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changing last name

KendallR10KendallR10 member
1000 Comments
in Military Brides
I plan on changing my last name after we get married. Our wedding won't be until after I've enlisted and gone to basic. 

I want to legally change my name on everything but the military side of my life until I'm an officer or I get out. Is that possible?

I'm just worried that after we get married I won't answer to my new last name. 
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Re: changing last name

  • calindicalindi member
    5000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Eh.... I have no idea, but I'm guessing not.  If only for tax reasons, it's very complicated to have two last names floating around.  You wouldn't be able to change your last name with the Social Security Administration unless your employer was paying taxes with your new last name, which means you couldn't get a passport with your new last name.  It's probably easier to just use his name socially but not legally, and then get it changed legally after you're out of the military.

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  • Beachy730Beachy730 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Another option is to hyphenate your name, or legally change your middle name to your maiden name.  So if your maiden name is Kendall Smith, and you're marrying a Jones, you could change your legal name to Kendall Smith Jones. 
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  • KendallR10KendallR10 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_changing-last-name?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:061b4d62-ee4c-42a5-970a-463314936978Post:e4a437a9-bc86-49e1-ab9c-2545c4b2aabb">Re: changing last name</a>:
    [QUOTE]Another option is to hyphenate your name, or legally change your middle name to your maiden name.  So if your maiden name is Kendall Smith, and you're marrying a Jones, you could change your legal name to Kendall Smith Jones. 
    Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]
    I thought about that but I love my middle name. 
    Military Brides December 2011 Siggy. Holiday picture with your SO. We suck and don't have one :/ Those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter.
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  • KendallR10KendallR10 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_changing-last-name?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:061b4d62-ee4c-42a5-970a-463314936978Post:c2af60f0-f958-477b-bb3d-e00fa579f316">Re: changing last name</a>:
    [QUOTE]Eh.... I have no idea, but I'm guessing not.  If only for tax reasons, it's very complicated to have two last names floating around.  You wouldn't be able to change your last name with the Social Security Administration unless your employer was paying taxes with your new last name, which means you couldn't get a passport with your new last name.  It's probably easier to just use his name socially but not legally, and then get it changed legally after you're out of the military.
    Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]
    Do you think the military would let me keep my last name as far as on name tapes and stuff?
    Military Brides December 2011 Siggy. Holiday picture with your SO. We suck and don't have one :/ Those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter.
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  • calindicalindi member
    5000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Beach, I think her concern is all the paperwork and complications with her military application and service that is already started in her maiden name.  I personally wouldn't want the hassle of changing my name legally in that situation, and would just answer to Mrs. Smith, even if I was still legally Jane Doe, and then just do the legal proceedings later to change all the documentation to Smith.

    Personally, I struggled with the decision to change my name.  From a moral and philosophical (and feminist) perspective, I'm not such a big fan.  Practically for what I'd like (one family name, children who share a last name with me, etc.), it just made sense to me.  I would never judge someone for keeping their own last name, though! I'm going the route of dropping my middle name (which I love, and will still use socially) and moving my maiden name to my middle name and adding FI's surname.  So it will be instead of Jane Ann Doe, it will now be Jane Doe Smith.  It does make me sad to lose the middle name, though. 

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  • KendallR10KendallR10 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_changing-last-name?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:061b4d62-ee4c-42a5-970a-463314936978Post:ad98b7ec-70c3-42e1-8629-c412fcdf9774">Re: changing last name</a>:
    [QUOTE]Beach, I think her concern is all the paperwork and complications with her military application and service that is already started in her maiden name.  I personally wouldn't want the hassle of changing my name legally in that situation, and would just answer to Mrs. Smith, even if I was still legally Jane Doe, and then just do the legal proceedings later to change all the documentation to Smith. Personally, I struggled with the decision to change my name.  From a moral and philosophical (and feminist) perspective, I'm not such a big fan.  Practically for what I'd like (one family name, children who share a last name with me, etc.), it just made sense to me.  I would never judge someone for keeping their own last name, though! I'm going the route of dropping my middle name (which I love, and will still use socially) and moving my maiden name to my middle name and adding FI's surname.  So it will be instead of Jane Ann Doe, it will now be Jane Doe Smith.  It does make me sad to lose the middle name, though. 
    Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Its not the paper work and all that crap I could care less. Its I'm afraid I won't answer to Mrs. X Or Rank X (Not actually my future last intial)

