In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_favors_carity-favor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:27Discussion:a8add106-428b-4be1-a24e-552775c0a15bPost:cab8e31e-132e-4204-8667-3652fdf35a3e">Re: Charity favor</a>: [QUOTE]To those who disagree- It is to HONOR and to support the person in our family. She's a good friend to MY side of the family before my FI and I even got together. Th<strong>at's why this is the donation from all the guests that actually is a great idea</strong> but it may not be a good idea for others. This is not to get recognition which is stupid and selfish for anybody to say stuff like that. Posted by ashleyme88[/QUOTE]
No, it's not. If your guests want to support the foundation, privately, they can, and probably do. What foundation are you donating to, anyway? If it's SGK, expect some of your guests to be pretty pissed off.
I don't see you jumping up and down to give YOUR wedding presents or money from YOUR honeymoon fund to the foundation (actually, I believe you specifically said that one reason that you're using favor money for the donation is so that you can spend more on your honeymoon...) so, yeah. Try not to act all high and mighty over it.
What if for your friend's birthday you said "You know, I was planning on spending $50 on you, but I decided to give it to MY favorite charity instead?" It's the EXACT same thing. Favors are gifts to your guests, whether they are needed or not. A gift to someone else should center around them, not you. There are plenty of ways to honor your FI's mother that don't include snubbing your guests. Frankly, saying that this is a way for you to make the donation without YOU cutting back in your personal life is selfish. I'm saying that as a bride, not as a guest.
I also think it's already been mentioned, but it is impossible to find an organization that everyone supports. There are lots of charities that are politically-charged and have poor organizational structure. If I went to a wedding where the bride and groom made a donation in lieu of favors to an organization I don't support, I would be annoyed. And no, I would never tell them to their face, but I would forever think less of them.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_favors_carity-favor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:27Discussion:a8add106-428b-4be1-a24e-552775c0a15bPost:5d00f2db-6ea1-4580-8902-ec835b101c96">Re: Charity favor</a>: [QUOTE]I agree.... I'm not planning on using the guest's name on the donation or even give up anything just because of the donation. It will be a separate budget for the donation <strong>so we don't have to suffer just because we have to donate</strong> <strong>(ie. give up new clothes, etc).</strong> If we culd afford it, we will. but it will be the amount that we want to spend for the favors. I dont understand why someone will put in lieu of and put guest names. I went to a wedding that donated to children's hospital St Jude's children hospital and I really loved the idea. I much rather get a paper stating that the bride and groom has donated money to a charity instead of favors which totally makes sense. My FI is really close with his mom and I think this will be a great thing that I could do because we did lost a great person and we're really upset that she wont be here to see us getting married. At least maybe we could donate we could at least feel as we did a good thing in the wedding instead of just for ourselves (honeymoon), guests (food, etc)... and thinking about it, we don't want any more ladies in our family to die from breast cancer if we're that much closer to the cure.... Posted by ashleyme88[/QUOTE]
Clearly, buying new clothes is more important to you than the "ZOMG! Let's find a cure for BREAST CANCER" bullshit that you're spouting right now. Get your story straight, OP.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_favors_carity-favor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:27Discussion:a8add106-428b-4be1-a24e-552775c0a15bPost:78d5a486-cbb8-4cd3-8551-eec0f02883bf">Re: Charity favor</a>: [QUOTE]OP think of it this way: What if for your friend's birthday you said "You know, I<strong> was planning on spending $50 on you, but I decided to give it to MY favorite charity instead?"</strong> It's the EXACT same thing. Favors are gifts to your guests, whether they are needed or not. A gift to someone else should center around them, not you. There are plenty of ways to honor your FI's mother that don't include snubbing your guests. Frankly, saying that this is a way for you to make the donation without YOU cutting back in your personal life is selfish. I'm saying that as a bride, not as a guest. I also think it's already been mentioned, but it is impossible to find an organization that everyone supports. There are lots of charities that are politically-charged and have poor organizational structure. If I went to a wedding where the bride and groom made a donation in lieu of favors to an organization I don't support, I would be annoyed. And no, I would never tell them to their face, but I would forever think less of them. Posted by mcskatcat[/QUOTE]
