Snarky Brides

i have a problem!! can someone pleaseee help me?!

Okay, I am currently living in Ohio...(moving Thursday to Texas...where my FI lives) My parents are living in Ohio. I am trying to find a wedding location.. My family (aunts, uncles, grandparents, bro&sis-in-law) live all over the US.. Everyone wants me to have the location somewhere else and I do NOT know where to pick! My FI and his mother INSIST I have it where they live! My parents, whom are paying for EVERYTHING, insist I have it here, since THEY are hosting it.. So I decided on a nice compromise, a little chapel in Arkansas (not quite half way, but it's about five hours from his family and ten-twelve from my parents...) so maybe everyone would be happy.. My dad had suggested the church to me (www.thorncrown.com) when I had first started looking for a church, and my FI's mom had mentioned it to him when we started looking, also. So, I thought "this will be perfect!" I had officially made up my decision, and my parents were quite happy, we had decided it would be nice and a good compromise for everyone. So, I talked to my FI's mom today, to ask her if the date I was thinking about was alright for their family....And I casually mentioned the location I had chosen...Apparently, that was not ideal for her and she proceeded to tell me that NO ONE from his family would be there if I didn't have it IN THEIR TOWN. Only her, his dad, siblings and his aunt. So I was quite upset, the woman almost had me in tears! Then my FI called me after I got of the phone with her, and asked me why I was upset.. Not pointing the finger at his mother, I explained to him I didn't want to be the bad guy, but no matter where I decided to have the wedding someone would be mad at me, regardless. He then decided to tell me exactly what his mother had, that NO ONE will be there for him.. So now, what should I do? I don't want anyone to be bothered but isn't it MY day? My day to pick what I want? Also, my FI said to me, "You act like all that matters is YOU and what YOU want!" and honestly, I thought that's what weddings were about, for the most part...the bride...? Please help me!!!
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Re: i have a problem!! can someone pleaseee help me?!

  • How long have you been together? Your bio is missing your love story. Please tell it, I'm a sucker for a good love story.
    I'm pretty sure it's pronounced your mom's a moron and if you didn't have your name legally changed by the age of 22, so are you. Unless you're from another continent. -Groomz
  • Real? as in, like, REAL? I just put pics in my bio.... I haven't done much to it, since I'm moving Thursday I've been pretty busy with that... There really isn't some big story about us...I have been best friends with his sister for the past seven years, our families have been friends and gone on vacation together and such, and one day we just started talking..and just never stopped..haha. We fell in love and here we are! =)
  • There, I updated my bio for you guys....since that's apparently all you care about... I really didn't know what to put...so I just wrote what I thought was supposed to go on there where I thought it should go...? I'll try to work more on it later, after I move and get settled a little..haven't had the time here lately..
  • To address your issue, if your parents are paying, they get to have a say in things. He needs to tell his mom to butt out. If he wants to be involved with the planning you should be doing that together. Because it's not just about YOUR 1 day, it's a marriage that is about 2 people. Marriage also takes a lot of compromise so if you and the groom aren't willing to do that then you have much more serious issues than where to have your wedding.If you are really only concerned about your pretty pretty princess day and having YOUR special day, then you're too immature to get married. Have a birthday or graduation party instead. Considering your ages and school situations it doesn't sound like you're in a position to pay for the wedding yourselves so it might be wise to wait until you could contribute and have more say. But you'll also have to make adult decisions and not care who gets pissed off. You can't make everyone happy. You're both being selfish and unreasonable if you think the other family should get screwed and have to travel 15 hours just to make your side happy. If your family seems more willing to travel then he may have a slight case regarding "no one will be there for him." But the only people that need to be at a wedding are the bride & groom. So having both sets of parents there is nice even if the rest of the family refuses to travel.
    I'm pretty sure it's pronounced your mom's a moron and if you didn't have your name legally changed by the age of 22, so are you. Unless you're from another continent. -Groomz
  • I am not all about my princess day, I just want a nice day that we can look back on and be happy about it... When we got engaged my fiance told me FIRST THING he wanted NO PART in any of the wedding plans...to just completely leave him out. He said he didn't want to hear about it, he would just show up. However, I guess that changed...? I was compromising by having the wedding at that chapel in Arkansas, which was only five hours from them (which to me, that is NOT very far....) since my parents are hosting it, I really thought that was a very generous compromise on their behalves...to make it closer to his family than mine... I'm trying very hard to work with him and his family and be selfless here, however I don't feel he's being completely selfless himself, nor his mother.. I just don't know where would be the best location so no one is bitter and we can have a nice, enjoyable day that everyone can enjoy.
