Poll/Discussion - Rudeness/Effrontery and The Knot

lharri12 · April 2010

alclover: I am not trying to be snarky, but I promise you that if you have a tiered reception, someone will think it is rude, regardless of whether you think it is rude. As the host, it's a money-saver. As a B-list guest, sorry, but it's rude! There is a reason why you are being told over and over that this is rude. I see that your wedding is over a year away - it's not too late to change your plans.

number55 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_polldiscussion-rudenesseffrontery-knot?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5d8c74e1-57ec-4645-a619-e9a05a6f6a25Post:c430fc9e-8a09-4dfe-9eaa-b948f8aac59a">Re: Poll/Discussion - Rudeness/Effrontery and The Knot</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Poll/Discussion - Rudeness/Effrontery and The Knot : I really like the points you are making here.This all makes a lot of sense to me. However, I don't agree that you would necessarily get told you were rude on E. If you came on and said, "I can't believe I have to pay for SOs at the RD, how come people can't just be without their Sos for one friggen night??" You would be jumped on. If you were to say, "Hey I wasn't sure if I had to invite SOs to the RD, any advice?" things would be just fine. <strong>You also should know there are many regs on E who continually chide other regs for jumping on newbs too harshly.</strong> Basically, if you are a brat, it doesn't take much for that part of your personality to shine through kwim?
Posted by MeaghanandMichael[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I have seen this more recently, as well as a lot of talk about cliques and the sort. I think what was really interesting from an outsider's point of view was the number of people who I easily would have tagged as 'part of the clique' who said that they didn't consider themselves to be part of it. It made me rethink how I perceived many 'regs'...but I still find FFF very scary and amazed at how it works...you definitely have to have a thick skin to stick around here for a while.

</div>

[Deleted User] · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_polldiscussion-rudenesseffrontery-knot?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5d8c74e1-57ec-4645-a619-e9a05a6f6a25Post:eb9b098a-6339-4e32-a7bf-b32bc2a5385c">Re: Poll/Discussion - Rudeness/Effrontery and The Knot</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Poll/Discussion - Rudeness/Effrontery and The Knot : Yes and yes. I don't feel the need to be like, "Oh, I'm sorry, I know you feel that your case is special and unqiue but it's really still not OK to have a cash bar." and I don't think it's fair that a response like, "It is never OK to have a cash bar" is bitchy. When people turn around and say that I was neither nice nor constructive, I am going to say, "What is unconstructive about saying no? You want an alternative? Have a dry wedding or pay for the bar." I also think that some posters need a taste of their own attitude thrown back at them. You're asking us if it's OK to include a list of rules and guidelines for your guests with your invitations and I'm supposed to coat why that is wrong with sugar?
Posted by xoxob[/QUOTE]

Exactly. Also, I don't think it does the poster any good to dance around the subject. The message that they need to receive, in most situations, is that they are being crazy and that they are going to piss people off with their foolishness. If we are less than direct, there is a higher degree of likelihood that they will not walk away with the right answer.

nda_roxybabe · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_polldiscussion-rudenesseffrontery-knot?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5d8c74e1-57ec-4645-a619-e9a05a6f6a25Post:51c21b5b-070d-4ff2-8093-38eeeba2dde9">Re: Poll/Discussion - Rudeness/Effrontery and The Knot</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Poll/Discussion - Rudeness/Effrontery and The Knot : I have seen this more recently, as well as a lot of talk about cliques and the sort. I think what was really interesting from an outsider's point of view was the number of people who I easily would have tagged as 'part of the clique' who said that they didn't consider themselves to be part of it. It made me rethink how I perceived many 'regs'...but I still find FFF very scary and amazed at how it works...you definitely have to have a thick skin to stick around here for a while.
Posted by number55[/QUOTE]
Am I in a clique? Other than the avacado one of course. Yes, FFF does require some thick skin. I wont lie, I'm super sensitive and hate being flamed or made fun of but its all part of the board and I'm okay with it.

