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Why are people so judgmental here?

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Re: Why are people so judgmental here?

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    brielleinlovebrielleinlove member
    5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper First Comment
    edited February 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_why-are-people-so-judgmental-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:f5d77aa0-4621-4157-853d-da4094bcf284Post:e5191e26-7f8c-4140-b203-caedbe70ff61">Re: Why are people so judgmental here?</a>:
    [QUOTE]My point is that I have read and considered all of your opinions, points and thoughts on this subject.  I have decided its something that we want to do anyway.  We are paying for our wedding ourselves, (because my dad has recently decided that going back to meth is more important than his only daughters wedding)  and<strong> we will not be able to go on a honeymoon if we dont have some help.</strong>  My guests know me and know my situatiion.  I know that we dont get the entire amount and I am ok with that.  I also know that I dont get the money right away, but we arent going to go on our honeymoon immediately after our wedding.  This is just something that we have made the decision to do and are willing to deal with the consequences of.  People have already done this in our circle and no one was talking behind their backs as to how rude it was, maybe my circle is just different than some others.
    Posted by amberdawn2344[/QUOTE]

    <div>As someone who cannot afford an expensive destination honeymoon and is doing the responsible thing by NOT GOING ON ONE, this is highly offensive to me.  You are not entitled to hit your friends and family up for cash just because you can't afford a fancy vacation.  </div><div>
    </div><div>I'd never heard of HRs before TK and as a guest at any future weddings, I will side-eye the hell out of them if I encounter them.  If my honeymoon can consist of 2 days off from work spent seeing tourist attractions in my own city, I'm sure not going to spend my hard-earned cash paying for someone else's fancy vacation.</div>
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_why-are-people-so-judgmental-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:f5d77aa0-4621-4157-853d-da4094bcf284Post:e5191e26-7f8c-4140-b203-caedbe70ff61">Re: Why are people so judgmental here?</a>:
    [QUOTE]My point is that I have read and considered all of your opinions, points and thoughts on this subject.  I have decided its something that we want to do anyway.  We are paying for our wedding ourselves, (because my dad has recently decided that going back to meth is more important than his only daughters wedding)  <strong>and we will not be able to go on a honeymoon if we dont have some help.</strong>  My guests know me and know my situatiion.  I know that we dont get the entire amount and I am ok with that.  I also know that I dont get the money right away, but we arent going to go on our honeymoon immediately after our wedding.  This is just something that we have made the decision to do and are willing to deal with the consequences of.  People have already done this in our circle and no one was talking behind their backs as to how rude it was, maybe my circle is just different than some others.
    Posted by amberdawn2344[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>I tried to make it through all your posts and I'm sure this has been addressed but I have to stop you here because you're really getting on my nerves. And this is coming from someone who used to write posts EXACTLY like your OP because I didn't understand how it works either. </div><div>
    </div><div>My father is an alcoholic, abused drugs my whole entire life, didn't see me, the whole 9. So I don't have a daddy paying for my wedding either. However, you're not ENTITLED to a honeymoon. No one needs to help you. And I'll tell you right now, you're lucky if you get 500 towards the HM. Because most people WONT use it. It sounds like you're relying on the registry to pay for your HM and that won't happen. It's essentially soliciting money from your guests and thats unacceptable.</div><div>
    </div><div>All I'm hearing from you is "I don't care what any of you say, youre all mean, you all suck, its MY day and I don't care if its tacky because we need help paying for our HM" You sound like a whiny, childish, self entitled spoiled brat. </div><div>
    </div><div>If YOU AND YOUR FIANCE cant pay for a HM then guess what? You don't get one. </div><div>
    </div><div>
    </div><div>
    </div>
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    In Response to Re:Why are people so judgmental here?:[QUOTE]Okay wait, I don't understand why OP is fighting honeymoon registries.Let's forget for a second that they're rude or against etiquette: they're effing stupid.nbsp;If someone can afford to buy you a 200 couple's massage, they can afford to give you a 200 check. And then no
    portion is taken out.nbsp;Why on
    earth wouldn't you just not register and
    tell people by word of mouth that you're
    saving for a belated honeymoon next
    year?nbsp;Honeymoon registires just
    plain do not make sense. Forget
    rudeness.nbsp; Posted by
    emeejeeayen[/QUOTE]