Yeah, my SIL did this to us a few years back (something to the effect of, "we spend so much on Christmas every year for materialistic things that I thought the money would better be used to feed starving kids in Africa. Here's a donation voucher in your name." I was not amused, and honestly, haven't gotten her a Christmas present since.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_favors_carity-favor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:27Discussion:a8add106-428b-4be1-a24e-552775c0a15bPost:ae121a3b-ee30-4cdf-a29b-71f40c39cf8c">Re: Charity favor</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Charity favor : <strong>Oh and before you spout off a rant like none of us understand what it's like...my husband's mother passed away from MS in 2007. My stepmother died of a brain tumor in 2004.</strong> Neither of them saw us get married and they will never know our children. Do we want to stop these diseases? Of course we do. We donate money and get involved in events. But we do those things on our own time because that is OUR agenda. Posted by salt78[/QUOTE]
Thank you! That was going to be my point. OP you're not the only one that has lost a loved one before marriage. My mother passed away from MS almost 4 years ago and wasn't able to witness ANY of her 3 children get married. Neither my brother or sister did donations in lieu of favors, and I won't either.
I donate to the MS Society, I participate in their walks and challenge walks, I am active in the MS community, but I don't AW all of those things I do. Donating to charity should be a humble thing. You're taking from yourself and giving to others. You shouldn't shout from the rooftops like you're someone special, which is exactly what giving little pink slips of paper to your guests as their "favor" is going to come across as.
Skip the announcement, make the donation, and enjoy your wedding day. It's that simple. There are other ways to honor his mother on your wedding day that don't take away something from your guests.
Exactly what MrsB said. Favors are optional. Favors are not necessary. If you choose to skip the favors and donate what you would have spent to whatever organization you choose, fine. Heck - skip something larger (flowers, oot bags, personalized tote bags for your BMs, expensive shoes, whatever) and donate what you would have spent. But donate PRIVATELY. It does nothing for me as a guest to have you make a donation in someone's honor. What if I don't care for the organization you choose? Plenty of people have an issue with Susan G Komen for the way they spend the billions of dollars they raise. What if I would rather donate to the American Cancer Society but I don't get a choice?
You found one person who agrees with you - goody. Listen to the 100 people who don't. If you came here for validation, you're in the wrong place. Donating in this fashion just comes off as AWish.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_favors_carity-favor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:27Discussion:a8add106-428b-4be1-a24e-552775c0a15bPost:ae121a3b-ee30-4cdf-a29b-71f40c39cf8c">Re: Charity favor</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Charity favor : Oh and before you spout off a rant like none of us understand what it's like...my husband's mother passed away from MS in 2007. My stepmother died of a brain tumor in 2004. Neither of them saw us get married and they will never know our children. Do we want to stop these diseases? Of course we do. We donate money and get involved in events. But we do those things on our own time because that is OUR agenda. Posted by salt78[/QUOTE]
Oh, and this too. My mother dropped dead when I was 9 years old because of heart disease. Would you please direct a portion of your donation to the American Heart Association in her honor? thanx.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_favors_carity-favor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:27Discussion:a8add106-428b-4be1-a24e-552775c0a15bPost:cab8e31e-132e-4204-8667-3652fdf35a3e">Re: Charity favor</a>: [QUOTE]To those who disagree- It is to HONOR and to support the person in our family. She's a good friend to MY side of the family before my FI and I even got together. That's why <strong>this is the donation from all the guests</strong> that actually is a great idea but it may not be a good idea for others. This is not to get recognition which is stupid and selfish for anybody to say stuff like that. Posted by ashleyme88[/QUOTE]
It would be a donation from your guests if you spread the word that instead of gifts, you'd rather they donate.
First you say that you're NOT doing this in honor of your guests. Then you say that it IS a donation from all of your guests.