[Deleted User] · April 2010

I'm still trying to figure out whether or not the consensus is that cliques are bad. I don't think of them as bad. I think of them as more of a grouping of like minded posters, but it seems that they have a less than positive connotation.

number55 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_polldiscussion-rudenesseffrontery-knot?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5d8c74e1-57ec-4645-a619-e9a05a6f6a25Post:256ef5eb-01f1-475c-80cf-8be46d08de44">Re: Poll/Discussion - Rudeness/Effrontery and The Knot</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Poll/Discussion - Rudeness/Effrontery and The Knot : Exactly. Also, I don't think it does the poster any good to dance around the subject. <strong>The message that they need to receive, in most situations, is that they are being crazy and that they are going to piss people off with their foolishness.</strong> If we are less than direct, there is a higher degree of likelihood that they will not walk away with the right answer.
Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]

<div>And I completely agree that they need to hear the truth but sometimes when fifteen different regs jump all over the OP and then start making jokes and comments that in some cases I think are inside jokes (I am not even sure, sometimes I just get that vibe) it is just a little much...I know I am super sensitive in general so that might be why I cringe when I see someone else being torn apart. I tried to go through some threads and find some examples but frankly, I don't think it is necessary to call anyone out...I just wonder if there is a nice, polite way to say that their ideas suck...I don't see it as sugar coating so much as not being rude. But, I also haven't been here that long (oh, and I don't usually respond to posters!) so maybe I haven't gotten to the 'for the love of God, read three posts down' point in it all!</div>

emarston1 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_polldiscussion-rudenesseffrontery-knot?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5d8c74e1-57ec-4645-a619-e9a05a6f6a25Post:6ba2e921-cb50-4e8a-8bd5-2899c9992fd0">Re: Poll/Discussion - Rudeness/Effrontery and The Knot</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm still trying to figure out whether or not the consensus is that cliques are bad. I don't think of them as bad. I think of them as more of a grouping of like minded posters, but it seems that they have a less than positive connotation.
Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]

I think I voted "yes" in that poll or whatever the response was that d'o you think there are cliques'. I don't necessarily think they are a bad thing. I interpreted it as more of groups of friends on the boards. By reading posts there are definitely people that either know each other IRL or have gotten to know each other through the boards which isn't a bad thing at all. But I can see how newbs would find it intimidating to come in and start posting if they feel everyone else already "knows" each other.

nda_roxybabe · April 2010

CEW- For the most part I do not think there is a problem with cliques. Once it starts getting that other people feel isolated and like they can't even post to that person I think its a bad thing

number55 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_polldiscussion-rudenesseffrontery-knot?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5d8c74e1-57ec-4645-a619-e9a05a6f6a25Post:6ba2e921-cb50-4e8a-8bd5-2899c9992fd0">Re: Poll/Discussion - Rudeness/Effrontery and The Knot</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm still trying to figure out whether or not the consensus is that cliques are bad. I don't think of them as bad. I think of them as more of a grouping of like minded posters, but it seems that they have a less than positive connotation.
Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>I don't think that cliques in and of themselves are bad but I would agree that in general the word carries a negative connotation...I think of it in terms of a high school caf...can you go sit at any table or will you be shunned for sitting at certain ones?</div><div>
</div><div>From an outsider's perspective some of the boards on TK do seem very cliquey (sp?, real word?) just because the same people post there so often and know each other so well...it can definitely seem cliquey from the outside looking in but I don't know if all of you who are regs would consider it to be a clique.</div>

salt78 · April 2010

1) Does telling some one they are doing something rude on here = being a bitch to some one?

Absolutely not.

2) Is this or is this not part of the point of consulting other brides on wedding ideas?

I would think so, yes.

3) Is there anything you were told was rude you decided not to do? Or, are you still doing it?

Nope. N/A.

