Things you shouldn't register for...

Hellokatie0517

So what are some things a couple should NEVER register for? This could be an interesting list and educational to those who bother reading it.  I'll start with the ones we seem to agree on according to past postings.

* Honeymoon
* Mortgage
* Cash (even though you can't register for cash, people are always searching for the "nice" or "appropriate" way to ask for cash)

HKD817

I've had a PP that I made because a friend of my FI and I was getting married in July and she registered for a fancy butter dish that cost $165!!! Just for the butter dish. I think depending on the circle you are involved in, something that expensive isn't appropriate. She also had throw pillows for a couch that were $200/each. The selection in a reasonable price range was very minimal and we felt like giving a tiny butter dish was not good enough. I'd rather spend $200 on something big than a butter dish they will use only for thanksgiving or christmas.

tldh

A car fund

Hellokatie0517

tldh....please tell me no one has actually done that or inquired about doing that?

SaraAndrew2010

I remember last winter there was one girl on here who had set up her own "registry" on her website, basically telling people what to go buy her.  She wanted gift cards for groceries and clothes for her honeymoon. 

Also, you probably shouldn't register for sex toys or plastic surgery.

marissa_claire

Furniture... we've seen people throw that out but it seems insane and impossible.  Is it delivered to your house?  How big of a group of friends do you need to buy you a bedroom set? 

SaraAndrew2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_things-shouldnt-register?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:d70740b0-5741-4ea3-9a1f-4ef75c3cd907Post:21ea64c2-f62d-4283-a18b-ec33ce48083d">Re: Things you shouldn't register for...</a>:
[QUOTE]Furniture... we've seen people throw that out but it seems insane and impossible.  Is it delivered to your house?  How big of a group of friends do you need to buy you a bedroom set? 
Posted by marissa_claire[/QUOTE]

I think it depends on the furniture.  I agree that a bedroom set is over the top (although some people may put it on the registry for the completion discount), but I think a few smaller pieces are ok.  FI and I registered for a small ottoman (BB&B ~$50) and a leaning bookshelf (C&B ~$150) and I don't think those are unreasonable.

megandjay

Clothing, there was a post on here last year about a girl that was registering for clothes. I just can't get behind that (even if they are for the honeymoon or something wedding-related).

Also jewelry. Next thing people will be registering for engagement/wedding ring funds.

And there is a post on this page where people can register for Stocks, that is also absurd.

MyNameIsNot

Condoms.

Wedding photography.

MacFreitas7

This isn't actually exactly registry related but I read a post just the other day and the OP asked if it would be okay (or something like that) to have guests pay for their meal or give $20. toward it or something...


WHAT?

jcamm11

You're all so mean!  It's my day about me and cash and tampons is what I really need!  wah!!!

edit:  and a carton of cigs!

jemmini6

I think you shouldn't register for anything that you can't use together as a couple.  To me, the idea is to get you BOTH something, not clothes or jewelry for just the wife, etc. 

Also, you just need to keep it appropriate, lingerie might be acceptable for a bachelorette party gift, but not on your actual wedding registry.

JadziaDax

This thread is giving me some good ideas. Registering for stocks may actually pay off!

lr10022

It's all about context and why people are coming together. You're starting a life together, and you're asking the community to support you however it can.

People will self-select on what's appropriate (to them) and what's feasible (for their budget).

My unsolicited advice: Keep in mind that it's a recession, and people aren't flocking to high-priced stores like Williams Sonoma to blow their paychecks; rather, many are struggling to keep a roof over their heads.

If a random guest is OK with $165 butter dishes and can afford to buy it, they'll buy it for you. If they're offended somehow by the price, your need for a butter dish, or anything else, they'll buy something else--but it probably won't be one of the $75 forks you picked out.

I hesitate to suggest that we should put things in the registry that "everyone can afford" (don't ask for things you don't want and need),  but definitely keep in mind that it's unfair to issue a bridal subpoena for big chunks of your less-wealthy friends' paychecks. 

Perhaps there's a tactful alternative out there. Helpfully, I can't think of any.

Other comments I have on the thread so far:

Clothes and jewelry are definitely not appropriate wedding gift registry items.

If you just bought your first house together (first house only), I think furniture is within the bounds, but it isn't unreasonable to plan to shoulder most of the furniture costs in the end. 

lindseroo

I've seen two horrible registries recently.  One was that of some friends of my FI who have a two-year-old (it's relevant).  On their registry was a bra, and NOT lingerie.  I mean a $12 Playtex bra.  Also, several bottles of wine.  And children's Tylenol. 