You say you're not making it public, then you say you're putting pink notes at their places at the reception. (The pink notes make me believe that your money is going to SGK. There are other organizations that are far more about breast cancer research than SGK which is far more about promoting SGK.)
You say this is a sacrifice for your late FMIL. Then you say that you're not sacrificing YOUR things for this cause in which you believe so "passionately"~you're just sacrificing the part that's for your guests.
You keep contradicting yourself as you try to backpedal on this. You're so caught up in how magnimous you're being, and how this will benefit cancer research that you're missing what 99.9% of the responses here are saying to you.
Please listen again: NO ONE is telling you not to donate to your charity of choice. In fact, EVERYONE is telling you to donate to your charity of choice. But except for the SINGLE poster to which yo've attached yourself, we're all telling you to do it privately.....to keep your wedding out of it.....because it's not a "favor" for your guests. Why is that so hard for you to understand?
And don't you dare lecture me about not understanding your interest in cancer research. Don't you dare. My FIL died of cancer. My dearest cousin died of cancer. Both of her sisters have breast cancer. Their dad had breast cancer. And now the next generation in the family has aggressive Stage 4 Breast Cancer. She's the daughter of the brother of the three sisters who all have cancer. She's 32 years old, and not expected to survive. My SIL's father died 9 monthsof cancer before our DD and SIL's wedding. So don't you dare lecture me.
Oh-and our DD and SIL gave their guests favor boxes of m&ms. They do a lot for cancer research. But they don't pretend that what they do is a gift for their friends and family. Our DIL has juvenile diabetes. She is VERY active in JD fundraising. But their favors for their wedding were not donations to JD foundations. Because they understand that a donation is a personal thing.
And don't you dare comment on my relationship with my MIL. I have a great MIL. And I AM a MIL. Twice. And though it seems hard for you to imagine, after 32 years of marriage, my MIL and I have an amazing relationship. So keep trying to convince people that what you're doing is altruistic. But stop insulting posters with your comments about loved ones and illnesses and our relationships with our MsIL.
"Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
There is a cancer foundation that sounds great and I would love to donate to. I know someone close to me that they have personally helped. However, they advocate stem cell research. There are members of my bf's family who would be horrified to read on a card that "in lieu of favors" we donated the money to this group.
The charity might sound great and you might have a personal connection to them, but your wedding is not the place to let your guests know that instead of getting them favors, you opted to donate the money.
This is my first (and perhaps only?) post as I do my searching for my upcoming wedding, but I had to weigh in here. I applaud Ashley and anyone else who makes a donation in lieu of favors. Will there be people who disagree? Of course. There will be people who disagree with every single thing you do in life. The fact is that you can’t please all of the people all of the time. The problem with this wedding industry is that it’s become more about what websites like this tell you that you should and shouldn’t do rather than what is important to you for your day. My fiancé and I are in our late 30s and no longer give a rat’s ass about what others think should and shouldn’t happen. We are activists in our lives and will absolutely bring part of that activism to our wedding, including making donations to organizations that support the causes we believe in lieu of favors. Not only that, some of these organizations may even (GASP) controversial! Do I care? Nope. Some people in one of our extended families may not like it. Some people might think that we shouldn’t be “flaunting” our charitable giving. Do I care? Nope. It’s a part of our lives and we want our wedding to reflect our lives. All politically messy and all. Most of the people we most care about will appreciate this about us (and probably not expect anything less). Rather than allow others’ (especially strangers’) opinions to dictate your decisions, think about what’s important to you and your fiancé and make sure you incorporate it. You do that with colors and food, why not with other aspects?
That said, I do like the idea of giving something tangible associated with the donation (people like stuff they can touch and feel). So the idea of purchasing something symbolic of where we donate is cool. I also like an idea that I read somewhere about giving guests “tokens” or something where they can choose one of say three donations by dropping their token into a bowl marked with that donation.
In any event, this is your wedding. If you want to give a donation and advertise that donation, just do it!
