Get married before or after Deployment

NorthernStar09

My fiance is supposed to get deployed in January and we originally planned to get married the fall after he returns. the reason we are doing it in the fall because my little brother is graduating that year. We want a planned wedding with all our family there but we keep coming to wanting to just get married so we can be there to support each other. We are currently 7 hours apart and its already eating at us for not being able to be in each others arms.

Should we get married couple of weeks before his deployment and have our parents there then still plan out our wedding on the original date for the rest of the family?

My thing is I don't want my family feel that we got married so fast and for the wrong reasons. We both want a planned wedding not something way over the top just a celebration with family.

How will we have the ceremony at the real wedding since we will already be married when we have the wedding for the families?

firsttimersluck

If you want a planned wedding and had a date already picked, why not stick with it? Have you guys been through a deployment at least once yet? If not, I HIGHLY suggest you wait on the wedding and have it AFTER. I think it's something every military couple should experience before they get married.

firsttimersluck

Also, how does getting married so you can support each other differ from not being married and supporting each other? I'm confused.. you mean can you get married so you can move into base housing with him or...?

NorthernStar09

We have selected a date but it seems too far away. We havent been through a deployment but we have dealt with him being stationed in korea for a year. It hard to see each other since I work weekends and have class during the weekend and he is only off on the weekends. If we get married now we could put our name on the housing list and maybe by the time he gets back there will be a place available...

kyrgyzstan

LDRs are not the same as dealing with a deployment. Deployments change people, both in theater and the people back home. Stick with your original date. You can use your BAH and live off base if there's no housing.

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_married-before-after-deployment?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:01a87853-6436-4b80-b8bc-d310edf7d7a1Post:585d38f3-483f-4a3c-81a8-7e142c2b0910">Get married before or after Deployment</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance is supposed to get deployed in January and we originally planned to get married the fall after he returns. the reason we are doing it in the fall because my little brother is graduating that year. We want a planned wedding with all our family there but we keep coming to wanting to just get married so we can be there to support each other. We are currently 7 hours apart and its already eating at us for not being able to be in each others arms. Should we get married couple of weeks before his deployment and have our parents there then still plan out our wedding on the original date for the rest of the family? My thing is I don't want my family feel that we got married so fast and for the wrong reasons. <strong>We both want a planned wedding not something way over the top just a celebration with family. How will we have the ceremony at the real wedding since we will already be married when we have the wedding for the families?</strong>
Posted by NorthernStar09[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>You should never get married just to be able to live together.  And throwing away your plans just to spend a few weeks together before he is deployed is dumb IMO.  Take a week or so off of work and go visit him before he leaves.  Being married doesn't make you miss him any less and it doesn't make him come home any faster.  You can always move there and get an apartment on your own if you want, but you shouldn't rush a wedding just for that reason.  </div><div>  </div><div>If you both want a planned wedding and have envisioned your weddnig, then you're going to be disappointed by your decision.  If you did go through with this, then you would be planning a vow renewal ceremony down the road, and should not refer to it as a wedding.

</div>

firsttimersluck

You live 7 hours apart? So do you live with your parents or live there for work?Because marrying him doesn't make work go away. Why aren't you just considering finding an apartment/job near him?

kara811

Ditto all the ladies. Just stick with the original date. I strongly recommend waiting out the first deployment too. It can be a "make or break" for many relationships.

crownsuperstar

I have not commented on this topic because I think everyone else pretty much covers it however there are a couple of things that I my opinion you should consider before moving the wedding date to pre-deployment.  If I read it correctly you are living 7 hours away from his location.  

 

One thing I would consider is do you know anyone in his current location?  It seems like your support system would be a long way from you and with deployment a WONDERFUL support system is really needed.  I know from my experience, H and I are/have been in a long distance relationship and we got married in April.  I have not moved since he is getting ready to get deployed and we both think that for me to live my job, friends and family to live in a place that I would not know anyone would not be helpful to me during the deployment. 

 

Also, there is the wedding.  I know that I loved every second of my wedding day and would be very sad if I had changed anything about it.  I know I if I had to cancel it, I would have always wondered “what if?”

 

I hope this did not come off as snotty.  I just wanted to make sure you didn’t move the date only to find yourself without a support system to rely on.  Trust me, I have already put mine on notice.   

