Not Engaged Yet

IS IT WRONG??

2

Re: IS IT WRONG??

  • edited December 2011
    Technically, it's not wrong.  However, if you are engaged without a ring, will you be actively planning?  Or do you two just want to refer to each other as fiance/fiancee?  No ring, no date, no active planning, doesn't really mean engaged in my book.  
  • SKP82SKP82 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_wrong-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:97d3488f-6d0b-41e4-8bd9-8ba8d63fec4dPost:233cfecf-ca07-4c28-b336-7e0230020162">Re: IS IT WRONG??</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: IS IT WRONG?? : Yeah my fiance wants me to have the best engagement ring too!  All thats holding him back is my attitude as you can see its kinda bad!
    Posted by iloveguero09[/QUOTE]

    OMG!!!


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  • PaigeMcCPaigeMcC member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    An engagement is an agreement to get married.  So if he asked and you said yes then you're engaged - ring or not.

    And please get an education and live a little before jumping in to marriage.  Things change a lot between 18 and 25.

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  • polkadot111polkadot111 member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If I had your attitude, my fiance wouldn't want to marry me either


    Most people come on here saying, "I"M MATURE FOR MY AGE!!! I WANNA BE MURREEEEED!" This is quite the change.
    Used to be bourgehm. +1,500 posts. Silly knot
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_wrong-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:97d3488f-6d0b-41e4-8bd9-8ba8d63fec4dPost:97fec313-3ad8-4e78-9391-c5a0ab768738">Re: IS IT WRONG??</a>:
    [QUOTE]If I had your attitude, my fiance wouldn't want to marry me either Most people come on here saying, "I"M MATURE FOR MY AGE!!! I WANNA BE MURREEEEED!" This is quite the change.
    Posted by polkadot111[/QUOTE]
    yea im figuring that out here lately i wouldnt wana marry my self either
  • polkadot111polkadot111 member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You know what? It's actually wonderful that you realize that you do have an attitude problem and do need to change it.

    Do you see a counselor? I know, counseling always gets suggested here. But, it really would help you.

    Also, you said that your fiance is held back about buying an engagement ring because of your attitude. Are you sure he's ready to be engaged? If he does not want to buy you an engagement ring because of your attitude, maybe he's trying to say that he is not ready to be engaged yet. Which means he's not your fiance, he's your boyfriend. BOTH people need to agree to be married, not just one of you, in order to be 'engaged'.
    Used to be bourgehm. +1,500 posts. Silly knot
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  • heyimbrenheyimbren member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My honest advice is that you both slow down with this engagement/wedding talk. It sounds like you both agree that some other things need to be ironed out first; whether it's school, attitude, finances, whatever. Slow it down. Enjoy being with each other, and stop focusing on a wedding/engagement altogether.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_wrong-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:97d3488f-6d0b-41e4-8bd9-8ba8d63fec4dPost:a86db7a3-1e2c-432d-9e12-d3c501243d80">Re: IS IT WRONG??</a>:
    [QUOTE]You know what? It's actually wonderful that you realize that you do have an attitude problem and do need to change it. Do you see a counselor? I know, counseling always gets suggested here. But, it really would help you. Also, you said that your fiance is held back about buying an engagement ring because of your attitude. Are you sure he's ready to be engaged? If he does not want to buy you an engagement ring because of your attitude, maybe he's trying to say that he is not ready to be engaged yet. Which means he's not your fiance, he's your boyfriend. BOTH people need to agree to be married, not just one of you, in order to be 'engaged'.
    Posted by polkadot111[/QUOTE]
    no i used to go to a counselor 
  • lunarsongbirdlunarsongbird member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
  • edited December 2011
    Seriously, don't look at budgets if you're not even certain your engaged. Focus on school and preparing yourself for marriage (which includes losing the attitude...)!
    When you love someone, you can tell. When you're in love with someone, everyone else can tell.
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  • polkadot111polkadot111 member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Don't even think about a budget!! You aren't even certain you're engaged. Focus on school and improving yourself apart from your boyfriend/fiance/whatever. Two broken people don't make one good couple. Help yourself improve (you mentioned your attitude), before you even think about budgets for your wedding.
    Used to be bourgehm. +1,500 posts. Silly knot
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_wrong-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:97d3488f-6d0b-41e4-8bd9-8ba8d63fec4dPost:f61b53a3-a442-4b09-a401-d2400141448c">Re: IS IT WRONG??</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: IS IT WRONG?? : and how is that?? Thank you but i am literate!
    Posted by iloveguero09[/QUOTE]