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_favors_carity-favor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:27Discussion:a8add106-428b-4be1-a24e-552775c0a15bPost:89199a1a-fac9-4d51-bec1-23628c5c7015">Re: Charity favor</a>: [QUOTE]This is my first (and perhaps only?) post as I do my searching for my upcoming wedding, but I had to weigh in here. I applaud Ashley and anyone else who makes a donation in lieu of favors. Will there be people who disagree? Of course. There will be people who disagree with every single thing you do in life. The fact is that you can’t please all of the people all of the time. The problem with this wedding industry is that it’s become more about what websites like this tell you that you should and shouldn’t do rather than what is important to you for your day. My fiancé and I are in our late 30s and no longer give a rat’s ass about what others think should and shouldn’t happen. We are activists in our lives and will absolutely bring part of that activism to our wedding, <strong>including making donations to organizations that support the causes we believe in lieu of favors.</strong> Not only that, some of these organizations may even (GASP) controversial! Do I care? Nope. Some people in one of our extended families may not like it. Some people might think that we shouldn’t be “flaunting” our charitable giving. Do I care? Nope. It’s a part of our lives and we want our wedding to reflect our lives. All politically messy and all. Most of the people we most care about will appreciate this about us (and probably not expect anything less). Rather than allow others’ (especially strangers’) opinions to dictate your decisions, think about what’s important to you and your fiancé and make sure you incorporate it. You do that with colors and food, why not with other aspects? That said, I do like the idea of giving something tangible associated with the donation (people like stuff they can touch and feel). So the idea of purchasing something symbolic of where we donate is cool. I also like an idea that I read somewhere about giving guests “tokens” or something where they can choose one of say three donations by dropping their token into a bowl marked with that donation. In any event, this is your wedding. If you want to give a donation and advertise that donation, just do it! Posted by amyj1276[/QUOTE]
But again I ask: why are you making your donation from the part that is something for your guests? If you really want it to be about sacrifice and activism: give up something important to YOU: your dress, your flowers. Hell, skip your honeymoon and give the $$ you'd spend on your HM to your causes.
No one can quite ever explain to me why the ONLY thing they think of giving up in their wedding is the favor.
"Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_favors_carity-favor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:27Discussion:a8add106-428b-4be1-a24e-552775c0a15bPost:ea28ec63-c9af-4f42-b17b-e9152037d8af">Re: Charity favor</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Charity favor : But again I ask: why are you making your donation from the part that is something for your guests? If you really want it to be about sacrifice and activism: give up something important to YOU: your dress, your flowers. Hell, skip your honeymoon and give the $$ you'd spend on your HM to your causes. No one can quite ever explain to me why the ONLY thing they think of giving up in their wedding is the favor. Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]
I agree with you..i don't understand the controversy about this topic..The idea of donating money to any charity in stead of buying stuff people will forget or not want, it way better use of money. *high five* lol
I'm not entirely sure where this argument is coming from. Based on this logic, why have any possessions at all? Why spend money on a vacation when you would donate instead? Why buy a new couch if you could donate that money? Why even have a wedding when you can donate instead? I'm sorry, but this logic makes no sense to me. Like a wedding and everything else in life, we budget certain amounts for certain things. The idea that you can't budget a specific amount and still spend money on other things just doesn't make sense to me.
Our donation isn't about our sacrifice or activism per se. It's about making our wedding reflect our lives and values. One of our charities will be Marriage Equality to reflect the decision we made to marry when others can't. My FI was a journalist for most of his career and one of the donations will be to NPR, the last bastion of true journalism in this country, in our opinions.
My guess is that donations are made in lieu of favors because it simply makes the most sense or is just easiest. For us, it may be in addition to favors. Who knows.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_favors_carity-favor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:27Discussion:a8add106-428b-4be1-a24e-552775c0a15bPost:6d828b9f-16f8-4bc0-a3ef-40ef014cb92f">Re: Charity favor</a>: [QUOTE]Um, yeah. I agree with all of the PP's except for Newb Validator. Posted by LDYGTR13[/QUOTE]
I LOL'd for real. :D
Oh, and I'm on the "skip something of your own to donate, don't announce it" team.
