Eye Opener

Hazel_B

BF and I have always talked about how we'd like to have kids...someday. Last night while on FB there were 3 sets of baby photos put up, 2 birth announcements, 1 ultrasound photo and 2 sets of baby bump shots. My non-pregnant friends need to update their statuses more because that was really overwhelming.

Anyway, BF and I started talking about babies and I asked him what timeline he saw for us having kids. He said he'd like to start TTC in about 2 years. I know with my age that is perfectly reasonable and a smart thing to do, but 2 years! That seems way too close!

Do you have a baby timeline?

Beads921

We don't. But we're also only 21, so the clock is nowhere near ticking. We're not actually even sure if we want kids, although I think a few years down the road we probably will. We go back and forth on the issue regularly though. 

[Deleted User]

BF and I aren't even engaged yet...so no. But, he has mentioned that he would want to be married for at least a year before we started trying. I agree with him - I think it's important to be married for a little while before starting a family. It takes time to adjust to thinking as one instead of two, and why rush?

PaigeMcC

Well, FBD is a little older than I am (he'll be 29 just after the wedding and I'm 25) but we would like to start TTC 2-3 years after the wedding.  Our goal is wedding, house, TTC...in that order.  Every time I think about it I'm like ZOMG...kids before 30...eep....

mana8503

We talked about TTC and he promised we will try before i'm 30, I'm almost 26.  So the very general timeline is:
 
2011 - house (check)
2012 - wedding
2013-2014 - try getting pregnant. 

It really is based on him finishing his degree, but we both want to start maybe after a year of being married.

Hazel_B

I think the thing that really freaks me out is BF knows that I want to be married before kids and he also knows that due to family being all over North America we need atleast a year to plan any sort of wedding. So, in his mind he has us married and TTC in January 2013.

I'm not even engaged yet! When stuff starts happening it is going to be fast!

mana8503

Hazel - yea, even spreading it out over a few years seems fast.  But when we talk about what to do with the extra bedrooms in our new house, it's hard not to get excited to think of one being a baby room... BF already plans for part of the finish basement to be a play room for the kids (his and ours).  But I've always wanted kids and if you asked me 10 years ago I would have thought I'd have a couple by now.  It makes me more excited than a freak out.

Hazel_B

Mana - It isn't that I'm not excited about kids. I'm just a little freaked out about all the changes that I know will be coming my way. My life is going to be really different and knowing things will be changing soon just makes me want to accomplish more before that happens. It'll be good changes but it is overwhelming to think about.  

calindi

Oh Hazel, I totally know what you mean!  BF just answers so casually when people ask questions like, "When are you getting married?" or "You two should have kids someday!"  I mean, I know we've talked it all out and are in total agreement on everything, but he's not shy about it at all.  It's just... very matter-of-fact.  "We'll be getting married next year, either August or September.... After we get settled in my first duty station, we'll start trying.  Probably in 2014 or 15."

On New Years, the thing that really struck me is that I started saying "next year" for when we'll get married and "this year" for when we'll get engaged.  We're ready, I'm excited... but wow!  And I know that 3-4 years is still a long way off, but it feels so soon.  It's ridiculously exciting but also overwhelming.  Like when did I get old enough to be allowed to get married?  Heck, why is anyone letting me live on my own and pay my own bills and work at a job?  I feel like someone's going to find me out and haul me back to 7th grade at some point.  Like, when did high school graduation become 7 years ago?!

marleylikeair

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_eye-opener?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:1a69f563-d38b-4827-997a-caa7ac431d7aPost:16419de5-e48e-46da-9de3-a0aa53713420">Re: Eye Opener</a>:
[QUOTE]Like when did I get old enough to be allowed to get married?  Heck, why is anyone letting me live on my own and pay my own bills and work at a job?  I feel like someone's going to find me out and haul me back to 7th grade at some point.  Like, when did high school graduation become 7 years ago?!
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

This!

Okay, I have a confession: I've never had any desire to have children. I don't know if that will change as the clock starts ticking or not. Or maybe when I get past a couple hurdles career-wise and in regards to family issues. I don't know. But right now...zero baby fever. I'm weird--it's a fact.

mana8503

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_eye-opener?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:1a69f563-d38b-4827-997a-caa7ac431d7aPost:45ac8e48-7175-45d4-8f76-b647742a5770">Re: Eye Opener</a>:
[QUOTE]Mana - It isn't that I'm not excited about kids. I'm just a little freaked out about all the changes that I know will be coming my way. My life is going to be really different and knowing things will be changing soon just makes me want to accomplish more before that happens. It'll be good changes but it is overwhelming to think about.  
Posted by Hazel_B[/QUOTE]

Yea I think I had that "freak out" a couple monthes ago... but I think things just kinda came together since buying the house.  Now I can see where we would live, raise kids etc.  Somehow that was calming for me and falling together nicely.  I think the big freak out will be when I go off BC since I've been on it for 5 years. 

