Moms and Maids
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  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Call me persnickety, but this is my advice.

    She should wait 3-4 years before she gets married since a girl that age most likely wants to be a bride, rather than a wife.  If she still wants to be married to this guy at 21, go for it.  

    That's my advice.
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    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

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  • edited December 2011
    Why is she getting married so young?  This information may change the advice we give.
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  • AdeleDazeemAdeleDazeem member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Not to be unpleasant, but is someone pregnant here?

    My advice, in all seriousness, is to tell your friend to wait.  WAIT.  WAAAAAAAAIT.

    No matter why anyone thinks they need to be married, 17 years old is not the age to do it.  You have so much to gain from waiting and almost nothing to lose. 
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-very-young-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:9d4f4a12-21e6-4bed-9840-2d6e1d6f1253Post:b48ea435-69fb-42bd-bb82-e0e1523142a9">Bridesmaid for a very young bride</a>:
    [QUOTE]I will be a bridesmaid for a friend's upcoming wedding. At the time of the wedding, all of the bridesmaids will be 18 and the bride will be 17. Being so young, none of us have much wedding experience. Any help/advice on dresses, gifts, parties, etc.?
    Posted by 11class[/QUOTE]


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  • aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    At the time of the wedding?  How old are you all now?
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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • edited December 2011
    I think a Disney theme would be appropriate. Also, as none of you will be old enough to drink, you probably will need to have a dry wedding. I am guessing you are all seniors from your name, so I think you guys should get similar prom dresses which can double as bridesmaid dresses. Also, I think you should go to an R rated movie for your bachelorette party as that is the only thing you are old enough to do.

    How old is the groom in this situation?
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  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    On the off chance that this is not MUD, I'll give an answer.

    It's a very easy answer:  WAIT.

    There is no good reason for someone who still has the word "teen" in their age to get married, and scores of reasons to wait.  I know that he's like, the one......and she's, like, totally in love and knows he's her soul mate and that they'll be together forever.  Except that they probably won't.

     Please,  tell your "friend" to finish high school, then finish college, then live on her own and completely support herself for a significant amount of time, and THEN consider marriage.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • mkruparmkrupar member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    At 17 I was worried about what college I would be going to, not how to plan a wedding. Tell this girl to WAIT! There's no reason for anyone to get married at 17. And if she is knocked up, that's no reason to get married either. It almost never works out in the end. I'd like to know what her parents have to say in this situation. If he's the one now, he'll be the one in 4 years after college and having some life experiences. If I was this girl's friend I don't know that I could stand up with her to support a marriage that more than likely will not last.
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  • edited December 2011
    Wow, 17? What's the rush? Why not graduate high school first? Go to college for a few years. If it's love, there is no reason why they can't wait.
  • ootmother2ootmother2 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    11class = Junior in high school?

    do what Brooke said
  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm hoping against hope they're seniors as the class OF '11 (which would be this year).
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    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

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  • edited December 2011
    well since you asked for ideas.


    - Bridesmaids dresses from somewhere inexpensive, maybe Target.  Look for matching "short" dresses that you could all wear again in the bride's colors. 

    - parties... ask your moms for help.  Obviously you guys won't be able to do the 21 and over things, but there are plenty of "parties" you can have with 18 year olds ... think glorified high school party, but only wedding guests are invited, and try to keep it classy and centered around the festivities of the wedding.

    - gifts: common gifts from BM to bride can be anything from lingerie, to gifts from the wedding gift registry (bride and groom create together), or even helping the bride pay for certain aspects of the wedding (especially with really young brides).


    I sincerely hope that the 17 year old bride has the support and direction of her parents entering this marriage.  Others have already said this, but a good friend would do everything to support their friend, but would also tell the friend when they need to make a change... like waiting to get married until after the "growing up" process is finished.   Most on here would say wait until after college age, or mid-twenties when the frontal lobe finishes developing (read research on the development of the brain if you're curious; the frontal lobe controls "teenage tendencies" that basically determine whether you're an adult or kid, mentally). 

    Best of luck with your plans. 
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  • jagore08jagore08 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-very-young-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:9d4f4a12-21e6-4bed-9840-2d6e1d6f1253Post:8ed4645e-f4b7-4cf9-a689-7490faa5927f">Re: Bridesmaid for a very young bride</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think a Disney theme would be appropriate. Also, as none of you will be old enough to drink, you probably will need to have a dry wedding. I am guessing you are all seniors from your name, so I think you guys should get similar prom dresses which can double as bridesmaid dresses. Also, I think you should go to an R rated movie for your bachelorette party as that is the only thing you are old enough to do. How old is the groom in this situation?
    Posted by MrsMLRB[/QUOTE]

    <div>Ditto all of this. </div>
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  • SSaltzman87SSaltzman87 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Man, I'm 23 and still can't believe I'm engaged at my age-let alone 17 or 18.