SamiJoeB

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_married-before-after-deployment?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:01a87853-6436-4b80-b8bc-d310edf7d7a1Post:585d38f3-483f-4a3c-81a8-7e142c2b0910">Get married before or after Deployment</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance is supposed to get deployed in January and we originally planned to get married the fall after he returns. the reason we are doing it in the fall because my little brother is graduating that year. We want a planned wedding with all our family there but we keep coming to wanting to just get married so we can be there to support each other. We are currently 7 hours apart and its already eating at us for not being able to be in each others arms. Should we get married couple of weeks before his deployment and have our parents there then still plan out our wedding on the original date for the rest of the family? My thing is I don't want my family feel that we got married so fast and for the wrong reasons. We both want a planned wedding not something way over the top just a celebration with family. <strong>How will we have the ceremony at the real wedding since we will already be married when we have the wedding for the families?</strong>
Posted by NorthernStar09[/QUOTE]

Seriously? Did you lurk at all before posting? if you did, you'd know that we go through this like once a week.

While I feel for you about "not being able to be in each other's arms", get used to it. If your FI plans on going career, you'll be alone alot, and if you can't handle that, then this life simply isn't for you.  I haven't seen my H since Jan 1, 2011 (2 weeks after our wedding), and more than likely, I wont seem him until next year. He's not in my arms. He's not there when I need him, I didn't get to be there when he got promoted. Sorry if that's not sympathetic, but my sympathy runs dry for women who are separated by mere hours and complain about it, when H and I would kill just to be in the same country. Join a gym, take a class, or start a new hobby and get over it.

There are never any good reasons to move up a wedding to before a deployment IMO. If you are married will that keep him any safer? Will you being married make him come home any sooner? Will marriage make his deployment go by any sooner? NO. No it wont. It will make absolutely no difference whatsoever in his deployment if you're married or not. If you're worried about not being his emergency contact, go to a JAG or whatever, get a power of attorney, and change his Page 2 or whatever. Legally, the only person that has to be a blood/legal relative, is the person receiving remains.

What is this "real wedding" crap? If you go to the JOP, You are married. Done. You can have a VR, but you're already married. Lots of women only have a JOP, and you saying that's not a "real wedding" belittles their marriages. If you both want a planned wedding, then plan yourself a wedding.

Welcome to the Board though!!

MidnightMare

I shouldnt go here, but I will. I have to say, many of you are judging others and to tell you the truth, it doesnt make your advise something anyone will take. Saying "you have no idea, you are doing it for the wrong reasons" ect... only makes it look like your playing the "my life is worse then yours, feel bad for me" game. Anytime someone talks about getting married, they jump down the girls throat for it. I thought this board was for support, not so others can knock you down. Stop judging, be happy for the person, and give advise, not a lecture. What makes you deserve to be married but not this person? Because you love your husband? Well I bet she loves her soon-to-be too! You wanna be with him for the rest of his life, im sure she doesnt too if she stayed true to him while he was on the other side of the counrty.

As far as the "real wedding" issue, the other posters are right. A JOP is still a legal marriage. The only Difference between a JOP and a "real wedding" is one has lots more people and a party after. That said, im sure that the poster didnt mean to offend anyone or their marriage by saying its not real, not everyone is out to offend others! She simply ment a JOP vs a "Traditional" wedding with the friends, family, cake, ect.

That said, No, getting married because you miss him is not the right reason. Neither is money or convienence. Noone can tell you you dont deserve it, and to be true to someone who is in Japan for a year is something to be said. I am marrying the love of my life next month. We have been together through some bad times, and very good times. We were together for over a year before the army was even an idea, and made it through Basic, AIT, and his PCSing to ALASKA. I live on the East coast. It is not a trip that I can make overnight or even for a weekend. We cannot always talk, but we do as much as possible. He will be deploying in November, and yes, it will be hard. Yes, we might change. Yes, bad things happen. But thats life, welcome to it. Anything can happen at any point, should we all just never marry in case?

You all have good advise, but sometimes being more encouraging gets your point further then bashing someone. I am very excited for my wedding and our future together, no matter what others think.

cooper8759

Keep your original wedding date. Everyone (military or not) wishes their wedding dates would hurry up and get here faster. That is no reason to bump up a wedding.

