Poll/Discussion - Rudeness/Effrontery and The Knot

xoxob

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_polldiscussion-rudenesseffrontery-knot?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5d8c74e1-57ec-4645-a619-e9a05a6f6a25Post:8ea50dc7-8e4a-4ff5-9aac-1c7b65ff16c7">Re: Poll/Discussion - Rudeness/Effrontery and The Knot</a>:
[QUOTE]It just personally turns my stomach when people cast a broad net and say things like "dollar dances/garter tosses/etc." are "tacky." It could very well be tacky in some areas, but I can definitely say it isn't in my community. People in my part of the world would be more likely to say, "hmm, wonder why there wasn't a dollar dance" than "oh, my! How *tacky*!"   Plus, I don't expect my parents (or us as a couple) to foot the bill so that guests can get plastered drunk (and yes, it would happen here with some guests).  If they want to, they can do it with their own money.  My mom would just assume there not be any alcohol, so it's kind of a compromise. I'm sure there are people who think it's "tacky" that the groom/his guys will be wearing boots and jeans, and that I'll be wearing boots with my dress, as well.  Regionalisms. Culture. They're all different.
Posted by laurae84[/QUOTE]

I don't think anyone would tell you its tack y to be wearing your boots if that is who you are.

But, yes, cash bars are tack; either have an open bar or a dry wedding.

aprovencher21

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_polldiscussion-rudenesseffrontery-knot?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:5d8c74e1-57ec-4645-a619-e9a05a6f6a25Post:44e92f68-48b6-4764-a4ef-d4e8f705c768">Re: Poll/Discussion - Rudeness/Effrontery and The Knot</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Poll/Discussion - Rudeness/Effrontery and The Knot : That's why etiquette exists. Etiquette rules are universal. It's best minded to follow them so that none of your guests will be put upon to see something other than they expect. You can do whatever you want, but chances are, someone is going to be taken aback.  Once again, you don't have to follow the rules of etiquette, but improprietous behavior can never be vindicated; geographical excuses need not apply. Just do it but be prepared for a couple of raised eyebrows. Both here and at your wedding. How can a few of us think they are universal when we're all from different places? Hmm?
Posted by xoxob[/QUOTE]

Exactly most of us are from different areas and follow the universal rules of etiquette.  For me saying its a "local" thing is just an excuse to be rude and not think of your guests. 

laurae84

Well, I guess I'm just going to have to agree to disagree with you gals.  The Dollar Dance has its roots in many cultures, including Bohemian, Latin and (I believe) Dutch.  Considering some areas of the country were "settled" a bit later than others, they've also held on to variations of traditional customs longer than others.

I don't take the threat of snarky women talking behind my back particularly seriously, either. If the kind of person who takes pleasure in petty nitpicking, I really don't care about their opinion, anyway.

I do understand that this is a wedding website, so it is important to be open to opinions of many people different from my own.  What I didn't realize was that there was one "right" opinion (possibly from a book?) to be used as the hallmark for setting standards of etiquette.

Cheers!

betrothed123

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_polldiscussion-rudenesseffrontery-knot?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5d8c74e1-57ec-4645-a619-e9a05a6f6a25Post:610ea9c1-5da8-4acf-a286-a3a34dabbdd8">Re: Poll/Discussion - Rudeness/Effrontery and The Knot</a>:
[QUOTE]What I didn't realize was that there was one "right" opinion (possibly from a book?) to be used as the hallmark for setting standards of etiquette. Cheers!
Posted by laurae84[/QUOTE]


Well then, do tell, what exactly do you think etiquette is, if not a set of universally accepted guidelines to ensure that you're being polite and treating other properly?

laurae84

According to dictionary.com, etiquette's 1st definition is " conventional requirements as to social behavior; proprieties of conduct as established in any class or community or for any occasion."(emphasis added)

Though I hesitate to quote Wikipedia, here's another: "Like "culture", etiquette is a word that has gradually grown plural, especially in a multi-ethnic society with many clashing expectations. Thus, it is now possible to refer to "an etiquette" or "a culture", realizing that these may not be universal."

I'm not denying the fact that wedding customs (including dances, drinking habits, etc.) vary throughout the country.  I wouldn't expect a NY wedding to look similar to a ND wedding. That's the beauty of this country of ours.

(As a side note, I may have misrepresented how we are serving beverages at our reception--my parents are providing unlimited pop and bottled water, per their beliefs on drinking. We wouldn't want people to go thirsty!  But it would just not follow "ND etiquette" to forbid our guests to bring in their own flasks and/or cases of beer.

MeaghanandMichael

We addressed all the points you made multiple times. You have exhausted
everyone's patience to the point where you just sounds like you have a reading comprehension problem. Keep posting if you really like to read yourself think, but other than that I wouldn't get your hopes up.

beatlesgirl25

I'm wondering how long it took her to compile the references for her big paper on "Why the Ladies of The Knot Are Wrong." You know she was up researching that last night.

betrothed123

FTR It would be against "NY wedding etiquette" as well to forbid our guests from doing anything, including bringing alcohol (although my guests didn't have to bring alcohol because I served it to them free of charge), so there goes your theory.

laurae84

I give up. *throws in towel*