Get married before or after Deployment

eandngalloway

Yes, the reason I pointed out the divorce part is because some people consider that an option, and it is something to keep in mind.
For me and my FI, divorce isn't something either of us is ok with.  "I do" is forever, and I think it's sad so many people do get divorced.  I personally think you have to fight through the hard stuff (and pick the right partner). That's where I'm coming from, and why marriage before hand seems better to me.

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_married-before-after-deployment?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:01a87853-6436-4b80-b8bc-d310edf7d7a1Post:76576237-eeee-457c-b63b-fca8b8d7cc54">Re: Get married before or after Deployment</a>:
[QUOTE]Yes, the reason I pointed out the divorce part is because some people consider that an option, and it is something to keep in mind. For me and my FI, divorce isn't something either of us is ok with.  "I do" is forever, and I think it's sad so many people do get divorced.  I personally think you have to fight through the hard stuff (and pick the right partner). That's where I'm coming from, and why marriage before hand seems better to me.
Posted by eandngalloway[/QUOTE]

<div>I agree and disagree with this.  I believe with all the sentiments about divorce being too common and too easy for some people.  However I disagree that anyone should get married just to prevent a breakup from a deployment.  I think divorce makes it harder to end things than just break-up, but I don't think anyone should rush into a marriage just to make it work.  Like you said though, there is a difference between dating and being engaged for a while before rushing a marriage.  I just think for some people, rushing into a marriage to make it permanent is like getting knocked up to try and make it permanent, which doesn't make it work.</div>

cooper8759

Who goes into a marriage saying I can always call it off before we say I do? You have serious issues/ red flags to deal with yourself before you give out anymore shoddy advice.

eandngalloway

Beach- oops, I totally didn't mean that marriage was the solution to not breaking up over a deployment.  Rushing into marriage is definitely a bad idea, but if you're already engaged, then you've already decided to get married.  You know?
 
Cooper, fair enough- no one goes into marriage thinking they can always get out of it (at least we hope so).  But for some people, even though they never want to think about getting divorced, they still think it's ok if things aren't working out.  I personally think divorce is never ok, except in the case of abuse.  My parents (and his parents) both went through really tough, relationship-trying times, and stuck it through because to them marriage really does mean "until death".  So for some people it does mean no quitting.  Ever. As it does for me.  That's all I meant.

greeneke2

Maybe this is just me.  But obviously no one should go into a marriage with intentions of getting a divorce.  But I seriously hate when people say "divorce is not an option for us."  I hear way too many people say this and then guess what!  They get divorced!  You never know the path your life is going to take or what a deployment will do to someone.  It is great that you have been through a deployment with your S/O but at the same time just because he has been through one deployment doesn't mean that he still won't change through another.  My fiance has been on multiple deployments and he is different everytime he comes back it doesn't end and his change is over after the first deployment is over.  There's my two cents woo!

SamiJoeB

E&N- I think you're just showing how immature you are. No one goes into a marriage thinking about divorce, but saying "we'll never get divorced" is just chilidish. The reality is that 50% of all marriages fail. Even more than that in the military. Of course no one wants to hear this on a wedding planning website, but it's the truth. I think it takes a really mature person, in a mature relationship to say " Hey, I'm going to work as hard as I can at this, but if we can't make it work, at least we gave it our best shot". I think you should lurk some more before you post because frankly your posts make me cringe.

eandngalloway

SamiJoe- I can respect your opinion, but I happen to disagree.  I think more marriages fail now because people don't take it as seriously.  It's all about the wedding day, not the marriage that's going to follow. 
I also think divorce is too easy of an out.  It's also a religous belief not to support divorce. 
I'm not convinced that the maturity level of someone getting a divorce is any higher than anyone elses.

