So what if FLUFF?

arv266

Ladies,

I know that FLUFF comes in a jar, its 135% sugar, and it will rot my teeth....

I also know that my wedding comes with FLUFF...  The things that we don't need (as first, second or third time brides) but still have the primal urge to have...

Lisa50's post and the responses got me thinking...  We talk about being older (ok,not so much this) and wiser (ok, a LOT of this) and being able to distinguish the important aspects of planning our wedding from the wedding indsutry fluff.  My question though is, how many have been caught up in the sickly sweet, gooey mess?   Can you think of any aspect of your wedding that is fluff? 

For me it's definitely the favors. I know. I know.  Completely and tottaly unnecessary.  But I had to have them.. HAD TO.  And had to spend hours wrapping each one in gold paper, followed by a ribbon, and a handmade seal.

What about you? 

Marrin713

Hmmmmm......I don't think I had any fluff.  Seriously.  No one even beat their cutlery on their glasses to get us to kiss

right1thistime

I went CRAZY running to the store to pick up the guest book in the final hours before we left to head to the beach house for the final day before the wedding.  Stressed myself the heck out.  I have never once looked at that dang thing.  the money was not the issue- it was the Knottitude that I had to have one - and the time I spent that annoys me in hindsight.

The wedding industry also "got" me with the cake.  That darn thing cost us a small fortune.  Like $9 a slice fortune!  It was the concept of a cake tasting that I fell for.  And therefore the upcharge for the ganache, and the upcharge for the special frosting, and the upcharge for the flavor.  It was good cake, but not $9 a slice good.  Oh well, as DH and I said frequently by the time the wedding came - it's only money. ~Donna

MikesAngie

I'm trying to avoid FLUFF at least the overly expensive or labor intensive, and the ladies here are helping with that as well... (something about envelopes and such...)

I would like to have our guests sign in somewhere and if not a guest book then either note cards or a picture frame, this will help our caterer who already volunteered to run the guest book/escort card table know who is there and what meals are needed. 

We did do "the not necessary" cocktail napkins, because we wanted the claddaugh represented somewhere during the reception.  My FI is Mexican and Irish, and the reception will have nods to both... Mexican Wedding cookies thanks to my FMIL, and the claddaugh on the cocktail napkins.

I'm all for avoiding the Kleenex packets, match books, toilet tablets and anything else that is considered FLUFF... other than my bouquet...

mybooboos

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_fluff?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:01a806e0-27f3-4271-b12e-b4f7ce540643Post:6c7e40d4-90bf-4e5a-84f4-8e6a1c88e585">Re: So what if FLUFF?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm trying to avoid FLUFF at least the overly expensive or labor intensive, and the ladies here are helping with that as well... (something about envelopes and such...) I would like to have our guests sign in somewhere and if not a guest book then either note cards or a picture frame, this will help our caterer who already volunteered to run the guest book/escort card table know who is there and what meals are needed.  We did do "the not necessary" cocktail napkins, because we wanted the claddaugh represented somewhere during the reception.  My FI is Mexican and Irish, and the reception will have nods to both... Mexican Wedding cookies thanks to my FMIL, and the claddaugh on the cocktail napkins. I'm all for avoiding the Kleenex packets, match books, <strong>toilet tablets</strong> and anything else that is considered FLUFF... other than my bouquet...
Posted by MikesAngie[/QUOTE]

Um...what's a "toilet tablet"?

mybooboos

We've cut out a lot of what was FLUFF for us: no Ring Bearer, Flower GIrl, Cake (my mother is still arguing this one), tears packets (this one still cracks me up!), etc. But we are doing favors (edible), big floral centerpieces, specialty linens (they are sooo pretty!), and a unique escort card display (unless I get to lazy and just hand write the names on a folded piece of paper!).

There are a lot of creative DIY women out there, and I tip my hat to them, but I'm not a DIY bride - I'm a V-I-S-A bride, so my FLUFF is restricted by budget. 

MikesAngie

mybooboos read the tears of Joy post Retread saw an ad at one point for toilet tables that changed the water to your wedding colors...
LOL

Lisa50

Hmm ... well, I'm not sure I can confess to "FLUFF" but I do have an absolutely outrageous itch to scratch ... 

Letterpress invitations.  Long story short, I'm a history buff, the venue is an historic site (heck, the whole city is an historic site -- Annapolis) and I'm a marketing professional.  All of this led me to letterpress.  I must_have_letterpress invitations.  They're not very popular, so perhaps I'm counter-culture??   And if I'm counter-culture, is it really FLUFF?? Hee hee!

