Moms and Maids

FMIL Horror stories: She will stop at nothing to ruin the wedding

First off, Hello to everyone! I am new here and this is my first real post. I never planned on actually posting but I am so upset and just need to vent. 

My FMIL is trying to ruin my wedding. She will stop at nothing. For whatever reason she does not want her son to get married. He is 30 years old and this is going to be his first marriage. She should be happy but she isn't. Her level of craziness just went up yesterday. She drove by our house when he was at work and then drove to his job and told him I had "people" at the house. Pretty much implying that I was with another guy. Obviously, my future husband knew this was untrue. I also found it really creepy since it was earlier in the morning and I was asleep at the time. I found out she doest this a lot. Drives by the house to see who is around. Then later that night she threw the biggest fit and demanded that I uninvite my guests so more of her family could be at the wedding.

We are having a small wedding. No more than 22 people. We each are invited 11 people. Most of my family has passed away so I invtied my best friend's family considering I have known them since I was 8 years old and they are all I have left besides my sister and my daughter. Apparently my FMIL does not like this and then said "the wedding is all about her.. family only.. if they aren't related to her they shouldn't even be there" When she knows I have no living relatives. This is all I have. It really upset me because I miss my family enough without her reminding that my second family isn't "real family". She then called up all of my FI family and said terrible things about me and said I was the reason why distant relatives couldn't be there. She has no say in who is there anyway. She is not paying for anything. Anytime anyone even brings up the wedding she gets angry.   

She has always been crazy but us getting married is pushing it overboard and I just can not take it. I am so close to not inviting her to the wedding. My FI is standing up for me and is not speaking to his mother right now because of this but I know he really wants her there deep down. I just don't know how to make her stop. 

Any other mother in law horror stories out there? or am I the only one? 

I just needed to vent so thanks to whoever read this.  
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Re: FMIL Horror stories: She will stop at nothing to ruin the wedding

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited December 2011
    Ok 1) her driving by the house is definitely creepy  2) whoever is paying for the wedding decides on the guest list, so in your case that means you and your FI are the decision makers  3) I'm sorry

    You do not make her stop.  She is your FI mother.  He should deal with her.  She may just be unhappy because she is losing her "little boy" or she may just be crazy.  Either way he needs to speak with her.  Just ignore her comments and crazy rants.  Do not let her words ruin anything about your wedding day.

    Everybody has had a crazy MIL story so don't feel alone!

  • edited December 2011
    Sounds like your FI is supportive, which is great.  Do you think he'd be willing to set some boundaries, or ground rules with his mother.  She's definitely being intrusive.  She needs to realize that unless she accepts you, she will lose you, and along with that her son.

    Has she been like this in the past?  Is this a new behavior for her?  How does your FI typically deal with her?
  • eoreaeorea member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_fmil-horror-stories-she-will-stop-nothing-ruin-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:4af8ee9b-d774-428f-8bc0-3f143fc77fcdPost:d474f237-2342-4dd9-96f5-6951dee4aefa">Re: FMIL Horror stories: She will stop at nothing to ruin the wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]Sounds like your FI is supportive, which is great.  Do you think he'd be willing to set some boundaries, or ground rules with his mother.  She's definitely being intrusive.  She needs to realize that unless she accepts you, she will lose you, and along with that her son. Has she been like this in the past?  Is this a new behavior for her?  How does your FI typically deal with her?
    Posted by covejack[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>He would be willing to set boundaries. I think he is going to try to talk with her today. I just hope she will accept these boundaries. </div><div>
    </div><div>She has always been like this. It has just been worse since we got engaged and started planning the wedding. In the past he has been very upset with her and usually blows up but then later blows it off. This is a major problem and can not just be blown off. I think he understands that now. I am hoping if they have a good sit down talk without her being crazy and without him getting mad and storming off it might help. With her though, I don't know. This as always been an issue with any relationship he has ever had. Even with friendships he has had. </div><div>
    </div><div>Thanks to both you ladies for giving your input.

