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Things You Learn on TK

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Re: Things You Learn on TK

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    Hazel_BHazel_B member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Cate, I agree. It was harmless before FB but now there is an added element there that it just bothers me.
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    edited December 2011
    I never realized that you weren't supposed to put registry info in the invite. Every single wedding invite I've ever gotten has contained registry info, so I just thought that's what you were supposed to do. Honestly, I still don't understand why you're not supposed to put the info in....I feel like if you don't then people will just get you anything under the sun and not include a receipt. Then you're stuck with a billion casserole dishes or something.
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    leia1979leia1979 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Oh so many things. I'd also never heard of a Jack & Jill shower of either kind. Actually, not one of my friends has even had a shower. It's perhaps an unpopular opinion, but I think showers are kind of gift grabby, so when my MOH  mentioned it, I said I don't want one. I'd probably feel differently if our friends had showers.

    Also:
    • Dollar dance - but then I actually saw one late last year. It seemed awkward to me
    • Money trees
    • not putting reg info on invites
    • that honeymoon registries even exist
    • that your invitation is supposed to say "and guest" (but I had one friend ask if I was bringing someone when it was only addressed to me, so maybe my friends don't know either)
    • that cash bars are considered rude. As long as I can get a selection of non-alcoholic beverages for free, I don't care if you charge for alcohol
    • that there are traditions of who pays for what

    Yeah, as you can see, I haven't been to many weddings.

    ETA: WTF? I see nice bullets when I edit, but not in the actual post!
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    marleylikeairmarleylikeair member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_things-learn-tk?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:895825f2-b473-4b63-8a5f-695d62c86ec1Post:6a2e009b-d9a7-45a5-bd5a-559858b2f753">Re: Things You Learn on TK</a>:
    [QUOTE]I never realized that you weren't supposed to put registry info in the invite. Every single wedding invite I've ever gotten has contained registry info, so I just thought that's what you were supposed to do. Honestly, I still don't understand why you're not supposed to put the info in....I feel like if you don't then people will just get you anything under the sun and not include a receipt. Then you're stuck with a billion casserole dishes or something.
    Posted by mookow86[/QUOTE]

    I totally agree, Moo! I know it *might* be seen as rude to put that information in, and I'm still undecided about what I'll do someday. But seriously...there would be SO many people who, lacking registry information or having to go asking around for it, would go off-registry, and like you said, we'd end up with twelve toasters. The guests are bringing a gift because they want to, I'd hope, and want to get the couple something they'll use and enjoy. So why not make it easier on them to do just that? I would seriously consider doing a little insert card with driving directions and whatever other enclosures went along with the invite.
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    calindicalindi member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Leia, what's a money tree?  Or should I be scared to ask?

    And actually, there are some people who get really pissed about "and guest" - you're supposed to call them up and ask who their guest is so you can address it to the person by name.  Seriously.  Not kidding.

    I think I'm going to stick with "and guest".

    image

    Anniversary

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    edited December 2011
    Cate and Marley, you guys should come play
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    motoLynmotoLyn member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I don't know its a tradition thing or what, but when I told someone that my bestfriend was my maid of honor and not my sister, they thought that was weird.  Has it always been tradition to have your sibling as your maid of honor?  Also I'm Asian and the amount of American weddings that I have been to can be counted on one hand. 

    So I didn't know that the bride and groom don't always have to pay for their own wedding, always thought it was that way.  That there was to be a bar of any kind whether, host or cash.  Asian weddings there is a bottle of Cognac, 2 liter of coke, sprite and club soda on every table and call that done. 

    I only saw the dollar dance once and that was two years ago and I thought it was hilarious when the groom had money sticking out his collar, sleeves and pants.  Yeah we were a bunch of joksters.  And I thought it normal to have registries with your invites.  I don't mind it that way, at least then I can be pointed in the right direction.  I usually just give money anyway. 
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    edited December 2011
    you too Lyn!
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    edited December 2011
    I have learned a lot from here just from being here for a few months! Not registering for a honeymoon fund is a big one, because my FFSIL (NEY) brought this idea up the other night to her parents and they responded "That sounds like such a good idea [insert name]". *facepalm*
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    marleylikeairmarleylikeair member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_things-learn-tk?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:895825f2-b473-4b63-8a5f-695d62c86ec1Post:4137ebac-e2f4-41b3-8587-938c22da5530">Re: Things You Learn on TK</a>:
    [QUOTE]Cate and Marley, you guys should come play
    Posted by SenoritaCupcake[/QUOTE]