  • I agree you proposed a good compromise but his saying "You act like all that matters is YOU and what YOU want!" is a sign of trouble. If I were you, I'd wait until I got settled in Texas and worked on your relationship before going ahead with wedding plans. You're already moving to be closer to him. What if you wind up regretting the decision to move or resenting him for it?
    I'm pretty sure it's pronounced your mom's a moron and if you didn't have your name legally changed by the age of 22, so are you. Unless you're from another continent. -Groomz
  • jbloomjbloom member
    500 Comments
    What date did you pick?  My family was all spread out as well so our wedding ended up being where WE lived.  If people couldn't or wouldn't come, it was their decision.  You won't ever be able to please everyone, so focus on pleasing yourselves -- what works best for YOU.
  • I think the biggest issue you need to focus on is whether or not you're really ready to be married at 18. Is this about a wanting a wedding or the wanting to spend the rest of your life with this guy? Also, if you're dealing with this kind of drama already, you may want to take some time to postpone, move to TX, and gather your thoughts -- keeping in mind your FI's feelings as well. Stop being a people pleaser.
  • Bloomie, I believe her date is in May 2010. Has work kidnapped you from here too?
    I'm pretty sure it's pronounced your mom's a moron and if you didn't have your name legally changed by the age of 22, so are you. Unless you're from another continent. -Groomz
  • Might I also suggest posting this question on the P&E board? I'm sure they'll have great ideas.
  • I don't understand how you can be best friends with someone's sister who lives several states away. I also do not believe that any Texan would wear a hogs shirt. This sounds made up anyway, but I just wanted to show off my inspector holmes skills. Also, you have the same exact face in every picture.
  • You've never been one to "go along with your age"?So what you're trying to say is that you are "very mature for your age"?  And people tell you that often?  And you have been through way more in life than most 18 year-olds?If all that is true, then you are definitely mature enough to be a teen bride!  Lucky you, because being married is a special prize for mature people and so FUN FUN FUN, and gives you great happiness, no matter who you marry.  As opposed to going to school and living alone and going to college parties, which is utter misery and boring city.  ENJOY!!!!
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    "As of page 2 this might be the most boring argument ever. It's making me long for Rape Day." - Mouse
  • if you have your wedding in a "central" location where no one actually lives, plan on not a lot of people coming.  a 5 hour drive is a lot for some people, esp since that means multiple tanks of gas + hotel expense etc.    the LEAST you can do is have your location where someone's family is... and if you can't compromise on that, well good luck with marriage!
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  • mamakins, thorncrown chapel is in the middle of effing nowhere too near a town called Eureka Springs which is only populated by people that like antiques and salt water taffy. If i lived in Fayetteville, which is only like 1 1/2 hours away, I might not go.
  • Fenton, I was surprised "we've been through so much" wasn't part of their story. I also wouldn't be surprised if next week we hear how difficult it is to live in the same zip code. Even though they thought for sure all their problems would magically be solved once she moved.
    I'm pretty sure it's pronounced your mom's a moron and if you didn't have your name legally changed by the age of 22, so are you. Unless you're from another continent. -Groomz
  • Thank you all for proving to me you have nothing better to do than sit around and criticize how naive I am. And yes, I would say I am mature for my age...I didn't do all the highschool crap, I was homeschooled and I've been extremely in touch with reality much longer than you guys apparently have since you all want to pick on me because I am eighteen. Obviously, eighteen can be more adult than all of your ages.... Anyway, to the inspector gadget, they live in Texarkana, tx. Which half of the town is in Texas, half is in Arkansas. We will be living in Texas and planning on moving from that town after I gradute. However, they have long time ties to the razorbacks. Also, I used to live in northeast Arkansas (moved to Ohio four years ago with my parents) and his sister and I actually met on a message board on the Internet when we were twelve...since I was already having to prove my idenity to you guys I really thought you would think I was "making something up" if I told you how I met her. Anyway...thanks for nothing since really all this was was a bunch of 20somethings and up getting all high and mighty on me because of my age. Thanks.
