Another fun update from drunken aunt land

jasmineh7777

Here are my thoughts:

 Whether or not it is appropriate for AATB to post about her aunt, she is the only one that will deal with the fallout of anyone seeing her posts. I think we all know and understand this whenever we post.

 I can see being empathic to the person who may or may not find this and be pissed. But I also think that whatever any of us choose to share is ultimately our decision. If it makes you uncomfortable, then I totally agree with your chocie to not read or comment. I do the same thing.

She hasn't used any identifying information; even her SN is basically anonymous.
I don't care what "tone" AATB uses, because ultimately I think this is cathartic for her.

Blueyed228

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_another-fun-update-drunken-aunt-land?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:b6dbb2bf-770f-4003-8127-149dd202fb96Post:504c659a-b444-4fe8-9749-1fae40a1469d">Re: Another fun update from drunken aunt land</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Another fun update from drunken aunt land : well then apparently i misinterpreted you. seems to happen a lot. my bad. but for the record, i didnt see anyone telling anyone what to post so apparently my confusion was inevitable.
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

Youre right.  No one came out and said it exactly, but it was heavily implied by a few people that she shouldnt talk about it anymore.

Kind of like it has been heavily implied that the baby talk should stop, or that the TTC talk should stop, and other things should stop.  So yes, you are right to say it.  There are very few people who actually come out and say exactly what it is that they mean.  Most of the time it is implied, so that when it gets called out or questioned, it turns into "But i didnt say that!"

beatlesgirl25

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_another-fun-update-drunken-aunt-land?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:b6dbb2bf-770f-4003-8127-149dd202fb96Post:974d2b8a-d6f2-40c3-aa8a-9df209489328">Re: Another fun update from drunken aunt land</a>:
[QUOTE]Beats- i get that but, and this isnt directed at you (or anyone specific really), it just comes off so holier than thou.  Especially when there is a thread happening right now about what betch wore white to your wedding etc.  How is that much different?  And why is that ok? Like I said, im just so confused.  If it was me, and not AATB, I would be super pissed at people trying to tell me what to do. 
Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]

Okay, I'll stop taking your comments as directed toward what I was doing/saying. Though I'm not sure who's left if you're not talking to me or J&K. ;) And yeah, I'd be irritated by people telling me "you're posting this wrong," if that was what was being said.

For me, the difference is in the topic matter and whether the person being gossiped about is someone you love and would want to protect IRL. Some topics, like wearing white to a wedding or some FB acquaintance's online relationship drama or IL fights, don't fit into that category and are honestly what this board thrives on (and happily so, I dig it). Other topics, like "my family member has a debilitating addiction that has destroyed our family and put her child in danger and she's abused and needs help" are also what this board is great for, because of the outpouring of support, understanding, and many shoulders to cry on. BUT when it then turns into "she's also a cheating bitch and check out the juiciest new gossip and also feel free to call her a bitch and a trainwreck too," well that's when it starts crossing over into different territory for me. I don't know AATB well at all, but I feel like that's not the kind of person she is or wants to come off as.

Blueyed228

Beats- I dont think you are wrong for expressing your dislike of it.  Saying "thats a real asshole thing to say AATB" is different than saying "I dont thinkyou should post that stuff here"

Not that it even matters anymore, AATB said she wasnt going to post anymore about it, so I guess everyone wins.

J&K10910

alright well because i still cant tell if youre talking about me or not and im tired of being confused and im leaving work soon, im throwing in the towel on this one. we disagree, im not surprised we disagree so im accepting what you feel as your opinion and we will just have to disagree on this one. not that thats new for us. and in case its even harder to read my tone than usual because of my inability to punctuate or capitalize properly, im not trying to be bratty with this post. we could go in circles all night blue...there arent too many people better at that aropund here but im waving my white flag tonight.