    I want to, but I'm at work sitting less than 10 feet from my boss. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif" border="0" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" />
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_things-learn-tk?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:895825f2-b473-4b63-8a5f-695d62c86ec1Post:d5e766db-9db2-4a6c-a546-2beded129d2d">Re: Things You Learn on TK</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Things You Learn on TK : I want to, but I'm at work sitting less than 10 feet from my boss.
    Posted by marleylikeair[/QUOTE]

    lol! So Nusty Bolts is not okay but TK is?
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_things-learn-tk?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:895825f2-b473-4b63-8a5f-695d62c86ec1Post:3c574219-03b1-4119-a18f-ccff7025e661">Re: Things You Learn on TK</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Things You Learn on TK : I totally agree, Moo! I know it *might* be seen as rude to put that information in, and I'm still undecided about what I'll do someday. But seriously...there would be SO many people who, lacking registry information or having to go asking around for it, would go off-registry, and like you said, we'd end up with twelve toasters. <strong>The guests are bringing a gift because they want to, I'd hope, and want to get the couple something they'll use and enjoy. So why not make it easier on them to do just that?</strong> I would seriously consider doing a little insert card with driving directions and whatever other enclosures went along with the invite.
    Posted by marleylikeair[/QUOTE]
    Yup this is how I feel. We probably will be doing inserts with registry info. Hopefully the etiquette police don't find out :-O
    image
    Married! :) 5/19/12 The Domesticals

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    marleylikeairmarleylikeair member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_things-learn-tk?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:895825f2-b473-4b63-8a5f-695d62c86ec1Post:6c22d3c6-9106-4d35-b831-bc012fd72a7d">Re: Things You Learn on TK</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Things You Learn on TK : lol! So Nusty Bolts is not okay but TK is?
    Posted by SenoritaCupcake[/QUOTE]

    Well, there's really no rule, but I feel like the board is somewhat less conspicuous.<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" />
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    desertsundesertsun member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_things-learn-tk?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:895825f2-b473-4b63-8a5f-695d62c86ec1Post:3c574219-03b1-4119-a18f-ccff7025e661">Re: Things You Learn on TK</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Things You Learn on TK : I totally agree, Moo! I know it *might* be seen as rude to put that information in, and I'm still undecided about what I'll do someday. But seriously...there would be SO many people who, lacking registry information or having to go asking around for it, would go off-registry, and like you said, we'd end up with twelve toasters. The guests are bringing a gift because they want to, I'd hope, and want to get the couple something they'll use and enjoy. So why not make it easier on them to do just that? I would seriously consider doing a little insert card with driving directions and whatever other enclosures went along with the invite.
    Posted by marleylikeair[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Granted, we only invited about 100 people, but we did not include registry info, and we did not get a single duplicate.</div><div>
    </div><div>I also did not have a single problem returning/exchanging gifts even without gift receipts. </div><div>
    </div><div>So I don't think any of your above reasons are good enough justification for including registry info in your invitation. On your wedding website? Yes. When people ask? Fine. Just not in the invitation itself. Especially with the ease of locating registries online, I just don't see any good reason for putting that info in your invites.</div><div>
    </div><div>
    </div>
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    leia1979leia1979 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Cate, I read about it on here somewhere. I guess it's a tree you can clip money to.

    Lyn, I don't know if that's tradition or not. I've had three friends with a sister as their MOH, but I wouldn't think it's weird to have your best friend instead.

    Also, I haven't seen the cognac, but I have seen a couple bottles of wine and a couple 2-liter bottles of soda on the banquet table.  =)
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    meamollymeamolly member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I feel I am one of the only ones on the board who is going to have the dollar dance at my wedding once that day comes. I dont know if that makes me "trashy" or what. It has always been done in my family and social circle so I have never viewed it as wrong. Oh well...
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    marleylikeairmarleylikeair member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_things-learn-tk?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:895825f2-b473-4b63-8a5f-695d62c86ec1Post:f502ae61-fdb4-4843-b451-c161d6898657">Re: Things You Learn on TK</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Things You Learn on TK : Granted, we only invited about 100 people, but we did not include registry info, and we did not get a single duplicate. I also did not have a single problem returning/exchanging gifts even without gift receipts.  So I don't think any of your above reasons are good enough justification for including registry info in your invitation. On your wedding website? Yes. When people ask? Fine. Just not in the invitation itself. Especially with the ease of locating registries online, I just don't see any good reason for putting that info in your invites.
    Posted by desertsun[/QUOTE]

    I totally see your points. I also completely understand why it's considered rude. It's something I'm on the fence about and since I'm not really that close to an engagement at this point, it's not a big deal yet. I'm just musing.

