i have a problem!! can someone pleaseee help me?!

CaliopeSpidrman

NO ONE is ready to marry at 18.  I don't care how ready they "feel".

wingedbride

hhahahah, you really have no idea how relationships work, do you? are you 18 as well?

kaybeeknits

I might help if your FMIL is overbearing to have your mom there. It did for me!So, in the future when your MIL is being overbearing you're going to have your mom call her up and tell her to back off? If she's being controlling about wedding planning, she will be controlling about everything she possibly can

wendyld

My 17 year old brother has told every girlfriend he's ever had that he loves them. I'm certain he thinks he will marry the latest just as I'm certain he will say the same about the next. That doesn't make him ready.

rlynn007

My FI and I were having the same problem. We decided to have the wedding and reception up at my parents church and then have a smaller reception down where he lives, 5 hours away from the wedding.  That way all the people down there can celebrate with us and all the people up at my parents end can too.

Irishgrl417

I thought for sure that I was going to marry the guy I was with at 18.  So much so that when I had to plan my future wedding for a Senior project, I used him as the groom and gave serious thought to all the project requirements since I thought I'd be using it for future reference. We were so much in love forever and ever. But the project album lasted longer than he did. But it did come in handy when I found it during my actual wedding planning. It made me laugh so hard I almost peed my pants but that's about as useful as it got.Instead of marrying after graduation,  I went to college and realized I wanted to date other people just like I let him go do when he went off to college. Guess what? He wasn't as open to that idea now that he'd dropped out and was living back at his parents. So I did some growing up and lived a little, met another guy I thought I'd marry. I even got a shiny little promise ring out of the deal but I grew up some more and realized that wasn't right for me either. In fact I was finishing college when I met my H and I purposefully didn't get serious right away because I wasn't sure what I wanted and knew I wasn't ready. He stuck around anyway.I don't think anyone here is really trying to be nasty. We're just saying what we wish someone had said to us when we were 18.

BrideBuddies

Cait... lemme give you a little glimpse at your possible future. 20-year-old nephew and 18-year-old girlfriend got married just last fall.  Because they were in LOOOOVVEEE!  The wedding was just like a prom. She sort of works at a daycare.  He's had about 3 jobs since their wedding.  Not sure if he's employed now or not.  I've lost track.  Both have very questionable work ethics.  Always full of drama. But it's okay... they're in LOOOVVEEE. Just this week she Facebooks (in typical 18-year old illiterate jibberish) that they were SOOOO HAPPEE because they thought they were pregnant and a baby would make their little family so complete.   But now she's SOOOOOOOO  SSSAAAADDDDD because she is not.Oh yeah. They, too, proclaimed how MATURE they both are, compared to their friends.  If you have to resort to that to defend your actions, you ain't ready for life on your own.Can you pay for your own rent?  Can you set a budget and live by it?  Are you responsible for your own insurance coverage?  Car maintenance issues?   Getting and holding a good job, even while going to school?  Handling the divorce proceedings when you realize you made a huge mistake with your life?

Sange1030

Wow I missed the part where u said u needed ten more moms’ to tell u what u should and shouldn't do!! WTF??? I am 28yrs old and my best friend got married at 18. I thought she was out of her mind at 18 I was not ready to get married.  She was ready though and knew what she was doing.  I can tell you 10 yrs. later they have a 2yr old daughter and are one of the happiest couples I know.  They were made for each other and at 18 only they knew it. Anyways back to your post.  When planning a wedding everyone has an opinion and they are like assholes everybody’s got one!! The wedding is about the two of you.  You need to sit down with your fiancé and decide what is most important for the both of you on your wedding day.  Then let everyone know your decision together.  His family and yours!!I wish you a lifetime of Happiness!!

melissainabq

Sange - you know that your friends are the exception and not the norm, right?

kaybeeknits

Not to mention you really have no idea how 'happy' they are or what your friend probably sacrificed and went through in their early years of marriage if not now.

Vinny08

Ugh!  Ignore the fact that everybody is mentioning age.  Notice that Cait's issue is that she wants to have HER day.  She and her FI are fighting because she wants to do what her parents have suggested and he wants to do what his parents want.  If you are not confident enough (not to mention financially stable enough) to make these decisions on your own as a couple without your mommy and daddy, you are not ready for marriage!

CaliopeSpidrman

I can't trust the judgement of somebody who says "u" and thinks there's an apostrophe at the end of moms.

SarahBethBR

Let me preface this by saiyng I got married young.  At an age where probably most everyone here would say I was too young.That said, no one is ready to get married at 18.  Yes, our grandparents did it, but 18 in 1955 was a lot different than 18 is today.  I felt I was ready to get married at 22 because I had been supporting myself for four years, had gotten my college degree, and had lived by myself, plus various other reasons.  At 18, I had none of that.Also, you're 18 and your fiance is 22, right?  How long have you been dataing?  Because if it's any more than a year, he's solidly in Creepy McCreeperson territory.  And if it's any less than a year, you're even more insane for getting married at 18.

