New Here!! JOP wedding question.... courthouse and metal detectors

calindi

And you clearly miss the point of PERSEC. Whether you are military or not, it's incredibly stupid to post your full name and birthdate on a public forum. Facebook is ideally friends only viewing that information, but just because someone else puts their info online doesn't make it a good idea. Way to sound like a lemming. And your response is totally disproportionate to the advice you received. That, combined with your birthdate, makes me think you are quite young.

firsttimersluck

Thanks for clarifying OP, I appreciate that because I was genuinely not judging you and your situation in any way as we all have different ones. And now I see the VR on the ticker. My bad! I was just confused as to if you had a date and changed it, still had that, etc but I'm on the same page now hah!

Calindi- Please, enough with the birthday/age talk. She may be "quite young" but that's irrelevant to the topic at hand (and she is older than me, technically, so I don't appreciate an inadvertent age hit). There was no reason to bring that into the conversation and it offends more than one person on a board that I'm sure you don't mean to offend... I realize that you can say whatever you wish, but it just doesn't seem like that's going to help OP on this topic, and therefore does more harm than good...

calindi

FTP - sorry, didn't mean to confuse age with maturity. My apologies

firsttimersluck

Thanks
Of course... I can't talk I suppose.. I may be 22 on the outside but am 40 on the inside -_- such a lame homebody.. haha

kyrgyzstan

This is going to sound obnoxious, but to me it's a hilarious joke, and she's already grumpy anyway, so I'm going with it.

The amount that OP has misconstrued people's good intentions/advice/confusion in this post makes me think she should work at IPAC. They're the misconstrue simple things champions!

And yes, that was wrong. Lol. Someone feel free to make a Wing joke at my FI's expense. 

ggirl2001

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_new-here-jop-wedding-question-courthouse-metal-detectors?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:958e6fd8-8b69-459c-b2b6-de715f68b7ffPost:b8bc7877-fbc8-4696-a73c-600b1a676567">Re: New Here!! JOP wedding question.... courthouse and metal detectors</a>:
[QUOTE]This is going to sound obnoxious, but to me it's a hilarious joke, and she's already grumpy anyway, so I'm going with it. The amount that OP has misconstrued people's good intentions/advice/confusion in this post makes me think she should work at IPAC. They're the misconstrue simple things champions! And yes, that was wrong. Lol. Someone feel free to make a Wing joke at my FI's expense. 
Posted by WishIcouldbeinthe'stan[/QUOTE]
Hahaha that made me laugh. H and I spent an hour and half there last week Tuesday doing his audit and getting me in the system before I could go to DEERS. They had the newest guy doing his audit and he kept entering his SSN in wrong. Luckily I was watching him enter it in the computer and kept catching it haha.

SamiJoeB

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_new-here-jop-wedding-question-courthouse-metal-detectors?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:958e6fd8-8b69-459c-b2b6-de715f68b7ffPost:b8bc7877-fbc8-4696-a73c-600b1a676567">Re: New Here!! JOP wedding question.... courthouse and metal detectors</a>:
[QUOTE]This is going to sound obnoxious, but to me it's a hilarious joke, and she's already grumpy anyway, so I'm going with it. The amount that OP has misconstrued people's good intentions/advice/confusion in this post makes me think she should work at IPAC. They're the misconstrue simple things champions! And yes, that was wrong. Lol. Someone feel free to make a Wing joke at my FI's expense. 
Posted by WishIcouldbeinthe'stan[/QUOTE]

This made me smile big timeee!!

MrsOjoButtons

Good luck with your upcoming wedding!

Out of curiosity, have you and your FI attended any kind of premarital counseling?  The reason I ask is that it sounds like he's significantly older than you and he has three kids, and I know you know that's a lot to take on, it's just a good idea to have a neutral third party bring these things up for discussion.

AliceDavis112088

No we aren't attending premarital counseling. He's not that much older than me. And we've lived together with his children sharing finances since shortly after we started dating. Except the past couple months, our kids have been living with his mom due to child care needs. I agree that it is good for those who are having a complete lifestyle change, but if that were the case we would. The only change other than getting married that we are making is moving to north Carolina And getting our kids back in our home.

iluvmytxrgr

Honestly, marriage counseling should be proactive, not reactive.  Every couple should seek some form of marriage counseling periodically.  It's like changing the fluids in your car.  You COULD go 8,000 miles with out getting an oil change, but you'll have other issues to deal with eventually.  If you just go ahead and change the oil every 3,000 miles, your engine will last a heck of a lot longer.  Does that make sense?

