Chit Chat

female point of view

I am a married male, and am in the process of shopping for a wedding gown for myself.  My wife is great, and has encouraged me to do this.  I know I'm very lucky, but just wanted to get a feel for other females' thoughts.  How would you react if your fiancee told you he liked to wear female clothing?
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Re: female point of view

  • I applaud you and your wife for sharing fantasies and being GGG, as Dan Savage would say. I think that is so important in a relationship, and if you two find something that you both enjoy, that is awesome.

    That being said, this isn't something that would really "do it" for me, so to speak, so I can't say I would be too happy about it. I also would not be happy that he hid that from me for so long.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_female-point-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:05b730e2-c2a3-4c52-b7f8-e968efa0b0e5Post:d55200b8-456b-40cc-8b05-9591bfd03c98">female point of view</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am a married male, and am in the process of shopping for a wedding gown for myself.  My wife is great, and has encouraged me to do this.  I know I'm very lucky, but just wanted to get a feel for other females' thoughts.  How would you react if your fiancee told you he liked to wear female clothing?
    Posted by jadabride[/QUOTE]

    I'm confused. If you're married, why do you need a wedding gown?
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
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  • I guess to keep on the same page, let's assume your fiance/husband told you about it early in the dating game, so he didn't keep any secrets from you.  How would you feel strictly about him liking to dress up.

    pp - my wife knows I loved looking through the wedding magazines with her, and told her a few times I was "jealous" that she got to go through the bridal process and I couldn't.  She has now suggested I go through the process and search for my dream dress.  I will get bridal photos taken after I get my dress.
  • Ah, well, the bridal portrait makes sense. 

    It's not my cup of tea so if my H had brought this up to me, there would definitely be a serious discussion. I'd rather know about it ahead of time so that I could work through it before I said I Do vs. finding out after the fact.

    That's great that your wife is being so supportive.

    Are you the guy yesterday in the acrylic nails thread? If so, you should really consider something else, even if it's a nice manicure with French or American tip polish.  Acrylics tear up your nails and it takes months and months to grow out the mess.  Not worth it for a photo shoot.
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
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    06.10.10

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_female-point-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:05b730e2-c2a3-4c52-b7f8-e968efa0b0e5Post:d55200b8-456b-40cc-8b05-9591bfd03c98">female point of view</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am a married male, and am in the process of shopping for a wedding gown for myself.  My wife is great, and has encouraged me to do this.  I know I'm very lucky, but just wanted to get a feel for other females' thoughts.  <strong>How would you react if your fiancee told you he liked to wear female clothing?</strong>
    Posted by jadabride[/QUOTE]

    To be honest, I don't know what I would do. I don't really know if I'd have a fiance anymore after that. I don't have an issue with that in general, people can do as they wish. But it would certainly feel like I was betrayed by not having known about that.
  • Maybe I am thinking too deeply into it but I feel like this is MUD
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  • For me, I think it would depend on the kind of clothing. For example, I think that skinny jeans are more of a feminine article of clothing, but I wouldn't care if FI wore them. Hell, he could wear certain skirts and I'll pass it off as a kilt Tongue out He loves looking at dresses with me, but only because he likes to picture me in them...If he wanted to wear a dress himself, I would be a little concerned.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_female-point-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:05b730e2-c2a3-4c52-b7f8-e968efa0b0e5Post:dfc31f99-752f-43fa-9917-2291832958b0">Re: female point of view</a>:
    [QUOTE]Maybe I am thinking too deeply into it but I feel like this is MUD
    Posted by Denise91980[/QUOTE]


    I can't help but to think the same thing. But, you never know...
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  • I'm sorry, what does MUD mean?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_female-point-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:05b730e2-c2a3-4c52-b7f8-e968efa0b0e5Post:dfc31f99-752f-43fa-9917-2291832958b0">Re: female point of view</a>:
    [QUOTE]Maybe I am thinking too deeply into it but I feel like this is MUD
    Posted by Denise91980[/QUOTE]

    I was waiting for someone to say it first. Agreed.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_female-point-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:05b730e2-c2a3-4c52-b7f8-e968efa0b0e5Post:271beaf4-c2be-4ee4-a512-4f0aabfeb5f6">Re: female point of view</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm sorry, what does MUD mean?
    Posted by jadabride[/QUOTE]

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  • In all honestly, I don't think I could date someone who liked to dress up  as the opposite sex. I would wonder whether they were possibly gay & unsure about their sexuality. Not saying that it means you are gay, just saying I would wonder which would make me question the relationship.

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  • It's MUD. He/she started a thread the other day about Vera Wang and didn't get any controversial replies, so he/she tried again.

