Poll/Discussion - Rudeness/Effrontery and The Knot

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_polldiscussion-rudenesseffrontery-knot?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:5d8c74e1-57ec-4645-a619-e9a05a6f6a25Post:8594a7f1-b56c-4781-88fd-bcfa33c57dad">Re: Poll/Discussion - Rudeness/Effrontery and The Knot</a>:
[QUOTE]How are they creepy Cew? I am confused by that one. I think weddings symbolize a new family jsut as much as they symbolize a union between two people. I think that is super cute to involve Ben in the ceremony. Plus, you are obviously not forcing the kid to stand on display.
Posted by MeaghanandMichael[/QUOTE]

I don't really know, Meg. I think that it's because they feel that marriage should be between a man and a woman and to bring children into it is weird. For us, it makes sense because it's always been about the three of us.

Ben was a huge part of the proposal and we've always referred to it as our family wedding. I never really liked all of the vows that I saw because they all talked about obeying the new stepdad. We've never referred to Matt as Ben's stepdad and I don't like the idea of having "obey" in any of the vows. I feel 100% better about the vows we came up with last week.

MeaghanandMichael

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_polldiscussion-rudenesseffrontery-knot?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5d8c74e1-57ec-4645-a619-e9a05a6f6a25Post:a484db51-64c2-48b5-8f8b-ca168001d4e3">Re: Poll/Discussion - Rudeness/Effrontery and The Knot</a>:
[QUOTE]I have to say I think its so funny when people get called out on past things they have posted. I am new and all but it just cracks me up.
Posted by mRosenberg[/QUOTE]

Oh it is hard to forget when some one goes all BSC. I admit I don't really have a great knot memory, but some people have awesome ones- especially when you were involved in the OP where the posters was a crazy beebee.

betrothed123

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_polldiscussion-rudenesseffrontery-knot?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5d8c74e1-57ec-4645-a619-e9a05a6f6a25Post:ca02e8b2-8d16-48be-bdae-0763ae847d14">Re: Poll/Discussion - Rudeness/Effrontery and The Knot</a>:
[QUOTE]I never really liked all of the vows that I saw because they all talked about obeying the new stepdad. We've never referred to Matt as Ben's stepdad and I don't like the idea of having "obey" in any of the vows. I feel 100% better about the vows we came up with last week.
Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]

This is exactly why I usually think children vows are creepy.  Often the child doesn't even understand what they are promising to do.  Also, children can't enter into contracts, so the promises that they make (and may break later, leading to guilt) don't actually mean anything in the end.

Cew,

The ones you've come up with don't sound creepy to me.

[Deleted User]

My thoughts exactly, Betrothed. I find them especially weird if there is a divorced parent still in the picture or if there is even the slightest bit of unrest with the new step parent relationship. We are dealing with neither of those and I am so thankful for that. While his vows are not in the least bit serious, they are going to allow him to be part of the ceremony if he so chooses.

MeaghanandMichael

Oh yeah, that makes a lot of sense now betrothed. I definitely don't think the child should be taking the same vows an adult does.

beatlesgirl25

Cew, that sounds really adorable about Ben's vows! I love the idea of a family wedding. As far as kids in the wedding go, these child vows aren't creepy. Now, mini-brides? Those are creepy!

Lenore and Blueeyed:

[Deleted User]

Beatles is here! And yes, Mini brides are super creepy.

beatlesgirl25

HI CEW!!! I'm here, catching up on this morning's posts. This place is hopping today. Well, relatively speaking.

[Deleted User]

I know. I like it.

Okay. I'm off to go buy a book and read it while I enjoy some delicious Panera. Don't hate.

beatlesgirl25

It's too late, I'm already seething. *seethes*

Have fun at lunch!

sparklingdiamond

1) Does telling some one they are doing something rude on here = being a bitch to some one?
No, but I personally feel like you can tell someone they are being rude without being bitchy about it.  There are nice ways of telling people they are being rude.

2) Is this or is this not part of the point of consulting other brides on wedding ideas?
Yea, I want to find out if an idea I have is rude before my wedding so I don't end up offending my family and friends.

3) Is there anything you were told was rude you decided not to do? Or, are you still doing it?
Yea, a cash bar.  I just wasn't really thinking about it when I first wanted to do it.  Now I understand why I shouldn't do it. :-)

4) Name one thing, if any, you consider so rude it makes you want to tear your eyeballs out:
Tiered receptions definitely.