    </div>
    Military Brides December 2011 Siggy. Holiday picture with your SO. We suck and don't have one :/ Those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter.
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  • calindicalindi member
    5000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_changing-last-name?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:061b4d62-ee4c-42a5-970a-463314936978Post:c079015a-cdd2-4c08-a849-18ecd5e51b0c">Re: changing last name</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: changing last name : Its not the paper work and all that crap I could care less. Its I'm afraid I won't answer to Mrs. X Or Rank X (Not actually my future last intial)
    Posted by KendallR10[/QUOTE]

    Ooooooh interesting!  I hadn't thought of it that way.  Hmm... just wait until after OCS to change it for everything? I doubt they'd let you put anything on your name tags that wasn't your legal name. Once you're through initial training, it shouldn't be a situation where you'd get yelled at for not responding right away.  It would be a similar situation to the rest of us, who have to get used to being called Mrs. Smith when we're used to being called Miss Doe!

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  • KendallR10KendallR10 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_changing-last-name?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:061b4d62-ee4c-42a5-970a-463314936978Post:6a003e17-6845-41bd-909b-5fa9e3a3cb44">Re: changing last name</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: changing last name : Ooooooh interesting!  I hadn't thought of it that way.  Hmm... just wait until after OCS to change it for everything? I doubt they'd let you put anything on your name tags that wasn't your legal name. Once you're through initial training, it shouldn't be a situation where you'd get yelled at for not responding right away.  It would be a similar situation to the rest of us, who have to get used to being called Mrs. Smith when we're used to being called Miss Doe!
    Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]
    I thought about this too but I wonder if it would be more of a hassle to wait because you have to go back and undo it all
    Military Brides December 2011 Siggy. Holiday picture with your SO. We suck and don't have one :/ Those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter.
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  • Beachy730Beachy730 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Honestly, you'd be surprised how quickly you can get used to your new name.  We are just coming up on a year at the end of the month, and now it just sounds weird to me to hear my maiden name.  

    Also, I just got accustomed to turning around if someone called H by his last name before we were married anyways because it got my attention.  If you're that worried though, I would just do as Calindi orginally suggested and don't change your name until later down the road, and just go by your married name socially.
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  • kara811kara811 member
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_changing-last-name?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:061b4d62-ee4c-42a5-970a-463314936978Post:6a003e17-6845-41bd-909b-5fa9e3a3cb44">Re: changing last name</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: changing last name : Ooooooh interesting!  I hadn't thought of it that way.  Hmm... just wait until after OCS to change it for everything? I doubt they'd let you put anything on your name tags that wasn't your legal name. Once you're through initial training, it shouldn't be a situation where you'd get yelled at for not responding right away.  It would be a similar situation to the rest of us, who have to get used to being called Mrs. Smith when we're used to being called Miss Doe!
    Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

    <div>Ditto this. You can just always wait to change it. We all have to get used to the new name. It's funny you posted this because I just got back from the SS Card Center a few hours ago and just changed my name after more than 4 more months since the wedidng. </div>
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  • divinemsbeedivinemsbee member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_changing-last-name?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:061b4d62-ee4c-42a5-970a-463314936978Post:ad98b7ec-70c3-42e1-8629-c412fcdf9774">Re: changing last name</a>:
    [QUOTE]Beach, I think her concern is all the paperwork and complications with her military application and service that is already started in her maiden name.  I personally wouldn't want the hassle of changing my name legally in that situation, and would just answer to Mrs. Smith, even if I was still legally Jane Doe, and then just do the legal proceedings later to change all the documentation to Smith. <strong>Personally, I struggled with the decision to change my name.  From a moral and philosophical (and feminist) perspective, I'm not such a big fan.  Practically for what I'd like (one family name, children who share a last name with me, etc.), it just made sense to me.</strong>  I would never judge someone for keeping their own last name, though! I'm going the route of dropping my middle name (which I love, and will still use socially) and moving my maiden name to my middle name and adding FI's surname.  So it will be instead of Jane Ann Doe, it will now be Jane Doe Smith.  It does make me sad to lose the middle name, though. 
    Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

    This is exactly where I am with this. I also love my middle name, and my last name is something I've gotten used to, but it is also the slightly unusual last name of a very very famous person (no relation).  I hate to get rid of the family name all togehter, so I'll probably move it to the middle. The compromise I have worked out in my head is to give my middle name as the middle name of my first daughter.
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  • LetsHikeTodayLetsHikeToday member
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_changing-last-name?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:061b4d62-ee4c-42a5-970a-463314936978Post:dff8a014-fb10-4a85-a707-bd2874ee450f">Re: changing last name</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: changing last name : This is exactly where I am with this. I also love my middle name, and my last name is something I've gotten used to, but it is also the slightly unusual last name of a very very famous person (no relation).  I hate to get rid of the family name all togehter, so I'll probably move it to the middle. The compromise I have worked out in my head is to give my middle name as the middle name of my first daughter.
    Posted by divinemsbee[/QUOTE]

    I had a minor identity crisis when I changed my last name. I didn't like it.