jessuhmarie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_married-before-after-deployment?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:01a87853-6436-4b80-b8bc-d310edf7d7a1Post:4d15372f-de9f-4ebf-968c-d21acc6a6fb2">Re: Get married before or after Deployment</a>:
[QUOTE]SamiJoe- I can respect your opinion, but I happen to disagree.  I think more marriages fail now because people don't take it as seriously.  It's all about the wedding day, not the marriage that's going to follow.  I also think divorce is too easy of an out.  It's also a religous belief not to support divorce.  I'm not convinced that the maturity level of someone getting a divorce is any higher than anyone elses.
Posted by eandngalloway[/QUOTE]

Telling someone to hurry and get married before deployment doesn't mean they take marriage seriously, even if they're engaged. I have been in a long term relationship (3yrs) where I though I was going to marry that person and I am so glad I didn't. Being engaged doesn't mean you're READY to be married. At least if she waits until after the deployment she will know a little more about what to expect being a military wife/SO and how her and her FI work through that. Maybe future military brides should check out the FRG or go over to the Military Nesties/Military Families board. So many girls on there go through their first deployment and it changes their husband/Fiance/baby's father to the point that the word divorce/break-up is thrown around or is the result. Go through the deployment so you know what you can and cannot take and how you and your SO work through one of the hardest stresses a relationship can go through some times. Why rush? If you're really in it for the long haul and your relationship can last "til death do us part" then you have YOUR WHOLE LIFE to be married. Waiting out 6mo-1yr to get through a deployment will really not matter to you when you're celebrating your 50yr anniv.

calindi

Blah blah blah... I want to get married before he leaves so I can be "taken care of"... Blah blah blah.... We've been through so much, how hard could a deployment be?... Blah blah blah... Everyone else are evil beyotches for suggesting someone not rush into getting married.... Blah blah blah.... Divorce is not an option, so thus it's totally cool that we get married in haste.... What? Repent at leisure? But we'll live happily ever after! Unlike 75% of military couples. We're special! Did I cover it all?

SamiJoeB

I think you covered almost everything. We've forgotten to mention the babies that get married because they are KU (we haven't had one on here, but H was just telling me this) ... Now, we might have everything.

Sammy0709

Don't forget getting married earlier so you can get your meds because you are too good to go to a clinic.

SamiJoeB

Oh!! And Insurance!! Getting married because you "can't" buy yourself insurance.

calindi

I also forgot that getting married is just "getting the paperwork out of the way" and there's no reason their families should be upset that they keep it secret so it doesn't ruin their big white pretty princess wedding day. ETA: Before all you lurkers, or the other non-regular posters who are on this thread jump down my throat, I'm not making fun of anyone specifically. It's a bit of an inside joke for those of us who answer some variety of this question weekly.

firsttimersluck

LOL calindi I don't think it's an inside joke at all... I think it's a pretty outward joke on thia board :P hahaha

Don't forget the appropriate daddy walking me down the aisle, and DUH I'm going to wear a tiara on my big special pretend day!!!
You guys just don't understand because you're not in my shoes or me.. you don't know me, or my relationship so stop judging!!

ggirl2001

You guys kill me.

But to everyone who says rush it and get married before deployment. DON'T! The deployment does change your relationship. FI is currently deployed and we have been lucky since we have been in contact probably almost everyday because of where he is deployed, however it is still HARD. We had issues to work through in this deployment. Luckily we did and obviously wanted to, but if I was younger, I don't know if I could have done it.

mebaker87

dont count on him living in january...the military is always changing things and usually at the last minute. I would wait til he comes back. I have learned from experience. I have rescheduled my wedding 3 times now.

SamiJoeB

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_married-before-after-deployment?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:01a87853-6436-4b80-b8bc-d310edf7d7a1Post:5ee96b20-f90a-4d08-adad-1dd7df48a2c4">Re: Get married before or after Deployment</a>:
[QUOTE]dont count on him living in january...the military is always changing things and usually at the last minute. I would wait til he comes back. I have learned from experience. I have rescheduled my wedding 3 times now.
Posted by mebaker87[/QUOTE]

I'm assuming that you meant leaving, not living.