How to tell my parents I'm getting married 2 months after high school graduation....HELP!

KayleighJ312

I'm 17, and my boyfriend who is in the military and I are gonna get married next July. I'm not officially engaged with a ring or anything, mostly because i have seen him in the past 6 months, as he's been in Basic Training and A-School. We want him to be here when we tell them, but how should we go about doing it? I'd love some advice. And I don't want there to be any hostility, because we want them in our lives, thats incredibly important to me. (His parents are very supportive) Thank you so much:)

KayleighJ312

I'm 17, and my boyfriend who is in the military and I are gonna get married next July. I'm not officially engaged with a ring or anything, mostly because i have seen him in the past 6 months, as he's been in Basic Training and A-School. We want him to be here when we tell them, but how should we go about doing it? I'd love some advice. And I don't want there to be any hostility, because we want them in our lives, thats incredibly important to me. (His parents are very supportive) Thank you so much:)

PandaBurr

PandaBurr

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_tell-parents-im-getting-married-2-months-after-high-school-graduationhelp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:59bf99ac-5a6f-4b00-893c-58098fe784a5Post:c265f5cd-41db-48b9-bdac-f4098456040f">How to tell my parents I'm getting married 2 months after high school graduation....HELP!</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm 17, and my boyfriend who is in the military and I are gonna get married next July. I'm not officially engaged with a ring or anything, mostly because i have seen him in the past 6 months, as he's been in Basic Training and A-School. We want him to be here when we tell them, but how should we go about doing it? I'd love some advice. And I don't want there to be any hostility, because we want them in our lives, thats incredibly important to me. (His parents are very supportive) Thank you so much:)
Posted by KayleighJ312[/QUOTE]

JIC

ks3pink

I have always hated this response but...... you're too young, just wait.

mysticl

I agree that you are too young to get married.  But if you are planning to get married then you need to show your parents that you are a grown up.   This means don't try to hide it from them.  Once you get engaged you go to them as a couple and tell them your news.  I'm 35 and live 400 miles from my mom and I called her within 15 minutes of getting engaged.  In your case this needs to be done in person.  Do not let them find out from town gossip or facebook (no status changes till all parents are notified).  Your conversation is to the point, don't try to beat around the bush.  Have answers for their questions.  They are going to want to know when.  They will want to know why.  Because we love each other is not going to be enough of a why in this situation, have a valid reason for why you are doing this now.  Did they have plans for you to go to college?  If so are you still going?  What are your plans for your academic/professional future?  From your post I take it you are coming up on your Senior Year.  You need to show that you are responsible.  Doesn't mean you can't have fun but you stick to your curfew, you don't ditch school, and you work you butt off in class.  Now for the advice to a felllow military wife to be.  If he's still in training does he know where is first duty station is yet?  I'm asking you this because you say you want to get married next July, but is he even going to be available?  When I started planning I said the wedding date was up to the military and at less than 4 months to go I still don't have a 100% guarentee that he will be here.  I've had friends who have seen their wedding day come and go because their FI was in a war zone.  Again I think you are too young and encourage you to wait but I know you are going to do what you are going to do.  So good luck.

jemmini6

him being in the military is not a good reason to get married right out of high school.  i'm not saying this to be mean, i'm saying it because i have known many people that did this and every single one of them is now divorced.  i know you probably hear it all the time that you are too young to get married, and that is because it's true.  if you truly love each other, what's the hurry?  if it's right now, it will be right in 5 years.  if not, then you wont' be another divorcee in their early 20's...

GreenPepperBurger

Call me old fashioned, but I do believe you should be allowed to vote and legally drink before you get married.

Narwhal

good call panda.

Dferrari17

I hate not having a unique response, but these girls are right. Why is it necessary to get married right after high school. If you two are really in love and want to spend your lives together that won't change between now and a few years from now.

The too young answer is an annoying one but in many cases it's correct. I'm assuming you've never lived on your own, never supported yourself... You have a lot of growing up to do and a lot of changes to go through.

I'm not saying he's not "the one" or that things wouldn't work out for you but... you have to realize that there is that possibility. When I think back on the guy I was dating and in love with when I was your age and think about marrying him, I cringe. At the time I couldn't imagine being without him, but as we graduated, started college, and started growing up we realized that things between us were just never going to work.

Just  be sure you think this through and weigh all the options. You don't have to be married to prove you love each other. Have you thought about just getting engaged and enjoying that for a while?

heyimbren

honestly, your parents are very likely going to think that you're too young and will most likely tell you so. my friend got engaged at 18 and her parents even told her she was too young - now they didn't cut her off or anything, they are being supportive.

but you do need to be prepared for the fact that people ARE going to tell you that you are too young. your friends will tell you, family will tell you, acquaintances may even say it.

but if you're going to get married this soon, then sit down with your parents and your BF and just tell them.

now, i'm not from Georgia (as i see you are according to your profile) so i'm not really familiar with marriage laws there but here's a question: at your age, will you require parental permission to acquire a marriage license?

bethsmiles

If you are old enough to get married you are old enough to sit down with your parents and have an adult conversation to tell them you are getting married. There is no way you can phrase it that will make them more or less supportive.

