Is it wrong..

Stephanie Edgar

So my bf and I have been dating for 3+ years and we have talked about getting married a lot, but it always seemed like it was just a fairy tale we were dreaming about. So lately he was out of work, and so money was tight and it was frustrating since we had plans to move in together at the end of the year. Well he found a job and now that he is making good money I figure we would be back on track with our plans, which we talked about last night and we are. However, I am afraid that he is never going to propose. So my friend and I were talking and she said she was going to talk to him and ask him when he was going to pop the question. I really didn't think she would have the nerve, but, she ended up having a really long talk with him about it and found out that he has been thinking about it a lot too. first off... is it bad that I sort of recruited her to find out information because I feel kind of guilty..like i tricked him or somethingsecond.. now that I know hes thinking about it, I am satisfied, I don't want to know anything else. Him and I have already talked about rings and he knows what I like, but I am afraid she is a little obvious sometimes, and I don't want any surprise ruined..so how do I tell her not to let on about anything else??

LindaClaire

i think u got yourself into a little bind here...marriage is not the sort of topic you have a friend dig up info for you.  you should tell her flat out not to say anything else about it and quite frankly, i dont think you should've asked her to recon for you at all...its good that your BF seems to be on board but the best information you will get comes from communication between you two as a couple, it goes without saying that theres a lot to work out when planning a future together.

Malakia02

Yes, it is bad that you recruited a friend to ask your boyfriend whether or not he is going to propose. You might as well have written a note that says 'Do you like me- circle Yes or No'.   You should be embarrassed to stoop down to a junior high level and have a friend talk to your BF instead of you.  An adult would have been able to ask him a straightforward question and received a straightforward answer.  The more I think about this post the more upset I am getting at you for your lack of maturity and inability to exude a hint of self confidence. If you want to marry this man then grow some balls and ask him if he wants to marry you back.  I am not telling you how to answer that last question because it is ridiculously stupid. GROW UP.  

jfgrad06

First of all, three years really isn't that long. I didn't get a proposal until we had been dating over 4 1/2 years. Be patient. Of course it's exciting but don't lost site of the important things. Be thankful he has a job again, and things are back on track, and focus less on when he will buy you a ring and propose.Yes, it was very immature of you to get a friend to have the adult conversation for you. If this is the man you want to marry, you shouldn't be so uncomfortable telling him things yourself. Sounds like you two need to open up your lines of communication and cut out the middle (wo)man. He also should have told your friend it wasn't her place to discuss this with him. He also should have talked to you and not her.I would tell your BF what you did so you can get rid of your guilt. With that would also come an apology for not being confident enough in your relationship to come directly to him. Hopefully, he won't be mad about it and you two can actually have an adult conversation and figure out why you don't think you can talk to each other and where you go from there.

notquiteblushing

Tell your friend not to ask him anything else or reveal anything else to you.  And next time talk to your own BF!

magsugar13

so how do I tell her not to let on about anything else?? The 3 of you grow up and then you wont have to worry about it anymore.

wangaji

.so how do I tell her not to let on about anything else??Step 1: Open your mouthStep 2: Utter the words- dont tell me anything else about itStep 3: Giggle like a teenage girlStep 4: Grow upThe end.

noelle24

Wow... a snarky Malakia... I like it!I suggest that you graduate from junior high before you think about marriage.  HTH!

Malakia02

Haha thanks Noelle. Usually I just read a read, respond, and continue about my day. However this morning I read the post and then took the dog for a walk so I had awhile to really think about this thread.  The more I thought about it the more upset I got about the lack of maturity here.

Acrosthec

Ditto Jeana 100%.

jeanacorina

Acro-- you and I are like peas and mashed potatoes-- we just go together.

oceana919

No offense, but if you feel that you are old enough and mature enough to enter a marriage, you should be old enough and mature enough to have this conversation with your SO one on one, not recruit a friend to do it. That's a little Saved-by-the-Bell for me.Discussing engagement and marriage with your SO doesn't mean he's going to tell you exactly how his proposal is laid out. The proposal will still be a surprise.

AnneAndJJ

It is definitely bad. If you and bf are close enough and have a good enough relationship to get married, you shouldn't be getting your friend to talk to him about it. Never, EVER, do something like that again. It's very immature. And yes! Tell her not to tell you anything else, and also, just ask her to stop talking to him about it.