Open bar poll

Acrosthec

I know cash bars are a big no-no in most places, if not all, but I was under the impression that offering beer and wine only was alright, and if there's a separate bar somewhere else at the venue and the guest is that determined to drink liquor that they'd go find it, they can pay for it themselves.  The church's wedding planner (who my mom has hired to help plan my entire wedding even though I told her it's not necessary - one of those lovely strings attached with not paying for our own wedding) convinced my mom this morning that it's tacky and rude to offer only beer and wine and make people pay for their own liquor if they want it, so now my mom is all up in arms about adding the liquor to the cost of the reception, and I was trying really hard to stay under the budget she set because I don't want to use it all if it's not necessary (and it's not!)

So the poll question is:  Is it tacky to provide guests with beer and wine only in the reception room, and if they want liquor they are welcome to walk down the hall at the club and order from the bar and pay for it themselves?  Or should alcohol at a wedding be an all-or-nothing deal?

katanne9

IMO if you have beer/wine open bar in your wedding that's very generous of you. Open bar is ridiculously expensive, so I totally understand your plight! If this "second bar" is in no way connected to your wedding, I don't really consider that a "cash bar", it's just going and buying liquor at another bar.

I do NOT like cash bars, but do not consider this to be a cash bar. This is a bar outside of your wedding.

IMO, I would talk to your mom and have her do some research. It's not tacky to not have an open bar and you shouldn't feel bad about not having one of you can't stay in your budget. If she is determined, maybe you could curb it to the cocktail hour? OR she can up her budget constraints for you.

jeanacorina

Tell your mom to come talk to US. Open bar beer/wine is NOT tacky--- 'cause I am doing it and you KNOW I ain't tacky!

Unless you count my cheap wine in the fridge.

Acrosthec

The bar is in the same building as the reception, but in a completely different room/area.  The "bar" with beer/wine would actually be more like a station set up in the reception area itself so guests could get a drink.

KD+BC

I think there are certain etiquette type things that were once a big deal and are now dying out. I agree with pps that if you are offering any sort of open bar you are generous. Maybe it's frowned upon by some but I don't have a problem with it. My feeling? Anyone who has a problem with a limited cash can feel free to pay for all the liquor!

desertsun

I've heard some people suggest having one or two "signature" drinks, in addition to beer and wine, instead of a full open bar. Would your mom be open to a compromise like that?

hetshup

I think that if you have a "bar" that you bring in and then charge, then that is tacky. However, if there happens to be a bar where non-wedding guests are ordering and paying for drinks, I don't see the issue. You are being awesome to offer anything, the planner needs to slow her roll. 

Unless Mom needs a gimlet or something, I think you are ok.

Ana_2985

I voted "not tacky" b/c, like pp said, you're not charging your guests to drink.  I think cash bars are very tacky, but I don't consider what you are suggesting to be a cash bar.

I also like the idea of having one or two signature drinks if it is something your budget allows.

Button5807

I've never been to a wedding around here that wasn't full open bar. I did however go to one up in New Hampshire that was wine only. No one seemed to have a problem with it except for me. Probably because I can't drink wine and the only alternative was bottled water that tasted like it was from a sewer. Had there been other options for me I probably wouldn't have even remembered it was wine only.

I don't think it's tacky to offer beer and wine only but I know that it absolutly would not fly with my family who can't manage a social gathering with out vodka. So I guess it would just depend on your guests.

kailss

i absolutely do NOT think that it's tacky to only offer beer and wine. it's about the 2 of you getting married and making a committment, not getting super blitzed at your reception for free.

loopy82

I do not think that it is tacky as we are offering limited beer and wine. We are shelling out a ton for the meal so the alcohol is getting limited. Don't get me wrong I would love to have a full open bar. You just have to do what will work for you. I agree with Kailss that your reception shouldn't be about your guests getting incredibly drunk. Some of them may even thank you the next day!

SarahPLiz

Host everything you can afford to host. We are doing beer and wine only. There is no "down the hall" for them to go to get the liquor, so its not hte same as your fate. The same principle applies, though. Your reception is in the room you are hosting it in, not down the hall or around the corner. If your guests don't want your free alcohol, they are weldome to leave to go get some, but as long as your reception is free to your guests, its not tacky.

yellowroseFRA

My sister had only beer and wine at her wedding, as a concession to the groom's strict teetotaler family, and not only did no one complain, but actually her college buddies managed to get pretty liqoured up. I think as long as you serve alcohol free in any form, you can't be called cheap, and those who are hardcore partiers will be happy to drink whatever you're pouring!

PaigeMcC

I think it's very generous of you to offer beer and wine...around here open bars are a rarity!! Usually (around here)you get wine with dinner and anything else you want = cash bar.  So I wouldn't sweat it! People should be happy to be there and share your day, free booze (wine, beer or other) is a bonus! If they're really not happy with your choice, they can haul their butt down the hall and get their own booze

Acrosthec

Thanks for all the replies!  I knew what I was planning couldn't be *that* horrific. 

Unfortunately, what I was planning was not on the sheet from the reception venue that I received when I got home last night (that my mom and the wedding planner received earlier that day, hence the freak-out that I didn't understand where their remarks were coming from.)  What the reception venue had written on our estimate was "hosted bar - beer/wine" and then underneath it "cash bar - liquor," as if they were going to be in the same room!  I had a mini-heart attack and then called my mom and apologized and told her I'd call the reception venue and fix it today.  Apparently the problem occurred because when I told the venue "we will have beer/wine open, and if the guests want liquor they can pay for it themselves at the bar down the hall" that translated into just "we will have beer/wine open, and if the guests want liquor they can pay for it themselves and you guys can just set up a table in the reception hall because there is no option for people who aren't members of the club to use the bar down the hall."  YIKES!

So yea, we're running the numbers to see if we can add in the liquor, because I think it would be a nice touch.  The liquor drinks are only $1 more per drink than wine/beer at this place, and in my experience, if people are drinking to get drunk (which I know some will, but I'm hoping they'll still have a good time and not just drink themselves into oblivion), they're going to drink LOADS more wine/beer than they will liquor, so maybe it'll all even out, or at least be negligible.  If it's a big change in budget, we're just going with a hosted beer/wine bar, and not even telling people about the bar down the hall (since they can't use it apparently).  So...lots of stress with my mom over a misunderstanding with the reception venue.  ::sigh:: 

jeanacorina

lol, silly things. Speaking of mom stress- boy, do I have a mom story to tell....

kkchisholm

I thougth the whole situation was completely fine until I read "walk down to the club"... thats kinda tacky.

BTW- I have never ever been to a wedding with an open bar here. ever.

desertsun

I didn't realize there was such variationd depending on your area! It's mostly full open bars here, in my experience.

Acrosthec

KK, I said "walk down the hall at the club," not "walk down to the club." 

What you said makes it sound as if I was expecting guests to walk to a different building or something, which yes, I agree, would be tacky. 

What I actually meant, and perhaps I should've made it clearer by elaborating, was that the reception venue is the ballroom of a country club.  There is a bar in another room of the country club that is literally less than a 15 second walk from the ballroom where I thought guests could go to get liquor drinks. 

Of course, that assumption was wrong, so now it's a moot point anyway.  We'll either have an open bar with beer/wine only or full open if it doesn't bust the budget.

Goldlie11

I voted but didn't write anything until now.  Your idea is fine.  I would only go with full open bar if  you know that you guests are heavy drinkers.  The way that a lot of venues charge for open bar only ends up being a bargain if you have many heavy drinkers.  If you are having second thoughts about strictly wine and beer, I definitely suggest a signature drink ( I realize someone else said this, I'm just agreeing).