I agree with the other posters that you are too young to be getting married. Why can't you wait? And yes I know how hard it is to wait, BF and I are waiting another 4 years. We would love to get married right now but we are young and know that it will be so much better if we just wait until we are done with school and can support ourselves.

We aren't saying that your marriage wouldn't make it or that he's not the one...but why take the chance? IMO if you really love him you will give your marriage a fighting chance and just wait a few years. You do a lot of growing up and changing in your early 20s and since you are only 17 there are so many more experiences left to be had.

This time last year BF and I were talking about getting engaged and being married by now. But honestly most of that talk was just hormones. Once we really sat down and discussed our future together we decided that we want to make sure our marriage started off because of a mature, rational decision. Not because of hormones or because our friends were doing it or because we were impatient.

You are making a very big, important, adult decision before you can drink, vote, or even graduated high school. I'm not saying all of this to be mean but I really really hope you will listen to all of the girls' advice here.

PaigeMcC

Please wait.  If you are truly in love and if you truly believe this is the guy you want to marry then it won't hurt you to wait. 

Please take the time to wait until you are both financial stable, until you have both experienced life and gone out on your own.  You really need to experience what life in the real world is like before you decide to spend your life with someone else.  There are so many things that will change between now and the time you're 20 or 21 (or god forbid old and haggard at 25).  I'm not saying that this isn't the right guy for you, I'm just saying if it is right then what is the harm in waiting, experiencing life and enjoying your young relationship for what it is?

As for your parents if you expect hostility then maybe you should look at their reasoning.  Why would they be hostile?  Try not to let emotion into it and see their side of the story...they probably have some good points.

pooh8402

if you have to ask this question, you're too young.

agree with everyone above on every point.

KD+BC

Mutley has a really good response to those who are wishing to marry someone in the military.

My own response is this, if you aren't mature enough to tell your parents, you aren't mature enough to be married. Believe me, it's not a game to be a grown up. Working and paying all your own bills is hard enough, let alone making all these decisions with another person.

trix1223

The day you get engaged should be one of the happiest days of your life.  You should want to shout it from the rooftops and you should WANT to be on your phone telling loved ones the wonderful news.

If you're afraid to tell your parents, that should be a big old giant clue that you're not ready for marriage yet. 
Please wait, darlin'.  It it's meant to be, it will last.  It will last long enough for you to get an education so that, heaven forbid, if you ever need to support yourself and/or your bf, you have a skill set to do that.

Please look into the future.  And I don't mean next year.  I mean where you do want to be in ten years?  You need to plan for a life that will allow you to get there.

You're not even a senior in HS yet.  Why not finish HS before putting anything other than a class ring on your finger?

SopChick

Please don't take this as hostility...

What are your reasons for wanting to get married now? Believe me, your parents will want to know too, so it's not a bad idea to get them out there and really think about them! If they are valid reasons now, they should still hold up 2, 5, 10, 15, etc years from now.

Also, I have never dated someone in active service - bless those women (and men) who can. When one of my best friends when overseas for his tours (he did 3) my heart stopped with every news report. I can't even begin to imagine what a GF/FI/wife would go through! I really suggest you read some posts on the military brides board so you have an idea of what you're getting into. Because from all I have heard from my friends with husbands in the military, your entire life is impacted, whether they're on tour or not. Which can be very taxing on both you and the relationship, so you need a huge amount of maturity IMHO.

I am not a fan of marrying young, but I do know some people from high school who did it and are quite happy. However, they were also the ones that had all their business together and were actually wise beyond their years, not just in the way most teenagers are.

Best of luck to you, and please seriously think about your reasons for not wanting to wait.

jeanacorina

I agree with everyone else. You are too young, you haven't been through a deployment together (which can really change a person and a relationship), and I just can't think of a single reason NOT to wait a few more years.

I can think of probably 10-12 reasons that waiting would be beneficial to your relationship. I'm not saying he isn't the one. All I'm saying is he would still be the one when you have a little more life under your belt. And it does matter.

[Deleted User]

Please consider the advice that everyone here has given you.  I would strongly suggest waiting until you can get to know each other as adults.  If he's really worth being married to, then it's really worth waiting...at least wait until you've graduated from high school before you begin thinking about it.  Your senior year of high school will have so much packed into it, don't stress yourself even more by adding wedding planning to that.