My FH has been in the Navy for almost 18 years now. It had been very hard but it will be all worth it when we are married in 16 days in the big wedding we have both always wanted. 

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_married-before-after-deployment?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:01a87853-6436-4b80-b8bc-d310edf7d7a1Post:31f0dd74-f8b0-463e-9420-45c6fe48c88d">Re: Get married before or after Deployment</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I shouldnt go here, but I will. I have to say, many of you are judging others and to tell you the truth, it doesnt make your advise something anyone will take. Saying "you have no idea, you are doing it for the wrong reasons" ect... only makes it look like your playing the "my life is worse then yours, feel bad for me" game. Anytime someone talks about getting married, they jump down the girls throat for it. I thought this board was for support, not so others can knock you down. Stop judging, be happy for the person, and give advise, not a lecture.</strong> What makes you deserve to be married but not this person? Because you love your husband? Well I bet she loves her soon-to-be too! You wanna be with him for the rest of his life, im sure she doesnt too if she stayed true to him while he was on the other side of the counrty. As far as the "real wedding" issue, the other posters are right. A JOP is still a legal marriage. The only Difference between a JOP and a "real wedding" is one has lots more people and a party after. That said, im sure that the poster didnt mean to offend anyone or their marriage by saying its not real, not everyone is out to offend others! She simply ment a JOP vs a "Traditional" wedding with the friends, family, cake, ect. That said, No, getting married because you miss him is not the right reason. Neither is money or convienence. Noone can tell you you dont deserve it, and to be true to someone who is in Japan for a year is something to be said. I am marrying the love of my life next month. We have been together through some bad times, and very good times. We were together for over a year before the army was even an idea, and made it through Basic, AIT, and his PCSing to ALASKA. I live on the East coast. It is not a trip that I can make overnight or even for a weekend. We cannot always talk, but we do as much as possible. He will be deploying in November, and yes, it will be hard. Yes, we might change. Yes, bad things happen. But thats life, welcome to it. Anything can happen at any point, should we all just never marry in case? <strong>You all have good advise, but sometimes being more encouraging gets your point further then bashing someone. I am very excited for my wedding and our future together, no matter what others think.</strong>
Posted by MidnightMare[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>WTF, did I miss something?  You gave the EXACT same advice that the rest of us gave, yet somehow we are all judging her and jumping down her throat, yet you are being happy for her and giving her adivce?  Based off your little rant you started with, I fully expected your post to go something like "do whatever you want, get married now and everyone will be happy for you."  But no, you gave the EXACT SAME ADVICE as everyong else.  So WTF was the lecture for in the beginning of the post?  Everyone told this poster that missing him is not a reason to bump up your wedding and throw away the wedding you were dreaming of, and she will likely regret it if she does.  So please, If I missed some super stellar advice you gave that was so different than what everyone else said, point it out to me.  If not, then save the lecture next time or start looking in the mirror and lecturing yourself.  </div><div>
</div>

kara811

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_married-before-after-deployment?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:01a87853-6436-4b80-b8bc-d310edf7d7a1Post:f8ac4667-acdb-47aa-a4c0-6cef49502d42">Re: Get married before or after Deployment</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Get married before or after Deployment : WTF, did I miss something?  You gave the EXACT same advice that the rest of us gave, yet somehow we are all judging her and jumping down her throat, yet you are being happy for her and giving her adivce?  Based off your little rant you started with, I fully expected your post to go something like "do whatever you want, get married now and everyone will be happy for you."  But no, you gave the EXACT SAME ADVICE as everyong else.  So WTF was the lecture for in the beginning of the post?  Everyone told this poster that missing him is not a reason to bump up your wedding and throw away the wedding you were dreaming of, and she will likely regret it if she does.  So please, If I missed some super stellar advice you gave that was so different than what everyone else said, point it out to me.  If not, then save the lecture next time or start looking in the mirror and lecturing yourself.  
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>OMG I was thinking the exact same when I was reading that post. PP was sorta contradicting herself there. </div>