4) Name one thing, if any, you consider so rude it makes you want to tear your eyeballs out:

Just one? I'll go with tiered receptions.

salt78 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_polldiscussion-rudenesseffrontery-knot?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5d8c74e1-57ec-4645-a619-e9a05a6f6a25Post:22a0f405-4fd4-4df2-bade-a5b887bc2b9d">Re: Poll/Discussion - Rudeness/Effrontery and The Knot</a>:
[QUOTE]However, I will be doing a “tiered” reception despite the visceral reaction this gets J . I haven’t thought it rude as a guest and don’t feel I will be creating some sh#t storm among my friends – just knotties.
Posted by alclover[/QUOTE]

<div>Speak of the devil. Tiered receptions are just about the rudest and most ridiculous thing you could possibly do, IMHO.</div>

[Deleted User] · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_polldiscussion-rudenesseffrontery-knot?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5d8c74e1-57ec-4645-a619-e9a05a6f6a25Post:4d6b441c-8c9a-46d8-af76-96fac2204a67">Re: Poll/Discussion - Rudeness/Effrontery and The Knot</a>:
[QUOTE]CEW- For the most part I do not think there is a problem with cliques. Once it starts getting that other people feel isolated and like they can't even post to that person I think its a bad thing
Posted by nda_roxybabe[/QUOTE]

Well, then I sincerely hope that I've never given that impression to anyone. I know the me, Bec, Heels clique gets talked about, so it makes me sad to think of anyone thinking they couldn't talk to us.

nda_roxybabe · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_polldiscussion-rudenesseffrontery-knot?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5d8c74e1-57ec-4645-a619-e9a05a6f6a25Post:ce362fcf-00ff-426f-92e5-029126c1ed6f">Re: Poll/Discussion - Rudeness/Effrontery and The Knot</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Poll/Discussion - Rudeness/Effrontery and The Knot : Well, then I sincerely hope that I've never given that impression to anyone. I know the me, Bec, Heels clique gets talked about, so it makes me sad to think of anyone thinking they couldn't talk to us.
Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]
No, no you guys never make me feel that way. IMO you're very open

alclover · April 2010

First, this "poll" is structured to support the behavior of the regs...

Let’s begin here: “Personally, I am waiting to hear opinions of the nay sayers. For a very vocal group, they seem to be in hiding.” MeaghanandMichael

And when I do respond, I get this kind of nastiness:

“This is funny, because your klassy tiered reception is both rude and selfish. And, you're right, we're never going to come to an agreement on that. Worst. Thing. Ever. Maybe you should opt to have the dollar dance, so you can feed all of your guests. - xoxob

And it continues: “No, no, she doesn't like those words. You mean bad mannered and ego centric...;)” - nda_roxybabe

And this is important: “... It might not be fair that the regs pretty much determine the tone and accepted content of a board, but it's just the way it is when you have posters who are closer to each other than anyone else. I'm not trying to be flippant about it, but you can't expect that the regs who are attuned to the subtleties of the culture here will be constantly trying to make this place more accommodating for others.” - beatlesgirl25

“Am I in a clique?” - nda_roxybabe YES

I have a problem a handful of women that think they rule these boards. Newbies are attacked, period.

And this chatter about my tiered reception is crap. I simply responded to ONE post saying I’ve received an invite like that and thought nothing bad of it. I wasn’t even approaching it as one of my aspirations. Yes, my wedding is a year out and things could change. But, from that one post, I got all kinds of nastiness and that makes no sense. Is this out boredom? The worst part is that “someone” felt the need to bring the topic up on a totally different post. Your clique has labled me as some rude, klassy bride. But hey, if I drop the tiered reception, could I be your friend - pretty please?

Seriously, after this past day of posting & discussion, I’m led to believe you all want to run newbies off the board and protect your (largely married) clique.

Let's add a new word - snob.

[Deleted User] · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_polldiscussion-rudenesseffrontery-knot?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5d8c74e1-57ec-4645-a619-e9a05a6f6a25Post:7a5a1688-c870-4fb7-a68e-d3975f686ad5">Re: Poll/Discussion - Rudeness/Effrontery and The Knot</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Poll/Discussion - Rudeness/Effrontery and The Knot : <strong>And I completely agree that they need to hear the truth but sometimes when fifteen different regs jump all over the OP and then start making jokes and comments that in some cases I think are inside jokes (I am not even sure, sometimes I just get that vibe) it is just a little much..</strong>.I know I am super sensitive in general so that might be why I cringe when I see someone else being torn apart. I tried to go through some threads and find some examples but frankly, I don't think it is necessary to call anyone out...I just wonder if there is a nice, polite way to say that their ideas suck...I don't see it as sugar coating so much as not being rude. But, I also haven't been here that long (oh, and I don't usually respond to posters!) so maybe I haven't gotten to the 'for the love of God, read three posts down' point in it all!
Posted by number55[/QUOTE]