    As a guest, I want to know where the registry is and that there is one at all. Yes, you can find this information by word-of-mouth, but what if I'm not close to anyone but the bride and/or groom? I'd feel awkward asking them directly, and even more awkward trying to come up with a way to ask someone else.

    As for finding registries online, I don't think it's as easy for everyone as you'd think. I can think of a handful of people right now who'd be on my guest list and just aren't that computer savvy. Besides, depending on the website, sometimes you have to get everything exactly right (spelling, etc) to pull something up.

    In the end, I would want to avoid offending anyone, definitely. Maybe if I did put inserts in, I'd be selective and put them in only for the people I thought might appreciate it. I dunno. The only reason I'd do it would be to make it easier on the guests. Again, just musing at this point anyway.
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    edited December 2011
    I think it is strange that 90% of the people posting here said they never thought twice about registry info being on invites, but it is considered rude by TK. I see both sides of this, but if it isn't an actual faux paus in actual society, what is the big deal?

    And what about old people who don't use the internet? There only option is to call a close family member, which might seem weird to them. 

    EDIT: I was talking to my mom while writing this and it was absolutely not coherent. FIXED

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    deburnindeburnin member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    The girls on E wouldn't like me. I have no issue with HM registries or registry inserts in invitations. 

    As I said before f I got an invitation (before coming here at least) that didn't have an insert I would have been confused. I would still prefer getting all the info about the wedding in one place and not needing to rely on word of mouth from other people invited. Then again I suck at picking out gifts. I wish people would use registries for their birthdays and housewarming parties too.
    ~*~Sept 2013 Siggy Challange - Then (2005) & Now (2012)~*~
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    Elle1036Elle1036 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    While we're on the subject of invites and registries:  is there a good way to let guests know in the invite that you don't want gifts?  Like an insert that says "your presence is gift enough" or something like that?  Or should that just be word of mouth too?
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_things-learn-tk?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:895825f2-b473-4b63-8a5f-695d62c86ec1Post:55db13a3-71fa-4f7b-b57c-f141f13fc78c">Re: Things You Learn on TK</a>:
    [QUOTE]While we're on the subject of invites and registries:  is there a good way to let guests know in the invite that you don't want gifts?  Like an insert that says "your presence is gift enough" or something like that?  Or should that just be word of mouth too?
    Posted by Elle1036[/QUOTE]

    No, there's not. Go by word of mouth.  Gifts of any kind shouldn't be mentioned on the invites.  The reasoning is that you should only be inviting people because you want them to share the day with you.  They aren't obligated to bring a gift and you shouldn't assume everyone will.  While I understand your good intentions, stating "No gifts please" is assuming that people are obligated to bring gifts.  That's why, according to etiquette, you shouldn't ever mention gifts in your invites (that goes for the inserts too).

    Really, it's not that hard to find registry information, and I've never felt awkward asking either the couple or other friends. 

    The only exception I'd make is for cultural weddings.  I know this is donely widely in South Asian circles.
    image
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    leia1979leia1979 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I received an inviation for a Chinese wedding (western ceremony and Chinese banquet) that mentioned something about the tradition of red envelopes (that are usually filled with cash, if you're not familiar with them). That's what we would have done for them anyway, but I thought it was weird to put it on the invitation.
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    motoLynmotoLyn member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_things-learn-tk?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:895825f2-b473-4b63-8a5f-695d62c86ec1Post:a1c778e1-0307-4560-b115-e0efc0b37fda">Re: Things You Learn on TK</a>:
    [QUOTE]I received an inviation for a Chinese wedding (western ceremony and Chinese banquet) that mentioned something about the tradition of red envelopes (that are usually filled with cash, if you're not familiar with them). That's what we would have done for them anyway, but I thought it was weird to put it on the invitation.
    Posted by leia1979[/QUOTE]


    I would have raised an eye brow to that myself.  I was worried about that issue when I get married, but since we decided on a DW wedding, we threw out the gift thing and agree that presence was gift enough.  Though next week is Chinese New Year and the little red money envelopes will be everywhere!  Too bad I'm too old to receive them and am at the age to give them out to youngins. 