  • Oh, I missed Winged's reply before I posted. If the compromise location is in the middle of nowhere, eff that. Is there even anywhere for people to stay nearby? Not that I'd go if there was but without the option compromising probably doesn't matter anyway. Do your parents a favor and spend their money on something more useful like getting wasted on Spring Break like normal 18 yr olds. I know you're not one to do things just because others your age are but getting black out drunk on vacation or at a college party should be mandatory before marriage.
    I'm pretty sure it's pronounced your mom's a moron and if you didn't have your name legally changed by the age of 22, so are you. Unless you're from another continent. -Groomz
  • go go gadget tantrum!!!
  • Good thing I wasn't drinking anything when I read that winged. My H would've been pissed if I spit all over his computer.
    I'm pretty sure it's pronounced your mom's a moron and if you didn't have your name legally changed by the age of 22, so are you. Unless you're from another continent. -Groomz
  • go go gadget tantrum!!!bahahhahaha
  • you posted that you honestly think that weddings are about the bride.  i don't care about your age, i think you sound plenty whiny and immature regardless.  also, homeschooled =/= "extremely in touch with reality"
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  • Getting wasted? Thanks, if only I was a drunk like "normal eighteen year olds" also, you guys asked, so there you go that was my explanation since apparently I'm so shady to you guys! And about hosting people, my parents have a timeshare/condo thing seven minutes away from eureka springs that they could rent out quite a few for people to stay.
  • Getting wasted? Thanks, if only I was a drunk like "normal eighteen year olds"Yeah, because the only options are being an alcoholic or getting married at 18.
  • I guess being extremely in touch with reality doesn't include understanding when people are being sarcastic or making jokes. I don't think that you necessarily have to go out and get drunk but I do think at 18 you should be experiencing life and figuring out who you are instead of whining about the groom trying to ruin your wedding day.
    I'm pretty sure it's pronounced your mom's a moron and if you didn't have your name legally changed by the age of 22, so are you. Unless you're from another continent. -Groomz
  • cool, so a small handful of people will get free lodging at your kickass destination wedding spot. sounds like you got it all figured out.and you're mature at 18 because you don't go along with the crowd who's, uh, not getting married?  that's your argument for being mature?IT'S MY DAY PEOPLE!  MY DAY!!!!!!
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  • it's not an issue of there being places to stay. Eureka certainly has plenty of hotel rooms. But, you would either have to drive the whole way, which sucks for most guests, especially on a 10-12 hour drive OR fly into NWA airport, which is an expensive airport to fly into. And then they would have to rent a car to go to Eureka. It is inconvenient.
  • And lame. Eureka springs is lame no matter how you look at it. Your free condo deal makes this compromise seem even moe unfair to his family since we now know your family already has ties to the 'neutral' community and a place to stay.
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  • Why is it that people think they can skip steps to adulthood? No, you don't have to spend 2-3 years drunk and sleeping around, but you do have to spend some time learning to be an adult on your own. I'm playing nice here because I did what you did. Well, I did it a little dumber to be completely honest, but even if I'd done it "right" getting married at 19 was a foffing awful idea. If I can spare someone a divorce at 20 it's worth it. Yes, sometimes young love works out, but working out usually means years of struggle, compromise and tears. If you value yourself and your relationship, wait. Learn who you are. Grow closer without the pressures of forever. Life is longer than you think and there's no need to rush this.
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    "The meek shall inherit the earth" isn't about children. It's about deer. We're all going to get messed the fuckup by a bunch of cloned super-deer.- samfish2bcrab

    Sometimes I wonder if scientists have never seen a sci-fi movie before. "Oh yes, let's create a super species of deer. NOTHING COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG." I wonder if State Farm offers a Zombie Deer Attack policy. -CaliopeSpidrman
  • wow, people are nasty!  i don't know why this girl's age is such an issue!  if she feels ready to marry at 18, then she's ready.  i don't think it's fair to judge her because of that.I also think that you should sit down with your FI, his family, and your family and talk it out.  I might help if your FMIL is overbearing to have your mom there.  It did for me!If you're deadset on this compromise, do it.  I would think that maybe his mom is throwing a tantrum to test you, and they might all come.  You would be surprised at what a FMIL might do to get things her way!Good luck!
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