AliceDavis112088

Okay well as far as marriage counseling goes I've been one of those people who doesn't fix something that's not broken. We have had 2 fights in the last year. It's healthy to fight. In moderation. I watched my parents relationship happy and happily married for the majority of my life. Also my grandparents same thing. I love him. He loves me. We are eachothers best friend. We talk about everything. The only secret he's ever kept from me was that he was considering proposing. And I've never kept anything from him. We agree for the most part on everything. We compromise on what we don't agree on. We are a team. Marriage counseling may be good for some. But honestly we don't need it. We talk together about our relationship and our lives. Communication is easy for us. I could be wrong, but I don't see marriage counseling doing anything for us. We have already established our life together. We have a great support system. And people to help us when we need it. Thanks for the concern but I'm marrying not only the man of my dreams and my best friend. But the man I have loved since the day I met him and the love of my life. He is my soul mate, and I honestly don't believe that two people who communicate and live eachother as much as we do need to seek counseling. And I don't believe that true soul mates need to get their "oil changed". I also don't believe that everyone finds their soulmate. I hope I don't offend anyone, and I stand firmly that those who are young should wait for marriage or seek counseling first to be sure they are ready for the commitment, but I'm not as young as you seem to think. I have always had an old soul as everyone puts it. Much more mature than many my age. Even my fmils both say they would have guessed closer to late 20s had they not known my age before getting to know me. My fi is 27 and previously married. We are both positive about this path in life. And we have the support of our family and children. And thats what matters. For all you new young brides, take the advice of marriage counseling and do as you wish with it. I know many who have had premarital counseling and divorced with in 5 years. Many who have never had any counseling and are happily married and some who need counseling because they don't communicate. I know a few that have had counseling that said it was the best thing for them. We don't think we need it. End of story.

firsttimersluck

Alice you have a PM (If you don't know since I know you're newer that is a Private message. You will see that on the left hand side under "community links".  It's a way to sort of.. send an e-mail to other Knotties)

grizzgurl

I didn't read all the posts.  But all I have to say is if you are going to have a big ceremony later - don't make a big deal about this one.  Keep it simple and just about the two of you.  And then get all your paperwork filed.  make sure to take a copy of your signed marriage liscence it might help so you don't have to wait until the official form. 
It really doesn't take that long, just persistance and a good book as you wait in line.
Also,  there is nothing wrong having a legal marriage and a celebration wedding the following year.

AliceDavis112088

We aren't making a huge deal out of this wedding but both agree that it is our wedding day. This is the day we will be celebrating in 50 years. We want it to be a fun day that we enjoy and have find memories of... And exciting news, we found a photographer on accident for next to nothing!!!!!! Wasn't even looking for one!!!! We are both excited to have our special day and excited to have it the way we want it.

firsttimersluck

Oh fun! way to go. Courthouses outside always make for pretty pictures.

AliceDavis112088

We are doin it on a beach if we can get an officiant!!! And btw I got your message I tried to message you back but my stupid smart phone is being stupid!!! And my computer decided it doesn't want to play nice. I'll message you tomorrow!!!! Lol

firsttimersluck

haha no big Oh that's so sweet I wish you luck! I think people have mentioned in other posts that you can contact the JOP and see if anyone in particular can travel? Not 100% on how that works, but it's worth a shot, no?

AliceDavis112088

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_new-here-jop-wedding-question-courthouse-metal-detectors?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:958e6fd8-8b69-459c-b2b6-de715f68b7ffPost:b8bc7877-fbc8-4696-a73c-600b1a676567">Re: New Here!! JOP wedding question.... courthouse and metal detectors</a>:
[QUOTE]This is going to sound obnoxious, but to me it's a hilarious joke, and she's already grumpy anyway, so I'm going with it. The amount that OP has misconstrued people's good intentions/advice/confusion in this post makes me think she should work at IPAC. They're the misconstrue simple things champions! And yes, that was wrong. Lol. Someone feel free to make a Wing joke at my FI's expense. 
Posted by WishIcouldbeinthe'stan[/QUOTE]

I just want to add before I go to bed that I'm not grumpy. I've been sharing with my fi what has been said on this page and he is as shocked as I am. I may be young but I'm far from immature. The assumptions made on this post are immature and idealistic. And most people I know grow up and realize that nothing is ever ideal. Especially in the military. I just want you to know I'm not max at anyone just shocked by how one simple question can be turned into a huge ordeal that doesn't have anything to do with the question! Aren't we all adults? Can't we all play nice? I feel a little disrespected for my decisions. And from strangers nonetheless. Put yourself in my shoes for a mile and see how it feels.