    It isn't a Vietnamese wedding till there's 'Nac on the table ;-p
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_things-learn-tk?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:895825f2-b473-4b63-8a5f-695d62c86ec1Post:cce4a660-3b2c-4207-95bf-82734aba80f4">Re: Things You Learn on TK</a>:
    [QUOTE]I feel I am one of the only ones on the board who is going to have the dollar dance at my wedding once that day comes. I dont know if that makes me "trashy" or what. It has always been done in my family and social circle so I have never viewed it as wrong. Oh well...
    Posted by meamolly[/QUOTE]

    We'll be having it also. It is expected in my family :) So, we can be "trashy" together!
    ~~December 3, 2011~~
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    babybchbumbabybchbum member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_things-learn-tk?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:895825f2-b473-4b63-8a5f-695d62c86ec1Post:91c601dd-7050-4443-a80f-80a0736763d0">Things You Learn on TK</a>:
    [QUOTE]Have any of you learned of wedding traditions or practices on here that you never knew about?  Or looked at something totally different after being on here? Just today, I learned what a Jack and Jill party is, and I'm appalled!  Have any of you heard of this practice, when the bride and groom have a party where people buy tickets to attend, and they use that money towards their wedding???  There's a girl who is quite insistent that it's fine to sell tickets to anyone she's ever met, because it's no different than having a bridal shower.  Ugh!  *headdesk*
    Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

    This is the 1st I've ever heard of this.
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    heyimbrenheyimbren member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Hazel, engagement parties still aren't very common around here but there are stll a few.

    Most of the wedding etiquette I know is older, traditional stuff. Registries weren't common in my/my family's circle when I was growing up.
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    jemmini6jemmini6 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_things-learn-tk?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:895825f2-b473-4b63-8a5f-695d62c86ec1Post:55db13a3-71fa-4f7b-b57c-f141f13fc78c">Re: Things You Learn on TK</a>:
    [QUOTE]While we're on the subject of invites and registries:  is there a good way to let guests know in the invite that you don't want gifts?  Like an insert that says "your presence is gift enough" or something like that?  Or should that just be word of mouth too?
    Posted by Elle1036[/QUOTE]

    FI's grandma put "Please, no gifts" on their invites, but they really aren't doing a traditional wedding (and they are obviously older) so I don't think it's as 'off' that they have that on there.  It doesn't make it correct, per se, but I certainly don't find it off-putting either (I might be biased though, I love his grandma)
    Anniversary
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_things-learn-tk?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:895825f2-b473-4b63-8a5f-695d62c86ec1Post:2486a428-60e9-413d-8154-0805762dbac9">Re: Things You Learn on TK</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Things You Learn on TK : FI's grandma put "Please, no gifts" on their invites, but they really aren't doing a traditional wedding (and they are obviously older) so I don't think it's as 'off' that they have that on there. <strong> It doesn't make it correct, per se, but I certainly don't find it off-putting either</strong> (I might be biased though, I love his grandma)
    Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>This is exactly my point. Did any of us find registry info off putting, or in poor taste BEFORE you were on TK? Most of you said you didn't think anything of it. Wouldn't the majority of people have a better grasp on what people would be put off by rather than a rule book? 

    </div>

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    AudgiePodgeAudgiePodge member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_things-learn-tk?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:895825f2-b473-4b63-8a5f-695d62c86ec1Post:6659dec3-70f8-4f34-bffe-5362d3df0d5b">Re: Things You Learn on TK</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Things You Learn on TK : This is exactly my point. <strong>Did any of us find registry info off putting, or in poor taste BEFORE you were on TK?</strong> Most of you said you didn't think anything of it. Wouldn't the majority of people have a better grasp on what people would be put off by rather than a rule book? 
    Posted by SeaTea02[/QUOTE]

    <div>Me, but I'm kinda an etiquette snob with some things.</div>
    I'm not good at feelings.

    image
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_things-learn-tk?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:895825f2-b473-4b63-8a5f-695d62c86ec1Post:cce4a660-3b2c-4207-95bf-82734aba80f4">Re: Things You Learn on TK</a>:
    [QUOTE]I feel I am one of the only ones on the board who is going to have the dollar dance at my wedding once that day comes. I dont know if that makes me "trashy" or what. It has always been done in my family and social circle so I have never viewed it as wrong. Oh well...
    Posted by meamolly[/QUOTE]

    We call it the money dance here and we're going to do it.  Most of the weddings I've been to have had one and no one at the reception complained about it, they just don't go up to dance if they don't want to take part in it.  I was actually kind of bummed at a recent wedding that had it 'cause I forgot to put cash in my purse before I left the house.

    We told the coordinator at our reception venue that we want to give a Hershey's Kiss to everyone that dances with us in the money dance and she loved the idea so much that she's going to have baskets set out for us to put the kisses in and is going to suggest the idea to other couples.
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