    Exactly! It's a no win situation. I don't understand why you want to do a HR.
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    Somehow I forsee this being a FFF. :p

    I do however understand how OP feels on some aspects. Not very many, but some posters can just be flat out rude. Regardless of the post topic. In most cases I'd say it's provoked by OP not liking what posters are saying and takes it too personally. This whole post doesn't make sense to me though.. If you know how the ladies on TK feel about HR and you feel differently and are going to do as you please then why post this something saying how rude people are for telling you something you already knew they wouldn't agree with. If you feel that strongly then why do you care what these people think? Oh well something to chat about later I suppose.
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    I never understand why people think it's necessary or at all relevant to say "we're paying for our own wedding" or "we're not having any help" or "we have to pay for our own honeymoon, so we need help".  Why wouldn't you have to pay for your own things?  That's just what adults do.  By pointing out that you're paying for x, y, and z, it sounds pretentious and makes it seem like you want some sort of recognition that you're doing it yourself.  Most women on these boards pay for these things themselves, so no poster is unique in doing so.  
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_why-are-people-so-judgmental-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:f5d77aa0-4621-4157-853d-da4094bcf284Post:d3c6803f-9c5d-4bf5-a201-eaa59689502c">Re: Why are people so judgmental here?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Why are people so judgmental here? : It IS his responsibiity when he has offered and now halfway to the wedding date he has other things he is spending his money on! Secondly we will be spending the money on a honeymoon and spending the money on just that.
    Posted by amberdawn2344[/QUOTE]

    <div>It's still not his responsibility.  It's great that he offered, and it sucks that he can't pay now.  But he is not required to pay for your wedding.  If he can no longer pay for it, for whatever reason (it's his money), then you have to figure out how to pay for it, even if it means downsizing the wedding or forgoing a honeymoon.  I'm not sure what he's spending his money on (you mentioned meth previously, now it's just "things"), but it's his money to spend. If something's come up and he has to spend his money on that, then he has to.  You sound judgmental of how he spends his money.  If indeed he is using meth again, I would be more worried about that than whether or not he can pay for your wedding.  It may be a sign that there's something going on his life that you don't know about, and he may need your help. I don't know what your relationship is like, so I'm just guessing based on what you have written as of now.</div><div>
    </div><div>You have every right to be upset that he's going back on his word to pay for your wedding, but in the end it's your wedding, not his.  This is why we frequently tell brides on here to budget for what they can afford and don't count the money offered until it's in your hands. </div><div>
    </div><div> Also, your last sentence makes no sense whatsoever.</div><div>
    </div>
    Anniversary
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_why-are-people-so-judgmental-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:f5d77aa0-4621-4157-853d-da4094bcf284Post:a5e52812-74bc-44bc-8247-49b46aa22b0b">Re: Why are people so judgmental here?</a>:
    [QUOTE]OP, you keep saying that posters on here should give advice about things like honeymoon registries instead of saying they are rude.  Think of it this way: A poster comes on here and says, "I"m thinking about jumping off of a bridge.  I'm just not sure which type of bridge it would be best to jump off of. Can you give me some advice?"  <strong>Would you expect us to give the poster suggestions about which type of bridge to jump off of or tell her not to do it because it is a bad idea altogther?</strong> I realize that this is hyperbolic, but it is the same general concept.  If something is against etiquette, we aren't going to give advice on the best way to do it.
    Posted by libby2483[/QUOTE]

    Don't jump off a draw bridge, it's generally not high enough to kill you, just tie up traffic something awful.

    Seriously OP, if you just would prefer cash, just don't register for gifts.  Spread the info via word of mouth that you're saving for a honeymoon.  These funds take a cut of what your guests pay, why wouldn't you just want the full amount they give?
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_why-are-people-so-judgmental-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:f5d77aa0-4621-4157-853d-da4094bcf284Post:1a87a9df-4103-4b51-a668-6d60da099c0a">Re: Why are people so judgmental here?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Why are people so judgmental here? : Don't jump off a draw bridge, it's generally not high enough to kill you, just tie up traffic something awful. <strong>Seriously OP, if you just would prefer cash, just don't register for gifts.  Spread the info via word of mouth that you're saving for a honeymoon.  These funds take a cut of what your guests pay, why wouldn't you just want the full amount they give?</strong>
    Posted by Meghannsix[/QUOTE]

    Completely agree.

