How would you take this?

rajah92708

I am talking to him now.  He's in complete denial.  "Nothing is going on, please believe me.  I would not fucck up our relationship."No, I don't believe him. 

Mrs.Expchic

tell him his shiite's on the curb and locks are changed.  SCUMBAG

jens_a_ten

Did you ask him what explains the FB message and the text if "nothing" is going on? I mean, come on.

jens_a_ten

I also agree with whoever said the thing about the joint accounts-- if things start going south fast, make sure you protect yourself financially as quickly as possible. Sorry again that you have to deal with this.

modb1rd

I don't know you and I want to hug you Rajah

MadameS

from personal experience, I would say to wait it out. The first time I got an eyebrow raising text off my XH's phone, we had company coming to town that night. So I didn't speak up. Then, while they were visiting, I decided to just monitor stuff for a few more weeks to make sure I wasn't jumping the gun. it COULD somehow be innocent. And I am really really sorry that you are going through this. I very distinctly remember the feeling that my chest had caved in when I saw the first "I miss you" text. So my heart goes out to you. But I will say, waiting it out was a smarter thing to do in the long run. It gave me time to process what was happening. I didn't want to be the batshit crazy wife who flipped out after she snooped. At least when I did approach him, i had about 2 months worth of "evidence" to confront him with.My other advice would be to go see a counselor during this time. Even if it turns out to be nothing, you will have a little emotional support.  

Novemberrocks

I agree with Mouse - tell him you want to see the text messages.  Tell him that if he's deleted them, then that's as good as an admission of guilt.

FallinAgain

I feel so very bad for you.Is 9/27/08 your wedding date?

rajah92708

November, done and done.  He erased them all.  He says it's because he noticed that I erase all the messages on my blackberry too, so he started doing the same.  LAME.Sorry I am not more reactive,  I'm just taking it all in and trying to figure out what the next steps are.

KristenBtobe

He says it's because he noticed that I erase all the messages on my blackberry too, so he started doing the same. LAME.Mmm hmm. That's so fishy.

Mrs.Expchic

Do you have someone you can stay with?  make sure his parents know so they know their little boy is a big fat hairy jerkface liar.

Jen&Joe06

Are you doing this over the phone with him right now? This seems more like an in person kind of conversation so you can see his facial expressions.

jens_a_ten

Don't apologize for how you are reacting. I don't think anyone can really judge how someone reacts in those first moments of finding things like this. You just need to deal with it in whatever way is best for you. It's understandable to need some processing time.

FallinAgain

Moo--did you just keep on keeping on during those two months?  Having sex, acting lovey dovey?  I don't thinkI could pull that off.

rajah92708

Fallin, yes that is my wedding date.I didn't mean to start this over the phone, but I sent him a text asking who the fucck Brittany is.  Then he called, so I spilled.  He's at work right now, so he can sweat it for a bit. 

FallinAgain

You don't have to be reactive. I'm sure you are in shock.

Novemberrocks

I don't think anyone would judge your reaction right now.  I would be in a state of shock right now. 

MadameS

crap. i was typing while you were talking to him. dude. I really hope you don't let him explain his way out of this one. I'm all for platonic friends and whatnot, but I think it's less acceptable when you don't even know her personally. And really, how tight of a harmless bond can two people form in 2 weeks?? That's BS.At least you HAVEN'T bought a house together yet. Think of that.

Jen&Joe06

Ofcourse her name is Brittany. Sorry you are going through this. Hopefully you will get some answers tonight.

CaliopeSpidrman

I think regardless of how your conversation with him goes, you should find yourself another place to stay for the weekend.  You need some space from him and the last thing you want to do is argue with your H in his parents' house.  I'm so so sorry you have to deal with this.

FallinAgain

By Moo, I meant Mo.

rajah92708

Here's something from the info section on her facebook:I am a 23 year old single mother. i have a beautiful daughter zoe, who will be 3 in august. i work full time, and when im not working, i like spending time with my friends, and having a few cocktails. i definitely dont party as much as i used to, but i havent completely given it up. i am currently talking to a guy, and im hoping it turns into more, but i am trying to be patient lol.Wonder if it's my husband she's talking about.

MadameS

fallin, i'll assume that was directed at me. actually, yeah. I tried to carry on as normal. I wasn't 100% sure that he was inappropriate with her at first, and I had a small part of me that hoped he'd come to his senses and call it off himself without me ever interfering. Plus, I am still pretty effin' doubtful that he banged her- it looked purely emotional. So yeah, i was trying to salvage what we might have, and also not let him know that I was onto him. plenty of nights crying silently after the lights went out

FallinAgain

Gah, Mo. That's sad.

rajah92708

Exp, I have heard of War of the Roses, and always laughed at the people who called.  Not so funny now I guess.

MadameS

if you are going to call her, do it now. before he gets ahold of her to give her the heads up. exp is right, she would be blindsighted. and yep, it was a looooong, sad summer. i still can't believe i watched all for so long. there was one night where i was crying, and couldn't sleep. I literally slid out of bed, onto the floor, and inched my way to his phone. then, i opened it and read the messages I had been watching him send out from our couch earlier that night. it took all i had to not suffocate him with his favorite pillow. d!ckwad.

CaliopeSpidrman

I wonder if she even realizes he's married?  I wouldn't be surprised if she has no idea.  If you call her, it may be a very illuminating conversation for you both.

Mrs.Expchic

the "trying to be patient" part makes me think she knows.

GroomzMcFinehiney

Exp is right.  Now that you've already approached him, I'd just call her.  Can't hurt at this point, and you might be able to confirm your suspicions before he tips her off.

rajah92708

Here's the thing about her knowing if he is married or not:  I asked him why he would try to erase the messages on his phone or have her send him private messages on facebook, and why she would be worried about it "being safe" in the first place.  He apparently told her I am suspicious and nosy, and that he didn't want to cause any trouble for her.  So yes, she knows about me.  I told him that if he had nothing to hide, I wouldn't be suspicious, but since he's been so sneaky about the whole thing, clearly it's not on the up and up.