ggirl2001

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_new-here-jop-wedding-question-courthouse-metal-detectors?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:958e6fd8-8b69-459c-b2b6-de715f68b7ffPost:4dc318b7-2c40-4515-afba-590b4e883f1b">Re: New Here!! JOP wedding question.... courthouse and metal detectors</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: New Here!! JOP wedding question.... courthouse and metal detectors : I just want to add before I go to bed that I'm not grumpy. I've been sharing with my fi what has been said on this page and he is as shocked as I am. I may be young but I'm far from immature. The assumptions made on this post are immature and idealistic. And most people I know grow up and realize that nothing is ever ideal. Especially in the military. I just want you to know I'm not max at anyone just shocked by how one simple question can be turned into a huge ordeal that doesn't have anything to do with the question! Aren't we all adults? Can't we all play nice? I feel a little disrespected for my decisions. And from strangers nonetheless. Put yourself in my shoes for a mile and see how it feels.
Posted by AliceDavis112088[/QUOTE]

Again, nobody assumed. They asked you a lot of questions because we didn't have the full story. How is anyone supposed to know your FI works in IPAC so that you can get your orders changed easier than others? And again, if you say you can't afford dress pants, then yes, there are going to be questions if this is the best thing? Yes, you did come back and explain all that which is great, but nobody knows that unless they ask. All we have to go on is what you put down in words, everything else is going to be questioned/guessed at.

SamiJoeB

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_new-here-jop-wedding-question-courthouse-metal-detectors?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:958e6fd8-8b69-459c-b2b6-de715f68b7ffPost:4dc318b7-2c40-4515-afba-590b4e883f1b">Re: New Here!! JOP wedding question.... courthouse and metal detectors</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: New Here!! JOP wedding question.... courthouse and metal detectors : I just want to add before I go to bed that I'm not grumpy. I've been sharing with my fi what has been said on this page and he is as shocked as I am. I may be young but I'm far from immature. The assumptions made on this post are immature and idealistic. And most people I know grow up and realize that nothing is ever ideal. Especially in the military. I just want you to know I'm not max at anyone just shocked by how one simple question can be turned into a huge ordeal that doesn't have anything to do with the question! Aren't we all adults? Can't we all play nice? I feel a little disrespected for my decisions. And from strangers nonetheless. Put yourself in my shoes for a mile and see how it feels.
Posted by AliceDavis112088[/QUOTE]

We asked you questions, when we very well could have just assumed that you're a 17 y/o and your FI is your HS Sweetheart and that the 2 of you have absolutely no money management skills. Instead we asked you to clarify and give us more info. You were given advice.  I for one could care less if you're "mad" (I'm assuming that's what you meant, but I don't want to ask because clearly you don't respond well to that) at me, or anyone else.  You asked a question, with very little back ground information, and we responded by asking you questions and giving you the advice that you obviously came for.  I don't think that we're the ones who are acting immature. I think that if you can't handle people asking questions to get more info to give you better advice, we're not the ones with the problem. Your age (and the age of your FI) have nothing to do with anything. I'm not that much older than you are, and my H is about the same age as your FI. As for things "not being ideal" you're right, and everyone on this board knows that.  Ideal for me wouldn't be spending the entire first year of my marriage without my H, but hey, Those are the cards we were dealt and we're making do.  As for putting myself in your shoes, No thanks.  I have my own shoes to wear. 

kyrgyzstan

Serious question:

FI's command requires premarital counseling/financial classes/etc. to be signed off before marriage. Does the IPAC command not do this? FI and I have been together for 3 years, living together for a year and a half, and I still enjoyed both our secular pre-engagement counseling and our religious pre-marital counseling. I like the command issued checklist and don't look at it as a hindrance, just another opportunity to further strengthen our relationship. Just because we already are proactive about talking about us doesn't mean the checklist will *hurt* us.

ggirl2001

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_new-here-jop-wedding-question-courthouse-metal-detectors?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:958e6fd8-8b69-459c-b2b6-de715f68b7ffPost:7e960ce9-047a-47c0-868a-065de99f63cb">Re: New Here!! JOP wedding question.... courthouse and metal detectors</a>:
[QUOTE]Serious question: FI's command requires premarital counseling/financial classes/etc. to be signed off before marriage. Does the IPAC command not do this? FI and I have been together for 3 years, living together for a year and a half, and I still enjoyed both our secular pre-engagement counseling and our religious pre-marital counseling. I like the command issued checklist and don't look at it as a hindrance, just another opportunity to further strengthen our relationship. Just because we already are proactive about talking about us doesn't mean the checklist will *hurt* us.
Posted by WishIcouldbeinthe'stan[/QUOTE]

I don't know of anyone here at Beaufort that has had to do this prior to marriage. I know we weren't required to, and anyone else I've talked to hasn't either. I know its different for each command, I just would like to know how its decided.