If you want to skip favors and donate that money instead, I say go for it because I think favors are something you can cut anyway if you want to. But I wouldn't announce it to your guests and say that their favor is your donation.
If people don't expect favors then why is there a board titled "Favors". Maybe some people don't expect them....but generally, most people expect something, something dumb usually. Never been to a wedding without favors?
The whole point making a donation in lieu of a favor is to not say "we made a donationon your behalf". Some say they do- whatever. The point is, the couple wants to spend money on everyone to thank them for coming but they don't want to waste it on something stupid, like most people generally do (probably like all you people who disagree). So whoever thinks its wrong to take that couples hard earned money and do something meaningful with it instead of wasting it on a petty favor, can be the first people to walk out of the reception if you don't like it. Sorry if I'd rather help someone in need with my money than buy you a bag of M&Ms with my initials on it.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_favors_carity-favor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:27Discussion:a8add106-428b-4be1-a24e-552775c0a15bPost:c9aec67b-a0ed-4092-88b6-832f8e60496e">Re: Charity favor</a>: [QUOTE]<strong>If people don't expect favors then why is there a board titled "Favors".</strong> Maybe some people don't expect them....but generally, most people expect something, something dumb usually. Never been to a wedding without favors? The whole point making a donation in lieu of a favor is to not say "we made a donationon your behalf". Some say they do- whatever. The point is, the couple wants to spend money on everyone to thank them for coming but they don't want to waste it on something stupid, like most people generally do (probably like all you people who disagree). So whoever thinks its wrong to take that couples hard earned money and do something meaningful with it instead of wasting it on a petty favor, can be the first people to walk out of the reception if you don't like it. Sorry if I'd rather help someone in need with my money than buy you a bag of M&Ms with my initials on it. Posted by allisonkbye[/QUOTE]
Because they're another money maker in the wedding industry.
The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007 "So I sing a song of love, Julia" 06.10.10 BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
I'm a little late to the party, but keep this in mind. The only time it's appropriate to let people know you made a donation to charity is when your name goes up on the new wing at the hospital. In other words, when you can give enough money to really make a difference. Otherwise, you're just bragging.
Re: Charity favor
[QUOTE]To those who disagree- It is to HONOR and to support the person in our family. She's a good friend to MY side of the family before my FI and I even got together. Th<strong>at's why this is the donation from all the guests that actually is a great idea</strong> but it may not be a good idea for others. This is not to get recognition which is stupid and selfish for anybody to say stuff like that.
Posted by ashleyme88[/QUOTE]
No, it's not. If your guests want to support the foundation, privately, they can, and probably do. What foundation are you donating to, anyway? If it's SGK, expect some of your guests to be pretty pissed off.
I don't see you jumping up and down to give YOUR wedding presents or money from YOUR honeymoon fund to the foundation (actually, I believe you specifically said that one reason that you're using favor money for the donation is so that you can spend more on your honeymoon...) so, yeah. Try not to act all high and mighty over it.
http://tidetravel.weebly.com/index.html
What if for your friend's birthday you said "You know, I was planning on spending $50 on you, but I decided to give it to MY favorite charity instead?" It's the EXACT same thing. Favors are gifts to your guests, whether they are needed or not. A gift to someone else should center around them, not you. There are plenty of ways to honor your FI's mother that don't include snubbing your guests. Frankly, saying that this is a way for you to make the donation without YOU cutting back in your personal life is selfish. I'm saying that as a bride, not as a guest.
I also think it's already been mentioned, but it is impossible to find an organization that everyone supports. There are lots of charities that are politically-charged and have poor organizational structure. If I went to a wedding where the bride and groom made a donation in lieu of favors to an organization I don't support, I would be annoyed. And no, I would never tell them to their face, but I would forever think less of them.