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    If you continue with your decision to have the honeymoon registry, I hope it works out in your favor.  A friend of mine did one - through honey fund I think - and I thought it was a cute idea, so I went right up to the site to contribute!  I was a little taken aback (not enough to change my opinion of her) when the directions told me to write her and her fiance a check directly.  I was under the impression , naively since I hadn't seen one before, that I was paying the hotel to leave a bottle of champagne in their room.  It took some of my enthusiasm out of giving the gift.

     
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    I just don't understand the whole honeymoon registry period.  Until I came to the knot I had honestly never heard of one before and have never seen one mentioned at anyone's wedding.     Other things here that have been mentioned here as bad ideas, like cash bar and dollar dance I have heard of them and seen them done.  So that's how unpopular honeymoon registeries are.  Those HR sound like my paypal account.  I would never want part  of a gift to go to a service sorry.

    I am 35 years old I don't need household stuff.  In all honesty my favorite gift would be cash.  I have always given cash for wedding gifts and honestly I can't remember the last time I saw an actual gift at a wedding. Within my family and friends we generally put cash or check in a card.

    I did a traditional registeriy with a handful of things I could replace or like to have (like a kerig).

    I don't care if people give any gifts either.  I want my family and friends to share in our special day the gift is not required (its a gift for a reason)

    I have pretty laid back views and even I think the honeymoon registery  is like the worst idea.  To me it sounds like a bad idea for the receiver and giver and yes beyond rude.

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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_why-are-people-so-judgmental-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:f5d77aa0-4621-4157-853d-da4094bcf284Post:960756db-64f4-422c-bcb6-bbce3f0f335f">Re: Why are people so judgmental here?</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>Somehow I forsee this being a FFF</strong>. :p I do however understand how OP feels on some aspects. Not very many, but some posters can just be flat out rude. Regardless of the post topic. In most cases I'd say it's provoked by OP not liking what posters are saying and takes it too personally. This whole post doesn't make sense to me though.. If you know how the ladies on TK feel about HR and you feel differently and are going to do as you please then why post this something saying how rude people are for telling you something you already knew they wouldn't agree with. If you feel that strongly then why do you care what these people think? Oh well something to chat about later I suppose.
    Posted by Jayceestar27[/QUOTE]

    At this rate, they're going to have to start having them more than once a week!

     

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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_why-are-people-so-judgmental-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:f5d77aa0-4621-4157-853d-da4094bcf284Post:7124f3ad-a4d8-4edb-82e5-e1db522df967">Re: Why are people so judgmental here?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Why are people so judgmental here? : At this rate, they're going to have to start having them more than once a week!
    Posted by Angelface225[/QUOTE]

    <div>I don't think we'll need them more than once a week, but I do feel like I need to write them down somewhere.  Oftentimes I see something on a Monday/Tuesday that totally deserves a flame, but I completely forget come Friday or can't remember enough details.</div>
    Anniversary
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    OP, why don't you try out for 4 Weddings on TLC and try to win so TLC will pay for your honeymoon?
    You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back. - Barbara DeAngelis
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    Anyone else notice that OP went back and changed her original post? Hmm, interesting. Of course, she took out the parts that made her look bad.  Oh well.
    Anniversary
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    OP, deleting your posts makes you look like you have something to hide. Since you were quoted repeatedly, that was pointless. deleting means you have something to hide or are ashamed of your feelings. If you feel the way you feel, have the balls to own it and stand by what you said as opposed to trying to hide the evidence.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    NYCMercedesNYCMercedes member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited February 2013
    Amberdawn, I suggest you either make your TK planner private or remove your invitation photo. It leads right to your wedding website where anyone can learn all about you and your friends. Good luck! I'm glad you changed your first post to make you seem less whiney, as the golden rule is do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_why-are-people-so-judgmental-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:f5d77aa0-4621-4157-853d-da4094bcf284Post:dae97753-4759-4554-bf77-b8e48413d691">Re: Why are people so judgmental here?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Anyone else notice that OP went back and changed her original post? Hmm, interesting. Of course, she took out the parts that made her look bad.  Oh well.
    Posted by RachelBFMD[/QUOTE]

