OHMYGOD PLEASE TALKMEDOWN!!!

CaliopeSpidrman

Sorry....I think I locked Pollyana in the basement and let out her angry rage-y cousin.  I'm just pissed/depressed/guilty about Maggie.  The poor thing had to get shaved at the vet today, so she has two big missing patches of hair glaring at me reminding me that I'm a horrible pet owner who couldn't help her in her time of need.

GroomzMcFinehiney

I think it would be rude of you to kick her out or let her leave.  She's a guest in your home.  You should leave.  And come to New Jersey.  Tell her you're going to stay with your gay married friends.  Problem solved.

audreyhorne

Don't drive her around, tell her to rent a car. 

modb1rd

tell her she's fat and that she should walk to a hotel for exercise.also if you are insecure about being stupid, wouldn't you try to not argure with the lawyer?

ChristinS

Awwwwww Cali. I'm sorry. Don't feel bad. It's not your fault man! Groomz - I don't want to prove her right. That I love my gay friends more than my sister. Two more funnies: 1) She kept screaming, "I'm your sister! YOU'VE KNOWN ME FOR 32 YEARS AND YOU WOULD CALL ME A BIGOT!!??" Ummm. You're 32. I'm 29. Does not compute. 2) I just went to check on her. She was upset that I'd forgotten to bring her water (for her throat which is sore from screaming). I got her water. AFTER I SPIT IN IT!

ChristinS

Mod - part of me thinks she wants to try to establish intellectual superiority by trying to "best" me in an argument. If you know me personally, I don't argue for more than a minute. If I think what you're saying is stupid, I'm likely to just sit there and giggle. And THAT is why I could never be a litigator.

modb1rd

If I was your sister I would just walk around half naked in my size 6 blonde glory and embrace my dumbness.

CaliopeSpidrman

If you weren't related to her, would you tolerate her for more than 5 seconds?  I can't believe you got her water. 

jbloom

Still drunk here, but want to say that your sister is bunghole.

_Fenton

You know you can be loyal to your family without giving into their bullsh!t.  Fighting is part of what it means to be family.  You can't just give in, or you invalidate your relationship.

ChristinS

She IS a bunghole. And Cali, I can't really defend myself. I am such a peacekeeper it's pathetic. My family is just so fuuking volatile. Sometimes I feel like I've spent much of my life with them trying to keep everyone happy. No joke, my brother and my sister often make me deliver messages to my crazy mother b/c she's just too much for them to deal with. WHAT ABOUT ME? WHY DO I HAVE TO DEAL? My sister hates my step-mom and step-sister, and sometimes my brother's wife. I like them all and have to try to defend them to her, w/ no success. I hate my stepdad, but I pretend to love him. My Dad and my sister have a REALLY volatile relationship. Everyone has a volatile relationship with my sister and with my mom, and the two together...INSANITY. I need a flowchart or something. No wonder I'm medicated.

jbloom

Christin, I'm real sorry we didn't get to motorboat each other because I missed my flight, but next time K?  I think we have a lot to drink about.

CaptainSerious

Woah!  Fenton just blew my mind.

ChristinS

Fenton - I'm too drunk to process that, but I'll think about it tomorrow. Bloomie, I have to agree with you there. Mostly because I pretty much loved everyone at FL, and I think they all loved me too, and because I would love to get a chance to drink with you.

CaptainSerious

Christin, you're the one who has to deal because you've set the pattern of the peacemaker.  Everyone expects you to play the role of the go-between, because you've done it in the past and they believe you will continue to do it, no matter how much you protest. I have no doubt that if you stand up for yourself a few times the family will take notice.  Of course, they will label you the BSC one, but at least you won't have to deal with their BS anymore and they will eventually stop trying to walk all over you.

ChristinS

CS - as to the first point, I agree with you. As to the second, I'm not so sure. I don't think you can change these people. My mom and my sister....just so much crazy. I don't think they would stop their nutty behavior no matter what I do. I'm sure I could find healthier ways to handle things, I'm just not sure I'm emotionally equipped for that.

HappyTummy613

Maybe it's because I have no siblings, but I say stand your ground and let her leave if she wants to.  She doesn't have to agree with your views on marriage, but she can't throw a violent tantrum and expect to stay, let alone treat her sister/hostess like a servant.