    </div>
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  • SSaltzman87SSaltzman87 member
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    I'll first say that it's awesome your FI stands up for you and is trying to do what's best. There are a lot of guys out there that won't grow a pair and be a man when it's needed. I definitely agree that boundaries need to be set, because what she's doing is ridiculous and childish to the nth degree. He may need to take drastic measures to really drive the point home to her.
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  • steffenfamsteffenfam member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    You should get up early one morning and stand outside and wait for her to drive by - then smile and wave at her!  Caught!! 

    Let your fiance deal with his mother.  And when in front of your MIL, try your very best to not let her see that what she is doing is bothering you.  If she sees that what she is doing bothers you, then she wins.  Good luck!
  • Here is my horror story with my fmil. I'm sorry that this is so long, but it just shows you how many problems that I've had with my future in laws.

    In March of 2010 I found out that I was pregnant, but we were waiting to tell his parents because his mom is the son of a Lutheran minister and his father was raised strictly Cathloic. At the end of April I found out that I was going to lose our son, Wyatt. My fiance waited til the end of October to tell her, which was fine with me. He also told her that he had asked me to marry him and her only response was that she and his dad wanted to have a conversation with just him.

    During this conversation, which was recalled to me in great detail by my fiance, they proceeded to tell him that he should not get married, that he needs to go to and finish school first and that they will not recognize our engagement until he got me a ring.

    In December, I broke my thumb and tore a ligament in it, that required surgery to fix while skiing with my fiance. She at one point, in a rare moment alone with her, asked me how I was planning on paying for they surgery and appointments that followed. I thought that this was rude of her, but answered anyway saying "I'm still on medical assistance from when I was pregnant." She got this really pissed off look on her face and told me to "shut the hell up".

    Fast forward to the beginning of April 2011. His parents planned a European vacation for them, my fiance and his brother, cuz my fiance's sister was studying in England. My fiance had a huge fight over this, but that is in the past. He told his parents that I would be picking him up from the airport when they got back. His mother completely flipped, at one point yelling in my face, while at Kohl's, that this was their vacation and that I needed to butt out.

    His parents than asked him if he could drive them to the airport, to which he had to decline, having already made plans to help out me and my mom. Again, his mother threw a fit. They also asked him how he was planning on getting to the airport, since he was coming out later. When he told them that I was taking him, they said that he should just take a shuttle. We got our way in the end.

    At the end of June, my fiance finally presented me with an engagement ring and again asked me to marry him. When my fiance changed his relationship status on facebook, his brother messaged him with a congrats and asked when we planned to tell their parents. He responded that we were going to tell them when we came up to his parents cabin over the 4th of July weekend. Two days before we are set to leave, his brother also changes his relationship status on facebook with an accompying video of him proposing to his girlfriend and the celebration that followed. Lots of crying and hugging, well wishes and congrats; I was rather upset by it.

    When we got out there and told his parents about our engagement, they just stared at us and said okay before walkiing away. They pretended like we had never said anything, which again hurt, so we left early. We asked them later if we could come over to discuss the wedding with them and they said that was fine and we agreed on a time and date.

    I swear to you that it was the most awkward conversation that I have ever had with anyone in my entire life. They asked us how we were planning on paying for the wedding, where we were thinking of having it and so on and so forth. After we finished telling them what we had already decided upon, they tried to convince my fiance not to get married; while I was sitting right next to him. They also told us not to expect anything from them, so we didn't.

    When I recieved a copy of our engagement pictures, I posted them on facebook. His brothers fiance is a friend on facebook and she when she saw the pictures, she sent me a "polite" message. It basically said you pictures are beautiful and we noticed that you highlighted purple (my fiance's shirt was purple) to match your engagement ring (which is an amethyst). She said that she was messaging me to inform me that they were using the color purple in their wedding and asked us to stay away from it. I informed her that our colors are purple, green and silver and that under no circumstance was I going to change them. (Their secondary color is also green, so we have the same colors, different shades though).

    I didn't hear anything back from her, but my fiance did get a message from his mother, who was upset. She said that his brother and fiance felt that we were trying to steal their spotlight cuz our weddings are so close together (ours is August 4th and theirs is Sept 29th). The told us that we were causing drama in the family and that we needed to either change our colors or change our date. We picked the only month out of the year that we could have our wedding, because of my siblings and my aunts careers prevent them from getting time off the rest of the months. We informed her that we would not be changing anything.