Hazel_B

Cate - It gets even worse when you feel that way and realize you have less than a decade left before a preganacy becomes high risk due to my age. I feel torn about everything.

bourgehm

FI and I have talked about it. He wants to wait 5 years or so until TTC. We'll see how that goes though. I feel like once we're married, that 5 years will probably change.  So about 3 years or so after we're married.  Right now, I don't have much of a baby fever, honestly, unless I see a bunch of babies or see a fb post with cute babies all over... Otherwise, I don't really have tons of a baby fever.

JMM4208

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_eye-opener?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:1a69f563-d38b-4827-997a-caa7ac431d7aPost:56cf0761-79b9-4d21-ae46-b61eb53605d9">Re: Eye Opener</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Eye Opener : This! Okay,<strong> I have a confession: I've never had any desire to have children.</strong> I don't know if that will change as the clock starts ticking or not. Or maybe when I get past a couple hurdles career-wise and in regards to family issues. I don't know. But right now...zero baby fever. I'm weird--it's a fact.
Posted by marleylikeair[/QUOTE]

Your not weird. BF and I hate children (and I am not exaggerating) Everyone says that my biological clock will tick down and that will change. Unless I change my brain out it isnt going to happen, we joke about registering for getting my tubes tied. BF and I have a furbaby timeline though. Married first then at the 5 year mark get a yorkiepoo named Yosef.

Ember01

Well, perhaps because I'm a little older, our timeline is a bit different. I'll be 31 and he'll be 34 when we get married, and we intend on starting during the honeymoon

heyimbren

When BF and I talk about it, it's very general. He'd like to have a baby probably by the time he's 30. He isn't stuck on that, it's just a general timeline. I'm 2 years younger so that makes me 28. I'd be okay with TTC a couple years earlier than that, but no earlier than 26.

I used to want kids young, like wayyy young (early 20s). And then I realized just a few months ago that I won't even be all done school until I'm just about 26. Sometimes I feel like school controls my life too much and I find THAT overwhelming.

marleylikeair

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_eye-opener?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:1a69f563-d38b-4827-997a-caa7ac431d7aPost:88255799-e49b-41d1-94d4-0d9ce765ce00">Re: Eye Opener</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Eye Opener : Your not weird. BF and I hate children (and I am not exaggerating) Everyone says that my biological clock will tick down and that will change. Unless I change my brain out it isnt going to happen, <strong>we joke about registering for getting my tubes tied.</strong> BF and I have a furbaby timeline though. Married first then at the 5 year mark get a yorkiepoo named Yosef.
Posted by JMM4208[/QUOTE]

That made me giggle. I wouldn't say I hate kids; they're cool for short periods of time, especially the ones with responsible parents who don't totally spoil them. But yeah, no desire to pop 'em out.

JMM4208

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_eye-opener?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:1a69f563-d38b-4827-997a-caa7ac431d7aPost:3ff9f35c-fd14-402e-a714-d7f73379e4d7">Re: Eye Opener</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Eye Opener : That made me giggle. I wouldn't say I hate kids; they're cool for short periods of time, especially t<strong>he ones with responsible parents </strong>who don't totally spoil them. But yeah, no desire to pop 'em out.
Posted by marleylikeair[/QUOTE]

This. But Im beginning to think that responsible parents are few and far between in my area. Theres always about 4 kids a day that irk my nerves because their parents let them cry and scream all over the store while they screw up all the shelves, and scuff up the floors.

marleylikeair

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_eye-opener?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:1a69f563-d38b-4827-997a-caa7ac431d7aPost:3a61442c-071a-478c-9c94-746727d24e26">Re: Eye Opener</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Eye Opener : This. But Im beginning to think that responsible parents are few and far between in my area. Theres always about 4 <strong>kids a day that irk my nerves because their parents let them cry and scream all over the store while they screw up all the shelves, and scuff up the floors.</strong>
Posted by JMM4208[/QUOTE]

I just don't get this. I had a really strict mom, especially when it came to behaviour in public and toward other adults. I was sooo not that kid.

AudgiePodge

2 years is going to fly by. The older I get, the faster time moves. It also seems to go a hell of a lot faster when you have a kid. DD just had her 4th birthday last week. It seems like just a few weeks ago I found out I was pregnant with her.

We're looking to start around May. My BC runs out around that time, and we decided that I will not continue. We won't be watching my cycle or anything, I just won't be on BC.

JMM4208

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_eye-opener?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:1a69f563-d38b-4827-997a-caa7ac431d7aPost:53ffba0b-9522-4ff3-bc56-2dfb93233ce7">Re: Eye Opener</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Eye Opener : I just don't get this. I had a really strict mom, especially when it came to behaviour in public and toward other adults. I was sooo not that kid.
Posted by marleylikeair[/QUOTE]

Agreed. My parents made sure that I behaved myself in public and would whip my @ss if I did otherwise. I was spanked and grounded for things and im better for it. But I think more moms need to just go through and clean house once and they'll shape up.