[QUOTE]I agree.... I'm not planning on using the guest's name on the donation or even give up anything just because of the donation. It will be a separate budget for the donation <strong>so we don't have to suffer just because we have to donate</strong> <strong>(ie. give up new clothes, etc).</strong> If we culd afford it, we will. but it will be the amount that we want to spend for the favors. I dont understand why someone will put in lieu of and put guest names. I went to a wedding that donated to children's hospital St Jude's children hospital and I really loved the idea. I much rather get a paper stating that the bride and groom has donated money to a charity instead of favors which totally makes sense. My FI is really close with his mom and I think this will be a great thing that I could do because we did lost a great person and we're really upset that she wont be here to see us getting married. At least maybe we could donate we could at least feel as we did a good thing in the wedding instead of just for ourselves (honeymoon), guests (food, etc)... and thinking about it, we don't want any more ladies in our family to die from breast cancer if we're that much closer to the cure....
Posted by ashleyme88[/QUOTE]
Clearly, buying new clothes is more important to you than the "ZOMG! Let's find a cure for BREAST CANCER" bullshit that you're spouting right now. Get your story straight, OP.
http://tidetravel.weebly.com/index.html
[QUOTE]OP think of it this way: What if for your friend's birthday you said "You know, I<strong> was planning on spending $50 on you, but I decided to give it to MY favorite charity instead?"</strong> It's the EXACT same thing. Favors are gifts to your guests, whether they are needed or not. A gift to someone else should center around them, not you. There are plenty of ways to honor your FI's mother that don't include snubbing your guests. Frankly, saying that this is a way for you to make the donation without YOU cutting back in your personal life is selfish. I'm saying that as a bride, not as a guest. I also think it's already been mentioned, but it is impossible to find an organization that everyone supports. There are lots of charities that are politically-charged and have poor organizational structure. If I went to a wedding where the bride and groom made a donation in lieu of favors to an organization I don't support, I would be annoyed. And no, I would never tell them to their face, but I would forever think less of them.
Posted by mcskatcat[/QUOTE]
Yeah, my SIL did this to us a few years back (something to the effect of, "we spend so much on Christmas every year for materialistic things that I thought the money would better be used to feed starving kids in Africa. Here's a donation voucher in your name." I was not amused, and honestly, haven't gotten her a Christmas present since.
http://tidetravel.weebly.com/index.html
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Charity favor : <strong>Oh and before you spout off a rant like none of us understand what it's like...my husband's mother passed away from MS in 2007. My stepmother died of a brain tumor in 2004.</strong> Neither of them saw us get married and they will never know our children. Do we want to stop these diseases? Of course we do. We donate money and get involved in events. But we do those things on our own time because that is OUR agenda.
Posted by salt78[/QUOTE]
Thank you! That was going to be my point. OP you're not the only one that has lost a loved one before marriage. My mother passed away from MS almost 4 years ago and wasn't able to witness ANY of her 3 children get married. Neither my brother or sister did donations in lieu of favors, and I won't either.
I donate to the MS Society, I participate in their walks and challenge walks, I am active in the MS community, but I don't AW all of those things I do. Donating to charity should be a humble thing. You're taking from yourself and giving to others. You shouldn't shout from the rooftops like you're someone special, which is exactly what giving little pink slips of paper to your guests as their "favor" is going to come across as.
Skip the announcement, make the donation, and enjoy your wedding day. It's that simple. There are other ways to honor his mother on your wedding day that don't take away something from your guests.
You found one person who agrees with you - goody. Listen to the 100 people who don't. If you came here for validation, you're in the wrong place. Donating in this fashion just comes off as AWish.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Charity favor : Oh and before you spout off a rant like none of us understand what it's like...my husband's mother passed away from MS in 2007. My stepmother died of a brain tumor in 2004. Neither of them saw us get married and they will never know our children. Do we want to stop these diseases? Of course we do. We donate money and get involved in events. But we do those things on our own time because that is OUR agenda.
Posted by salt78[/QUOTE]
Oh, and this too. My mother dropped dead when I was 9 years old because of heart disease. Would you please direct a portion of your donation to the American Heart Association in her honor? thanx.