    Lame.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_female-point-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:05b730e2-c2a3-4c52-b7f8-e968efa0b0e5Post:75bbb861-64f2-46a3-8ce0-6a7a9bb87125">Re: female point of view</a>:
    [QUOTE]It's MUD. He/she started a thread the other day about Vera Wang and didn't get any controversial replies, so he/she tried again. Lame.
    Posted by Ghoti[/QUOTE]

    That is exactly what I was thinking. Someone who continuously goes out of their way to announce in every post, " I am a man looking for my pretty pretty princess day, and a wedding gown with white stockings and acrylic nails." I feel like OP is fishing to be flamed or controversial responses.
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  • This is not MUD.  I started the vera wang thread yesterday looking for feedback on their gowns.  Today I started this thread just to get a feel for people's thoughts on their fiance dressing up.  I'm not trying to get anything controversial started, just curious.

    I truly am in the process of buying myself a wedding gown.  It is a dream I have had for years to go through the process of buying a gown, shoes, jewelery, and everything associated with it, and then get hair, nails and makeup done and have bridal photos taken.

    I'm sorry if anyone feels this is lame or made up, but its absolutely true.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_female-point-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:05b730e2-c2a3-4c52-b7f8-e968efa0b0e5Post:26330279-c237-46e2-b81e-fac0d598a39e">Re: female point of view</a>:
    [QUOTE]  It is a dream I have had for years to go through the process of buying a gown, shoes, jewelery, and everything associated with it, and then get hair, nails and makeup done and have bridal photos taken. I'm sorry if anyone feels this is lame or made up, but its absolutely true.
    Posted by jadabride[/QUOTE]

    So why did't you do this at your actual wedding then, if your wife knows who you truly are? Do you just have endless money to spend on a Vera Wang gown, acrylic nails, spanx, pantyhose, and a photographer?
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  • I saw your post from yesterday about the Vera Wang dresses.  So, I asked FI if he had any plans of telling me in the future that he wanted to wear a wedding dress to just tell me now and avoid any awkward future conversations.  He said no.  So, we're good on that front.

    Oh, and I agree with Mrs.B about the acrylics.  They can really jack up your nails.  Took me a long time to get my nails back to normal after only having them for a short while.



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  • My wife knows I like to dress up, but dressing as a bride at our actual wedding was not something I wanted.  I don't have endless money, but do have enough to buy myself a gown.  Clearly the acrylic nails and spanx won't add up to much, and if I'm getting a gown like this, I want to have photos of myself in the gown.
  • edited April 2011
    I'll give him the benefit of the doubt here and say that maybe he is sincerely curious. Sure, it doesn't really matter what we think, but people ask questions on here all the time purely out of curiousity. I think if I were in his shoes, I would wonder the same thing - so why not ask? I think if he were looking for flames and whatnot, there's a lot more he could be doing to get people to do it. At least he's bothering to explain himself.

    But then again, I could just be off my rocker and it's complete MUD.

    ETA: He also posted in the Gay Weddings about crossdressing. I think it would be better perceived there than anywhere else. If he is just trying to stir up trouble, there would have been no point in posting over there (at least not that I could see).
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_female-point-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:05b730e2-c2a3-4c52-b7f8-e968efa0b0e5Post:595abfc5-6ccc-48b0-a15c-23b206468908">Re: female point of view</a>:
    [QUOTE]My wife knows I like to dress up, but dressing as a bride at our actual wedding was not something I wanted.  I don't have endless money, but do have enough to buy myself a gown.  Clearly the acrylic nails and spanx won't add up to much, and if I'm getting a gown like this, I want to have photos of myself in the gown.
    Posted by jadabride[/QUOTE]
    But still. Why are you asking us? If your wife is ok with it, and you really want to do it, why do you give a crap what other people think? Are you unsure of yourself or uncomfortable with the idea of perhaps making other people uncomfortable? If you want to do it and your wife doesn't care, go do it.
  • I'm genuinely not trying to stir things up.  I thought the chit chat section would be ideal for a general sort of question such as this.  I realize it's mianly just an issue of what is ok with me and my wife, but I was genuinely curious.  I'm also a bit nervous of actually going to the bridal salon, and to the salon to get my nails done, etc, so I had asked previously how other brides would feel to see a male there.  I'm sorry if I have offended anyone, just genuinely curious and excited to be a bride.
  • edited April 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_female-point-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:05b730e2-c2a3-4c52-b7f8-e968efa0b0e5Post:d55200b8-456b-40cc-8b05-9591bfd03c98">female point of view</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am a married male, and am in the process of shopping for a wedding gown for myself.  My wife is great, and has encouraged me to do this.  I know I'm very lucky, but just wanted to get a feel for other females' thoughts.  How would you react if your fiancee told you he liked to wear female clothing?
    Posted by jadabride[/QUOTE]