CaptainSerious

Oh, I'm not saying they will stop acting nutty.  I'm guessing you will turn into the object of their hate/gossip and they will find someone else to be the go-between.  I guess I think that if I were in your shoes, I'd rather be hated for standing up for myself than be mistreated and feel like their punching bag and mediator.Of course, it’s pretty easy to give the advice from the outside.  My family has it’s own dysfunctions, and I tend to be the one who always bends over backwards to smooth things out.  I guess this is why your situation got me going; it’s close to home.  In my case, I stand up for myself in the moment, but then usually relent and try to find a compromise that isn’t so miserable for me and meets everyone else’s needs/wants.

_Fenton

What's the worst that could happen if you speak up?  Your sister decides you are mean and doesn't want to stay in your house ever again?  How is this bad?

HappyTummy613

Would it help if I came to STL and lured her into a tasteful same-sex kiss?

pdxmouse

Your behavior and feelings make sense if you realise you're still in survival mode. Whatever bending you had to do to live with the crazy, you're still doing and the dynamics aren't going to change on their own. But really, if you can live with bending easier than confronting it's not like you have to do it. You just have to figure out what's more worth it to you. My personal strategy is to pick a few clear lines, spell out exactly what they are, and stick to them no matter what. Everything else I let myself get annoyed about and then chalk it up to "crazy that I don't have to deal with." And yeah, I know they talk about me being unreasonable, bhitchy, stubborn, etc but as long as I know that I can hold my lines I'm okay with that. Just don't expect it to stop- it can be years since they last tried something and all of a sudden one of them will bring it up, only to act confused/butt hurt when I say "no really, that line is still there."

Knottie_22382080

Fern, that is so sweet of yo to say 2 days before your wedding.

Novemberrocks

OMG Christin, this is making me all ragey, and I'm normally a very calm person.  I think Cali is wise.  It's your house, your rules.  How DARE she scream at you when she's getting free room and board?!  And how dare she make tv demands.  If that's what she wants, she can go to the freakin' Days Inn.  Ooh, I'm mad now.

SarahBethBR

I have no room to talk because I let my racist in laws stay here.But the asking for water sent me over the edge.  That is so FLUCKING RIDICULOUS that I'm incredibly angry for you.  You should definitely wipe your vag on her pillow today.

ChristinS

Honestly, I truly chock it up to my belief that she has an undiagnosed mental illness. She has NO idea when she's being irrational or crazy. And she just flips the foff out. It's, just, so weird. So, I consider it a personal challenge to not lose my temper. Which is crazy hard to do. Also, I just try to get through her rare visits. She doesn't come to town often at all. And she and I really almost never communicate when she's in Vegas. If she actually moves home, I'm sure we'll get to the not speaking to eachother point very quickly.

CaliopeSpidrman

I know you are trying to be the peacemaker, but you're just being everyone's servant girl instead.  What are you getting out of this?  Because it sounds like you get to be the receptacle for everyone else's issues.  You're the one stuck with processing all those awful emotions thrown your way while they walk around with zero consequence.  You know I am all about keeping the peace, healing the board, filling baskets with pebbles, etc. but even this goes beyond my line.  You're not yourself (or them, really) any good by trying to keep everyone happy.  You'd be a billion times better off cutting ties with them completely than to have to endure all this crap another minute.  I'm getting an ulcer just thinking about it!I realize everyone makes exceptions for people they're close to, and I don't think you should have zero tolerance for your wacky family.  But I do think you shouldn't have unlimited tolerance either.  Stand your ground.  The consequences are only that you don't have to deal with their bullshit anymore.  And that's a good thing!

CaliopeSpidrman

Err, there should be a "doing" somewhere in that second rambly paragraph.

FallinAgain

If you feel better keeping the peace, just ignore her.  Channel Colbert and agree with everything she says.  "I know!!  If Mass. had never let the gays marry, Britney and her Vegas Husband would still be together.  It makes me so sad to think about." 

tastyburger

you should poop on your doormat.  wait.  maybe that doesn't make sense.I truly believe that if a person gets all YELLY and RAGEY when they are trying to have a debate over a difference of opinion that they feel threatened or insecure in some way.  It's one thing to have her let you know that she disagrees, it's another to start stomping around and yelling at the top of her lungs.Also.  I think "the way God intended" has got to be one of the dumbest arguments for modern marriage.  H and I are both athiests.  Should we not have to call our partnership a "union" then and not a marriage?  Until they change the rules for hetero us, they can go fluck themselves trying to apply it to gay couples (many of which DO have God in their lives!) it just doesn't make any sense.

ChristinS

I feel like my life is easier with Fallin's approach. I often take it. Of course, when I actually start giggling - that's when I unleash the ca-razy! It's pretty much like having an unbalanced Ann Coulter (is that redundant?) for a sister.