    <div>This is what you said: </div><div>
    </div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span">"sorry but i can read an write! im not stupid like all of ya'll of you women are trying to make me seem!"</span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span">
    </span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span">Read it a few times. If it still looks correct to you, pay more attention in English class next week. </span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span">
    </span></div><div><font face="Arial" class="Apple-style-span"><span style="font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span">This is what it SHOULD have said: </span></font></div><div><font face="Arial" class="Apple-style-span"><span style="font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span">
    </span></font></div><div><font face="Arial" class="Apple-style-span"><span style="font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span"><strong>S</strong>orry<strong>,</strong> but <strong>I</strong> can read an<strong>d</strong> write! <strong>I'</strong>m not stupid like all of you women are trying to make me seem!</span></font></div><div><font face="Arial" class="Apple-style-span"><span style="font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span">
    </span></font></div><div><font face="Arial" class="Apple-style-span"><span style="font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span">For the record, "all of y'all" is saying "all of you all" -- and it is Y'ALL. </span></font></div><div><font face="Arial" class="Apple-style-span"><span style="font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span">
    </span></font></div><div><font face="Arial" class="Apple-style-span"><span style="font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span">But I digress... </span></font></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span">
    </span></div>

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  • edited December 2011
    Oh my god ok so i made a mistake on some writing so what god damn ya'll act like ya'll are so perfect at writing so what if i made mistake man if thats all you women are going to do is pick every little thing that im doing wrong on these posts dont even bother writing.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_wrong-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:97d3488f-6d0b-41e4-8bd9-8ba8d63fec4dPost:de0b556c-93fe-49d4-87a3-d11b2545656c">Re: IS IT WRONG??</a>:
    [QUOTE]Oh my god ok so i made a mistake on some writing so what god damn ya'll act like ya'll are so perfect at writing so what if i made mistake man if thats all you women are going to do is pick every little thing that im doing wrong on these posts dont even bother writing.
    Posted by iloveguero09[/QUOTE]
    The whole point is that you are young and not finished with school.  You need to work on your academic skills and not focus on marriage.  
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_wrong-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:97d3488f-6d0b-41e4-8bd9-8ba8d63fec4dPost:de0b556c-93fe-49d4-87a3-d11b2545656c">Re: IS IT WRONG??</a>:
    [QUOTE]Oh my god ok so i made a mistake on some writing so what god damn ya'll act like ya'll are so perfect at writing so what if i made mistake man if thats all you women are going to do is pick every little thing that im doing wrong on these posts dont even bother writing.
    Posted by iloveguero09[/QUOTE]

    <div><a href="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/7/12/57fd7f2d-81a7-417b-bcc1-68d93571d00b.large.jpg" title="Click to view a larger photo" onclick="return gSiteLife.LoadForumPage('ForumImage', 'plckPhotoId', '57fd7f2d-81a7-417b-bcc1-68d93571d00b', 'plckRedirectUrl', gSiteLife.EscapeValue(window.location.href));" class="PhotoLink"><img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/7/12/57fd7f2d-81a7-417b-bcc1-68d93571d00b.medium.jpg" alt="" /></a></div><div>
    </div><div>This is a public message board and you don't get to dictate who writes back to you or what they say. Sorry peaches. </div><div>
    </div><div>That is one impressive run on sentence. </div>

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  • SKP82SKP82 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    LOL @ Lunar's pic.  Awesomeness.
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    "Life is not orderly. No matter how we try to make life so, right in the middle of it we die, lose a leg, fall in love, drop a jar of applesauce." - Natalie Goldberg
  • Elle1036Elle1036 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    My soul itches.
  • edited December 2011
    Is this girl serious??
     




  • edited December 2011
    I really hope this is MUD.  When I was 18, marriage was the last thing on my mind.  I have a couple of family members that got married young (~20 years old).  Even the ones that are still married wished that they had waited.  They never got to live alone and really regret that.  Why jump into marriage?
  • polkadot111polkadot111 member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I dont' think it is mud.
    Used to be bourgehm. +1,500 posts. Silly knot
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  • edited December 2011
    Wow. If I corrected all of OP's grammatical errors, it would take forever. Sorry OP, but you can't say that you're literate and make errors at the same time. It just isn't very convincing.

    On the flip side, I don't think age is necessarily a factor in determining if one is ready for marriage, especially since people used to get married a lot sooner than they do now. The main factor here is maturity. Some 18 year olds are quite mature enough to get married, while others on the other hand . . . . well, you get the point.