And see, this is where I think this really only happens when the OP is either defensive in their replies or just a dumbass right off the bat (like asking if they can kick their BM out of the wedding because they were laid off and can't afford to pay for the bach party).

number55 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_polldiscussion-rudenesseffrontery-knot?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5d8c74e1-57ec-4645-a619-e9a05a6f6a25Post:bf12394d-184f-4959-9653-bf55ad010930">Re: Poll/Discussion - Rudeness/Effrontery and The Knot</a>:
[QUOTE]First, this "poll" is structured to support the behavior of the regs... Let’s begin here: “Personally, I am waiting to hear opinions of the nay sayers. For a very vocal group, they seem to be in hiding.” MeaghanandMichael And when I do respond, I get this kind of nastiness: “This is funny, because your klassy tiered reception is both rude and selfish. And, you're right, we're never going to come to an agreement on that. Worst. Thing. Ever. Maybe you should opt to have the dollar dance, so you can feed all of your guests. - xoxob And it continues: “No, no, she doesn't like those words. You mean bad mannered and ego centric...;)” - nda_roxybabe And this is important: “... It might not be fair that the regs pretty much determine the tone and accepted content of a board, but it's just the way it is when you have posters who are closer to each other than anyone else. I'm not trying to be flippant about it, but you can't expect that the regs who are attuned to the subtleties of the culture here will be constantly trying to make this place more accommodating for others.” - beatlesgirl25 “Am I in a clique?” - nda_roxybabe YES I have a problem a handful of women that think they rule these boards. Newbies are attacked, period. And this chatter about my tiered reception is crap. I simply responded to ONE post saying I’ve received an invite like that and thought nothing bad of it. I wasn’t even approaching it as one of my aspirations. Yes, my wedding is a year out and things could change. But, from that one post, I got all kinds of nastiness and that makes no sense. Is this out boredom? The worst part is that “someone” felt the need to bring the topic up on a totally different post. Your clique has labled me as some rude, klassy bride. But hey, if I drop the tiered reception, could I be your friend - pretty please? Seriously, after this past day of posting & discussion, I’m led to believe you all want to run newbies off the board and protect your (largely married) clique. Let's add a new word - snob.
Posted by alclover[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>No offense, but none of what you wrote is going to gain you any points. I disagreed with some of what they had to say and nobody jumped on me, likely because I didn't jump on them, I tried to be polite about it. I think that if people were more polite in general it would make the whole world a little nicer to live in. That being said, didn't you post that you were doing a tiered reception despite what everyone here says you should do...that seems to be provoking a response...</div>

[Deleted User] · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_polldiscussion-rudenesseffrontery-knot?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5d8c74e1-57ec-4645-a619-e9a05a6f6a25Post:a4a57c4d-179b-47db-a585-bf4f9df5a3ff">Re: Poll/Discussion - Rudeness/Effrontery and The Knot</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Poll/Discussion - Rudeness/Effrontery and The Knot : No, no you guys never make me feel that way. IMO you're very open
Posted by nda_roxybabe[/QUOTE]

