Ring re-do

MarriedInAFever

I've heard of some girls on TK getting another ring or changing their rings when they weren't happy with the one they received during the proposal. I'm curious what people think about this. If your FI gave you a ring you didn't like, would you tell him? Do you think you're justified in getting another?

carethb

just no.

DodgersBride

I wouldn't tell him. I would feel like a selfish bitch if I told him that it wasn't big enough or not what I wanted. However FI did  take me with him to buy my ring. He had went by himself picked it out and then took me to see if I liked it. He knew what style I liked.

KatyRoseM

If you hate it deal, and then just wear your wedding band after you get married.  Its a gift, and not about the ring. 

On the other hand, I would hope he knew your taste a little (and he must not if you hate it).

tba0313

I vote no.  If you hate it that much, you can always fake losing it (you know, throw it down the rain gutter) and demand a new one. Cry a lot, it helps.

PetraStonegirl

Uncool. It's a from-the-heart gift. It's be like ripping his heart out and stomping on his puppy.

npasquale16

NO!!  What about the sentimental value?  Although, I do agree with PP, he should at least have an idea of what style you'd want.  My FI asked for suggestions, so he had about seven rings to choose from, but picked my fav.

amitrenti

Yeah ok I know you're making fun of me. WE.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Fi knows me well enough to know I would be pissed if I didn't have input in my ring.

The way I see it is this: hopefully you've discussed marriage before you actually start planning a wedding, so the proposal isn't TOTALLY out of left field. So I don't think it's unromatic to help pick out a piece of jewelry I'll be wearing for the rest of my life. It did not take away from the surprise of FI's proposal, even though I knew vaguely when it would be and that he had bought the exact ring I wanted and was keeping it in his underwear drawer.

However, I've also heard of grooms getting a stone and having it set after the proposal or getting a soliaire and then picking out a wrap-type wedding ring after the fact, which is cool. But if my FI thought the ring should be a relection of his personality - sorry, no.

So after that novel - if you're extremely unhappy with your ring, I think there are more issues underlying it than just the ring. Because it tells me you and your Fi don't communicate or he doesn't respect your feelings and opinion.

laurenclaire1386

I know every couple is different, but I can't imagine FI not knowing me well enough to pick out a ring I'd like, or not asking me about it. I can understand not being able to pick it out without some input, but really, how hard is it to go "What kind of e-ring do you like?" It just strikes me as common sense for a dude to ask his girlfriend what kind of ring she'd like.

kd.joseph

Well first and foremost I hope my SO knows me enough to know my likes and dislikes. And even though I knew he wouldnt buy a ring in front of me, and he wanted to surprise me, we did do a litlle shopping togther to get the band right for my finger.

The answer is no, he put so much time and effort into getting the right ring and diamond. And it's beautiful.

arv266

Absolutely not.  I might as well just tell my FI -- "that ring you gave me as a promise to marry me... we'll, I'll accept the ring but deeeep down inside I think it sucks. And sure, I'll marry you, but I'll pick out my own ring, as obvioulsy you can't do anything right.... "  

COkristi

I would probably be a little sad if I absolutely hated my ring, but I don't think I would ever switch it. I wouldn't want to hurt DH's feelings, and I don't think the ring should be THAT important. It's also not that hard to get an idea of what a girl likes though. I got something different that what I had tried on but I love it, and I love it that DH picked it out on his own.

raynes

I'm with Katy, he should have some idea of your taste.

If you hated your ring, I'd think that money would be better spent on some couch time to figure how why you're sure a raging biitch than a new ring....

maratea

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_ring-re?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:9f4627d3-b4ab-4c42-92fb-44b7c2a40df4Post:4504ebd2-6e23-4b6e-b8d0-b673a918e93b">Re: Ring re-do</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah ok I know you're making fun of me. WE.
Posted by amitrenti[/QUOTE]

You're not the only person on TK that hasn't liked the original ring their FI got for them. Don't think so highly of yourself, please. And this is a legit question. WE.