    But Kendall, you will answer to your new last name pretty quickly. I'm a teacher and it didn't take me long. :-)
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  • iluvmytxrgriluvmytxrgr member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    If you change your DL, SS card and all that mess, you have to change everything with the military, too.  You'll get used to your new name pretty quickly.  It will take the people you work with longer to get used to it than it takes you, but having the name tape across your chest helps a bit.  You either have to change it all the way or change nothing at all.
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  • SamiJoeBSamiJoeB
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I'm fairly certain that you can not have 2 different last names. If you change it with the SS office, you have to change it with the military as well. It can take a while to get everything changed in the military, but everything else (SS, DL, Bank Cards, Post Office, ect) goes really quickly.  As far as the name tape thing, in the Navy, we were not allowed to change our name tapes until after everything was processed on the admin side, they have to change your last name in your Service Record, Medical and Dental charts, basically everything.  However, in the Marine Corps, H said that as soon as you get married and take your marriage license to admin you're allowed to go by your new last name.  I'm not sure about the Army, but I knew 2 girls who went to mast because they took it upon themselves to wear cammies with their new married last names so they were "out of uniform", before they got the okay from PSD.  Like I said though, that's just the Navy and Marines take on things, the Army could very well be completely different. 

    And Ditto everyone else, You'll get used to your new last name quickly.
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  • iluvmytxrgriluvmytxrgr member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    The Army depends on your command.  I was allowed to change my name tape after I brought my marriage cert and paperwork to admin.  It didn't have to be changed in all of the records yet. 
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  • alanna91alanna91 member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I honestly don't think you'll have any problem responding to your new name! Especially in a situation like Basic, you're going to be honed in and on your toes...it's not like you'll be daydreaming and not hear someone :)

    Also to Calindi and Divine, can't you just have two middle names? Like instead of dropping your middle name completely, you could be Jane Ann Doe Smith. I don't see any problem with that.
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  • KendallR10KendallR10 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_changing-last-name?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:061b4d62-ee4c-42a5-970a-463314936978Post:537252eb-c880-48bc-8ee7-187bca03c220">Re: changing last name</a>:
    [QUOTE]I honestly don't think you'll have any problem responding to your new name! <strong>Especially in a situation like Basic, </strong>you're going to be honed in and on your toes...it's not like you'll be daydreaming and not hear someone :) Also to Calindi and Divine, can't you just have two middle names? Like instead of dropping your middle name completely, you could be Jane Ann Doe Smith. I don't see any problem with that.
    Posted by alanna91[/QUOTE]
    I'm not changing my name until after I get back because I won't be getting married until after. I am not going to be AD so my name won't be used all the time unless I get a full time job with the DoD.<div>
    </div><div>Having an extra name won't help any unless I can just go by Rank R instead of rank R-X or just Rank X</div>
    Military Brides December 2011 Siggy. Holiday picture with your SO. We suck and don't have one :/ Those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter.
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  • alanna91alanna91 member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_changing-last-name?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:061b4d62-ee4c-42a5-970a-463314936978Post:8d463181-f26b-4d4e-98e7-66db4bc890cd">Re: changing last name</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: changing last name : I'm not changing my name until after I get back because I won't be getting married until after. I am not going to be AD so my name won't be used all the time unless I get a full time job with the DoD. Having an extra name won't help any unless I can just go by Rank R instead of rank R-X or just Rank X
    Posted by KendallR10[/QUOTE]