    If my FI told me he wanted a wedding gown, I would tell him to find himself a groom.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_female-point-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:05b730e2-c2a3-4c52-b7f8-e968efa0b0e5Post:c4f47d41-c7ea-490a-b0c1-e068025c84bf">Re: female point of view</a>:
    [QUOTE]Honestly, I would not have married my H if he had  told me (prior to marriage) that he wanted to wear women's clothing.  That is not something I am comfortable with. Had he kept it a secret and told me after marriage, I would feel betrayed and seriously question the marriage and if it was something I wanted to stay in. 
    Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]

    my feelings exactly.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_female-point-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:05b730e2-c2a3-4c52-b7f8-e968efa0b0e5Post:e7cab178-217c-4356-b329-2091ea924fce">Re: female point of view</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: female point of view : OMG this fuucking infuriates me.  You getting flamed does not necessarily mean you "offended" anyone.  Trust me, no one is offended by this post, or if they are they are way too sensitive.  We're just calling you on what we perceive as MUD. <strong>Also, you won't be a bride, because you won't be getting married.  You'll be playing dress up in a really pretty white dress</strong>.
    Posted by LingerLonger1[/QUOTE]

    This. You aren't a bride unless you are getting married, which you are already married. It's a fantasy dress up day, that's all.
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    *The wait is finally over! My husband is home! Deployments suck!
    *7-8/12 - surprise BFP! Beta came in at 2, confirmed CP.
    *8-9/12 - 50 mg Clomid/trigger/TI/prog., 1 follie @ 22mm = BFN
    *9/12 - Femara/estradoil/TI = cycle cancelled, poor response
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  • There is no way I would stay with my H after he told me this because this should have been something that he told me about VERY early on.

    OP, if you and your wife are cool with it, go with it. If I saw you in a bridal shop, shopping for a gown, or nail shop, getting your nails done, I would think that you were gay.
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  • By offended, I simply meant if anyone thought I was making things up or trying to get responses.  I did not mean offending people because I dress up.

    Also, even though I'm not getting married, I do like to think of myself as a bride, even thought I'll really just be dressing up in a beautiful gown.
  • FI *has* dressed in women's clothing in front of me... and then proceeded to give his grandma a lapdance. On New Years Eve. On video. Sober.

    That said, if he came out and told me that he was going to make a habit of it - or that he wanted a white gown, his hair/nails/makeup done, and to get photographs taken, I'd probably have a problem with it. As PP's said, not because I have a problem with cross-dressers or men exploring their sexuality (in fact, some of the most prominent men in my life have been gay), but because I would question my relationship with my FI.


    If your wife is supportive and it's what you want, just go do it. Don't care what a bunch of strangers on a wedding forum have to say about it.
  • No need for the snarky comment.  If I'm wearing a wedding gown and all the accessories and have my nails and makeup done, why can't I think of myself as a bride?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_female-point-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:05b730e2-c2a3-4c52-b7f8-e968efa0b0e5Post:423881c3-507a-4206-91f6-b8e0dbd7dd44">Re: female point of view</a>:
    [QUOTE]No need for the snarky comment.  If I'm wearing a wedding gown and all the accessories and have my nails and makeup done, why can't I think of myself as a bride?
    Posted by jadabride[/QUOTE]

    Simple, because you are already married!
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    [IMG]http://i850.photobucket.com/albums/ab70/katyj25/Uni8.jpg[/IMG]
    *TTC since 10/09. Last Depo 7/09
    *Me-31 DH-32
    *HSG and all bloodwork 11/11 all clear
    *50 mg Clomid/trigger/IUI #1 2/18/12, 1 scrambled egg @ 28mm, DH 111 mil. post wash! = BFFN :(
    *The wait is finally over! My husband is home! Deployments suck!
    *7-8/12 - surprise BFP! Beta came in at 2, confirmed CP.
    *8-9/12 - 50 mg Clomid/trigger/TI/prog., 1 follie @ 22mm = BFN
    *9/12 - Femara/estradoil/TI = cycle cancelled, poor response
    *10/12 - Femara/Follistim/Trigger/IUI #2 = Triggered, but cancelled IUI and changed to TI due to poor response = BFN
    *12/12 - cancelled and on BCP due to 2 large cysts found
    *1/13 - Follistim/Ovidrel/Progesterone/IUI #2 = BFP!!! EDD 10/16/13
    Beta #1 - 18, progesterone 37.5, Beta #2 - 29, Beta #3 - 27
    FU IF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    *2/13 Switched REs and IUI #3 is pending for March.
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    My Blog: When things go wrong
  • Fair enough.  I think of myself as a bride, but I understand your point.  Whatever you want to call it, I can't wait to pick out my pretty dress, fine some nice shoes, and get my nails done and have my bridal pictures taken.
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