TroyandKelly

1) Does telling some one they are doing something rude on here = being a bitch to some one?
Not at all.  Sometimes people just don't know that they are being rude until others point it out.  Besides, this is the snarky brides board...what do they expect?

2) Is this or is this not part of the point of consulting other brides on wedding ideas?
Yes, that is the point.

3) Is there anything you were told was rude you decided not to do? Or, are you still doing it?
No, I haven't posted too much - but if I asked for advice it would be because I actually needed advice and would take people's suggestions seriously.

4) Name one thing, if any, you consider so rude it makes you want to tear your eyeballs out:
Kicking a bridesmaid out of the wedding because she is pregnant, having a backup bridesmaid, complaining about how much (or how little, rather) money people are giving them for their wedding.

betrothed123

Since I didn't fill out the poll before....

1) Does telling some one they are doing something rude on here = being a bitch to some one?
Not always.  I think it's possible to cross what should be very obvious lines (for example telling someone you hope they get divorced, commenting on looks, or telling someone you hope they have a miscarriage), but in general I don't believe that honesty=bitchiness.

2) Is this or is this not part of the point of consulting other brides on wedding ideas?
Yup, that would most definitely be the point.

3) Is there anything you were told was rude you decided not to do? Or, are you still doing it?
Kind of.  When I was first planning everyone told me a cash bar was rude, but I had never been to a wedding without one before.  We ended up still going with a partial cash bar because we did not want to serve liquor but the venue couldn't remove it from the bar for our event.

4) Name one thing, if any, you consider so rude it makes you want to tear your eyeballs out:
I typically don't get worked up over anything like this.  Most of the weddings I have attended are Potluck and BYOB, so it takes a lot to get to me.

ebebe

1) Does telling some one they are doing something rude on here = being a bitch to some one? No but many confuse the two because they are not prepared for honest opinions.  Many people don't realize that the world may not agree with their ideas of right and wrong. However, I do find that a lot of times some people are unecessarily harsh and straight up mean sometimes about telling someone they are being rude.

2) Is this or is this not part of the point of consulting other brides on wedding ideas?  Yes. You just have to make sure that what you say isn't something you'll want to retract later.

3) Is there anything you were told was rude you decided not to do? Or, are you still doing it?  Not really - but I'm sure there will be ha ha.

4) Name one thing, if any, you consider so rude it makes you want to tear your eyeballs out:  I went to a wedding last Friday. Someone that was supposed to be at our table RSVPed yes to the wedding and then never showed up. I found myself imagining that he was there and punching him in the face ha ha.

bbyckes

The word rude is entirely used to much on these here boards, but since it is a website that caters to those planning weddings, what can you do about it?  When I read "that's rude!", it generally is referring to something that probably is.

catemeg

1) Does telling some one they are doing something rude on here = being a bitch to some one?  If you answer their question and disagree with them in a respectful way, no that's not being a bitch.  If you criticize aspects of their wedding that they were not asking about, yes you're a self important bitch who thinks your opinions should be forced upon unfortunate victims.

2) Is this or is this not part of the point of consulting other brides on wedding ideas?  Only if someone is asking whether or not they are doing something rude - remember, cultures are different even within our own country (even within small towns).  What one family does and considers normal, you may not.  If someone is concerned about something being rude, by all means offer your opinion.  If they don't ask, keep your smart ass comments to yourself.

3) Is there anything you were told was rude you decided not to do? Or, are you still doing it?  In my opinion, a wedding is not some cookie-cutter party that has to fit the ridiculous rules and regulations that most of the die-hard Knotties believe are universal and sacrosanct.  These are the real rules: it's a party to celebrate a new marriage.  Think of your guests just like you would at any other party - the people you're inviting, do they like food, music, wine?  What will they expect?  Provide a good atmosphere for your friends and family, but ultimately remember the day is about you and your new husband.  Other than that, screw decorum and these random etiquette rules and traditions.  They can be used as guidelines, but they're certainly not untouchable.

4) Name one thing, if any, you consider so rude it makes you want to tear your eyeballs out:   When brides on here jump down someone's throat with holier-than-thou judgements on how someone else is planning to run their wedding.  If you're not answering her question and you're just judging her, just keep your nastiness to yourself.  I'm sure your behavior doesn't change - snarky people like that end up alone and miserable eventually.  Might be a lesson to use in real life, too, before your groom realizes what a nasty judgemental person you are.