Secondly, a wedding we just went to a few weeks ago.  Also friends of FI.  Of course there was a registry card in the invite so we could all conveniently find their Bed Bath & Beyond registry.  So I go to the registry, and OMG.  Among other things, they registered for a $600 pots & pans set, a $400 down comforter, a $200 duvet cover, two $120 pillow shams, ETC.  We literally could afford to buy them one of their towels.  These people just graduated college and most of the people there were the same age (FI and I are still in school).  Not to mention their wedding was far away from half of the people and we spent about $400 on the trip.  We got them a $25 Bed Bath & Beyond gift card. 

linnaeak

The point of a gift registry is to ask for things that you as a new couple need together for your house (new dishes, kitchen gadgets, bedding, towels, etc...). Before people lived together they typically lived at home or on their own so the point of asking for gifts was for the couple to build a home together with things that belonged to THEM, not his dishes or her towels from their previous apartment/home when they were living the single life.

masonwalker

I love your quote: Life is short. Break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love deeply, laugh uncontrollably, and never regret anything that makes you smile.

Anyway to everyone else there was just a post about all of this (the stocks post)
I think a bride can register for whatever she wants, it IS her day... tampons, cigarettes, bras whatever is very random but obviously if you were invited to her wedding you or your man is friends w/her so... I don't know what to tell you LOL

mpelosi520

my FI and I are going to register for a honeymoon. Otherwise we can't afford to go on one at all. We could of course cut out about 40-50 of our guests in order to afford a honeymoon but we think that would be worse than registering for a honeymoon. People can purchase one night in the hotel, or an activity or excursion, or one nights dinner. Its better than asking for a green back because at least they know what their money is going towards.

beside we already have been living together for over 6 years. What household item could we possibly register for that we don't already have? I think its more rude to ask for pots and pans or sheets when everyone knows we already have these things.

islandblonde

I've seen registries with video games, DVDs, and computer equipment, and all of that really turned me off. I'd be happy to buy newly married friends something that they will both use, but the DVD of "I Love You, Man," or a 25-foot HDMI cable? Not so much.

As for registering for expensive items, some stores give you a discount on registry items that you didn't get after the wedding. Which is why we _did_ register for more pricey things we'd love to have. I figure we've got it out there if people want to buy them for us. If we don't and we just get money/gift cards, we've got a discount on them coming. Win-win.

Although I couldn't bring myself to register for any expensive sets of things. I know for a fact nobody will spend $700 on our wedding gift in one go. Everything that comes in a set, from china to pots and pans, we registered for piece by piece. If anyone wants to get us the entire set, they can save money. Piece by piece is less sticker shock, and I think we've got a better chance of getting things like full place settings of our china pattern that way.

john&julie

I disagree with OP that it's not ok to register for a honeymoon.  It's so common that you can often do it through the hotel where your wedding is held.  Marriott has a system where you can register for all aspects - you can register for a night in the room, but you can also register for a couples' massage, or breakfast in bed, etc. so it's not all outrageous as far as price is concerned (https://www.marriottregistry.com/).  It seems to me that if the couple doesn't need "stuff" (pots, pans, dishes) then it's a waste of money for their guests to spend it on that. 

One thing I have noticed is that people who register for furniture often do it because some stores offer a discount for the couple to buy things that weren't purchased on their registry. So no, they don't expect you to buy them their bed, but when they go to buy it, they may be able to get it for 15% off because it was on their registry.

mgietler76

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_things-shouldnt-register?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:d70740b0-5741-4ea3-9a1f-4ef75c3cd907Post:d21d3ff5-96b6-496c-91ff-322f8950f0a5">Re: Things you shouldn't register for...</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>my FI and I are going to register for a honeymoon. Otherwise we can't afford to go on one at all.</strong> We could of course cut out about 40-50 of our guests in order to afford a honeymoon but we think that would be worse than registering for a honeymoon. People can purchase one night in the hotel, or an activity or excursion, or one nights dinner. Its better than asking for a green back because at least they know what their money is going towards. beside we already have been living together for over 6 years. What household item could we possibly register for that we don't already have? I think its more rude to ask for pots and pans or sheets when everyone knows we already have these things.
Posted by mpelosi520[/QUOTE]

If you can't afford a vacation than you don't take one, which is all a honeymoon really is. I cannot afford a honeymoon so I won't be going on one, I also have been on my own and have "pots and pans" but you could always upgrade some items or not register at all. You could also cut back in other areas in order to afford both w/o cutting the guest list. A cake and punch reception is very affordable.

bekahwebb

I personally would not do this - - however, I do know that generally you have 1 year after your wedding to purchase remaining items on your registry for a discount... which would explain the couch from Crate & Barrel... still, looks tacky.

bride2bedani

What about something like a game console such as a wii? Me and FI play games together on his xbox all the time, and he brought up the idea of putting a wii on our registry (which we will use together quite often). Is that a bad idea?

chughtailover

totally agree with you, I think it makes complete sense -- we're probably going to be moving to a different country for a year and have no idea where we'll be after that so the last thing we need is stuff...