Blueyed228

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_another-fun-update-drunken-aunt-land?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:b6dbb2bf-770f-4003-8127-149dd202fb96Post:e5fbaa3d-fd38-4635-bd34-77d317677157">Re: Another fun update from drunken aunt land</a>:
[QUOTE]alright well because i still cant tell if youre talking about me or not and im tired of being confused and im leaving work soon, im throwing in the towel on this one. we disagree, im not surprised we disagree so im accepting what you feel as your opinion and we will just have to disagree on this one. not that thats new for us. and in case its even harder to read my tone than usual because of my inability to punctuate or capitalize properly, im not trying to be bratty with this post. we could go in circles all night blue...there arent too many people better at that aropund here but im waving my white flag tonight.
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

You are right, it is hard to read your tone on this one.  My first impression is that it is <em><strong>super</strong></em>passive aggressive in its tone, so Ill just take your word for it when you say its NBD.

beatlesgirl25

Jas, that's all very true and I agree. I'll drop it because goodness knows I've said enough about it. I do feel like there is a lot of "benefit of the doubt"-edness being given here because the poster in question is AATB. I understand why this happens, especially when people feel like they "know" someone didn't mean it that way and don't want to flame them for something a newb without the benefit of that context would get flamed for. I've undoubtedly done it with people that I know better on these boards with the most authentic of intentions. Just chalk my intial comments up to being the honest opinion of someone who doesn't "know" these things about the OP. No harm intended.

sucrets4

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_another-fun-update-drunken-aunt-land?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:b6dbb2bf-770f-4003-8127-149dd202fb96Post:e190ee0a-5e7c-494f-8a0f-b4c4c4b5cf86">Re: Another fun update from drunken aunt land</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Another fun update from drunken aunt land : For me, the difference is in the topic matter and whether the person being gossiped about is someone you love and would want to protect IRL. Some topics, like wearing white to a wedding or some FB acquaintance's online relationship drama or IL fights, don't fit into that category and are honestly what this board thrives on (and happily so, I dig it). Other topics, like "my family member has a debilitating addiction that has destroyed our family and put her child in danger and she's abused and needs help" are also what this board is great for, because of the outpouring of support, understanding, and many shoulders to cry on. BUT when it then turns into "she's also a cheating bitch and check out the juiciest new gossip and also feel free to call her a bitch and a trainwreck too," well that's when it starts crossing over into different territory for me. I don't know AATB well at all, but I feel like that's not the kind of person she is or wants to come off as.
Posted by beatlesgirl25[/QUOTE]

I totally agree with all of this. 

I couldn't put a finger on it at first, and definitely couldn't write it was well as BG, but this is what didn't sit right with me.  And I don't even know the history, it was just too...gossipy and sounded like she was using her horrible situation for everyone's entertainment.

beatlesgirl25

AATB YGPM

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_another-fun-update-drunken-aunt-land?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:b6dbb2bf-770f-4003-8127-149dd202fb96Post:974d2b8a-d6f2-40c3-aa8a-9df209489328">Re: Another fun update from drunken aunt land</a>:
[QUOTE]Beats- i get that but, and this isnt directed at you (or anyone specific really), it just comes off so holier than thou.  Especially when there is a thread happening right now about what betch wore white to your wedding etc.  How is that much different?  And why is that ok? Like I said, im just so confused.  If it was me, and not AATB, I would be super pissed at people trying to tell me what to do. 
Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]

Honestly, Blue if you can't tell the difference between discussing a very serious family issue that involves the welfare of a child and complaining about someone wearing white to a wedding, then I just really don't know what to say.

And just as you might be sick of people telling others how to post, I'm really fucking sick of being told that I shouldn't voice my opinion about a topic.

So, I guess here's my bottom line. Aatb is welcome to post what ever she wants about this issue and I am welcome to judge her for it. And again, for me, it's not as much about the topic as the way it is portrayed. This fucked up shiit is not entertainment. It's real life and it's a horrible situation. To make light of it and call it a fun update date is shitty, IMO.