MeaghanandMichael

Uhoh Cate, it seems like you have something to be pretty hostile about! eeek!

But I think you make good points, to a point. You have to understand that even when people are asking about a specific thing, they often give other information in the post. For example some one might be asking for late night snack ideas because they are inviting people to the reception after the dinner only. There is no way people are just going to give her snack ideas. They are definitely going to jump all over her for having a tiered reception. This is NOT (at least for me) an attempt to be holier than though, but out of serious concern she needs to think about in how to treat people and how to have an appropriate wedding reception.

But, is she were like, can I serve BBQ to my guests and a poster responded all, "wow you are so cheap, just BBQ?" then that is judgy and rude. BBQ is freakin fantastic btw.

Also, there are legitimate and long standing etiquette sources, namely Miss Manners and The Post Institute. These have nothing to do with different towns all over the place, but a long tradition of what it means to be a gracious host and provide for your guests at a formal event. (Even if the event is not formal, the intent of celebrating a wedding is.) Please note something you may think is ridiculous and near and dear to our "die hard" hearts is not on the whim of our own. It seems if you lurked here long enough to gather what you did in the above post, you might have picked up on that as well. ::shrugs:: some things just go over people's heads when they are angry.

beatlesgirl25

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_polldiscussion-rudenesseffrontery-knot?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5d8c74e1-57ec-4645-a619-e9a05a6f6a25Post:88c81ba2-0c9f-4bac-8386-892d7e5557fb">Re: Poll/Discussion - Rudeness/Effrontery and The Knot</a>:
[QUOTE]1) Does telling some one they are doing something rude on here = being a bitch to some one?   If you answer their question and disagree with them in a respectful way, no that's not being a bitch.  If you criticize aspects of their wedding that they were not asking about, yes you're a self important bitch who thinks your opinions should be forced upon unfortunate victims. 2) Is this or is this not part of the point of consulting other brides on wedding ideas?  Only if someone is asking whether or not they are doing something rude - remember, cultures are different even within our own country (even within small towns).  What one family does and considers normal, you may not.  If someone is concerned about something being rude, by all means offer your opinion.  If they don't ask, keep your smart ass comments to yourself. 3) Is there anything you were told was rude you decided not to do? Or, are you still doing it?  In my opinion, a wedding is not some cookie-cutter party that has to fit the ridiculous rules and regulations that most of the die-hard Knotties believe are universal and sacrosanct.  These are the real rules: it's a party to celebrate a new marriage.  Think of your guests just like you would at any other party - the people you're inviting, do they like food, music, wine?  What will they expect?  Provide a good atmosphere for your friends and family, but ultimately remember the day is about you and your new husband.  Other than that, screw decorum and these random etiquette rules and traditions.  They can be used as guidelines, but they're certainly not untouchable. 4) Name one thing, if any, you consider so rude it makes you want to tear your eyeballs out:   When brides on here jump down someone's throat with holier-than-thou judgements on how someone else is planning to run their wedding.  If you're not answering her question and you're just judging her, just keep your nastiness to yourself.  I'm sure your behavior doesn't change - snarky people like that end up alone and miserable eventually.  Might be a lesson to use in real life, too, before your groom realizes what a nasty judgemental person you are.
Posted by catemeg[/QUOTE]

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reddy123

it's interesting that this is on snarky brides and yet you want nay-sayers to come out....

The questions on the poll are biased, imo even if you didn't mean them to be. Of course 'honesty isn't bitchy' and 'I came here for honesty' are the 'right' answers and make the whiners look like, well, whiners. But it's not so black and white. Some regs (I'm not saying it's Meag or Beatles girl or Roxy or anyone in particular, I'm not trying to start a flame fest) just go too far with the snarkiness. If someone was expecting a respectful answer, them getting pouty for being blatantly made fun of does not equal asking for validation for their idea. At that point the conversation has left the WR question all together.

*steps down from soap box*

also answering #3:

I wanted to get my BM's something WR and my local board said it was a no-no. I am still getting them the necklaces, but also something non WR.

MeaghanandMichael

Actually Reddy, you would be surprised at how many people do think honesty is bitchy which is the reason I made the poll. People say it all the time on here and I wanted to hear why they thought that. So far, no one is standing behind their original accusations.