Okay. Good. <3

nda_roxybabe · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_polldiscussion-rudenesseffrontery-knot?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5d8c74e1-57ec-4645-a619-e9a05a6f6a25Post:bf12394d-184f-4959-9653-bf55ad010930">Re: Poll/Discussion - Rudeness/Effrontery and The Knot</a>:
[QUOTE]First, this "poll" is structured to support the behavior of the regs... Let’s begin here: “Personally, I am waiting to hear opinions of the nay sayers. For a very vocal group, they seem to be in hiding.” MeaghanandMichael And when I do respond, I get this kind of nastiness: “This is funny, because your klassy tiered reception is both rude and selfish. And, you're right, we're never going to come to an agreement on that. Worst. Thing. Ever. Maybe you should opt to have the dollar dance, so you can feed all of your guests. - xoxob And it continues: “No, no, she doesn't like those words. You mean bad mannered and ego centric...;)” - nda_roxybabe And this is important: “... It might not be fair that the regs pretty much determine the tone and accepted content of a board, but it's just the way it is when you have posters who are closer to each other than anyone else. I'm not trying to be flippant about it, but you can't expect that the regs who are attuned to the subtleties of the culture here will be constantly trying to make this place more accommodating for others.” - beatlesgirl25 “Am I in a clique?” - nda_roxybabe YES I have a problem a handful of women that think they rule these boards. Newbies are attacked, period. And this chatter about my tiered reception is crap.<strong> I simply responded to ONE post saying I’ve received an invite like that and thought nothing bad of it. I wasn’t even approaching it as one of my aspirations. </strong>Yes, my wedding is a year out and things could change. But, from that one post, I got all kinds of nastiness and that makes no sense. Is this out boredom? The worst part is that “someone” felt the need to bring the topic up on a totally different post. Your clique has labled me as some rude, klassy bride. But hey, if I drop the tiered reception, could I be your friend - pretty please? Seriously, after this past day of posting & discussion, I’m led to believe you all want to run newbies off the board and protect your (largely married) clique. Let's add a new word - snob.
Posted by alclover[/QUOTE]
Now you're saying you're not planning a tiered reception?

number55 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_polldiscussion-rudenesseffrontery-knot?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5d8c74e1-57ec-4645-a619-e9a05a6f6a25Post:f99ee1bc-c4a9-4de4-8ec4-eada7cfb745f">Re: Poll/Discussion - Rudeness/Effrontery and The Knot</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Poll/Discussion - Rudeness/Effrontery and The Knot : And see, this is where I think this really only happens when the OP is either defensive in their replies or just a dumbass right off the bat (like asking if they can kick their BM out of the wedding because they were laid off and can't afford to pay for the bach party).
Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I think that sometimes (only sometimes) brides post things when they are angry/overwhelmed/shocked and they post things with out thinking rationally about the situation (and some do genuinely think that their situation is 'special') but I still don't get why the responses can't at least start off nicely...but maybe I am approaching it all wrong!

</div>

nda_roxybabe · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_polldiscussion-rudenesseffrontery-knot?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5d8c74e1-57ec-4645-a619-e9a05a6f6a25Post:9cdd8492-ea64-4a90-924a-bef82a5c2c8a">Re: Poll/Discussion - Rudeness/Effrontery and The Knot</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Poll/Discussion - Rudeness/Effrontery and The Knot : I think that sometimes (only sometimes) brides post things when they are angry/overwhelmed/shocked and they post things with out thinking rationally about the situation (and some do genuinely think that their situation is 'special') but I still don't get why the responses can't at least start off nicely...but maybe I am approaching it all wrong!
Posted by number55[/QUOTE]
I think a lot of time they do. If you go over to etiquette right now theres a post thats like "wedding party HELP!!!" the person received great, helpful responses.
For every 1 person to complain I'd say theres 10 who have appreciated the help they've been given. Heck, if there weren't no one would still be here.

[Deleted User] · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_polldiscussion-rudenesseffrontery-knot?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5d8c74e1-57ec-4645-a619-e9a05a6f6a25Post:9cdd8492-ea64-4a90-924a-bef82a5c2c8a">Re: Poll/Discussion - Rudeness/Effrontery and The Knot</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Poll/Discussion - Rudeness/Effrontery and The Knot : I think that sometimes (only sometimes) brides post things when they are angry/overwhelmed/shocked and they post things with out thinking rationally about the situation (and some do genuinely think that their situation is 'special') but I still don't get why the responses can't at least start off nicely...but maybe I am approaching it all wrong!
Posted by number55[/QUOTE]

You're totally wrong! What a dumbass.

Just kidding. ;) I do see your point. I do think it's easy to forget that most people don't frequent message boards and will not understand or appreciate the dynamics.

Blueyed228 · April 2010

1) Does telling some one they are doing something rude on here = being a bitch to some one?
No, but I dont think things are always answered that way. I have seen some really bad flames. I do however think that once an OP sees a negative response they immediately go into defense mode. Things get taken personally and most of the time it is the OP who starts with the name calling.