    Have a nice day!
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  • ravenrayravenray member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    These ladies are very wise. Trust me, I am not much older then you and about 6 months ago I was all gung-ho to get married.  After lurking and being told to calm down and focus on becoming my own person (well that is what they told other people my age.  I tend to not post so much) I realized that they were right.  So I calmed down much to my BF relief.  Our relationship is great, I couldn't be happier.  Would I like to be married?  Yes, but it is more realistic to focus on school and life.  Part of being an adult I think is learning patients. 
    "Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained"-C.S. Lewis

    Married! May 27th, 2012

  • crash2729crash2729 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Lunarsongbird, I LOVE that pic. That is awesome.
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  • Wrkn925Wrkn925 member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Yes, OP, underlining and bolding your statement made the run-on one-sentence post MUCH better.
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  • peekaboo2011peekaboo2011 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011

    WHY do I always miss the good stuff?!

    OP - I've been reading your other posts.  If I were your BF, I wouldn't be in any rush to marry you.  In fact, I'd probably have been out the door about 6 months ago.  You are controlling.  You're 18.  And you have no concept of what appropriate is.


    You need to focus on school.  You have a 3 year old?  Why the hell wouldn't you want to set a good example for him?  You want to tell him that it's okay to get a girl pregnant at 15 and then have her not even finish school?  You should want to show him that both you and your BF had the sense to finish school, maybe even get a college education.  My mom got pregnant in undergrad with me, and took me to her chem labs when my grandparents' couldn't watch me.  It's hard, but it can be done.

    School needs to be the first thing on your mind.  You said you couldn't go to school?  BULLSHIT.  I'm calling you out.  NO ONE is going to deny someone their education in this country.  They don't care if you're 80 years old and don't have your high school diploma.  It's NEVER too late to go back.  Get your butt to school.

    After you've at the very least got your HS diploma, look at getting a damned job.  Seriously.  Once you and your BF have degrees and jobs, then look at getting engaged and married.

    Sheesus.

    I french with my man
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  • ravenrayravenray member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Wow Peek.  Good job on digging up some good stuff..... 
    OP- listen to peek.  She is smart and totally right.  Finishing school is important why you may be able to get a job now you may not be able to get one in 30 years.  So finish school, be a good mother, and put a big hold on the marriage train wreck. 
    "Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained"-C.S. Lewis

    Married! May 27th, 2012

  • MLekathLEENMLekathLEEN member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_wrong-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:97d3488f-6d0b-41e4-8bd9-8ba8d63fec4dPost:9f3f1ec1-4925-443b-9af2-0e0872f8c557">Re: IS IT WRONG??</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yes, OP, underlining and bolding your statement made the run-on one-sentence post MUCH better.
    Posted by Wrkn925[/QUOTE]

    It was to further prove her point that she writes good... DUH!!
  • edited December 2011
    I'm coming into this late but I'll give it a shot -

    Yes, it is okay to be engaged without a ring.  However, that requires a mutual agreement between both people.  If you're not planning, haven't agreed that you're getting married within a set timeline, and don't have a ring, you're not engaged if you ask me.

    OP - Please consider this:  If your BF cannot financially provide you with a ring, you probably shouldn't be planning a wedding.  If the two of you cannot support yourselves without the help of either of your parents, you probably should be engaged or planning a wedding.  If you can't control your attitude when grown women give you honest advice on a message board which responds to the question that you asked, then you're probably not mature enough to be married.
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  • Ollie08Ollie08 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_wrong-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:97d3488f-6d0b-41e4-8bd9-8ba8d63fec4dPost:42547ac7-53ec-4a35-ba82-f0520462433c">Re: IS IT WRONG??</a>:
    [QUOTE]WHY do I always miss the good stuff?! OP - I've been reading your other posts.  If I were your BF, I wouldn't be in any rush to marry you.  In fact, I'd probably have been out the door about 6 months ago.  You are controlling.  You're 18.  And you have no concept of what appropriate is. You need to focus on school.  You have a 3 year old?  Why the hell wouldn't you want to set a good example for him?  You want to tell him that it's okay to get a girl pregnant at 15 and then have her not even finish school?  You should want to show him that both you and your BF had the sense to finish school, maybe even get a college education.  My mom got pregnant in undergrad with me, and took me to her chem labs when my grandparents' couldn't watch me.  It's hard, but it can be done. School needs to be the first thing on your mind.  You said you couldn't go to school?  BULLSHIT.  I'm calling you out.  NO ONE is going to deny someone their education in this country.  They don't care if you're 80 years old and don't have your high school diploma.  It's NEVER too late to go back.  Get your butt to school. After you've at the very least got your HS diploma, look at getting a damned job.  Seriously.  Once you and your BF have degrees and jobs, then look at getting engaged and married. Sheesus.
    Posted by peekaboo2011[/QUOTE]

    This. All of this.

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