Also, have you read the posts lately on this board? I would love to know which ones are asking for tame replies? Most of them start with, "I know I am being a bitch btt..." On the other hand, there was one today where the girl discussed some sister drama and she got plenty of good advice not "omg you are so selfish that you are concerned your sisters are fighting and are going to ruin your pretty princess day!"

beatlesgirl25

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_polldiscussion-rudenesseffrontery-knot?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5d8c74e1-57ec-4645-a619-e9a05a6f6a25Post:b4b2cc04-3999-4d32-9aa4-da47b396066a">Re: Poll/Discussion - Rudeness/Effrontery and The Knot</a>:
[QUOTE]it's interesting that this is on snarky brides and yet you want nay-sayers to come out.... The questions on the poll are biased, imo even if you didn't mean them to be. Of course 'honesty isn't bitchy' and 'I came here for honesty' are the 'right' answers and make the whiners look like, well, whiners. But it's not so black and white. <strong>Some regs (I'm not saying it's Meag or Beatles girl or Roxy or anyone in particular, I'm not trying to start a flame fest) just go too far with the snarkiness. </strong>If someone was expecting a respectful answer, them getting pouty for being blatantly made fun of does not equal asking for validation for their idea. At that point the conversation has left the WR question all together. *steps down from soap box* also answering #3: I wanted to get my BM's something WR and my local board said it was a no-no. I am still getting them the necklaces, but also something non WR.
Posted by reddy123[/QUOTE]

Reddy, if you want to call someone out, just do it. I feel like you just did, but you're not owning it.

[Deleted User]

Yep. It's no fun unless you name names.

reddy123

 meag, I do agree that there are gems of posts on here that make it hard not to be blunt. but there is a difference between bluntness and bitchiness I guess. I just wish all the newbies would read Mrs B's Ettiquette FAQ's or at least the knot's QandA before posting to save themselves.

reddy123

no beatlesgirl, I just named you guys because you were in here and I didn't want you to take it personally just because you are regs.

MeaghanandMichael

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_polldiscussion-rudenesseffrontery-knot?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5d8c74e1-57ec-4645-a619-e9a05a6f6a25Post:539642b7-344b-4e66-82f9-5cb9df479b1c">Re: Poll/Discussion - Rudeness/Effrontery and The Knot</a>:
[QUOTE] meag, I do agree that there are gems of posts on here that make it hard not to be blunt. but there is a difference between bluntness and bitchiness I guess.<strong> I just wish all the newbies would read Mrs B's Ettiquette FAQ's or at least the knot's QandA before posting to save themselves.</strong>
Posted by reddy123[/QUOTE]


Very wise indeed!

beatlesgirl25

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_polldiscussion-rudenesseffrontery-knot?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5d8c74e1-57ec-4645-a619-e9a05a6f6a25Post:539642b7-344b-4e66-82f9-5cb9df479b1c">Re: Poll/Discussion - Rudeness/Effrontery and The Knot</a>:
[QUOTE] meag, I do agree that there are gems of posts on here that make it hard not to be blunt. but there is a difference between bluntness and bitchiness I guess. I just wish all the newbies would read Mrs B's Ettiquette FAQ's or at least the knot's QandA before posting to save themselves.
Posted by reddy123[/QUOTE]

I totally agree with this.

[Deleted User]

So, since I wasn't on your list are you talking about me?

beatlesgirl25

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_polldiscussion-rudenesseffrontery-knot?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5d8c74e1-57ec-4645-a619-e9a05a6f6a25Post:4d80f9de-ab10-4ec4-ad5a-09acb05f2444">Re: Poll/Discussion - Rudeness/Effrontery and The Knot</a>:
[QUOTE]no beatlesgirl, I just named you guys because you were in here and I didn't want you to take it personally just because you are regs.
Posted by reddy123[/QUOTE]

Well thanks for clarifying. :)

betrothed123

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_polldiscussion-rudenesseffrontery-knot?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:5d8c74e1-57ec-4645-a619-e9a05a6f6a25Post:f5db7fc9-a31c-45c9-aeff-fc1847de3bc1">Re: Poll/Discussion - Rudeness/Effrontery and The Knot</a>:
[QUOTE]So, since I wasn't on your list are you talking about me?
Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]

Nope, clearly it's me.  I'm a big (blue) meanie.

reddy123

lol, cew I think you are pretty harsh but also hilarious and I always like your posts so I guess I am just as bad as all the regs

also I should say I lurk on E for entertainment (which includes bitchiness) so it's a double-edged sword and my soap box isn't very high.