MamaKin

i don't think people would be commenting on age if the first post wasn't dripping with immaturity.  fiance's mom almost made her cry because of a conversation about location?  and i can't get over the MY DAY shiit.  even the (slighly less immature) fiance called her out on it!  i think a destination wedding (which is what you're having, apparently) is an absolute PITA for all involved.  expect lots of people not to come.  and if you're set on a destination wedding to assure all families are equally pissed, find someplace other than arkansas, for fuuck sake.

NuggetBrain

This post makes me want to punch myself in the face.

CaliopeSpidrman

That's what I like about you, Nugget.  You are an equal opportunity face-puncher.

valandjon

actually wingedbride, i'm 24, so thanks for jumping to conclusions about me be 18 = ) I was under the impression that the knot was here to offer advice.  I didn't think that it was a tool that belittle people, but rude, or act superior to others.  Everyone who posted a nasty comment is not being constructive.  If you have nothing nice to say don't say it at all.Who is to say what is the "right age" to get married?  My friend got married at 19 and she's wonderfully happy, her husband loves her, and that's all that matters.  Maybe that's how cait+nate is.  Who are we to judge one another?  She came on here for support, and not many people are giving her that.and mrs.kay+emm, i was under the impression that a marriage is the joining of 2 families.  My FIL's live 4 hours away, and have come to visit with my parents many times  to plan the wedding.  That is why I said maybe it should be a joint convo. 

CaliopeSpidrman

Just because you don't like the message doesn't mean it doesn't count as advice.  The Knot is a good tool for advice, but it's mostly used for attention whoring and validation.  And that's fine -- if that's what you're looking for, more power to you.  But if you take a peek at the top of your screen, you'll see this is the Snarky Brides board.  We're required by law to be honest and direct and make ourselves laugh.  Officer McLoughlin makes sure we follow that code.

jbloom

no.The knot is a place to sell advertising space.  The "advice" and positivity and squee-ing about weddings and being bride-y is just a front.Marriage is not just about loving each other.  Haven't you ever heard the Don Henley / Patti Smith duet?  Sometimes love just ain't enough.  Actually, most of the time.If we all spoke only when we had something nice to say, well wouldn't that be boring and fncking lame?

kaybeeknits

and mrs.kay+emm, i was under the impression that a marriage is the joining of 2 families. My FIL's live 4 hours away, and have come to visit with my parents many times to plan the wedding. That is why I said maybe it should be a joint convo.This might be true (to a certain extent); however, my understanding is that you felt that having your mom there helped you deal with an overbearing mother in law. I'll tell you right now, if you and your future husband do not start standing together as a united front that dictates how things will be in your life together, your MIL will continue to be overbearing. People who are controlling continue to control others who allow it. I'm willing to bet your fiance asks you to put up with her crap often to 'keep the peace' instead of standing up for both of you to her.

cait-and-nate

wow, people, thank you to the 3/4 of you women that show me exactly what i do not want to be. i would really prefer no one else comment on this, especially since you ladies have no idea of who i am and absolutely no concept of my personality but are judging me solely on your stereotypes of girls my age and children that were homeschooled. also, about the "my day" thing, i have never been to a wedding where someone said "wow, that groom must have worked his butt off for that wedding" I was always under the impression that the bride made most of the choices when it came to colors, churches, dresses, cakes and such. So, I assumed this was how it would be with my fiance and I.. However, I can see with how selfLESS all of you are, that your weddings were the complete opposite. Also, thank you for saying because I want my opinion in it that I am a conceited and selfish person. However, when I tried to explain I was tring not to be inconsiderate to anyone and wanted everyone happy you told me I was not adult enough to make difficult decisons. So thank you for nothing to the majority of people that responded to this, please do not reply again. However, thank you so much for your input, you know who you ladies are. I really appreciate it, and that is the guidance and advice I was seeking when I made this post. You hit it dead on, thank you.

Vinny08

And again, just because somebody does not pat you on the back and agree with you, does not mean that their input is invalid. Oops!  There I go responding when I was told not to.  I don't follow instructions very well.

valandjon

well, then your bet would be wrong.  my fiance doesn't care about flowers or location, he just wants to be married.  we are a united front.  however, a mother of the groom would want to be involved in planning, no matter how she comes off.  that is her personality.  i love her and accept it.  people sholdn't jump to conclusions.

HappyTummy613

It's delightful that you think you can control who replies to your posts and who doesn't.  And it appears that you were not seeking guidance or advice, but validation.

kaybeeknits

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valandjon

I'm willing to bet your fiance asks you to put up with her crap often to 'keep the peace' instead of standing up for both of you to her.this would be jumping to conclusions.  you know nothing about me.  please do not make a judgement about my fiance or myself.  i didn't start the post.  i was tryin gto be helpful.  i didn't ask to be perosnally attacked.  stop.

SarahBethBR

So how long have you been dating?  Or do you just not want to admit your soon to be husband is a creeper?

HappyTummy613

If you're referring to the OP, her bio says they've known each other for 7 years and have been in love for 2.5.

cait-and-nate

He's not a "creeper" we've been dating for a year two months, officially. been best friends for the past three years. i've known him for seven. is there anything else you guys want to know? my social security number by any chance?

HappyTummy613

So you were "in love" for 16 months before you "officially" started dating?