[QUOTE]To those who disagree- It is to HONOR and to support the person in our family. She's a good friend to MY side of the family before my FI and I even got together. That's why <strong>this is the donation from all the guests</strong> that actually is a great idea but it may not be a good idea for others. This is not to get recognition which is stupid and selfish for anybody to say stuff like that.
Posted by ashleyme88[/QUOTE]
It would be a donation from your guests if you spread the word that instead of gifts, you'd rather they donate.
You say you're not making it public, then you say you're putting pink notes at their places at the reception. (The pink notes make me believe that your money is going to SGK. There are other organizations that are far more about breast cancer research than SGK which is far more about promoting SGK.)
You say this is a sacrifice for your late FMIL. Then you say that you're not sacrificing YOUR things for this cause in which you believe so "passionately"~you're just sacrificing the part that's for your guests.
You keep contradicting yourself as you try to backpedal on this. You're so caught up in how magnimous you're being, and how this will benefit cancer research that you're missing what 99.9% of the responses here are saying to you.
Please listen again: NO ONE is telling you not to donate to your charity of choice. In fact, EVERYONE is telling you to donate to your charity of choice. But except for the SINGLE poster to which yo've attached yourself, we're all telling you to do it privately.....to keep your wedding out of it.....because it's not a "favor" for your guests. Why is that so hard for you to understand?
And don't you dare lecture me about not understanding your interest in cancer research. Don't you dare. My FIL died of cancer. My dearest cousin died of cancer. Both of her sisters have breast cancer. Their dad had breast cancer. And now the next generation in the family has aggressive Stage 4 Breast Cancer. She's the daughter of the brother of the three sisters who all have cancer. She's 32 years old, and not expected to survive. My SIL's father died 9 monthsof cancer before our DD and SIL's wedding. So don't you dare lecture me.
Oh-and our DD and SIL gave their guests favor boxes of m&ms. They do a lot for cancer research. But they don't pretend that what they do is a gift for their friends and family. Our DIL has juvenile diabetes. She is VERY active in JD fundraising. But their favors for their wedding were not donations to JD foundations. Because they understand that a donation is a personal thing.
And don't you dare comment on my relationship with my MIL. I have a great MIL. And I AM a MIL. Twice. And though it seems hard for you to imagine, after 32 years of marriage, my MIL and I have an amazing relationship. So keep trying to convince people that what you're doing is altruistic. But stop insulting posters with your comments about loved ones and illnesses and our relationships with our MsIL.
However, they advocate stem cell research. There are members of my bf's family who would be horrified to read on a card that "in lieu of favors" we donated the money to this group.
The charity might sound great and you might have a personal connection to them, but your wedding is not the place to let your guests know that instead of getting them favors, you opted to donate the money.
This is my first (and perhaps only?) post as I do my searching for my upcoming wedding, but I had to weigh in here. I applaud Ashley and anyone else who makes a donation in lieu of favors. Will there be people who disagree? Of course. There will be people who disagree with every single thing you do in life. The fact is that you can’t please all of the people all of the time. The problem with this wedding industry is that it’s become more about what websites like this tell you that you should and shouldn’t do rather than what is important to you for your day. My fiancé and I are in our late 30s and no longer give a rat’s ass about what others think should and shouldn’t happen. We are activists in our lives and will absolutely bring part of that activism to our wedding, including making donations to organizations that support the causes we believe in lieu of favors. Not only that, some of these organizations may even (GASP) controversial! Do I care? Nope. Some people in one of our extended families may not like it. Some people might think that we shouldn’t be “flaunting” our charitable giving. Do I care? Nope. It’s a part of our lives and we want our wedding to reflect our lives. All politically messy and all. Most of the people we most care about will appreciate this about us (and probably not expect anything less). Rather than allow others’ (especially strangers’) opinions to dictate your decisions, think about what’s important to you and your fiancé and make sure you incorporate it. You do that with colors and food, why not with other aspects?
That said, I do like the idea of giving something tangible associated with the donation (people like stuff they can touch and feel). So the idea of purchasing something symbolic of where we donate is cool. I also like an idea that I read somewhere about giving guests “tokens” or something where they can choose one of say three donations by dropping their token into a bowl marked with that donation.