Oh, and the cake thing.  Yup!  FI had a taste of a wedding cake he_must_have.  Up to that point, we were going to have pie(s) a la mode.  Thankfully, the baker charges a somewhat reasonable rate ... $4.50/slice. 

Marrin713

I remember now - first wedding:

cocktail napkins w/ names & date
matchbooks w/ same
first toast champagne glasses
cake server

arv266

I need to add more fluff...

Cake server - but I bought it on sale for $8 and decorated it myself.
Flower Girl Headbands - had to do these... just had to... I'll post a picture to share my obsession. 
Centerpieces - another DIY project...

With all the post of guest books I think I need to go out and buy one..... 

msblumoo

No fluff here unless you want to count our chapel decor. That was really our only one big splurge, but the chapel is old and definitely needed some sprucing up. Of course we are have the wedding cake but no special cake serving set. No favors, guest books ect. 

I have to honestly say we did not get caught up in the wedding hype. What was important to us was a beautiful place to say our vows thus the splurge on the florist aspect.

I have always loved wedding cakes thus we are having a 3 tier cake inspired off my lace dress.

We wanted pictures to capture this season of our lives together thus we got a real photographer.

I want to look beautiful on my wedding day thus having my makeup and hair done by a professional.

Oh yes and we are having a wine ceremony whereby we get two crystal goblets to keep as a remembrance of our wedding day. This is supplied by our officiant for an extra $50. I guess some might classify that is fluff, but for me I love wine and I love crystal and those goblets will be used for a lifetime.

ichellemay1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_fluff?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:01a806e0-27f3-4271-b12e-b4f7ce540643Post:6ac0d3c0-de42-47dc-bc28-720fe22bbd66">Re: So what if FLUFF?</a>:
[QUOTE]I remember now - first wedding: cocktail napkins w/ names & date matchbooks w/ same first toast champagne glasses cake server
Posted by Marrin713[/QUOTE]

Had those the first wedding, too.  We will not be doing it this time.  We'll probably use plastic flutes for toasting.

debi1941

I am sitting here cracking up......I am all of the above!

I am the newest self appointed Queen of FLUFF....I am totally caught up in it, which is surprising, because I was the one who didn't really want the "wedding" , I wanted to go away and have a destination wedding, just us and our children.....

I haven't done any personalized napkins, matches or any of that.....YET...lol

BUT I do have a lot of the above mentioned....

cake server with matching toasting goblets, bride and groom decorations, even found a bride and groom salt and pepper shaker for the head table....I am going to have kleenex on hand, but not those little tears of joy packets......candles everywhere, diamond ring napkin holders for decorations.....lol, I cannot even walk into another DIY store, MY FI is banning me! Even our initials which I spraypainted a glittery slve to decorate the cake tables, bathrooms......

I am not haveing a traditional guest book, but I am am having a guest sign table, that will also house any gifts we may or may not get......but I took scrapbook pages which i decorated and i will have them scattered about the table, with pens of all colors.....then I found these three l silver pepple like paper weights that say  

rest a minute   (with a matching CHAIR stencil)

take some time   (with a matching clock stencil)

write a story   (with a matching stencil of a typerwriter)

and then I will add them,   To Debi and Andy, or something like that.....So, I will have a frame with the same words and pictures as the pepple paper weights......I KNOW, enough already!

Then I wil take the scrapbook pages and put them in a scrapbook binder and I will have a memory book with well wishes and funny stories.......

My first weddng many moons ago was a beautiful ritzy downtown Chicago wedding that my mom planned from start to finish   (the wedding, she never had) not what I wanted....so this is my wedding, with what I like.....FLUFF, FLUFF and een more fluff!

SO FLUFF....here I am......

also...I am sure I made you all have a bit of a giggle, and thats good too! We need a lttle fluff in the world!  I am helping the economy!!!  





'

coralee715

I had all the FLUFF for my first wedding.  This is my sweetie's first marriage, so he is requiring some FLUFF...but I am keeping it to a minimum.

No special cake topper or server.  No special napkins or matchboxes. 

I will have favors (edible - not personalized).  I do want some sort of guest book, but haven't decided on what.  I am thinking just a journal book in our wedding colors.

rapunnzzll

I loved reading about all the FLUFF.  Made me smile!.