2) Is this or is this not part of the point of consulting other brides on wedding ideas?
Sure it is. You asked for an honest answer and got one. Its your own fault if its not the answer you wanted to hear.

3) Is there anything you were told was rude you decided not to do? Or, are you still doing it?
Yeah, I was going to just do open bar for the first 2 hours. I had never considered it rude, but had never thought of the whole "just because its common in your circle doesnt make it less rude" idea. I see the point now and will suck up the 7K to do it. (I dont get the option of signature cocktail, and beer and wine is only a $2 difference. No consumption option either). C'est La Vie. The last thing i want is for my guests to think im rude.

4) Name one thing, if any, you consider so rude it makes you want to tear your eyeballs out:
Honeymoon registries.

number55 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_polldiscussion-rudenesseffrontery-knot?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5d8c74e1-57ec-4645-a619-e9a05a6f6a25Post:c747c305-b85f-4bdb-a5df-9badc9d0ccdd">Re: Poll/Discussion - Rudeness/Effrontery and The Knot</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Poll/Discussion - Rudeness/Effrontery and The Knot : You're totally wrong! What a dumbass. Just kidding. Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]

<div>Ha ha ha...that actually caught me off guard until I read the just kidding! I don't mind being wrong (I am wrong all the time) but I don't like being called a dumbass :) (unless of course I am being one, which I have been known to be, just not as often as I am wrong)...</div>

beatlesgirl25 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_polldiscussion-rudenesseffrontery-knot?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5d8c74e1-57ec-4645-a619-e9a05a6f6a25Post:bf12394d-184f-4959-9653-bf55ad010930">Re: Poll/Discussion - Rudeness/Effrontery and The Knot</a>:
[QUOTE]First, this "poll" is structured to support the behavior of the regs... Let’s begin here: “Personally, I am waiting to hear opinions of the nay sayers. For a very vocal group, they seem to be in hiding.” MeaghanandMichael And when I do respond, I get this kind of nastiness: “This is funny, because your klassy tiered reception is both rude and selfish. And, you're right, we're never going to come to an agreement on that. Worst. Thing. Ever. Maybe you should opt to have the dollar dance, so you can feed all of your guests. - xoxob And it continues: “No, no, she doesn't like those words. You mean bad mannered and ego centric...;)” - nda_roxybabe And this is important: “... It might not be fair that the regs pretty much determine the tone and accepted content of a board, but it's just the way it is when you have posters who are closer to each other than anyone else. I'm not trying to be flippant about it, but you can't expect that the regs who are attuned to the subtleties of the culture here will be constantly trying to make this place more accommodating for others.” - beatlesgirl25 “Am I in a clique?” - nda_roxybabe YES I have a problem a handful of women that think they rule these boards. Newbies are attacked, period. And this chatter about my tiered reception is crap. I simply responded to ONE post saying I’ve received an invite like that and thought nothing bad of it. I wasn’t even approaching it as one of my aspirations. Yes, my wedding is a year out and things could change. But, from that one post, I got all kinds of nastiness and that makes no sense. Is this out boredom? The worst part is that “someone” felt the need to bring the topic up on a totally different post. Your clique has labled me as some rude, klassy bride. But hey, if I drop the tiered reception, could I be your friend - pretty please? Seriously, after this past day of posting & discussion, I’m led to believe you all want to run newbies off the board and protect your (largely married) clique. Let's add a new word - snob.
Posted by alclover[/QUOTE]

Why are you now backpedaling about your tiered reception? You've been quoted several times in different threads defending that you are having one. This just makes you less credible.

Also, people wanting to hear feedback on this issue doesn't mean whatever you say will be agreed with and your ass will be kissed. What were you expecting posting what you did here? Take a tip from number55 and the way she engaged in conversation here. We have had a pretty good discussion about the differences in our perceptions of the board, I think.

Furthermore, you've already flung insults my way, so I am not going to feel bad about going at it with you in this thread. I'm nice to people who present themselves as such.

Just because the majority of people here disagree with you, doesn't make us all a clique. Get over yourself.

