count.  Which for you is around 30.  Therefore you are a newbie and will continue to be so until your 500th post. If being called a newbie offends you I highly suggest leaving the board.  We are not mean but we are honest. I didn't know your knot account automatically expires the day you get married.  As PP have stated, would your rather take advice from someone who has never been through this before or from someone with experience.

vlwayne

 I think you should do it.  Every one should have their day, and your family and friends will ge thrilled to celebrate with you.   My future BIL and his wife got married at the courthouse and immediately after had a ceremony, because the person they wanted to have marry them was not registered in this state.  Everyone thought it was sweet.  BTW I'm not a newbie, I've been on here for quite a while.  Everyone here is too mean, I'm going to the tribe,

Annas2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_i-eloped-but-i-still-want-to-have-a-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:8136f908-050e-4841-82f3-fa2a8502b174Post:56bee10c-b6c3-4bd9-9f1a-8eb5d185ae19">Re: I eloped, but i still want to have a wedding!</a>:
[QUOTE] I think you should do it.  Every one should have their day, and your family and friends will ge thrilled to celebrate with you.   My future BIL and his wife got married at the courthouse and immediately after had a ceremony, because the person they wanted to have marry them was not registered in this state.  Everyone thought it was sweet.  BTW I'm not a newbie, I've been on here for quite a while.  Everyone here is too mean, I'm going to the tribe,
Posted by vlwayne[/QUOTE]

<div>She already had her day.  If they want family and friends to celebrate, why not just have a party celebrating their marriage that they already have?</div>

futuremrandmrsrioux

It's true it's nice to have ADVICE from people who have been through these things already but that's not the case on this site. Too many of the married ladies on this site like to tell the newbies it's my way or the highway. No two people are alike and therefore no two weddings will be alike. It's really that simple.