[Deleted User]

Deep down I know it would hurt DH's feelings to ask for another one, so no. He said when we bought the ring that he would get me a new one when we actually had money, but I don't want another one. I want this one.

RochelleAnn2302

i would just make sure I got to help pick out the wedding band at that point so there would be something that i liked. but asking for something new because you didn't get one that was big enough or whatever? unacceptable... unless your FI is REALLY WELL OFF!

shellydiane820

I can't imagine Nick picking a ring I wouldn't like, we cringe at the same things.  However, if he got me a ring that was ugly (and I'm talking style, I could care less about the size) I would say something.  This is a piece of jewelry you have to wear the rest of your life.  You want to enjoy it.

Now, there's also a way of going about it.  I wouldn't be like "Eww" I'd would politely explain that the ring isn't my style.  And knowing Nick, he wouldn't care anyway. He's not one to get offended by something like that.

MarriedInAFever

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_ring-re?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:9f4627d3-b4ab-4c42-92fb-44b7c2a40df4Post:4504ebd2-6e23-4b6e-b8d0-b673a918e93b">Re: Ring re-do</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah ok I know you're making fun of me. WE.
Posted by amitrenti[/QUOTE]

Not really. You got me thinking. But I'm legitimately curious. This isn't the first time I had heard of a girl asking for a new ring.

AllAboutTheBenjamin

I will say this even though I risk sounding like a complete bitch - but I'm kinda on the fence about this.

My ex I dated for six years would not have bought me a ring I liked.  I asked him to show me a few he thought I would like one time, and he didn't even know what metal I preferred (even though ALL the good jewelry I wear is yellow gold).  If he gave me a ring I know I wouldn't like it, and I probably would have said "Thanks, but try again."

My fiance wanted to get me a ring I liked, so we went shopping together.  But I actually would have trusted him to get me a ring I loved even if I didn't have a hand in choosing it. 

So for me - it depends on the person.

I kinda think if it's meant to be, you'll love the ring - AND he'll get you a ring that you love.  It kinda goes hand in hand.

And before I get flamed - remember the girl on Just Engaged who was given a goat ring?  Would you veto that or just wear it anyways since he gave it to you from his heart?

Also, I picked cew's a megabitch.

Anysunrise

I picked Cew's a megabitch because it's the obvious answer to everything.

That being said, it would have to be a seriously seriously hideous ring for me to not love it completely. I probably just wouldn't wear it in that case, but I'd keep it simply because he gave it to me when he asked me to marry him. I wouldn't ask for another in any case.

That being said, he asked me what kind of style I liked, what kind of cutting, how I'd prefer the setting etc. Turned out I picked the same things he'd already had in mind, so he didn't even need my help

ETA: I just realized I said "That being said" to start both of my paragraphs. Go me.

vegasgroom

As the person who'd be on the giving side of the ring that gets rejected, I think if I had just taken a random guess at what FI wanted without any prior discussion it would not bother me much if she phrased her displeasure with my choice in a nice manner (genuine, diplomatic, not greedy, etc.).  But, if there was some prior discussion and I tried to get as close to what she wanted as I could, either in budget or design, I think it would probably upset me if she told me she didn't like it.  Or, if it was exactly what she wanted and was just a size of the diamond type issue, that would definitely make me upset.

I think if someone is in a position where there could be hurt feelings then, if possible, wait until the first anniversary and talk about 'upgrading' it.  I suggsted that in a different thread recently, but most of the girls in that thread said you shouldn't hide it from your FI for all the way through engagement and marriage and then tell him, better to get it out of the way now.  Not sure how I feel about that, I have some friends who'd definitely misinterpret that as oh the ring is not big enough even if that's not the case, guys want to feel like what they got was the best they could possibly have done and getting rejected can upset that ego.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Oh, I guess the other issue is that I almost never wear jewelry, so I'm not sure FI would know that I prefer white metals (although he prefers white metals too, so there's that). Then again, I've also never owned a diamond ring before, so how would he know that I wanted round or oval, or that I didn't want a solitaire, unless we talked about it?

