The boyfriend makes me all aflutter... and nuts. LONG. Rambly. Nuts.

noelle24

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_boyfriend-aflutter-nuts-long-rambly-nuts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:01ac9185-7d8f-449d-a675-ff946a73be04Post:bca9670d-c078-4ede-8ee0-e9e60c1b9073">Re: The boyfriend makes me all aflutter... and nuts. LONG. Rambly. Nuts.</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it is completely unfair and not right when a guy refuses to talk about the future or a timeline. It would make me feel completely disrespected and powerless, and I personally wouldn't stand for it. Seriously. That's bullshiit. It would be a deal-breaker for me, and it should be a red flag for both of you, Cunning and Wink. It is never okay for the balance of power in a relationship to be so in favor of one person. It's not healthy for EITHER of you. Think about it this way -- what do you think of girls who dictate everything to their guys? What do you think of guys who let girls dictate to them? There are a lot of nasty names around for that kind of situation, but somehow it's okay for a guy to refuse to talk about a timeline for getting engaged, married, and having children when he is supposedly in a serious, committed relationship? Effing ridiculous. I mean, maybe I'm just hormonal today, since I seem to be the only one getting all worked up about it. But in my mind, at this moment, it's so not okay and it makes me really angry that you and Wink are settling for this kind of situation, Cunning. I think you both deserve better. :(
Posted by desertsun[/QUOTE]
 
I think this was the first post that actually had some sense to it.  NOTHING that your BF has done is even REMOTELY adorable or cute.  It's controlling behavior, and it makes me irrationally angry that ANYONE would stand for it.  It's supposed to be a partnership, dammit, and that means you get a say about where the relationship is going.  This has NOTHING to do with being "surprised" by a proposal.  I'd be walking out that door so fast his head would spin. And if you're hurt and frustrated and angry, then YOU are the only one who can do something about it. He gets away with it because you are LETTING him.

ravenray

I like your letter.  I think it is good that you are writing it out.  He needs to take you seriously.