Texas-Dallas and Ft. Worth
Options

FFF

13»

Re: FFF

  • Options
    juliebug1997juliebug1997 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Eh, my wedding wasn't about Bill and me specifically.  I am the only girl on my side of the family and it was a family celebration. 
  • Options
    edited December 2011
    I agree that it is rude to just assume someone is invited. However, unless there are strippers, I fail to see how a reception could be an inappropriate place for kids. Babies, sure, because they are high maintenance. But I have attended many a wet reception with small children and NEVER saw any issues. Edit: And I'm not even that offended by someone not wanting a zillion kids at their reception. It's more that someone would make such a big deal about refusing children who are future family to the family celebration.
    Anniversary

    image

    image

  • Options
    edited December 2011
    Maybe the big issue here is who see the focus as a family celebration and joining of two families vs. who sees it primarily as a celebration of the marriage between two people. And I really don't think either viewpoint is wrong.

    I'm in the latter category. I really didn't see the need to have the entire extended family there, who I haven't seen since I was a child (my side) or have never met (his side). I am sure I would feel differently if I saw extended family members at Christmastime or had regular family reunions, which I'm sure some of you do. Then, it would be unfathomable to exclude them from the wedding because they were not only related to me, but someone I celebrated other big occasions with. And I believe my extended family would agree -- they have no idea what state my brother and I now live in, what we do for a living, any detail of our lives. They would not expect to be at our wedding.

    I wouldn't have gotten married without my parents and his parents there, of course. But I didn't see it as joining those two families together -- our parents live in opposite sides of the country. If they fly in for the birth of our children, they will see each other then -- but likely, that's the only time.

    I was focused on who I wanted there to bless our marriage. There's a point where the pastor tells everyone that is there that they are now obligated to help our marriage succeed. We invited our friends, who are the people we are much more likely to talk to if we're in a time of trouble. I invited my childhood babysitter, who is still the #2 person I go to in crisis (my mom is #1). Those are the people I wanted 'involved' in our marriage, even tangentially.
  • Options
    angelsong21angelsong21 member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I also see both sides of this scenario and don't have a problem with either.  I think both sides have very valid viewpoints and its really just a matter of which side you fall on as to what you should opt to do.  Personally, almost all of my family lives in the DFW area including all my aunts and uncles (except my dad's brother who we do not consider a member of our family anymore), as well as most of my cousin's, nephews, nieces, etc.  Therefore we see each other ALL the time.  Also, I feel that if FI's parents are contributing at all (which they are), they should be allowed to invite people that are very important to them as well as long as it stays within a reasonable amount.  I made it clear to my parents and FILs that as long as the guest list stayed under 115, we wanted everyone to be able to invite people they felt very strongly that it was important for them to be there.  It worked out well for us.  And yes, kiddos will be at our wedding.  Fortunately Reflections does not count children under 8 int he headcount, so they essentially eat free.  Kiddos are important in my family so we would have paid for them to be there regardless.

    I DO wholeheartedly agree, however, that it's very rude that people assume their kids are invited.  I've said this before recently, so I'll try not to re-hash it too much, but if I had kids and received a wedding invitiation with just my name and FIs name, I would NEVER assume children are invited.  I assume children are NOT invited unless their names are stated on the invite or I am told by the B&G that they are.  I would feel like such an ass if I had to receive a call from the B&G explaining I couldn't write my kids in on the invite, and I'd feel like an even bigger ass if I showed up with my kids at a no-kids reception.  Who doesn't want an adults-night-out anyway?
    Anniversary Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • Options
    juliebug1997juliebug1997 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Like I said, every family dynamic is different.  I know that some thought less of me because I refused to invite my uncle to my wedding.  I know why I did it and now, all of Bill's family knows why I did it too.  I also have a very small family.  I think 11 of my 12 family members were at the wedding.  I had some of my friends with children bring them and some didn't.  It didn't matter one way or the other to me at all.  I can understand why some don't want children at their wedding but I've also seen some girls on here say I'm inviting everyone except for the RB and FG. 

    As to why people think that it's okay to take their children everywhere even when they haven't necessarily been invited:  my brother worked at 4 1/2 star restaurant in Downtown Dallas and people wanted to bring their six year old in when there's no kids' menu and no way to make chicken nuggets or a grilled cheese and then get upset at them for it.  It's also the reason that you see some places have rules against kids in their establishment and some getting upset about it. 
  • Options
    edited December 2011
    I'm just tired of hearing brides say "It's MY day and I don't care what anyone else wants!" It's not just YOUR day. It's also the day his parents see their son get married, which is a pretty huge deal to most parents.
    My FMIL raised this amazing man that I'm about to marry, and I'm so grateful to her. If she really, really wants her sister there, whether I've met her or not, she will be invited. No questions asked. It just seems a little self centered to make so much drama over something that's really not going to make a difference the day of.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • Options
    juliebug1997juliebug1997 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_fff-73?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:102Discussion:4aa34bde-0ead-4514-b02b-2f59abd306edPost:eed3233a-4070-45fb-aa90-e899a957f290">Re: FFF</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm just tired of hearing brides say "It's MY day and I don't care what anyone else wants!" It's not just YOUR day. It's also the day his parents see their son get married, which is a pretty huge deal to most parents. My FMIL raised this amazing man that I'm about to marry, and I'm so grateful to her. <strong>If she really, really wants her sister there, whether I've met her or not, she will be invited. </strong>No questions asked. It just seems a little self centered to make so much drama over something that's really not going to make a difference the day of.
    Posted by TexanTreasure08[/QUOTE]

    I hadn't met some of Bill's family and I knew I would be inviting strangers to our wedding since the IL's live in Baton Rouge and the rest of the family lives in the Houston area.  However, I took exception with the BFFs from Baton Rouge that Bill had never met.  There were two other BFF couples coming that Bill actually knew very well.  However, maybe if my MIL was as nice to me as your FMIL is to you, I would have been a little more receptive to inviting people who were even complete strangers to my husband to our wedding. 

    In all honesty, I think we're going to have to agree to disagree here.  Some people see it like it's the family event and some people see it as it's my day and I can do whatever I want. 
  • Options
    edited December 2011
    Oh I'm not arguing with what you believe. I'm arguing about girls that always complain and make a huge deal about their in-laws wanting to invite someone they don't want there. If you don't want to invite them, that's fine. But just tell the in laws and move on. Ya know?

    I'm pretty sure I never heard/saw you make a huge deal out of not inviting your uncle.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards