female point of view

Denise91980

aegrish

I wore a 'wedding' gown (or what was supposed to look like one) for halloween one year when I was like 6.  That sure as heck didn't make me a bride.

jadabride

OK.  I get the sense many of you don't think I should use the term bride to describe myself.  I don't want to get caught up in semantics.  I just feel like a bride since I'll be shopping for a gown in a bridal shop, picking out bridal shoes, getting hair, nails and makeup done, and having bridal photos taken.  I will think of myself as a bride while all this is happening.

midgetthemighty

If my FI said he wanted to make a habit out of wearing womens clothing or that he wanted to get a wedding dress and all the trimmings, I would either a) laugh because that would be completely out of character for him or b) think he lost a bet with his best friend (he teases him all the time about when he's going to get his wedding dress). But as everyone else has said, if you and your wife are okay with this...go for it. If I saw you in a bridal salon looking for your own dress though, I would think you were gay. Nothing wrong with that, I'm just saying that's where my mind would go.

Celles

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_female-point-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:05b730e2-c2a3-4c52-b7f8-e968efa0b0e5Post:3ecde8f3-ffd0-43b2-bf8e-904b0dc299ba">Re: female point of view</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to female point of view : If my FI told me he wanted a wedding gown, I would tell him to find himself a groom.
Posted by dragonwagon[/QUOTE]

MUD or not, this comment strikes me rather ignorant.  Transvestites are by definition heterosexual.  If the OP <em>is</em> real, then he's fortunate to have a wife who supports him and allows him to indulge in his fantasy.

I do think it's a little awkward to bring Internet strangers into the fantasy though, OP.  This is a wedding planning site, and you aren't planning a wedding; you're planning a photo shoot.  I am fairly nonjudgmental when it comes to sex (for reasons that are largely TMI :p), but I can't help but feel as if you're using us as props in a fantasy you're acting out with your wife.  If you were planning a real wedding that would be one thing, but this is just a reenactment so many of these posts feel disingenuous to me.

But, to answer your question: I have no problem with crossdressing in general, but I am attracted to dominant men so it would be a turn-off for me. It's not something I would be comfortable with in my relationship.

aegrish

Celles said it the best!!

marriedfilingjointly

You realize we can see all your old posts, right?  You didn't get any negative reaction when you just said you were a man looking for a wedding dress, so you came back and upped the ante when you saw what does and doesn't get the boards fired up.  Lame.  At least come back with a different screen name next time. 

jadabride

I didn't come back with a different screen name because I'm not trying to start things up or be sneaky.  I am real.  I posted several items about my dress, nails, etc, genuinely looking for advice/input.

Also, I understand this is a wedding planning site.  I have specifically posted most of my items in chit chat rather than bridal attire so that I didn't get in the way of the brides to be using the site.

aegrish

brides 2 be use CC board too...

marriedfilingjointly

You guys smell that?


Smells like bull. 

jadabride

I understand that brides to be also use the chit chat section.  I just thought since this section was more to talk about anything in general, I'd bring up my question getting people's opinions about crossdressing. 

I just wanted to feel like part of the bridal community - again, absolutely no intent to create any problems.  I wasn't looking to start any flames.  I don't think I've given any angry responses or looked to start arguments.  I'm just a "bride to be" starting a conversation on a topic of interest in the chit chat section.

aegrish

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_female-point-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:05b730e2-c2a3-4c52-b7f8-e968efa0b0e5Post:e74d4e0f-d0a5-4c0e-9f4f-dad5cc7d6ef6">Re: female point of view</a>:
[QUOTE]I understand that brides to be also use the chit chat section.  I just thought since this section was more to talk about anything in general, I'd bring up my question getting people's opinions about crossdressing.  I just wanted to feel like part of the bridal community - again, absolutely no intent to create any problems.  I wasn't looking to start any flames.  I don't think I've given any angry responses or looked to start arguments. <strong> I'm just a "bride to be"</strong> starting a conversation on a topic of interest in the chit chat section.
Posted by jadabride[/QUOTE]

Are you engaged? did you read the PP?  you are not a bride to be.  you are not a bride. I am not going to apologize for telling you that because it's true.  It has nothing to do with your sex or gender.  it has everything to do with you not being ENGAGED and planning a wedding.

maratea

You are not a bride to be because you are already married. You are a person who's going to be wearing a bridal gown and bridal accessories. And yes, I would say this same thing to a woman too. Just because you have a penis doesn't mean you are exempt from being flamed/called out on MUD.

jadabride

I am shopping for a wedding gown, just like a bride.  I am going to get bridal shoes, just like a bride.  I will be getting jewelry with my gown, just like a bride.  I will be getting my hair, nails and makeup done, just like a bride.  I will have photos taken of me as a bride.  Why can't I refer to myself as a bride?

Denise91980

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_female-point-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:05b730e2-c2a3-4c52-b7f8-e968efa0b0e5Post:f7255712-8076-4d2a-8b2b-8df15338beea">Re: female point of view</a>:
[QUOTE]You realize we can see all your old posts, right?  You didn't get any negative reaction when you just said you were a man looking for a wedding dress, so you came back and upped the ante when you saw what does and doesn't get the boards fired up.  Lame.  At least come back with a different screen name next time. 
Posted by marriedfilingjointly[/QUOTE]

Exactly this! It is not like he/she did it once, but almost every post talks about how he is a "married man" looking for his pretty pretty princess day. This is exactly why I think it is MUD. I also agree with much of what Celles said. What people do in their bedroom and who they choose to love and marry is completely up to them. We are all humans and deserve to marry and love whoever we want (unfortunately not according to most laws, but IMO). If this truly were a cross-dressing man who is married, I wouldn't have an issue with that. I just feel like OP is a troll with MUD trying to stir up a good thread. Otherwise, why the need to constantly reiterate I am a married man looking for a pretty pretty princess day like my wife had!

Personally I am not attracted to this type of man, but there are women that are. To each his own. If DH came to me telling me that after our wedding, he wanted to spend a few thousand dollars to have a pretty princess day of his own, I would have a problem with that because we already had a wedding and we are trying to save for a house...aside from the fact that I wouldn't be attracted to him if he was into wearing women's clothes, nails, hair and shoes.

aghouston86

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_female-point-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:05b730e2-c2a3-4c52-b7f8-e968efa0b0e5Post:e4d58cbe-e109-4369-b4e9-3d4e8f1321c3">Re: female point of view</a>:
[QUOTE]I am shopping for a wedding gown, just like a bride.  I am going to get bridal shoes, just like a bride.  I will be getting jewelry with my gown, just like a bride.  I will be getting my hair, nails and makeup done, just like a bride.  I will have photos taken of me as a bride.  Why can't I refer to myself as a bride?
Posted by jadabride[/QUOTE]

<div>You can refer to yourself however you want. What PP are saying is that because you are already married, and not having a wedding, technical speaking you are not a bride. Would it phase me either way that you refer to yourself that way. Hell to the no. Some people are just dead set on drilling that notion into your head, and letting you know that fantasy dress up day does not equal a brides wedding experience. </div><div>
</div><div>Honestly I think its refreshing that you and you wife are open, and that she is accepting of this. Good for you two :)</div>

maratea

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_female-point-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:05b730e2-c2a3-4c52-b7f8-e968efa0b0e5Post:e4d58cbe-e109-4369-b4e9-3d4e8f1321c3">Re: female point of view</a>:
[QUOTE]I am shopping for a wedding gown, just like a bride.  I am going to get bridal shoes, just like a bride.  I will be getting jewelry with my gown, just like a bride.  I will be getting my hair, nails and makeup done, just like a bride.  I will have photos taken of me as a bride.  Why can't I refer to myself as a bride?
Posted by jadabride[/QUOTE]
I could do all of this too. But I would still just be a person in bridal attire. Why? Because I'm already married and past my time as a bride. I'm a wife, spouse, better-half, whatever you'd like to call it. But not a bride.

aegrish

being a bride has nothing to do with attire.  It has everything to do with being engaged and getting married.  A bride can show up in jeans and a tshirt. she's still a bride.  Not all brides get their hair done and go all out for attire, and getting your hair done and going all out for attire doesn't make you a bride.

jadabride

I even put "bride to be" in the quotation marks last time to try to help.  Being a bride is a fantasy of mine, and that is why I'm buying the pretty dress.

I think of myself as a bride since I'm going to buy and wear a wedding gown.  I'm going to feel like a bride, and think of myself as a bride.

Celles

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_female-point-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:05b730e2-c2a3-4c52-b7f8-e968efa0b0e5Post:e74d4e0f-d0a5-4c0e-9f4f-dad5cc7d6ef6">Re: female point of view</a>:
[QUOTE]I understand that brides to be also use the chit chat section.  I just thought since this section was more to talk about anything in general, I'd bring up my question getting people's opinions about crossdressing.  <strong>I just wanted to feel like part of the bridal community</strong> - again, absolutely no intent to create any problems.  I wasn't looking to start any flames.  I don't think I've given any angry responses or looked to start arguments.  I'm just a "bride to be" starting a conversation on a topic of interest in the chit chat section.
Posted by jadabride[/QUOTE]

This is exactly what I was referring to.  You are married man looking to <em>roleplay </em>as a bride.  That's fine as long as it happens within the context of your own relationship and between consenting adults; no one is judging you for that!  But when you take it to a public message board like this, you use real people who have not consented to participate in your fantasy as props in said fantasy.  You have to expect that that is going to make some people uncomfortable or cause them to doubt your motives.

redheadfsu

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_female-point-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:05b730e2-c2a3-4c52-b7f8-e968efa0b0e5Post:e4d58cbe-e109-4369-b4e9-3d4e8f1321c3">Re: female point of view</a>:
[QUOTE]I am shopping for a wedding gown, just like a bride.  I am going to get bridal shoes, just like a bride.  I will be getting jewelry with my gown, just like a bride.  I will be getting my hair, nails and makeup done, just like a bride.  I will have photos taken of me as a bride.  <strong>Why can't I refer to myself as a bride?
</strong>Posted by jadabride[/QUOTE]

Because you are not getting married (you are already married). A bride (or groom)is someone who is planning/having a wedding. You are not.

Same logic for the vow renewal vs. wedding debate.

edit: Your fantasy is being a bride, then assuming this is a fetish/sex thing. Which is fine, but why invite people to discuss your personal fantasy like this? Really, this isn't the type of place for this.

jadabride

So if I were getting my vows renewed in a wedding gown, I still couldn't refer to myself as a bride?

redheadfsu

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_female-point-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:05b730e2-c2a3-4c52-b7f8-e968efa0b0e5Post:49d0a6c5-6277-4be7-baad-ee71b92f7e1a">Re: female point of view</a>:
[QUOTE]So if I were getting my vows renewed in a wedding gown, I still couldn't refer to myself as a bride?
Posted by jadabride[/QUOTE]

Correct. As a vow renewal is not a wedding. A bride is a single person getting married. A bride does not equal white dress (that is demeaning IMO). It is someone getting married. You are already married. A bride can be in a T-shirt & jeans.

aghouston86

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_female-point-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:05b730e2-c2a3-4c52-b7f8-e968efa0b0e5Post:49d0a6c5-6277-4be7-baad-ee71b92f7e1a">Re: female point of view</a>:
[QUOTE]So if I were getting my vows renewed in a wedding gown, I still couldn't refer to myself as a bride?
Posted by jadabride[/QUOTE]
You can "refer" to yourself however you want, if that's what makes you happy, but in reality you are not a bride due to the PP's explanations.

Audrey&Austin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_female-point-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:05b730e2-c2a3-4c52-b7f8-e968efa0b0e5Post:49d0a6c5-6277-4be7-baad-ee71b92f7e1a">Re: female point of view</a>:
[QUOTE]So if I were getting my vows renewed in a wedding gown, I still couldn't refer to myself as a bride?
Posted by jadabride[/QUOTE]
No. Because you aren't a bride. You are already married.

Celles

I'm a little disturbed by the fact that you're hung up on semantics and ignoring the larger ethical issue of whether or not it's appropriate to draft Internet strangers into your sexual fantasy.

maratea

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_female-point-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:05b730e2-c2a3-4c52-b7f8-e968efa0b0e5Post:1d338835-8d95-4712-bd9b-78b5a2242092">Re: female point of view</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm a little disturbed by the fact that you're hung up on semantics and ignoring the larger ethical issue of whether or not it's appropriate to draft Internet strangers into your sexual fantasy.
Posted by Celles[/QUOTE]
In Jada world, yes. Yes it is. Maybe that's part of the fantasy. It's like we're the audience at the ceremony.

NcsuPsych

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_female-point-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:05b730e2-c2a3-4c52-b7f8-e968efa0b0e5Post:8bf07a20-1dde-430c-91dc-0a7649203eb1">Re: female point of view</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: female point of view : In Jada world, yes. Yes it is. Maybe that's part of the fantasy. It's like we're the audience at the ceremony.
Posted by maratea[/QUOTE]

If that's the case I think we should all get great food and amazing cake.
I have to agree though, this is rather disturbing.

jadabride

I misused the term "fantasy".  I meant it more as something I had dreamed of for a long time, just like the brides on this site.

If the issue with the term "bride" is because I'm already married, I can understand that. 

MyNameIsNot

Let me guess.  Your mother painted your toenails neon pink when you were 6, didn't she?  

Honestly, I don't think I would really care if my husband wanted to cross dress.  It's not my thing, but it doesn't phase me either.  But I would get pretty pissed off if he wanted to spend thousands of dollars on a Vera Wang gown, not even for a wedding.  That's an extreme waste of money, IMHO.  If my husband decides he wants to wear a wedding dress, he can wear mine.