We have a little FLUFF, but so far not going overboard.  We are doing favors of chocolates and a dessert table.  Both of these were generously offered by FI's boss.  He also offered to do our wedding cake, but it is included in our package at the hotel.  We might do the cocktail napkins for the cocktail hour.  Our centerpieces are pedestal glass candle holders with rose petals and votives.  I've been too busy with school to think about our wedding these days, but this is what I can think of right now.

arv266

Debi - I knew there were closet fluffers out there!!!!! 

debi1941

ARV266;

Thats me...I am a  CLOSET FLUFFER and Darn Proud of IT...lol

All of us Second Marriage 45-55 old Fluffers should UNITE    Youngin' welcome of course!  Me, I am 47 and even prouder of that !

thealphabride

Hi Girls,
Love this post. Of course I wanted all the fluff ..... but being on a budget this is what I had to do:  I figured out what was important to me and tried to do it on a budget. Some stuff I budgeted and some stuff, I just said no to because I couldn't afford it.

DELETED/Budgeted: Toasting flutes, (we got them at Goodwill, I actually found my beautiful escort card holders there too) I was so proud to find some great second hand stuff to use.. and no one knew the difference.....Deleted personalized napkins, matches, cake "server" stuff, Bathroom baskets.  I got some really cute napkins at Michaels and set them out for cocktails and cake.

Favors: I wanted them, for decor purposes etc, but did Jordon Almonds in tulle. I made little thank you notes that I punched out of nice paper and stamped myself, and attached with a gold cord.
Pocketfold Invites: I made them myself and saved a lot of money. The fiance now hubby, printed them out and cut every one of them. I made the belly bands and attached a layered monogram that I stamped myself.
Flowers: my ceremony flowers did double duty in the reception space, and decorated the cake too!!!
Guest Book: really wanted to do the photo guest book, but when it came down to it, that cost was 50-75 bucks and I found a very nice book at Michaels and used a half price coupon to buy it, it still made me mad, because it was 15 and the STUPID PEN was 15. I did enjoy looking at everyone's comments and good wishes in it.
Cake: I really really really wanted to get the nice cake. I really had to resist calling a bakery. When it came down to the money it just didn't make sense not to use my caterer which was $2.25 per slice, decorated nicely, and tasted good. That way I did not have to pay an additional delivery and set up charge because I used my caterer. My mother said she didn't remember even seeing the cake. Which was promptly cut right after the intro's and moved to another table for serving.
I took my cake top tier on my honeymoon and we ate it every night!!! That was soooo cool. I am going to get a nice cake for our first year anniversary and won't have to feed a lot so I can splurge.
Very FLUFFY SPLURGE: Gold textered table linens on the family table. As some of you may remember I went 3 rounds with my caterer at the 11th hour because they provided linen and she just kept questioning my color choices, and didn't communicate with me well about the pricing. So I chucked some of their linen and went with a vendor. Glad we had a few extra bucks at the end to do this because they were gorgeous.

2dBride

Well, we were the only people I've ever known who had a fluffer listed in the program.  ;-)

Back story:  Our only attendants were our maid of honor and our dude of honor.  We asked the maid of honor whether she could fluff one of our trains, and she said yes.  However, the dude of honor was quite sure he couldn't fluff the other train.  And the maid of honor said she couldn't fluff both of them.  So I asked a friend whether she could come up and help with the train fluffing, adding, "But we can find something better than 'fluffer' for your title."  She immediately declared that she would do it only if she got to be the fluffer.  There is a hilarious bit in our wedding bloopers video in which my daughter is explaining to her 60+ year old aunt what a fluffer is.

Aside from that, our one bit of fluff was the cocktail napkins with our names and the date on them.

right1thistime

2d - I have a friend who is very prim.  She referred to farting as fluffing.  When her children were small, she would have a conversation with them that went like this...

Mom:  What do you say?
Kid: About what?
Mom: You know what.
Kid: You mean because I fluffed?
Mom: Yes
Kid: Excuse ME!!

Sue-n-Kevin

All of us Second Marriage 45-55 old Fluffers should UNITE    Youngin' welcome of course!  Me, I am 47 and even prouder of that !

Yahoo!!! As I read the first, then the second posts, figured I'm a "non-fluffer"...... but then, I guess I have to admit it, I'm a fluffer based on everything that is being called "fluff".

It IS my first wedding though, but fiance's 3rd marriage (never had a wedding reception). But I am older and wiser, and I thought we were doing well on our budget.

