Honeymoon Registry - Is it okay?

hakeefer1

My fiance's step mom is completely against us not registering for normal items.  We're just doing our honeymoon registry with Sandals becuase we have both lived on our own for a few years and need nothing, nor do we have the room for extra goodies.  She thinks we should just ask for things so that people can give us things...that we don't need.  I feel like this is a waste our friend's and family's money.  If people do not want to give towards our honeymoon then that's ok, we just want their company.

hakeefer1

And, p.s.  I get frustrated when so many people say it's rude to ask for this or register for that.  I think each person is different and we should each know our friends and family (and they should know us) well enough that it should be a personal decision.  

hakeefer1

It's true that we don't need a honeymoon, and we'd pay for it ourselves.  But to prevent us from getting things that we have no use for or room for, and to placate the parents, we will have this registry for those who want to give us a gift, of money in this case.  No one needs any thing that you'd get from a registry, nor do any of us need anything more than a piece of paper to get married, a wedding is what we'd like given the choice.

britters29

I find this thread so interesting....

So what's the difference in a honeymoon registry?  Yes, guests are not required to pay for a vacation for you. But they aren't required to do anything, and yet a regular gift registry is still created and promoted. In both cases, it is just a suggestion, the final choice is in the guests hands.You are still asking for a gift, whether it be a physical gift or a monetary gift, a gift is a gift. Why is it tacky to ask for cash that you will definitely use as part of your wedding, but not tacky to ask for a gift that you may or may not use in the future?  And if they purchase a dinner for two off of your honeymoon registry, why can't it actually go towards a dinner for two? Who said it is going to go towards something else?

I also have plenty of appliances and such things that I don't need.  So I am doing a combination of registries.  Target, Bed Bath and Beyond, and a Honeymoon registry.  I want my guest to have the option.  They are free to do whatever they want.  My creation of a honeymoon registry is not forcing my guest to anything, nor is it misleading. I will be doing everything that is listed on my registry and will also be sending pictures in thank you card to add a special touch

Finally, I think that people should do whatever they want for their weddings.  As much time and money that is put into this, you should be able to make whatever registry you want.

vsgal

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon-registry-okay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:db834c54-2334-401a-9c7c-5e93e93594acPost:99edc714-8e02-412a-ae72-02878c38982f">Re: Honeymoon Registry - Is it okay?</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance's step mom is completely against us not registering for normal items.  We're just doing our honeymoon registry with Sandals becuase we have both lived on our own for a few years and need nothing, nor do we have the room for extra goodies.  <strong>She thinks we should just ask for things so that people can give us things...that we don't need.</strong>  I feel like this is a waste our friend's and family's money.  If people do not want to give towards our honeymoon then that's ok, we just want their company.
Posted by hakeefer1[/QUOTE]

Let's be honest here.  You don't need a honeymoon.  They are an voluntary vacation for you. 

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon-registry-okay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:db834c54-2334-401a-9c7c-5e93e93594acPost:d124bdb8-de06-4f2a-9b66-00a3c216109d">Re: Honeymoon Registry - Is it okay?</a>:
[QUOTE]I find this thread so interesting.... So what's the difference in a honeymoon registry?  Yes, guests are not required to pay for a vacation for you. But they aren't required to do anything, and yet a regular gift registry is still created and promoted. In both cases, it is just a suggestion, the final choice is in the guests hands.You are still asking for a gift, whether it be a physical gift or a monetary gift, a gift is a gift. <strong>Why is it tacky to ask for cash that you will definitely use as part of your wedding, but not tacky to ask for a gift that you may or may not use in the future?</strong>  And if they purchase a dinner for two off of your honeymoon registry, why can't it actually go towards a dinner for two? Who said it is going to go towards something else? I also have plenty of appliances and such things that I don't need.  So I am doing a combination of registries.  Target, Bed Bath and Beyond, and a Honeymoon registry.  I want my guest to have the option.  They are free to do whatever they want.  My creation of a honeymoon registry is not forcing my guest to anything, nor is it misleading. I will be doing everything that is listed on my registry and will also be sending pictures in thank you card to add a special touch Finally, I think that people should do whatever they want for their weddings.  As much time and money that is put into this, you should be able to make whatever registry you want.
Posted by britters29[/QUOTE]
Why would you register for something you might not ever use? If you don't need anything, don't register for anything.