In any event, this is your wedding. If you want to give a donation and advertise that donation, just do it!
[QUOTE]This is my first (and perhaps only?) post as I do my searching for my upcoming wedding, but I had to weigh in here. I applaud Ashley and anyone else who makes a donation in lieu of favors. Will there be people who disagree? Of course. There will be people who disagree with every single thing you do in life. The fact is that you can’t please all of the people all of the time. The problem with this wedding industry is that it’s become more about what websites like this tell you that you should and shouldn’t do rather than what is important to you for your day. My fiancé and I are in our late 30s and no longer give a rat’s ass about what others think should and shouldn’t happen. We are activists in our lives and will absolutely bring part of that activism to our wedding, <strong>including making donations to organizations that support the causes we believe in lieu of favors.</strong> Not only that, some of these organizations may even (GASP) controversial! Do I care? Nope. Some people in one of our extended families may not like it. Some people might think that we shouldn’t be “flaunting” our charitable giving. Do I care? Nope. It’s a part of our lives and we want our wedding to reflect our lives. All politically messy and all. Most of the people we most care about will appreciate this about us (and probably not expect anything less). Rather than allow others’ (especially strangers’) opinions to dictate your decisions, think about what’s important to you and your fiancé and make sure you incorporate it. You do that with colors and food, why not with other aspects? That said, I do like the idea of giving something tangible associated with the donation (people like stuff they can touch and feel). So the idea of purchasing something symbolic of where we donate is cool. I also like an idea that I read somewhere about giving guests “tokens” or something where they can choose one of say three donations by dropping their token into a bowl marked with that donation. In any event, this is your wedding. If you want to give a donation and advertise that donation, just do it!
Posted by amyj1276[/QUOTE]
But again I ask: why are you making your donation from the part that is something for your guests? If you really want it to be about sacrifice and activism: give up something important to YOU: your dress, your flowers. Hell, skip your honeymoon and give the $$ you'd spend on your HM to your causes.
No one can quite ever explain to me why the ONLY thing they think of giving up in their wedding is the favor.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Charity favor : But again I ask: why are you making your donation from the part that is something for your guests? If you really want it to be about sacrifice and activism: give up something important to YOU: your dress, your flowers. Hell, skip your honeymoon and give the $$ you'd spend on your HM to your causes. No one can quite ever explain to me why the ONLY thing they think of giving up in their wedding is the favor.
Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]
I couldn't agree with this more.
Our donation isn't about our sacrifice or activism per se. It's about making our wedding reflect our lives and values. One of our charities will be Marriage Equality to reflect the decision we made to marry when others can't. My FI was a journalist for most of his career and one of the donations will be to NPR, the last bastion of true journalism in this country, in our opinions.
My guess is that donations are made in lieu of favors because it simply makes the most sense or is just easiest. For us, it may be in addition to favors. Who knows.
[QUOTE]Um, yeah. I agree with all of the PP's except for Newb Validator.
Posted by LDYGTR13[/QUOTE]
I LOL'd for real. :D
Oh, and I'm on the "skip something of your own to donate, don't announce it" team.
[QUOTE]<strong>If people don't expect favors then why is there a board titled "Favors".</strong> Maybe some people don't expect them....but generally, most people expect something, something dumb usually. Never been to a wedding without favors? The whole point making a donation in lieu of a favor is to not say "we made a donationon your behalf". Some say they do- whatever. The point is, the couple wants to spend money on everyone to thank them for coming but they don't want to waste it on something stupid, like most people generally do (probably like all you people who disagree). So whoever thinks its wrong to take that couples hard earned money and do something meaningful with it instead of wasting it on a petty favor, can be the first people to walk out of the reception if you don't like it. Sorry if I'd rather help someone in need with my money than buy you a bag of M&Ms with my initials on it.
Posted by allisonkbye[/QUOTE]
Because they're another money maker in the wedding industry.
"So I sing a song of love, Julia"
06.10.10
BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!