SamiJoeB

In Response to Re: Get married before or after Deployment:
[QUOTE]I shouldnt go here, but I will. I have to say, many of you are judging others and to tell you the truth, it doesnt make your advise something anyone will take. Saying "you have no idea, you are doing it for the wrong reasons" ect... only makes it look like your playing the "my life is worse then yours, feel bad for me" game. Anytime someone talks about getting married, they jump down the girls throat for it. I thought this board was for support, not so others can knock you down. Stop judging, be happy for the person, and give advise, not a lecture. What makes you deserve to be married but not this person? Because you love your husband? Well I bet she loves her soon-to-be too! You wanna be with him for the rest of his life, im sure she doesnt too if she stayed true to him while he was on the other side of the counrty. As far as the "real wedding" issue, the other posters are right. A JOP is still a legal marriage. The only Difference between a JOP and a "real wedding" is one has lots more people and a party after. That said, im sure that the poster didnt mean to offend anyone or their marriage by saying its not real, not everyone is out to offend others! She simply ment a JOP vs a "Traditional" wedding with the friends, family, cake, ect. That said, No, getting married because you miss him is not the right reason. Neither is money or convienence. Noone can tell you you dont deserve it, and to be true to someone who is in Japan for a year is something to be said. I am marrying the love of my life next month. We have been together through some bad times, and very good times. We were together for over a year before the army was even an idea, and made it through Basic, AIT, and his PCSing to ALASKA. I live on the East coast. It is not a trip that I can make overnight or even for a weekend. We cannot always talk, but we do as much as possible. He will be deploying in November, and yes, it will be hard. Yes, we might change. Yes, bad things happen. But thats life, welcome to it. Anything can happen at any point, should we all just never marry in case? You all have good advise, but sometimes being more encouraging gets your point further then bashing someone. I am very excited for my wedding and our future together, no matter what others think.
Posted by MidnightMare[/QUOTE]

You're right, you shouldn't have gone there. I Never said she didn't deserve to get married. EVER. I would never say that to anyone, so read my post more clearly before you passive aggresivley "quote" me in a post. I said that getting married before a deployment doesn't change the deployment, it doesn't keep him safer, make him come home sooner, and it won't make her miss him any less, and if she's worried about how her family will react, and if she and her FI want a planned wedding, what is the point?

I didn't mention my H being in Japan to say "feel sorry for me, I have it worse". OP was obviously new to the board, and since she clearly didn't lurke at all (if she had, she would have known the answers everyone would have given her), So I thought that perhaps a reminder that 7 hours in the grand scheme of things, isn't quite the huge obstacle she's making it. I don't need a pat on the back for being faithful to my husband while he's been in Japan, just like I didn't need one for being faithful during the first year he was over there. The other ladies on this board, know about our situation, but OP probably didn't.

Beach is right, you gave the exact same advice that everyone else has, but yet in your mind, we are all hateful bit*hes, and you are a saint. Save the lecture, we're all adults and don't need one from you.

I realize that I am not always very nice in my posts. Maybe if you'd been on here as long as I have, and you'd answered the same questions at least 50 times, your patience for this topic will run as dry as mine has. OP asked for our advice, and we've given it to her. Sorry if we're not all sunshine and rainbows, but no one bashed her, and no one jumped down her throat.

kyrgyzstan

Separation pay is 250 bucks. I make that in a couple days at work. That's the worst reason ever to get married.

SamiJoeB

E and N, I'm not even going to go into your terrible advice, but I will comment on your obvious lack of OPSEC & PERSEC knowledge. If you knew about then, I doubt you would have your sn as your initials and your future last name. That is a glaring violation of PERSEC. For your sake, read up on them, make a new account with a sn that not so obviously your names. You only have 2 posts, so it's not like you're losing much.

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_married-before-after-deployment?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:01a87853-6436-4b80-b8bc-d310edf7d7a1Post:5b4dce95-53ce-4761-b124-787b08b4d75f">Re: Get married before or after Deployment</a>:
[QUOTE]I seem to disagree with most people here.  I am engaged to a soldier.  He already deployed once, before we were engaged.  Now that we are, if he deploys again we will go straight to the town hall to get married.  For me, I would rather skip all my wedding dreams and be married to him than risk him leaving and not coming back, and never getting the chance to be his wife. From a terrible, but technical standpoint, he also makes more money if you are married (called seperation pay) and if he is kia, you'll get the life insurance.  HOWEVER, you have to choose if you are willing to give up your dreams.  For me, my dreams aren't as signifigant as the reality that there is the chance I could NEVER get to be his wife if he deploys before we are married. On this one, you have to follow your heart, and his. <strong> If this is his first deployment (and yours) it's nice to know that your relationship is a sealed deal, because deployments can really hurt relationships.  My fiance's sergeant is getting a divorce because his wife told him no more deployments, but he deployed again with his unit, instead of bowing out.  Actually being married will help with some of that.  It will also make it easier for you to access some things while he's gone (ie the support systems in place for military spouses during deployment).  I DIDN'T have access to those, and it was pretty hard for me. Bottom line- I suggest getting married before hand, and have a reception when he gets back.  You can always renew your vows too, once he's back. </strong>
Posted by eandngalloway[/QUOTE]