Also, To this day I wont get too loud or angry in stores with my parents because I know they'll get me for it. lol

niknik15

I'm with you girls who don't have baby fever. Maybe its just that I know I'm no where near ready for them. But all I think about is how they are such a time and money drain and how much of a huge responsibility they are.
 
I think the reason why there aren't more responsible parents is because it is mostly stupid teenagers who think babies are just a cute fashion statement are having all the babies. I hope not to offend anyone if they did have kids at a young age. There are some smart ones out there, but for the most part I think my statement holds true. 

I do like holding kids for a while at a party or something but that is about it. Although I think my stepmom has baby fever for me. She demands that I have a kid before she turns sixty (I'd be 30).

Oh and the when did I grow up part, I had a moment like that last night. I was telling my mom that my BF and I had gotten a roommate which was a total mistake. It took me four months to get up the courage to tell her that my BF and I were living together, but this one came out of my mouth way to easily.

I didn't really think a thing about having another guy in the house, but she totally freaked. And then I remembered to when I first started college and how having a guy roommate was like the worst thing in the world.

Blue & White

We're still in the "someday" mode, but are also looking at maybe 3-4 years after we get married (whenever that is.)  The deciding factors are more whether we a) have a house and b) can afford to have children.  B is really important to us.

SeaTea02

Lets see... 

We want to be somewhere between 26-28 when we have our child. We really only want one. That puts TTC in 2016 or 2017. We will be married a good 4 or 5 years before we start. We really want to have some good alone time with just us for a few years. 

We also want to own a home or a very nice town home before be have a child. 

marleylikeair

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_eye-opener?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:1a69f563-d38b-4827-997a-caa7ac431d7aPost:db819bc5-de2b-47ca-900f-71dd4dc7d2cb">Re: Eye Opener</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Eye Opener : Agreed. My parents made sure that I behaved myself in public and would whip my @ss if I did otherwise. I was spanked and grounded for things and im better for it. But I think more moms need to just go through and clean house once and they'll shape up. Also, To this day I wont get too loud or angry in stores with my parents because I know they'll get me for it. lol
Posted by JMM4208[/QUOTE]

Wow! I almost never got spanked physically. Verbally, sure. Ha.

bethsmiles

This is the biggest disagreement BF and  I have about the future. I want to start TTC around 25 he wants to wait until we are 27 at the earliest. I realize that 2 years isnt that big of a deal but I already have baby fever really bad and I dont want to wait an extra 2 years. We do pretty much everything on BF's timeline which is fine I want him to feel ready for each step our relationship takes but the baby thing well honestly it pisses me off that he wants to wait two more years than I do.

mana8503

I guess I have a bit of baby fever due to the fact my family is experiencing a baby boom.  I just found out today another cousin on my dad's side is pregnant (so that makes 4 KU cousins) it will also be the first great-great grandkid for my grandmother.  The other 3 will be 32, 33, 34 of the great grand kids (yes big southern family).  They are due March, April, May and my grand mother LOVES to tell people she will be have 3 great grand babies in 3 months.  And there's 2 cousins on my mom's side pregnant.

My mother eyes up my tummy now and told me she's ok with an opps baby

jeanacorina

We do have a tentative timeline. I graduate college in a little over a year (May 2012) and we talk about trying soon after that- as long as we're reasonably stable as far as finances and location.

Yes, that is a little over a year away, and it seems like tomorrow. So, we're enjoying being just the two of us for as long as that lasts!

leia1979

I'm 31 and weirded out that the first of my close friends is having a baby next month. I still feel like high school wasn't that long ago.

Our timeline is easy: never! 

Wrkn925

We're so favucking outta whack.

BF keeps pushing baby timeline up, but not following through on the steps that I require to happen first.  He just has 'the fever'.

Going to see his 7-day old nephew last night, then following up the visit by scouring the baby racks at Target did NOT help. 

Exhibit A: Me holding said baby.  His middle name is BFs first name.


The conversation at Target seemed to stray from new nephew to 'When WE have a kid: He'll wear this.  We'll have that.  I'm going to Baby Gap...."

Whateva.... When we have a week old baby, I'll be in the corner crying, do what you want.

Anywho...the most recent timeline we discussed: Get married in September, (that's getting really close for a girl who refuses to plan..), and take out IUD on year anniversary.  I said two year at first, he's talking it down.

sapphirebaby926

We had a timeline - we wanted to wait until 6 months to a year after getting married to start TTC and I got pregnant on our 1 year anniversary. We're still decided when we're going to TTC after this one is born - I want to wait about a year but DH is thinking we should start trying earlier than that. Either way we don't want a large age gap between kids.