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon-registry-okay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:db834c54-2334-401a-9c7c-5e93e93594acPost:c10765fa-8ec7-4217-a95a-dc66828961f7">Re: Honeymoon Registry - Is it okay?</a>:
[QUOTE]Can I also say that I find the whole gift registry funny (& in my opinion tacky) in the sense that you go to the store and pick out a bunch of stuff that gets put on a list...often times you can check online prior to the wedding to see what's been purchased and what hasn't (tacky again).  Then your guests go buy it, wrap it, then you open it and pretend you're surpised and didn't know you were getting it! Over-consumption & commercialism at it's finest.
Posted by kekr0202[/QUOTE]
Gift registries used to be looked down upon. The thing is, they're a gidline. A list of suggestions for your guests in case they want to know what you want.
You really aren't supposed to look at the regitry to see what people get you.
And no one said you had to pretend to be surprised. I think the surprise is really who got you what, but why would you pretend to be suprised at what you got, if you already know what it is?

tldh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon-registry-okay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:db834c54-2334-401a-9c7c-5e93e93594acPost:c10765fa-8ec7-4217-a95a-dc66828961f7">Re: Honeymoon Registry - Is it okay?</a>:
[QUOTE]Can I also say that I find the whole gift registry funny (& in my opinion tacky) in the sense that you go to the store and pick out a bunch of stuff that gets put on a list...often times you can check online prior to the wedding to see what's been purchased and what hasn't (tacky again).  Then your guests go buy it, wrap it, then you open it and pretend you're surpised and didn't know you were getting it! Over-consumption & commercialism at it's finest.
Posted by kekr0202[/QUOTE]

Registries began as a way for guests to not duplicate gifts to the B&G.  And as someone who used a traditional registry, I can tell you DH and I were like kids on Christmas morning when we got a package containing something we registered for.

hoffse

Sigh.  Gift registries began as a way to make sure that the bride received the same pattern china, silver, flatware, etc.  It was a way to coordinate those very traditional wedding gifts that were and still are quite expensive.  That way the bride doesn't get 12 places settings of silver, none of which match.  And the entire point of those gifts is that they last the course of your marriage and beyond - how many people on here say that they have their mothers or grandmother's china?  Her silver?

They've morphed into an admittedly tackier version than their original intent - though they still help coordinate things like colors, fabrics, items themselves, in the home.  Again, the point is that it lasts longer than a 1-week vacation, and many of the items on traditional registries still last the course of the marriage.

I like registires because I love to give gifts but I'm usually not the best at picking them out.  I would much rather have guidance on things that are to the bride and groom's taste, and then I select the gift that is both in my budget and that I think looks the best of the options I'm given.  I don't like honeymoon registries because I don't want to pay for a sex-fest and I don't want them to know how much I spent.  I simply won't give cash, and HM registries make me coerced into doing so.  I know that plenty of couples get cash and how they use it is their business, but I don't feel like it's right for them to try to back me into a corner to give them a gift I'm uncomfortable giving.

kekr, you might be describing how you would approach a registry - but plenty of brides on these boards do NOT look and plenty still get off-registry gifts that are 100% surprises.  And if you list enough things and don't peek, you really don't know what you're getting.

kekr0202

Can I also say that I find the whole gift registry funny (& in my opinion tacky) in the sense that you go to the store and pick out a bunch of stuff that gets put on a list...often times you can check online prior to the wedding to see what's been purchased and what hasn't (tacky again).  Then your guests go buy it, wrap it, then you open it and pretend you're surpised and didn't know you were getting it!

Over-consumption & commercialism at it's finest.

CFM102012

OP, you say you don't need anything and that may be true.  You have 10 place settings of dishes.  What condition are they in?  Faded, chipped and scratched?.  A registry is a perfect time to upgrade to a nicer set of dishes.  How about your bed linens.  Threadbare and stained?  You can upgrade those too and you'll want at least three sets of sheets. One for one the bed, one in the laundry and one in the linen closet.  I've been living with FI for three and half years.  Over half of our registry is upgrading things that can or need to be replaced.  Anything that is still usable but you deem as needing an upgrade can go to Goodwill.  