    His brother feels like our weddings are too close together and that they will be too similar because of the color scheme. They said that people will remember our colors and comment on them having the same. Everybody that we have talked to about this issue feels that our dates are not too close together and that nobody will notice that we had the same color scheme. My whole family thinkis that they are over-reacting.

    Later that night we got a message from his mother saying that we were going to allow us to keep our date and colors, but the four of us have very different styles. My fiance was very upset with her, because we didn't need her approval and she cares nothing for our wedding.

    Later my ffil got a chance to speak to my fiance without me being present and told him that his brother had asked them for money. He said that they had agreed to give his brother the very large amount of money he asked for and since they were doing it for his brother, that they would do the same for him. It would have been nice to know that beforehand, so that we could have done somethings different with our wedding that we had wanted to, but didn't have the budget for.

    They asked the both of us to come over some night to talk about the money they were going to give us. We went over and had a good meal, but horrible conversation. My fiance plan on putting one flower for each of our deceased relatives on the alter (both his grandfathers, my grandmothers, my uncle and our son). I asked them what flower they would like on the alter for their fathers. His dad looked at me and said that it is a terrible idea. He said that some relatives would feel upset that we left someone out; I don't know who we left out though and I don't care what other people think.

    His mother texts him on occasion and complains to him that they know nothing about our wedding and that they want to know what is going on. However, every time we do tell them any of our ideas, they bash our ideas and say that we shouldn't do that. We have no desire at all to tell them about anything that is going on with the wedding for this reason, but she somehow can't understand why we don't tell them anything.

    His younger brother and sister are both the favorites and my fiance is the black sheep of the family. They get the best of everything and he gets crap. They are paying for his brother and sister to go to school and paying for all of their bills and expenses so that they don't have to have a job while in school. My fiance only went to school for a year, but he had to pay for all of it himself and he had to pay for all of his own bills and other expenses. His siblings have recieved cars that are only about five years old, while my fiance gets one that is 10 years old.

    He doesn't usually care about what his siblings get that he doesn't, he's very laid back, but the college thing makes him mad. His family only tells us about important events, like his grandmother's birthday celebration in another city 50 miles away, three days before it happens, when we are already scheduled to work; his siblings usually know about two weeks in advance.

    Both of his grandmothers don't yet know that I was pregnant, because his parents don't want them to know. We aren't going to tell his parents, but we are putting inserts into our wedding programs listing deceased loved one that are not here to enjoy this celebration with us. It will of course have there names, but it will also include the flower on the alter that is for them and their relation to us. We are listing our son as well, which will not go over well with his parents, but this is my wedding, not theirs.

    I know that someday down the road I will also hear something from them for the fact that his sister is going to have absolutely no part in our wedding. His brother is a groomsmen, my sister is my MOH while bridesmaid are my best friend and a very close friend of mine, who also happens to be a mentor for me. I am having my three half sisters and juinor bridesmaids, my niece and nephew are flower gril and ringbear. I'm going to have my step brother as an usher, with his uncle as the second usher. I'm also going to have my two younger stepsisters read a passage for the wedding and I'm going to ask my older stepsister to be my personal attendant. I'm going to hear about it, but I don't care. Neither of us care for his sister, she's nothing but a stuck up spoiled little brat and she's absolutely horrible to my fiance.

    I don't like my fmil, ffil,fbil or my fsil. His aunt, uncle and two cousins and the grandmother that I have met are great though, I love them and they seem to love me too. I always had dreams as a teenager of having a wonderful and loving relationship with my in-laws, but that's never going to happen. Not for lack of my trying though, I have tried very hard. Now though, I'm totally done and I don't care anymore; my fiance cares nothing for his parents opinion either.

    I love my fiance to death and he's absolutely amazing, but I really don't like his immediate family. I still wonder how such stuck up horrible people raised such an amazing and wonderful man!?!

    Thank you for reading my story and again I'm very sorry that it was so long.
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