Im new, but I have a quick question!

calindi

I can't believe this!  Every freaking week.  No, Katelyn, you dumb child, we cannot agree to disagree.  And I'm a very even keeled person who can have political discussions with Bush fanatics and Obama supporters at the same time.  I can TOTALLY agree to disagree when there are two valid ways to view an arguement.  There is NO VALID WAY to argue that getting married in secret in order to benefit from some tangible benefit (financial or otherwise, including being allowed to live together off base) is acceptable.  If it's so important, get married and do it publically.  Be married.  Fine, cool, that IS someone's choice.  And they CAN have that big wedding day, just call it a vow renewal and do everything the same otherwise.  So technically, they wouldn't miss out on anything AND they'd be honest about it.

My FI just told me about a case at his military pro bono internship this spring with a guy who was as Lance Corporal in the Marines who JOP’d in secret and was waiting for their wedding a year later.  He was overheard by his commanding officer discussing that the only reason they got married was for the separation pay while he was deployed.  He got court martialed and dishonorably discharged.  No joke.  He was at the pro bono clinic to try to get the dishonorably discharge changed to a neutral discharge (I forget the terminology) so that it wouldn't hinder him from finding a civilian job.  The argument they used in court to discharge him was that he was not LIVING as a married couple (they weren’t telling people they were married, not wearing wedding rings, calling each other FI instead of husband/wife, etc.) so thus his marriage was not done for the purpose of being married but rather to collect benefits from the military.  Illegal, immoral, and wrong.  And can get the service member involved court martialed and possibly bounced out of his job.  Not likely to happen, and everyone knows someone who’s done it and gotten away with it, but that doesn’t make it right.

 

Simple solution – if you SO BADLY need to get married right now, well then go for it!  Get married!  And tell people you’re married, and be married.  And if you want to have a vow renewal ‘wedding day’ later, then go for it.  The people who understand and care about you will be there, and ultimately if this is what is best for you both, then those are the people who are important in your life.  But to lie to those closest to you, as well as the military, is just wrong.

SamiJoeB

Wow. I figured that something like that could happen, but I wasn't entirely sure. Thanks for sharing Calindi. Another important reason NOT JOP for benefits & lie to your loved ones.

greeneke2

Wow! I'm late on this buuuut:

First of all lying hurts people. Secondly, for someone earlier in the post (sorry I didn't quote it but it was from sweeden and I think she DD since I don't see them except in other posts) I hope she knows that unless he FI is of a certain rank a lot of Japan tours are unaccomponied whether you are married or not (in the USMC thats how it goes at least,I can't speak for any other branches).  Also, like PP have said when I was my FI's girlfriend, yes girlfriend, I was on his contact if anything happened to him and I was on his list for the FRO and got any information that a wife would get as well as being able to be listed as a beneficiary!  I don't understand why people would lie about having a JOP and then Vow Renewal to anyone.  If you are so excited and can't wait to get married, why would you hide that you have a husband for a whole year!  Not me!

SamiJoeB

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_im-new-but-quick-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:7815a624-ae0b-44d2-a420-77a187a774e6Post:4791e511-c5ed-4bbf-b19c-7db2398fa47e">Re: Im new, but I have a quick question!</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow! I'm late on this buuuut: First of all lying hurts people. Secondly, for someone earlier in the post (sorry I didn't quote it but it was from sweeden and I think she DD since I don't see them except in other posts)<strong> I hope she knows that unless he FI is of a certain rank a lot of Japan tours are unaccomponied whether you are married or not (in the USMC thats how it goes at least,I can't speak for any other branches).  </strong>Also, like PP have said when I was my FI's girlfriend, yes girlfriend, I was on his contact if anything happened to him and I was on his list for the FRO and got any information that a wife would get as well as being able to be listed as a beneficiary!  I don't understand why people would lie about having a JOP and then Vow Renewal to anyone.  If you are so excited and can't wait to get married, why would you hide that you have a husband for a whole year!  Not me!
Posted by greeneke2[/QUOTE]


Exactly! I'm pretty sure its the same with the Navy as well. My H had 2 year unaccompanied orders. They didn't change when we got married, and they didn't change when I separated from AD. If we wanted too, he could extend for another year for me to come out there, but he dosen't want to be out there any longer than necessary. I dont really see any reasons for JOP, othere than thats what you want to do. If thats what you want to do then go for it.  Like you don't want to wear the big dress and all that. My BFF had no desire for a big to do, and wanted to just have a reception. She wore jeans to both her JOP and her reception. But if you want the PPD, then just have an actual wedding.