Thunder Stealing

Elle1036

So I've posted on here before about BF's younger sister being engaged (and my stupid jealously blah blah blah).

Anyway, BF said something recently about feeling like we should wait to get engaged until after her wedding, because he doesn't want her to feel like we're stealing her thunder.

First, I think the whole concept of "waiting to get engaged" is strange.  If you know that you want to marry each other, aren't you engaged already?  It seems more appropriate to say we're waiting to announce it.

Second, does that really steal her thunder?  It's not like I want to race her to the altar and schedule my wedding for a week before hers.  That's something SHE would do... not me.

Thoughts?

oceana919

I think it honestly depends on your relationship with your sister. I recently got engaged, and my cousin/best friend (we're practically sisters) is in the middle of preparing for her wedding. In the end, our weddings will be six months apart. She's truly happy for me, and the fact that we're now planning our weddings at the same time, together, is fun and exciting for us, and something we can share as family/friends. While I've been careful to make sure that the focus stays on her leading up to her wedding (e.g. I asked my mom to hold off on having my bridal shower until after my cousin gets married, so the family is completely focused on her for hers, etc.), I'm still enjoying my engagement and planning my wedding, all while celebrating hers.

There are ways of balancing everything...you have to make a decision on what's best for you and your BF, as well as your sister's situation. Announcing your engagement at your sister's bridal shower - yeah, that's stealing her thunder. Getting engaged in the 6-12 month vicinity of your sister's wedding is not. However, if you feel that getting engaged prior to your sister's wedding will cause more drama than celebration, perhaps hold off on announcing your engagement, not necessarily getting engaged all together.

pinkpinot

Don't put your life plans on hold because of someone else's wedding.  There will be many many more weddings & engagements to come while you are engaged and planning your own wedding.  It just sounds silly, like waiting to get pregnant until your friend has a baby first.  Who really cares that much? Obviously some people do or else we wouldn't have fun when they post here complaining about it :-)

Elle1036

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_thunder-stealing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:02658561-6ee5-43ec-a26e-18ae446e69fePost:0bb4e712-5f37-4ce1-9d62-f1aa4a43bfeb">Re: Thunder Stealing</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it honestly depends on your relationship with your sister. [/QUOTE]

Well, she's HIS sister, not mine.  Not trying to be nitpicky -- I only mention that because I think it changes the dynamic a little bit.  I don't want her to feel like there's another girl moving in on her family or during her time or something like that.

And, yes, my relationship with her.  Not so great.  She doesn't approve of me dating her brother because we're different religions, and I don't approve (though I try to keep it to myself) of a lot of things she does, including judging others based on their beliefs.

/rant.

katanne9

IMO, I think it's a little silly to plan such a huge event around that. It's one thing if she JUST got engaged, or is JUST about to get married. By 3 best friends and I are all getting married this summer, and we're all spaced out only 3 weeks apart from each other!  It's complicated and messy, but we're all willing to make it work!

You should talk to BF, find out why he thinks that and why you should wait. I think that unless you're planning a wedding right around hers, you should do what is best for the 2 of you.

Ana_2985

I think it's stupid to not get engaged because someone else is engaged/getting married.  However, it's your BF's sister and if he doesn't feel comfortable getting engaged before his sister is married, than it's his decision. You can try to talk to him more about it, but who knows if he'll change his mind.  I would have a big problem with it, personally.

On the other hand, when are they getting married?  In 6 months?  In 2011?  I don't know your situation, but it sounds like you've had issues with this sister before.  If she's getting married soon maybe it would be worth it to wait just to keep peace within your possible future family.

donnycornelius

It depends.    If her wedding is 2 years from now, then there's no way you should wait until afterwards to make plans. 

If her wedding is in 3 months, then I'd probably wait, especially since you know she is a dramatic type of person.   But really, you are under no obligation to give her life plans any consideration at all when planning your own, so you'd be justified in doing whatever you want.

Button5807

Personally I think your BF needs to man up and not let the threat of his sisters tempter tantrums rule how he lives his life. Her behavior is only going to get worse if she continues to be coddled like this.

hetshup

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_thunder-stealing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:02658561-6ee5-43ec-a26e-18ae446e69fePost:05685916-cc1d-44e8-bdea-d115116c0ac6">Re: Thunder Stealing</a>:
[QUOTE]Personally I think your BF needs to man up and not let the threat of his sisters tempter tantrums rule how he lives his life. Her behavior is only going to get worse if she continues to be coddled like this.
Posted by Button5807[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Yeah, tell him to grow a sack. I feel like I'm talking about balls a lot today. But seriously, don't coddle her now, it will only get worse later on. </div>

kailss

i agree with PPs. tell your man to grow a pair and get over it. you're getting engaged should not be affected by her wedding. it's not like you're going to go and set the same wedding date as her. it really shouldnt affect you guys in any way, shape, or form.

loopy82

I don't think you should wait just for her. My FI's sister got engaged 2 weeks after we did. He cared more than I did. We pretty much have our whole wedding planned and they have decided nothing. We are getting married in August and they think they will be getting married winter of 10/11.
 
It doesn't bother me, because 1) I tried to be laid back and not get all bent out of shape over things that in the end really won't matter. and 2) They have said that they will wait until after we get married for them to get married.

Does BF feel the way he does because he thinks that his family will get on his case for trying to steal his sisters thunder? Or does he just think that its the right thing to do?

Acrosthec

You need to talk to your boyfriend.  If he's going to wait for her to get married because he doesn't want to steal her thunder, is he going to want to wait until she's been married a week? a month? a year? so that he doesn't steal the spotlight from her newlywed status?  And God forbid she gets pregnant on the honeymoon, because then he'll have to wait a whole 9 months to not steal her spotlight from her pregnancy, and who knows how long to not steal the spotlight from the new mom and child.  I'm sure you see where I'm headed.  There is always going to be SOMETHING else going on.  I'm not saying get engaged the same day, or even a day after, his sister's big events (whatever they may be), but if he waits forever for his sister's life to be "boring" so that he won't steal her thunder, you're never going to get engaged.

emarston1

I would ask where your BF is coming from on this?  Weddings can put A LOT of stress on a family (especially financially!) so he may other intentions other than not wanting to steal their thunder.  If his parents plan on helping with the wedding, this makes perfect sense why he woudn't want to add an extra burden to them.

Speaking from someone who did wait (FI's brother got married in August, we got engaged in September), it really depends on the family dynamics as to whether it is worth it or not.  How long ago did they get engaged, when is the wedding?  Who is contributing to the wedding budget?  Depending on the answers to the quesitons, it may be better to just wait.