I did get the following, which may or may not be fluff, depending on your definition

-bathroom baskets (half off at Hobby Lobby). Figured it's something I always appreciated when I went to a wedding, to have hair spray, mints, static guard and stuff like that there.
-STD's. Yes, we have a lot of out of town guests, plus people who are very busy and need to put stuff on their calendars 9 months in advance. I'm making them because I refuse to pay more than 15 cents each........ordered photo prints and am using vellum, which is part of my invitations, plus the postage
- cake: yes, small 2 tier "token cake" as my caterer calls it on her pricing proposal, LOL. Getting 2 sheet cakes from Costco for $15.99 each, each one serves 48 people, going to cut these in the kitchen
- got silver champagne flutes at Tuesday Morning last year, for $25, going to get them engraved. If we are lucky enough, we'll live to have a 25th anniversary, LOL
-doing favors, only because every wedding I've been to has had them, and I got glass coasters with photo openings (99 cents per pair, wrapped), we are putting the guest's monogram in them. Two per person, four for a couple. Hopefully they'll use them.
-NO to the personalized napkins for us, but I do have a pattern to make matchbox covers, not sure if I will or not

I'm doing a ton of DIY, not even half done yet. But I'm doing things that will be used, not "fluffy" in my opinion, like my jewelry, invites, my ceremony dress.

Thanks for starting this thread Arv266......it was fun!

Marrin713

Um.......we do know what a "fluffer" does?

k8ly

It's an odd moment when one realizes what they find truly important, which differs for everyone.  My first wedding we cut costs by not having a professional wedding photographer.  (My dad, who does pictures for churches, took them with mixed success.)  Yet, we felt the need to spend thousands on decorating a reception room that wasn't in one picture, and no one remembers.  

Cutting out:
-Favors
-Colored linens and chair covers/sashes (or maybe just the head table to add some color to the room for minimal cost (under$40)
-Twinkle lights and Tulle for the reception
-Large cake (having small, two tiered with sheet cake),
-Never had personalized napkins
-Personalized toasting flutes
-Fancy cake server (Found a 3-piece set with a ladle that can be used after-the-fact.  I'll stick a ribbon on it.)
-Trying to figure out what to do for Guest book that's more meaningful/memorable than a list of signatures - course that adds back in some money - perhaps photos, or a "questionnaire" format I've come across.
-Never heard of a "bathroom basket" til this thread.  Guess I figure that's what people's purses are for if the need that stuff.  It's a thoughtful gesture though.  Very considerate.

Must haves that didn't have before:  photographer and videographer and a groom who's not drunk when we say our vows .

arv266

Yes Marrin, I do... but I am NOT sharing!

Marrin713

Hee hee Arv............

ichellemay1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_fluff?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:01a806e0-27f3-4271-b12e-b4f7ce540643Post:0801f297-c0d7-485e-9630-0b7ca02c94cd">Re: So what if FLUFF?</a>:
[QUOTE]It's an odd moment when one realizes what they find truly important, which differs for everyone.  My first wedding we cut costs by not having a professional wedding photographer.  (My dad, who does pictures for churches, took them with mixed success.)  Yet, we felt the need to spend thousands on decorating a reception room that wasn't in one picture, and no one remembers.   Cutting out: -Favors -Colored linens and chair covers/sashes (or maybe just the head table to add some color to the room for minimal cost (under$40) -Twinkle lights and Tulle for the reception -Large cake (having small, two tiered with sheet cake), -Never had personalized napkins -Personalized toasting flutes -Fancy cake server (Found a 3-piece set with a ladle that can be used after-the-fact.  I'll stick a ribbon on it.) -<strong>Trying to figure out what to do for Guest book that's more meaningful/memorable than a list of signatures</strong> - course that adds back in some money - perhaps photos, or a "questionnaire" format I've come across. -Never heard of a "bathroom basket" til this thread.  Guess I figure that's what people's purses are for if the need that stuff.  It's a thoughtful gesture though.  Very considerate. Must haves that didn't have before:  photographer and videographer and a groom who's not drunk when we say our vows .
Posted by k8ly[/QUOTE]

We are going to get a photo mat for signatures.  People can also write good wishes, etc.  Afterwards - we'll put a really cool wedding photo in it.