One more question.  You said you received two blenders for your birthday once (apparently a tramatic experience).  Why didn't you take one back?  SImply tell Aunt Sue, thank you so much for the blender but I already have one, may I ask where you bought it so I can exchange it for something else?  I'm always a little sad when I find out I've bought something that the reciever already had.  Having even a small registry reduces the likelyhood of that occuring.  Things do happen though.  Guests forget to mention they're purchasing from a registry or buy an item off registry.

jemmini6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon-registry-okay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:db834c54-2334-401a-9c7c-5e93e93594acPost:67001fad-f5be-431e-8c33-42d3dbd0c7f0">Re: Honeymoon Registry - Is it okay?</a>:
[QUOTE]It's never been acceptable to ask others for their money.  That's what a registry of this type does. It's not okay to ask others to pay for your vacation, or your house.  It's tasteless. I've not seen an etiquette expert endorse this yet, and hope I never do.  If my family had such poor taste, we'd be having the Come To Jesus talk. <strong>Anyone who who does do this shouldn't be surprised when they get a tacky gift, no gift, or a decline to their invitation.</strong>
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

I had a honeymoon registry, it was well received amongst our guests and we actually got everything off of it.  We even had several people give cash and write in the cards that they wanted to buy something off of our HM registry, but everything was already purchased, so they wanted to give us cash for casual spending money.

We also did not receive any tacky gifts, the few off-registry gifts that we did get (we also had a traditional registry) were lovely and personal.  I'm not saying that every single guest was thrilled by the idea of a HM registry, but if they weren't, they did the mature thing and just bought us something else that was equally thoughtful.

Not everyone is going to be a spiteful person just because they didn't like the content of a registry.


*edited for clarity

bsn1752

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon-registry-okay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:db834c54-2334-401a-9c7c-5e93e93594acPost:7e5fc186-5834-4e2f-80f0-96aff748d83a">Re: Honeymoon Registry - Is it okay?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Honeymoon Registry - Is it okay? : I had a honeymoon registry, it was well received amongst our guests and we actually got everything off of it.  We even had several people give cash and write in the cards that they wanted to buy something off of our HM registry, but everything was already purchased, so they wanted to give us cash for casual spending money. We also did not receive any tacky gifts, the few off-registry gifts that we did get (we also had a traditional registry) were lovely and personal.  I'm not saying that not a single one of our guests weren't thrilled by the idea of a HM registry, but if they weren't, they did the mature thing and just bought us something else that was equally thoughtful. Not everyone is going to be a spiteful person just because they didn't like the content of a registry.
Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]

Thumbs UP!

Thank you for putting all of these thoughts together so well and so adult-like.  I whole-heartedly agree and I sincerely hope that the posters that say they would "decline the invite, give a tacky gift, etc" are saying that to be funny on here (albeit, it's not funny, and frankly, the line is tired and un-original), really would be more mature than they are letting on.

J&K10910

Do people really think they need 3 sets of sheets?  We have two, and we only use one.  I put them in the laundry, and then take them out and put them back on the bed the same day. 

rlavach

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon-registry-okay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:db834c54-2334-401a-9c7c-5e93e93594acPost:3767b75b-3b1d-43b1-9aa4-8ff562d0581a">Re: Honeymoon Registry - Is it okay?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Honeymoon Registry - Is it okay? : Thumbs UP! Thank you for putting all of these thoughts together so well and so adult-like.  I whole-heartedly agree and I sincerely hope that the posters that say they would "decline the invite, give a tacky gift, etc" are saying that to be funny on here (albeit, it's not funny, and frankly, the line is tired and un-original), really would be more mature than they are letting on.
Posted by bsn1752[/QUOTE]
Exactly.<div>
</div><div>Although I don't agree with HM registries and haven't even heard of them until I got on TK, I wouldn't buy someone something from it, now that I know how it works. I WOULDN'T, though, purposely buy something tacky or decline the invite. I'd just look to see if they have a traditional registry and if not, they'll get store gift cards. Just because you don't agree with it doesn't mean the world comes to an end & you can never be their friend again.</div>

bsn1752

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon-registry-okay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:db834c54-2334-401a-9c7c-5e93e93594acPost:d1519e71-f9fc-4617-b7f5-e2acf0471b4b">Re: Honeymoon Registry - Is it okay?</a>:
[QUOTE]You need to look up the definition of "spiteful" because it has nothing to do with the act you're complaining about. Mature people get jobs and pay their own bills, too.....including those for weddings and vacations.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

Wait, but I thought you told me to look up tounge in cheek? Now its spiteful? Well, hopefully you can make up your mind one way or another. Nice to know that "mature people" can pick and chose what they want to be mature about. It's an argument that you and I will never see eye to eye on, and thats okay. However, insinuating that anyone in beneath you, less mature than you or anything in between - while saying you would do something so deliberately ugly and spiteful makes you the bad guy, not the honeymoon register.