MarriedInAFever

I was thinking of goat ring girl too. Sorry if you're lurking goat ring girl! She apparently loved it though. People have different tastes.

maratea

H and I picked out our rings together, so I kind of had some input in what I got. But, we also talked about what we liked before we were engaged. However, I don't think I'd not like whatever ring H got me, because as far as I'm concerned the ring is more a symbol of love, commitment and our marriage rather than a piece of jewelry. I look at my rings and think "I'm married to the greatest man ever and it makes me incredibly happy", not "Man what a tiny diamond I have."

Jelenny

my fi knew me well enough that i dont wear a lot of jewelry....so he asked my opinion (he had not rings laying around he could snoop and get an idea)

with my imput he got me a ring i adore - maybe it's because of the meaning, but he did great

even if the ring was different then the one i got i probably would still love it and if i didn't i know he tried really hard and i would still wear it for his effort and as a symbol of his love (i know he would have put a lot of effort into this)...

TheCranberry

My FI and I know each other very well, but I was nervous that he would get me a ring that's not my style.  I didn't really wear rings before I got my e-ring so there was no way for him to really know what I liked.  I would never have told him if I didn't like the ring.  Even though we exchange bday gifts or other gifts if we don't like them, this is totally different!

Luckily, he asked me to send him pics of rings I liked (he didn't want to shop for it together).  I figured he'd take the pics to the store and get something similar, but he ended up getting my favorite one. 

I think men want their SO's to like their e-rings so even if you don't shop together, at least talk about or show him pics of what you like.  I don't think it's fair to expect him to be able to pick out an engagement ring without having an idea of what you like.

stephl3055

I think it depends.  If the style is way off, like I wanted a simple solitaire but got this huge, ornate antique-y thing, then I think it's okay to say that it's not my taste at all. 
But if there are tiny details I'm not a fan of, like the band is a little thicker than I would like, then I probably wouldn't say anything because it seems nitpicky. 

Either way I think a lot of these issues could be avoided if people would just talk about what they wanted upfront.  I was pretty forward with DH on what I liked.  Whenever I would see a friend's ring on FB or something on TV, I would tell him if it was ugly or not.  We also went shopping and he was good at taking notes and got me something I really do love. 

Goff2010

I would very carefully consider how much time, effort, and thought your fiancee put into finding and purchasing your ring. If you had any idea how sensitive an issue that was to them, you would think twice about telling him that you either want another one or dislike it. I know my fiancee put hours and hours into finding one that he thought would be fantastic and engagement rings are obviously not cheap. It's a demonstration of his love for you and asking for you to commit to forever. That said, I guess it would ultimately be decided by whether you value your fiancee's feelings or your complete satisfaction with an inatimate object more.

gottahavashorti

If it was really NMS, I would have just worn it until the wedding and then only occasionally after the wedding.  DH got some minimal input from me and ended up using my favorite of the rings I already owned as a little guidance as well.

I do know one person who either had her FI return the ring or did get him to exchange it.  It was not at all a style issue.  She thought it was way too much for them to spend at the time since they were both young and they either had a baby on the way or their baby was a newborn and they could put that money toward more important things.

GreenPepperBurger

I don't believe in upgrading. I think that you should accept the ring that you were proposed to with for at least the sentimental value. I can't imagine a guy who wants to spend his life with you not knowing what styles of rings you like. I think couples who are planning on getting engaged/married should also talk about budget and have a realistic idea of what an e-ring should/could cost.

I was looking at e-rings with BF yesterday and asked him what he thought of some (we've been talking rings for a while). He flat out told me he didn't care about them, that the ring itself was about me. He said, "I know what you like." Now, while I think that the guy SHOULD be somewhat interested in the ring, at least I know we've discussed them.

ETA: I've loved every piece of jewelry BF has ever bought for me, so I'm not worried.