AliceDavis112088

I've heard some commands require it if you've been dating for less than a certain period of time or are both younger than a certain age. Depends on the command. No his command does not require it. If they did we would do it. Because it's what we would have to do to be able to do what we want. We aren't required. So it's not necessary I'm our relationship. Personally me I see counseling done on a voluntary basis as unnecessary. Just my opinion. You are entitled to your own. I also don't believe that everyone Martha the person they are supposed to be with for the rest of their life. And from what I've seen a lot of those people are the ones who are going to counseling. Not saying this is true for any of you, and command requirements definitely change my opinion on that, but like I said previously you don't need to fix what ain't broke.... If there's no bugs why spend your time and money on an exterminator.

kyrgyzstan

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_new-here-jop-wedding-question-courthouse-metal-detectors?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:958e6fd8-8b69-459c-b2b6-de715f68b7ffPost:f2a68170-802c-40e3-9e0e-ffa85d523e2e">Re: New Here!! JOP wedding question.... courthouse and metal detectors</a>:
[QUOTE]I've heard some commands require it if you've been dating for less than a certain period of time or are both younger than a certain age. Depends on the command. No his command does not require it. If they did we would do it. Because it's what we would have to do to be able to do what we want. We aren't required. So it's not necessary I'm our relationship. Personally me I see counseling done on a voluntary basis as unnecessary. Just my opinion. You are entitled to your own. I also don't believe that everyone Martha the person they are supposed to be with for the rest of their life. And from what I've seen a lot of those people are the ones who are going to counseling. Not saying this is true for any of you, and command requirements definitely change my opinion on that, but like I said previously you don't need to fix what ain't broke.... If there's no bugs why spend your time and money on an exterminator.
Posted by AliceDavis112088[/QUOTE]

<div>FI's command requires it for anyone and everyone, from E1-05 (the CO's rank), regardless of time together, regardless of age (FI is 28, I am 26), regardless of time together. This is by far the better way to do it (IMO) because no E1-E3s get singled out, even though they're the ones who should absolutely be required no matter what to have to do all of it.</div>

kyrgyzstan

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_new-here-jop-wedding-question-courthouse-metal-detectors?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:958e6fd8-8b69-459c-b2b6-de715f68b7ffPost:206707b2-3975-4261-afba-19f620110587">Re: New Here!! JOP wedding question.... courthouse and metal detectors</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: New Here!! JOP wedding question.... courthouse and metal detectors : I don't know of anyone here at Beaufort that has had to do this prior to marriage. I know we weren't required to, and anyone else I've talked to hasn't either. I know its different for each command, I just would like to know how its decided.
Posted by ggirl2001[/QUOTE]

<div>It seems like more commands at MCBCP are getting on the train, and I LOVE it.</div>

ggirl2001

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_new-here-jop-wedding-question-courthouse-metal-detectors?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:958e6fd8-8b69-459c-b2b6-de715f68b7ffPost:f2a68170-802c-40e3-9e0e-ffa85d523e2e">Re: New Here!! JOP wedding question.... courthouse and metal detectors</a>:
[QUOTE]I've heard some commands require it if you've been dating for less than a certain period of time or are both younger than a certain age. Depends on the command. No his command does not require it. If they did we would do it. Because it's what we would have to do to be able to do what we want. We aren't required. So it's not necessary I'm our relationship. Personally me I see counseling done on a voluntary basis as unnecessary. Just my opinion. You are entitled to your own. I also don't believe that everyone Martha the person they are supposed to be with for the rest of their life. And from what I've seen a lot of those people are the ones who are going to counseling. Not saying this is true for any of you, and command requirements definitely change my opinion on that, but like I said previously you don't need to fix what ain't broke.... If there's no bugs why spend your time and money on an exterminator.
Posted by AliceDavis112088[/QUOTE]

I understand this is your opinion, but as a therapist I will have to disagree with you that it is unneccessary from a voluntary point of view. All counseling is technically voluntary. I cannot forcibly go to someone else's and make them come in and do therapy. They can be court required, however, they still have a choice to not come, that person just has a consequence. Just as in the case with the military, a person can choose not to go through the required premarital counseling, but then, ya know, you have problems getting married. Also, with the exterminator piece, I live down south, you have someone spray your house for preventative measures.<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-tongue-out.gif" border="0" alt="Tongue out" title="Tongue out" />. I get what you're saying, just that example doesn't work for me considering my apartment complex gets sprayed weekly and I also spray myself to prevent seeing palmettos. (I HATE palmettos, and spiders, etc).

I'm not saying this to be a b*tch to you or your opinion, but just to offer my side of it. Granted, I'm biased since I am a therapist and have seen such positive results with the couples, families etc, that I have worked with.

AliceDavis112088

Well I am completely open to opinions I am just not open to judgements.