    <div>Yep. I just noticed that too. Maybe she thinks by editing her original post it will erase her lame attempt at whining about not getting the feedback she wanted for a bad idea. </div><div>
    </div><div>I still can't believe that she's okay with asking her guests to contribute to a HR knowing that a percentage of their gift will be taken by a third party vendor! For someone who is hard up for cash to fund a trip she can't afford that seems completely asinine. It's no wonder she doesn't have the money to pay for her own trip, she obviously doesn't know what to do with money when she <em>does</em> have it. </div>

    Anniversary
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    Some of you ladies should be paid for your comments!!! You ladies stay on all day long and post comments on random discussion boards daily.  The Knot pays you huh?  lol 

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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_why-are-people-so-judgmental-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:f5d77aa0-4621-4157-853d-da4094bcf284Post:3ce5849c-c345-4938-8f02-ca12a8fc1a8c">Re: Why are people so judgmental here?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Some of you ladies should be paid for your comments!!! You ladies stay on all day long and post comments on random discussion boards daily.   The Knot pays you huh?  lol 
    Posted by Sonia5169[/QUOTE]



    Aw<a href="http://www....did" rel="nofollow">www....did</a> you make a screen name JUST to post this? Thanks for going to the trouble! The Knot pays me in cookies, which I would like to share with you!
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_why-are-people-so-judgmental-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:f5d77aa0-4621-4157-853d-da4094bcf284Post:3ce5849c-c345-4938-8f02-ca12a8fc1a8c">Re: Why are people so judgmental here?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Some of you ladies should be paid for your comments!!! You ladies stay on all day long and post comments on random discussion boards daily.   The Knot pays you huh?  lol 
    Posted by Sonia5169[/QUOTE]

    So our comments are worth money? Who knew?
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_why-are-people-so-judgmental-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:f5d77aa0-4621-4157-853d-da4094bcf284Post:3ce5849c-c345-4938-8f02-ca12a8fc1a8c">Re: Why are people so judgmental here?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Some of you ladies should be paid for your comments!!! You ladies stay on all day long and post comments on random discussion boards daily.   The Knot pays you huh?  lol 
    Posted by Sonia5169[/QUOTE]
    Actually I do get paid- with the power to use a ban button.
     
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    Actually I made a screen name for idea's for my cousin's themed wedding.  Just looked at a couple of discussion threads and funny how majority of the comment come from the same women.  Oh wait, did I offend you?  You must be one of the lame-O's  bwhahaha
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_why-are-people-so-judgmental-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:f5d77aa0-4621-4157-853d-da4094bcf284Post:07276a7b-fc4f-45c9-bd4d-2dc5b4627c86">Re: Why are people so judgmental here?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Actually I made a screen name for idea's for my cousin's themed wedding.  Just looked at a couple of discussion threads and funny how majority of the comment come from the same women.  Oh wait, did I offend you?  You must be one of the lame-O's  bwhahaha
    Posted by Sonia5169[/QUOTE]

    Just so you know name calling and personal attacks are a bannable offence. You've been warned.
     
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_why-are-people-so-judgmental-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:f5d77aa0-4621-4157-853d-da4094bcf284Post:e84ace8a-8b08-45de-ad4a-83c2ad5d0429">Re: Why are people so judgmental here?</a>:
    [QUOTE]<a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_already-married-planning-the-wedding-we-never-had-please-help_.1">http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_already-married-planning-the-wedding-we-never-had-please-help_.1</a> And to promote your relative's business?
    Posted by NYCMercedes[/QUOTE]

    Great! I can ban as a vendor. Thanks.
     
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    Seriously, I'm all for giving people your opinions on how a wedding should orchestrate, but leave it at that. Some of you ladies drag it out.

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    I didn't promote... I just simply offered FREE services to someone who was getting bashed for something she wanted. An act of kindness, try it sometime! At the end of the day, people are going to do what they want.Just saying!! ;)
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    Of course her invitation includes where to find her registries. Undecided
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    amberdawn2344 : PM sent to you!
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_why-are-people-so-judgmental-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:f5d77aa0-4621-4157-853d-da4094bcf284Post:b07e63f5-8e12-49cc-acaa-94ed65709871">Re: Why are people so judgmental here?</a>:
    [QUOTE]amberdawn2344 : PM sent to you!
    Posted by Belais[/QUOTE]
    Fair warning- this is not going to go over well. You may as well have painted a target on your back.
     
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