<div>First of all, you're contradicting yourself.  You're saying that by being married your relationship is a sealed deal.  Then your next sentence talks about someone divorcing over a deployment.  Clearly a marriage is not a sealed deal.</div><div>
</div><div>Second, you can be the beneficiary of his life insurance policy without being married.  He just has to make you the beneficiary.  And an extra $250 a month in sep pay really isn't all that much, and definitely not worth rushing a wedding in my eyes.</div><div>
</div><div>Third, you can get access to the support systems in place for spouses as a fiance usually if you ask.  We have many fiances and SO's that attend our FRG meetings, and have other spouses get them on base and into the meetings without any problems.</div><div>
</div><div>TBH, and I don't mean this to be insulting, but you sound pretty ignorant on how things work as a dependent or SO in the military  All of your reasons for rushing a wedding are ones that I typically hear from an 18 year old, with no real knowledge of how those things can be handled without getting married.  Obviously, the actual part of becoming his wife can't happen without a marriage, but the rest is all easily done.  So while if you do choose to do a JOP before he deploys, that is completely your choice, but I fail to see a valid reason that you gave to do that.</div>

cooper8759

Galloway if you are going to give advice can it be correct advice. You do not get that much more money for being married. He has several legal options to have you included in his paperwork and access to records, finances, benefits, etc. Having a marriage certificate does not make anyone safer and does not make a deployment any easier. I have gone thru 5 deployments and never gave up my dreams for a few hundred dollars. I am worth more than that.

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_married-before-after-deployment?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:01a87853-6436-4b80-b8bc-d310edf7d7a1Post:b62f9b67-e6a5-425f-bdc2-40fc7a06ab8f">Re: Get married before or after Deployment</a>:
[QUOTE]I think you're all being cranky. Forget the money, the paperwork, and everything else. Will you regret it if he doesn't come home any you never get to marry him?  Then marry him now. Otherwise, wait until he comes home. Obviously nothing will be easier (or harder) if you get married.  But if it's important to you to be his wife, do it now.  There are compromises both ways.  Just decide what works best for you and him.  Go with your gut.
Posted by emmsey90210[/QUOTE]

<div>And it's attitudes like this that are the reason there is such a high divorce rate in the military.</div>

kyrgyzstan

Anyone can convince themselves that "I may never get to be his wife", but if the SM doesn't come home, is he any less dead if you're married? No. I freaking hate weird romance novel "as long as I get to be called his wife, that's all that matters".Beach is right, that's why there's such a high divorce rate. Because people get swept up in the "he's leaving and he may not make it back" BS. Most people make it back. Those who don't, I promise it's no easier for the wives than it is the fiancees. 

J9andKev

I'm not going to say that you should or shouldn't get married. And the other girls are right, just "going with your gut" and making such a huge decision in an instant can cause divorce in the future. What I think you should do is talk to each other, think of the main reason you would want to push up the wedding. Money and missing him are not legit reasons. For instance, I recently decided to move my original date up by 2 years. Not because hes deploying in January, but because I want my life with him to start asap. My FH and I talked about every option and reason, thought it over for a couple of days and then decided. And be wary, a deployment does put the ultimate test on a relationship, during the deployment and after he comes home. Best wishes with your decision!