[Deleted User]

This has to be my all time favorite post.  This is my first marriage, but I have always considered myself a rare bird born to fly freely so am getting married very late in life and, of course, thought I was too smart, too old, too well educated, too sophisticated to get caught up in wedding industry fluff.  Well, I've been fluffing away for months.  My fiance called our condo the FedEx drop off station, however, I have tried to do fluff with elegance.  I did fall for the cocktail napkins that matched invitations with our names on them and I bought ridiculous toasting glasses that we probably can't even drink from without spilling the champagne all over our clothes, BUT THEY WERE SO PRETTY.  I did not a buy cake server because I'm serving croquembouche instead of wedding cake.  I'm not doing a guest book, but I have been tempted.  I just ordered gourmet truffles for favors.  Oh, I almost forgot the outrageously expensive stamps for invitations, response cards and thank you notes, and I am the first to complain about the post office rates.  I have a gut feeling if my fiance knew how much I spent for those stamps, he probably wouldn't go through with the marriage, but he has received a lot of compliments on how beautiful the invitations were and how special the stamps made them (I'm hoping that is why he's marrying me - to make his life special).  Do we count my shoes as fluff?  I spent more for those shoes than I spent most of my life on rent (literally).  But bottom line, I don't regret a dime spent.  It really is in all probability for me a once in a lifetime moment, and I want it to be special. 

Who am I kidding?  I'm a closet fluffer, too and proud of it!!!!!

Sue-n-Kevin

"This has to be my all time favorite post.  This is my first marriage, but I have always considered myself a rare bird born to fly freely so am getting married very late in life and, of course, thought I was too smart, too old, too well educated, too sophisticated to get caught up in wedding industry fluff.  Well, I've been fluffing away for months.  My fiance called our condo the FedEx drop off station, however, I have tried to do fluff with elegance. "

I'm with you Alexmom2. I can't remember when I have enjoyed reading ALL the posts as much as this one. It's almost cathartic to read everyone's post, as well as unload our own guilty secrets about how we are doing things that most people would consider outside the norm, as far as etiquette is concerned, for subsequent weddings.

I bolded what applies to me. Planning a wedding late in life, when I have the intelligence, maturity, sophistication, and self confidence to do so, is very freeing. But, in all honesty, doing so for the first time late in life means I've just accumulated a ton of style sense, self-awareness, and financial means (albeit limited by having kids) to make me very DANGEROUS!  I'm not eschewing all the "wedding crap" that the industry throws at us brides, but picking and choosing what matters to me, my fiance and guests.

As for the "Fed-ex" drop off station, I'm with you on that. The internet is the BEST invention in my lifetime, bar none, for finding what I want or need, when I want it, and yes, I have the financial means to BUY IT gosh darn it!!!!!  Baby boomers getting married for the first time, or subsequently....... honestly, it's a time to "fluff" and not feel guilty! (and yes, I know the alternative meanings of fluff, LOL)

AdelphiTN

I agree, I was a fluffer too. I made custom postage stamps (rationalized it - they didn't have the denomination i needed in a normal looking stamp)... and then it all went downhill. While I skipped pomp & circumstance (in lieu of more Bob Marley), i am a SUCKER for pretty details.

I bought sand-dollar shaped cookies that turned out to not taste so great, custom M&Ms (which i loved), and custom can koozies (which we all loved).

vb0000

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_fluff?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:35Discussion:01a806e0-27f3-4271-b12e-b4f7ce540643Post:581c291c-eaac-4773-8e3e-a34ce292fd22">Re: So what if FLUFF?</a>:
[QUOTE] This is my first marriage, but I have always considered myself a rare bird born to fly freely so am getting married very late in life and, of course, thought I was too smart, too old, too well educated, too sophisticated to get caught up in wedding industry fluff.  Well, I've been fluffing away for months.  
Posted by Alexmom2[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Meeeee toooo!!  My first marriage, late in life, but it's FI's second marriage.</div><div>
</div><div>My big fluff is the CAKE!  I must have the princess cake!!!!  Even at the expense of the flowers - which is making my mom very sad.  She would prefer tons and tons of flowers all about and no cake.....but IT'S NOT HER WEDDING!!  We will have flowers, just very minimal.</div><div>
</div><div>And the fluff that is surprising me is the invites.  I really thought when I started out that I didn't care about the invites...But I've ordered full sets two different cheap/DIY ones so far and I'm not real happy with either one - of course I thought I would be when I ordered them online of course.  I know I'm going to end up buying proper, expensive invitations so I might as well just do it and get it over with! 
<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-tongue-out.gif" border="0" alt="Tongue out" title="Tongue out" /></div>

2dBride

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_fluff?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:35Discussion:01a806e0-27f3-4271-b12e-b4f7ce540643Post:85d2ec0d-4b32-42aa-98f1-9e83e1c4e8f1">Re: So what if FLUFF?</a>:
[QUOTE]Um.......we do know what a "fluffer" does?
Posted by Marrin713[/QUOTE]Yep.  And our wedding bloopers video has a scene in it when my daughter explained this to her 60+ year old aunt.  Now you know why we're the kind of people who end up with a wedding bloopers video.  ;-)