[Deleted User] · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_polldiscussion-rudenesseffrontery-knot?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5d8c74e1-57ec-4645-a619-e9a05a6f6a25Post:4e8d08b8-6357-4081-9532-172b2d87879f">Re: Poll/Discussion - Rudeness/Effrontery and The Knot</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Poll/Discussion - Rudeness/Effrontery and The Knot : Ha ha ha...that actually caught me off guard until I read the just kidding! I don't mind being wrong (I am wrong all the time) but I don't like being called a dumbass :) (unless of course I am being one, which I have been known to be, just not as often as I am wrong)...
Posted by number55[/QUOTE]

At least 87% of my day is spent being a dumbass.

Blueyed228 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_polldiscussion-rudenesseffrontery-knot?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:5d8c74e1-57ec-4645-a619-e9a05a6f6a25Post:eb71f9df-ecfc-4e72-9123-f9fe1314a3ff">Re: Poll/Discussion - Rudeness/Effrontery and The Knot</a>:
[QUOTE]alclover: I am not trying to be snarky, but I promise you that if you have a tiered reception, someone will think it is rude, regardless of whether you think it is rude. As the host, it's a money-saver. As a B-list guest, sorry, but it's rude! There is a reason why you are being told over and over that this is rude. I see that your wedding is over a year away - it's not too late to change your plans.
Posted by lharri12[/QUOTE]

I found this ironic and amusing all at the same time.

number55 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_polldiscussion-rudenesseffrontery-knot?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5d8c74e1-57ec-4645-a619-e9a05a6f6a25Post:f195802d-1644-4a99-8209-2856b47adc52">Re: Poll/Discussion - Rudeness/Effrontery and The Knot</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Poll/Discussion - Rudeness/Effrontery and The Knot : I think a lot of time they do. If you go over to etiquette right now theres a post thats like "wedding party HELP!!!" the person received great, helpful responses. For every 1 person to complain I'd say theres 10 who have appreciated the help they've been given. Heck, if there weren't no one would still be here.
Posted by nda_roxybabe[/QUOTE]

<div>I totally agree, that one has been dealt with very well...but don't you think there have been some that have gone way overboard? I definitely agree with PP that it has a lot to do with how the OP responds to the feedback they receive...I guess I just feel sorry for some of them, like I wish they knew better than to post stupid questions in the first place because nothing good is going to come of it...</div>

alclover · April 2010

I haven't even put together a guest list! I said I wouldn't hesistate to do as my boss did. Send out an email a couple of days before the wedding and tell people to feel free to stop by for a beer. And it was on! I hadn't even heard about a tiered reception prior to that post. But now I feel I'm branded on this site - it's crazy.

Regs need to be able to hear things they don't like too. I thought I'd find some fun on this web site - but the culture is SO closed and judgemental. Obviously, I'm not looking for friends anymore. This is all so unnecessarily harsh and I just don't get it.

number55 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_polldiscussion-rudenesseffrontery-knot?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5d8c74e1-57ec-4645-a619-e9a05a6f6a25Post:c5dfe28b-eeec-4e72-b168-400afd353b75">Re: Poll/Discussion - Rudeness/Effrontery and The Knot</a>:
[QUOTE]I haven't even put together a guest list! I said I wouldn't hesistate to do as my boss did. Send out an email a couple of days before the wedding and tell people to feel free to stop by for a beer. And it was on! I hadn't even heard about a tiered reception prior to that post. But now I feel I'm branded on this site - it's crazy. Regs need to be able to hear things they don't like too. I thought I'd find some fun on this web site - but the culture is SO closed and judgemental. Obviously, I'm not looking for friends anymore. This is all so unnecessarily harsh and I just don't get it.
Posted by alclover[/QUOTE]

<div>What you still don't seem to get is that nobody here is going to tell you that any form of 'tiered' reception is appropriate. Your wedding isn't a house party, nor should it be. You need to decide if your problem with TK is that the ladies here won't agree with you or if it how they chose not to agree with you. There is a difference between the two. And you have now openly admitted to trying to stir things up. How does that reflect positively on you? If you aren't planning on having a tiered reception why would you even throw that out there? Because causing shiit is fun? Sigh...</div>

mRosenberg · April 2010

are you a medic?

Poll/Discussion - Rudeness/Effrontery and The Knot

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