Queebers

I have to dissagree about the money thing, it really depends on your culture too. For example, in Vietnamese culture it is totally acceptable to give the newlywed's cash or checks, in fact it is a part of the reception tradition! We do not have wedding card boxes, rather the bride and groom are expected to visit each table at their reception to thank their guests for coming and for the guests in turn, give them "red envelopes" (aka lucky money to start their new lives with) and even make up a challenge or game on the spot that the couple has to preform to get the gifts. In fact, a wedding/reception is only viewed as being sucessfull if the couple made out with a profit lol (and dont think that they can do it by being cheap, traditional Viet receptions offer a 7 course meal).

I do agree that if you do a gift registry, keep it to things that BOTH of you can use. And if you're looking for a tactful way of saying that you'd rather have money, keep the registry itself small - if you invited 120 guests and you only have 10 things on your registry I am pretty sure people will take the hint and bring you some lucky "red envelopes"

alexisgwen

Sometimes it makes sense to register for big or expensive things that you know people won't give to you.  A lot of places that do registries offer discounts for a year after the wedding on items that were not purchased off the registery.  For some, it makes sense to register for a piece of furniture that you know nobody will get, but that you will end up getting a discount on in the end.  I would do it.

klfuhrma

I understand when people get frustrated at expensive items on registries. It is important to put all ranges on there. Ive seen friends get upset with other friends because there were expensive items on the registry. The thing is - you may not know their parents, parents friends/coworkers, grandparents and what they want to get the happy couple for their wedding day. I think it is completely inappropriate for friends to make any type of judgement on the expensive items "IF" there are all ranges of prices on the registry. The happy couple should absolutely put all price ranges on the registries including the small ticket items and the big wish items.

suze423

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_things-shouldnt-register?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:d70740b0-5741-4ea3-9a1f-4ef75c3cd907Post:a9ed8bc7-796c-469d-995c-3daf6a2d7f0f">Re: Things you shouldn't register for...</a>:
[QUOTE]The point of a gift registry is to ask for things that you as a new couple need together for your house (new dishes, kitchen gadgets, bedding, towels, etc...). Before people lived together they typically lived at home or on their own so the point of asking for gifts was for the couple to build a home together with things that belonged to THEM, not his dishes or her towels from their previous apartment/home when they were living the single life.
Posted by linnaeak[/QUOTE]
I don't necessarily agree with this though I think it probably depends on the age of the couple.  If they're young, say still in school or recent graduates, they probably won't have very many household items.  I'm 31 and have lived alone since 22.  I never had roommates.  Through the years, I've acquired quite a bit of stuff - a houseful of furniture, kitchen gadgets, appliances, cookware, bakeware, bedding, linens, etc.  FI moved into to my house with a very small amount of stuff.  Yeah, technically it's my dishes, my towels, my furniture but really it's ours since we share the home and the stuff in it.

Seems a waste to chuck it all and get new stuff just to say it's OURS and not MINE.

Related to the actual subject - my cousin got married last year and her husband was fixing up his condo so they asked (and included this in the invitation) for cash and gift cards to home depot.

tawalove

I see nothing wrong with asking for cash. My FI and I have everything we need. What we really want is help with a down payment on a home and  to start a family. To ask for gifts would just be a waste of money and space. If its only a $10.00 contribution it will be more useful and helpful than a pot or pan. These are changing times.  A lot of couples have already lived with each other for a while. Also, I am 32. I have accumulated everything I already need on my own. I agree with Masonwalker 
" Life is short. Break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love deeply, laugh uncontrollably, and never regret anything that makes you smile."
It's our wedding, with our friends and family, so why ask for things we don't need just because it's PC? I say ask for what you need!

txnsgrl79

I am all for honeymoon registries.  My FI and I have been living together for 8 years and have just had my mother move in (for health reasons) along with all her stuff.  We don't need anything!  I do not want friends and family to waste money on a set of pots and pans or anything else that will wind up in storage or in a garage sale. 

Also, a honeymoon registry isn't just about not being able to afford a honeymoon.  The thing you have to remember is that the couple still has to plan for a honeymoon they can afford in case they don't get any gifts/ donations.  Before we registered we bounced the idea off our bridal party, some friends, and family to see what they thought.  Everyone loves the idea and is excited to help us have a memorable honeymoon.

Queebers

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_things-shouldnt-register?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:d70740b0-5741-4ea3-9a1f-4ef75c3cd907Post:59263e2b-28f8-4586-88c0-173f2411c04d">Re: Things you shouldn't register for...</a>:
[QUOTE]What about something like a game console such as a wii? Me and FI play games together on his xbox all the time, and he brought up the idea of putting a wii on our registry (which we will use together quite often). Is that a bad idea?
Posted by bride2bedani[/QUOTE]

We are doing that too! I think it is fine to put this on the registry, I mean what else spells "together" than nights in playing virtual tennis (as long as I win, of course ;-)