Nebb

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_another-fun-update-drunken-aunt-land?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:b6dbb2bf-770f-4003-8127-149dd202fb96Post:faae9871-e782-447e-bc34-34ac80eb0d8f">Re: Another fun update from drunken aunt land</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Another fun update from drunken aunt land : Honestly, Blue if you can't tell the difference between discussing a very serious family issue that involves the welfare of a child and complaining about someone wearing white to a wedding, then I just really don't know what to say. And just as you might be sick of people telling others how to post, I'm really fucking sick of being told that I shouldn't voice my opinion about a topic. So, I guess here's my bottom line. Aatb is welcome to post what ever she wants about this issue and I am welcome to judge her for it. And again, for me, it's not as much about the topic as the way it is portrayed. This fucked up shiit is not entertainment. It's real life and it's a horrible situation. To make light of it and call it a fun update date is shitty, IMO.
Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]
But where is the line, and who is deciding that? Bitching about a friend in any manner could still be hurtful if that friend found out, no? The topic matter is different, but its not entirely a different posting situation here. My only issue is way too often lately people are coming in to try and say "you shouldnt do that!" and waggle their finger, and Im just commenting on what ive noticed going on. I generally dont give a crap what anyone does, because lets be honest, its the internet, but when it becomes unfair for other posters, something has to be said. There are tons of posts I dont like, but I dont go in and huff and puff "uugh this again??" or tell people its shitty of them to be discussing it, I just dont open the thread or I move along and do something else. We have that option.

[Deleted User]

Nebb, you know I love you, but I've seen you bitch about posts and thread topics a shitton.

And for me, it's just a much more serious issue. It's a personal thing. I've voiced my opinion about it and I'm allowed to have that opinion. No one has to decide where the line is. There are no rules about this stuff.

Blueyed228

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_another-fun-update-drunken-aunt-land?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:b6dbb2bf-770f-4003-8127-149dd202fb96Post:faae9871-e782-447e-bc34-34ac80eb0d8f">Re: Another fun update from drunken aunt land</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Another fun update from drunken aunt land : Honestly, Blue if you can't tell the difference between discussing a very serious family issue that involves the welfare of a child and complaining about someone wearing white to a wedding, then I just really don't know what to say. <strong><u>And just as you might be sick of people telling others how to post, I'm really fucking sick of being told that I shouldn't voice my opinion about a topic.</u></strong>So, I guess here's my bottom line. Aatb is welcome to post what ever she wants about this issue and I am welcome to judge her for it. And again, for me, it's not as much about the topic as the way it is portrayed. This fucked up shiit is not entertainment. It's real life and it's a horrible situation. To make light of it and call it a fun update date is shitty, IMO.
Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]


Just to clarify, that is exactly what I have been saying this whole thread, so I guess we agree.  I said this earlier.

<em>We are all adults and can post whatever we want. The beauty of these boards is that if you don't want to read it, don't open the thread.</em>

It seems like AATB posted it, then some people judged her for it, and others judged those people, and then everyone got defensive. 

AllAboutTheBenjamin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_another-fun-update-drunken-aunt-land?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:b6dbb2bf-770f-4003-8127-149dd202fb96Post:d9ef91d2-1765-4631-b41d-5fdd742c567d">Re: Another fun update from drunken aunt land</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Another fun update from drunken aunt land : Actually, I came to AW my friend since I don't know anyone else who potentially reads Brides magazine.  Then I figured I'd aw a few pics since she's 1 and I guess I thought some people here who I used to post with would like to see how she's grown.  It's kind of a big milestone and all. Then I read some other posts while I was here. And - if you think it's worse to post pics of my kid, then by all means call me out on it but not in a passive aggressive way.  Have some balls, Steph, if that's how you really feel. I think you're reading waaaay too far into my text.  I stated how it's different than it was.  That's a fact.  It's text.  You can't tell my tone of voice or body language from it, so I don't know where you're getting the 'tsk tsk tsk' from.  I don't know what happened on here to make you all defensive. AATB - please let me know if I offended you in some way.  I thought we were all good but apparently your friends think otherwise.
Posted by sucrets4[/QUOTE]


Holy nutsacks, okay - I'm only this far in catching up with the thread but I'll answer you Sooks (if you're even around today right now); no, what you said did not offend me at all.  When I first started posting about what was happening with her and her fam, it was because I wanted advice and didn't know how to help and blah blah blah.  As some posters have pointed out - yeah, I've cut her off, and it's mostly just sad that it's come to this point.  I know some people here have been following how I've been handling it, so that's why I'd update periodically.  But I mean, I'm wordy and whatnot so sometimes the posts may be a little too detailed and paint her in a really terrible light (although I tend to think she does that to herself enough already).

