advice for dealing with loss of mom

SSquinn

I lost my mom several years ago and I am having a very hard time trying to let my fiances mom in and help with things.. I am glad she is many states away and makes that a little easier for me to deal with, but has anyone lost their mother and having a hard time planning?  Like I went to get my dress and the girl next to me was with her mom and she was so excited and hugging and crying and I just felt blah and did not want to even be there... any advise would be great!!!

MuppetOverlord

I'm so sorry that you felt that way looking for your dress. I haven't lost my mother, but I just wanted to share support for you. If it were me, I know I'd be having problems too

right1thistime

There is no substitute for the person you call Mom.  I am sorry for your loss.  My mom was alive when I was planning my wedding, but she had developed dementia & was medically frail, so I was taking care of her - not vice versa. 

I think it is just part of life.  My Dad has been gone 23 years next week.   I have not had him to share in my life events for so many important times, and I have missed him.  It's perfectly normal.

I am not a fan of big public memorials as part of a wedding, but finding a simple way to honor & remember your mother for you -may help you.  I love the locket on your bouquet, or wearing a piece of her jewelry, or using a piece of her wedding gown for a lace hanky, etc. 

If you are struggling with grief in all aspects of your life, a grief counselor can help.  ~Donna

MikesAngie

My Dad was my only parent for much of my life, and he passed 11 years ago.  He was very missed by us all.  He knew my DH when we were kids and asked about him months before he passed.  MFIL passed 5 months before our wedding.  To quietly honor both men we put up family  pictures intermingled with our engagement pictures on a mantel.  I carried tucked in my boquet an Indian head nickel and wore a bracelet given to me by my dad, that was my something blue. 

I know it's tough...You will always miss her and I don't really think it gets easier but it is a part of life. 

Weezy56

Ditto what everyone else has said and I am very sorry for you loss.

nurseangie2

I'm so sorry you are faced with these sad feelings, but I do understand.  We were supposed to get married October of 2012, but my mom suddenly became ill and we discovered she had stage 4 cancer and died two weeks later, only one month before our wedding date.  We canceled the wedding because I needed to focus on the grieving and didn't want my sadness to shadow my wedding day.  We are now getting married this October, and I'm looking for little ways to have her as a part of the day.  I picked out a pearl necklace that was hers to wear as well as a ring with a blue stone. 

Sometimes you really have to make yourself look past the pain and hurt to be able to see the blessings around you.  Your mom will always be with you and a part of you.  Having your future MIL close to you will not ever take that away.  (((HUGS)))

anssett

I'm going through it too. My mom died of cancer 5 years ago. Planning the wedding has brought up a lot of feelings. I'm glad my MIL is offering to be involved. She isn't overdoing it or trying to replace my mom, but it's nice to have someone who cares. The thing that's starting to really kill me is thinking about trying to concieve. We're planning to start this summer and I desperately want my mom back for the experiences of being pregnant and having small kids. I cry every time I think about it. No MIL will ever fill that hole. Period. *hugs* I'm sorry you're in pain.