SamiJoeB

Was there some deleting that went on here? I took a nap, and I came back, and either TK or my computer is being weird, or else there were some posts deleted..

kara811

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_married-before-after-deployment?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:01a87853-6436-4b80-b8bc-d310edf7d7a1Post:c14b210a-ac04-4fa8-b802-81b29f29eec5">Re: Get married before or after Deployment</a>:
[QUOTE]Was there some deleting that went on here? I took a nap, and I came back, and either TK or my computer is being weird, or else there were some posts deleted..
Posted by SamiJoeB[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>There was and I missed them, although Beach quoted the one post from EandN so I'm glad I got to read it!</div><div>
</div><div>I don't really have much to say cus you ladies covered it all already! I'm just glad H and I stuck with our plans. We are so much more mature now and our relationship grew much more than if we were to have gotten married before getting stationed in Japan or his first deployment. IMO, people should always wait out until at least 1 deployment. </div>

firsttimersluck

uuuummm.. why are people stupid?
I would really appreciate this being cleared up to me...
Thanks.

Also, I love being yelled at for  NOT saying ANYTHING rude to this person in my original cmoments, just asking more questions about it and suggesting to keep the original date.

To back up beachy- yup. I go on base all the time for FRG and OSC meetings. It's not that difficult to find the support group with or without the marriage certificate.
I also have 100% POA for my FI and am the sole beneficiary on his life insurance. We're not married [yet] and he did this before he deployed. You can make them last as long as you want.
If a hundred extra bucks REALLY matters to someone per month, get a freakin job, or work an extra shift... Why do people have to do this the stupidest way ever?!?
The reason this happens in the military are threefold:
FRAUD. WASTE. ABUSE.
Sound familiar? It's a freaking TINY addition for his paycheck GAH.I HATE HATE HATE this excuse

If FI dies while on deployment and we're not married, I'm pretty sure everyone would still come to comfort me, I would still be considered important. I am STILL HIS SIGNIFICANT OTHER. and "spouse" (yup. spouse doesn't mean married any more.. thats why the officers wives club is now the o. spouses club, to cover wives, hubbies, fiance[e]s, gf/bfs.) And while people already call me his wife all the time just because they only know us together, I'm fine with not. It's exciting because it's kinda like being "all grown up" I suppose, but if you need the title that badly, it's probably your sign that you're not yet that.

Okay. That's my rant. I'm so sick of people bashing on legitamate concerns of us, and advice from us. Maybe we're not super mushy, lovey about how we voice ourselves... but again, if you need that and can't handle the reality of people being straight-forward, you probably aren't mature enough to handle the reality check of life and marriage.

And how are we being mean? We all gave our advice from experience. I think that's what people want when they come to a public forum and ask a question. The person may or may not like it, but it's at their discretion to use that information. We don't have control over it.

firsttimersluck

Also, this person just talked about how being married helps with deployments, after talking about a couple that's getting divorced because of a deployment... I'm confused... sooooo... How is this helping? WTF is wrong with this person!? She is contradicting everything she says!!!!!

SamiJoeB

First.. I just fell in love with you a little bit.

I'm pretty sick of whiney little girls bashing us for our advice. If you can't handle blunt, honest advice, you probably can't handle marriage either.

ggirl2001

Butttt guysss I wanna get married now!!

*stamps feet and leaves*

greeneke2

ughhhhhhh the never ending ring of Stupidity!!!

eandngalloway

Ok, hold up. 
Let me try this again.
First, just for the record, it's not for the money or insurance or anything else, which makes me side FOR marriage before deployment.  I know I can get that stuff if we're not married.
Second- I dont' think you should hop straight from "we're dating" to "we're getting married because he's deploying".  However, if you're already engaged and prepared to make that commitment to each other, I think I'd rather get married before he leaves.
Everyone can make their own choice about getting married before or after deployment.  For me and my fiance personally, since we've already done deployment once, we'd rather get married before he deploys again because it is the marriage that is important to us, not the wedding.  We already know how he changed after he deployed, and we've already fought through a lot of that.
Being married to him won't keep him safe, bring him home faster, make me or him happier while he's gone, but it WILL (to us) be comforting because, to us, marriage is permanent.  You can call the whole thing off until "I do".  It's not a magical change that happens and all of a sudden everything is ok after you're married.  But for us, we want our marriage to happen, the actual wedding day will be nice, but my dream is to be married to him, not have a fabulous wedding. 

firsttimersluck

You can also call it all off after "i do" ...It's called divorce.  You even made that clear by mentioning someone you know that's getting a divorce over deployment..

Glad it all is working out for you. Wish you the best.