I didn't get the tone from you that you were shaking your finger at me for what I was posting; mostly that you were giving me something to think about and I think you're right.  What's happening is really awful, mostly for my cousin.  I won't post about this anymore, but if people who have been following it and care about what's happening want to know what's going on they can certainly ask and I will certainly oblige.

...that's all for now.

AllAboutTheBenjamin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_another-fun-update-drunken-aunt-land?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:b6dbb2bf-770f-4003-8127-149dd202fb96Post:aaf13243-e390-4fe3-a16e-6b921f53dc53">Re: Another fun update from drunken aunt land</a>:
[QUOTE]i just want to point out that this is not the first time ive pointed out that i dont like the situation. first time would be whenaatb first posted about contacting intervention. and blue, the same awesome priciple that lets aatb post what she wants is the same one that lets me voice my opinion about what she posts. and ftr my original post in this thread really was out of concern, not meant to be combative. people have changed their sns, lost their jobs, upsewt friends and family members, and had venues canceled because of things theyve posted. really. and i think we can all use a reminder of that every now and then. <strong>so aatb, i am sorry if you felt attacked by me. i didnt mean it that way but i know everything is open to interpretation and interpretation is far more influential than intended meaning.</strong>
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

I definitely didn't feel attacked or offended by what you said either, J.

J&K10910

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_another-fun-update-drunken-aunt-land?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:b6dbb2bf-770f-4003-8127-149dd202fb96Post:12746191-c104-4532-8f75-1473887a799a">Re: Another fun update from drunken aunt land</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Another fun update from drunken aunt land : I definitely didn't feel attacked or offended by what you said either, J.
Posted by AllAboutTheBenjamin[/QUOTE]

We coo'? 

In all seriousness though--if you ever need any advice or ideas for helping or staying out of it or whatever, please feel free to PM, FB message, whatever me.  I work with chemically dependent adults now and I've got a couple in my life.  I know it sucks and it's hard to cut them off and deal with their antics.  So let me know if I can help. 

AllAboutTheBenjamin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_another-fun-update-drunken-aunt-land?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:b6dbb2bf-770f-4003-8127-149dd202fb96Post:e39dd0a1-e619-459d-ae20-a14caf36ea3f">Re: Another fun update from drunken aunt land</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Another fun update from drunken aunt land : We coo'?  In all seriousness though--if you ever need any advice or ideas for helping or staying out of it or whatever, please feel free to PM, FB message, whatever me.  I work with chemically dependent adults now and I've got a couple in my life.  I know it sucks and it's hard to cut them off and deal with their antics.  So let me know if I can help. 
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

We totally coo, girl fran.

And thank you, I really appreciate that and I will definitely keep it in mind :)

sucrets4

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_another-fun-update-drunken-aunt-land?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:b6dbb2bf-770f-4003-8127-149dd202fb96Post:bd825768-c1ac-4c9f-802e-89e4eb1efc9c">Re: Another fun update from drunken aunt land</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Another fun update from drunken aunt land : Holy nutsacks, okay - I'm only this far in catching up with the thread but I'll answer you Sooks (if you're even around today right now); no, what you said did not offend me at all.  When I first started posting about what was happening with her and her fam, it was because I wanted advice and didn't know how to help and blah blah blah.  As some posters have pointed out - yeah, I've cut her off, and it's mostly just sad that it's come to this point.  I know some people here have been following how I've been handling it, so that's why I'd update periodically.  But I mean, I'm wordy and whatnot so sometimes the posts may be a little too detailed and paint her in a really terrible light (although I tend to think she does that to herself enough already). I didn't get the tone from you that you were shaking your finger at me for what I was posting; mostly that you were giving me something to think about and I think you're right.  What's happening is really awful, mostly for my cousin.  I won't post about this anymore, but if people who have been following it and care about what's happening want to know what's going on they can certainly ask and I will certainly oblige. ...that's all for now.
Posted by AllAboutTheBenjamin[/QUOTE]

AATB, I truly feel for you.  I can't imagine how crappy the situation is and how difficult it must be to feel in the middle.  I'm so glad that you completely understood my point and didn't take anything in a way I didn't intend.

I was just confused why everyone else had an issue with it since you and I were cool from the beginning.

gtg put Em down for a nap. brb.