JoyMatt424

Being in your 20s really changes people. We're all saying this not to be rude (I know I'm not) but you will change -- your desires and dreams for the future will change. And that may or may not include this boy. If it does, AWESOME! Then you guys get married and live happily ever after. Being out on your own builds you up as a person and an adult, you will have more to offer each other when you are just a little bit older. I really think you will look back and regret it if you rush into marriage now. Best of luck.

finallytime37

I'm pretty sure OP has to be 18 to get married?  Don't some state require an adult signature...since she's not...she better get mom & dad's support...or she may have a disappointing day..

nefariousmango

Wait.  You have NOTHING to lose by waiting, and if you do then please explain, I'm sure we'd all love to hear what you'll miss out on by not getting married.  I also want to agree with Jeana about going through a deployment together before you make a lifetime commitment.  It's cliched, but war really does change a person.  I have PTSD and I can tell you, I'm a much more difficult person to be around than I was before!

callalily13

My fiance and I met and started dating in high school, but dated 5 years before we got engaged. I went across the country for college and we are still together. My best friend has dated many men in the military and believe me even the strongest person who survives war DOES NOT come back the same person who left. What exactly would you do if you are forced to move to some military base for his military career away from your families and something horrible happens to him? Are you old or strong enough to take care of him and all the financial issues that will arise? My fiance nearly died about two and a half years ago and it nearly killed me. I had never expected having to see my nineteen year old boyfriend at the point where he couldnt walk, could barely breath and was in constant pain for months. That is something that can easily break you if you are not strong enough. You need to honestly sit down and decide if you would be able to be not just away from your husband for months upon months, but also constantly afraid that he will either be blown up or die everyday because the war is only getting worse.

jeanacorina

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_tell-parents-im-getting-married-2-months-after-high-school-graduationhelp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:59bf99ac-5a6f-4b00-893c-58098fe784a5Post:2a0f8390-898a-46d5-9ba0-0f0b35f62201">Re: How to tell my parents I'm getting married 2 months after high school graduation....HELP!</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm pretty sure OP has to be 18 to get married?  Don't some state require an adult signature...since she's not...she better get mom & dad's support...or she may have a disappointing day..
Posted by finallytime37[/QUOTE]


Well, I'm not a math expert or anything, but if she is 17 years old NOW (in July) then one year from now (in July) she will be 18.

redheadfsu

I ditto above. Please wait. What is the rush?

1. Are you going to college? Please do.

2. How are you going to support yourselves? How are you going to pay for the wedding?

Muffin'sMom

You have been given a lot of really excellent advice.  You should take it.

I will add only this.  Marriage is joyful, exciting, passionate, and wonderful, but it is also hard, frustrating, boring, painful, scary, confusing and a million other things that you can't possibly predict.  It is not Cinderella happily ever after, even when the marriage is good and solid. 

I've been married to the same wonderful man for thirty years.  And, while I wouldn't change a day, it has not always been sunshine, puppies, and rainbows. 
I will tell you what I would tell my own daughter.  Wait. 

[Deleted User]

You're too young, that's all you need to know. The fact that you can't even tell your parents proves that. Besides, you haven't even graduated high school, I'd love to know why you think you're ready/mature enough to get married.

noelle24

If you can't have a mature, adult conversation with your parents about this, then you are too young to be getting married.  Seriously, there's no need to rush.  If you are meant to be together, then the relationship will still be there in a few years.

Go to college, figure out what YOU want to do with YOUR life, aside from marrying your BF.  As wonderful as that may be, now is the time in your life where you can explore your own interests.  Find out who you are.  I guarantee that you will change A LOT between now and 25.

jelique7

I think we have beaten the "your too young" thing to death so i wont tell you that because i was in your same situation. My FI is in the military and am 17 too except i am in college and will have my degree completed in May and i pay for most everything i need. I want nothing more than to marry my FI now now now but we recently decided to put our plans on hold and wait longer. We will figure out what we are going to do when he gets back from deployment (we have been through a deployment before).

You need to go through a deployment before you get married. No matter how old you are I think that is the most important thing. Like they said it wont hurt to wait. At least until he is settled, give him some time to get used to military life. Think of what is best for him. The military always comes first and since he is brand spankin new he might be required to live in the barracks, he should definitely get settled before he thinks about marriage.

KayleighJ312

We are going to tell them, we just want to together, which is the only reason we've waited this long. I've already had to talk to my parents about our sex life alone, and we've decided that we wanna do this together. We wanted to tell them after I'd already have a ring, but that would be too long. I am going to college, he will be in Tyndall. So I will either go to FSU or go to a community college and transfer in later. I'm not putting my education on hold I will be an RNA just as soon.
 
But my question is what is going to change in 4 years? What would make us more ready then? Maturity, I don't think so, it doesn't work quite like that for me. What am I going to miss, the typical college experience? Drinking and dealing with my roomates sleeping around? O darn!

He is in the AirForce and works on F-22s. The chances of him getting deployed are slim, and if he is it wont be for a couple years. Even then his longest deployment would be for 4months.

I am very aware that marriage isn't always easy, our relationship hasn't always been easy either. I have thought this through, a lot. We've planned out pretty much every aspect of it, our finances are sufficient, even without me working. We're also aware that since we are getting married young, everyone is going to have their own opinion. I'm gonna get asked if I'm pregnant, and told I'm an idiot. Anyone that doubts us will be surprised, when we're together forever.

KayleighJ312

Btw I'll be 18 by next July. It's a year away, I will not still be 17 for whoever was concerned about that.