    Gotcha. There was too much information it just flooded my head!
    The "extra name" thing was a suggestion in the case you wanted to keep a family name, also.
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  • KendallR10KendallR10 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_changing-last-name?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:061b4d62-ee4c-42a5-970a-463314936978Post:d793aade-5475-46a7-b9da-a06076dd50c1">Re: changing last name</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: changing last name : Gotcha. There was too much information it just flooded my head! The "extra name" thing was a suggestion in the case you wanted to keep a family name, also.
    Posted by alanna91[/QUOTE]
    negative. I like my last name but since my sister has the same name I can't wait to get rid of it. <div>
    </div><div>I don't get along with my sister. and don't like her. She is a sad excuse for a person</div>
    Military Brides December 2011 Siggy. Holiday picture with your SO. We suck and don't have one :/ Those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter.
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  • calindicalindi member
    5000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_changing-last-name?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:061b4d62-ee4c-42a5-970a-463314936978Post:d793aade-5475-46a7-b9da-a06076dd50c1">Re: changing last name</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: changing last name : Gotcha. There was too much information it just flooded my head! The "extra name" thing was a suggestion in the case you wanted to keep a family name, also.
    Posted by alanna91[/QUOTE]

    I don't want to hyphenate because it seems like a big pain in the neck when filling out paperwork.  And I don't want two middle names for the very same reason.  I travel internationally a lot and I just had a mental image of the headache of filling out the immigration forms when they ask for your name.  It's honestly complicated enough!  My Mom has always been Jane Ann Doe Smith in my mind, even though she's legally Jane Doe Smith.  She never socially dropped her middle name, it's just not on any paperwork.  So that made me feel better!

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  • divinemsbeedivinemsbee member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    See my Mom has always been what would be Ann Doe Smith, even though she's remarried, she's kept my Dad's last name (they've been divorced 15 years, she's been re-married for almost 5) because of her 3 kids, and she wanted to have the same last name as us to make things easier at school and such. She dropped her first name when she married my  Dad on everything except legal paperwork and has always gone by her middle name socially, and I kind of want to tell you guys her first and middle names together, because it sounds hilarious and you'd see why she dropped it. So she is "first initial of given first name (on official paperwork), full middle name as first name, maiden name as middle name, and first husband's last name as last name." Her now husband seems fine with it, and I figure she'll take his last name eventually in place of my Dad's.  I didn't know my Mom's real first name til I was in my late teens.

    I use my middle name in my monogram and when I initial paperwork or on my signature, but I've never used my name or middle name professionally, so it's a little easier to drop it, the main reason I want to keep it is that my Dad picked it out and I love him, but I figure if I keep his last name (which is kind of the equivalent to having a last name like "Fonda", other people may have it, but it's always associated with certain people), that'll be good enough. I'm with Calindi in that if I were to hyphenate or have two middle names it just seems like a pain.

    Anecdote: I had a friend who went to change her name to "Jane Ann Doe-Smith," but she ended up as "Jane Doe Smith," because the Social Security office person wasn't paying attention when they put it in the computer and she decided it was too much of a hassle to go back and change it.
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  • SamiJoeBSamiJoeB
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    My mom always hated her first name, so when she got married she moved her first name to the middle, her middle name to her first, dropped her maiden name and took my dads name..

    I have a very typical Southern "Belle" name, meaning I have 2 names when we got married, I separated my names and took my H's last name.  I tell my H that I only married him because it wouldn't change my initials (my Gpa, Dad and I all have the same initials)..

    My BFF hyphenated for kind of the same reason, she shared initials with her Gpa and didn't want to lose that.. I tell her she should have made her H change his last name.. he probably would have..

    We're a very traditional family, so I would have taken his last name regardless..
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  • KendallR10KendallR10 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_changing-last-name?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:061b4d62-ee4c-42a5-970a-463314936978Post:11635694-9e38-4c27-8dc0-cd1f3ae62f73">Re: changing last name</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>My mom always hated her first name, so when she got married she moved her first name to the middle, her middle name to her first, dropped her maiden name and took my dads name..</strong> I have a very typical Southern "Belle" name, meaning I have 2 names when we got married, I separated my names and took my H's last name.  I tell my H that I only married him because it wouldn't change my initials (my Gpa, Dad and I all have the same initials).. My BFF hyphenated for kind of the same reason, she shared initials with her Gpa and didn't want to lose that.. I tell her she should have made her H change his last name.. he probably would have.. We're a very traditional family, so I would have taken his last name regardless..
    Posted by SamiJoeB[/QUOTE]
    I had to read that 4 times to understand it. That was confusing.<div>
    </div><div>I use my first and middle name on a lot of things because I figure they won't change. </div>
    Military Brides December 2011 Siggy. Holiday picture with your SO. We suck and don't have one :/ Those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter.
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