    If your friend really does go through with her marriage, she'll get quite the reality check 5-10 years from now.
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  • Beachy730Beachy730 member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Tell your friend I'll set her up with a phone call from one of my aunts who decided that she was going to get married at 17 and was so determined to do so that my grandparent's gave in knowing she would do it the day she turned 18 anyways.  This same aunt is now in the process of her third divorce.  Everyone thinks they've found "the one" in high school.  Heck, I thought I had found "the one" when I was 21.  Thankfully I was never foolish enough to rush into marriage since I look back at those old relationships and laugh at myself for being so naive.  Nothing bad will come out of your friend wedding, and honestly I see no good in her getting married at 17.
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  • jagore08jagore08 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-very-young-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:9d4f4a12-21e6-4bed-9840-2d6e1d6f1253Post:535c235c-e812-4113-9c03-8240917b134b">Re: Bridesmaid for a very young bride</a>:
    [QUOTE] Everyone thinks they've found "the one" in high school.  Heck, I thought I had found "the one" when I was 21. 
    Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]
    I did find "the one" in high school, but we were smart enough to wait until we were mature and old enough to get married.  We were 27 and 28.  We changed a lot throughout the years but luckily we changed together instead of apart.
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  • Beachy730Beachy730 member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-very-young-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:9d4f4a12-21e6-4bed-9840-2d6e1d6f1253Post:288643e4-d13d-44ae-b141-99bfc0740431">Re: Bridesmaid for a very young bride</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid for a very young bride : I did find "the one" in high school, but we were smart enough to wait until we were mature and old enough to get married.  We were 27 and 28.  We changed a lot throughout the years but luckily we changed together instead of apart.
    Posted by jagore08[/QUOTE]

    Very true.  And I have 2 good friends who have been dating since high school, and just got married a year ago at age 26.  People change way too much when they leave high school and throughout college, and its best to find out if you stay together through that or drift apart, rather than getting married first and then finding out. 
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  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    One of my friends recently got engaged to her HS sweetheart (we're 26) and another married her HS sweetheart a year after we graduated college.  I don't doubt they're perfect for each other, but I do doubt they'd still be 1) as accomplished, or 2) still together had they gotten married while still teenagers.
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    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

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  • edited December 2011
    I know you have no control over your friend's decision, and I don't want you to feel like you're the one under fire here, but seriously, if Justin Beiber figures anywhere into the music played at the reception, she needs to wait a few years to get married.

    All joking aside...I'm sure planning a wedding and looking forward to being a bridesmaid is a lot of fun, but I worry a lot about the person who's making such a big decision at such a young age.  I did it myself at just barely 18, and, well...I'm on this board, planning another wedding, so you do the math.  I thought we were one of the minority of really young couples who stood a chance at making it, but the fact is, a lot of things change with time.  You might consider passing this information on to your friend, although she will likely not listen to you or anyone else.  Her priority really shouldn't be dresses, gifts, parties, etc...it should be making sure she's going into the marriage as a real adult, not just a legal one...speaking of which, would she even BE a legal adult at 17??
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  • edited December 2011
    Thank you for those who gave advice on what I asked for.

    Yes, we are seniors in highschool. She just happens to be the youngest in our class. The groom will be 18. As for the why so young? No, she's not expecting. And I personally believe she's way too young, but it's not my choice and she's not open to the idea of waiting.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-very-young-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:9d4f4a12-21e6-4bed-9840-2d6e1d6f1253Post:0936ac4b-9f7d-448a-83ab-d9e6fb56e779">Re: Bridesmaid for a very young bride</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thank you for those who gave advice on what I asked for. <strong>Yes, we are seniors in highschool. She just happens to be the youngest in our class. The groom will be 18.</strong> As for the why so young? No, she's not expecting. And I personally believe she's way too young, but it's not my choice and she's not open to the idea of waiting.
    Posted by 11class[/QUOTE]

    <div>Awesome. Now I can see my dinner in reverse. </div>
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  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-very-young-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:9d4f4a12-21e6-4bed-9840-2d6e1d6f1253Post:0936ac4b-9f7d-448a-83ab-d9e6fb56e779">Re: Bridesmaid for a very young bride</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thank you for those who gave advice on what I asked for. Yes, we are seniors in highschool. She just happens to be the youngest in our class. The groom will be 18. As for the why so young? No, she's not expecting. And I personally believe she's way too young, but it's not my choice and she's not open to the idea of waiting.
    Posted by 11class[/QUOTE]
    Sometimes being a good friend means telling your friend that she's making a huge mistake and withdrawing from participation if you don't support what she's doing.  I think you need to do one of the two, if not both.  <div>
    </div><div>I can virtually guarantee you that she's doing this for the wrong reasons and that the marriage probably won't last--nothing personal against your friend, but the odds are not stacked in her favor.  If people stop enabling her bad decisions, she'll probably stop making them.  ETA: I bet you almost anything she'll call it off if she realizes no one will throw her any parties or buy her presents, since that's the only reason I can fathom a teenager wanting to get married--to be the center of attention at a big party.</div>
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    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

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  • junebug62511junebug62511 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Two of my friends were only 18 and 19 when they decided to get married. She was not pregnant. Its been a year since their wedding and they are very happy together and are now expecting their first child (she got pregnant five months after the wedding). The husband works full time and they live completely on their own. I would never suggest getting married that young, but it can work. Its best for you not to say anything negative about it if she has her mind set already because it will only hurt the friendship. They did everything on the cheap for their wedding- no bachelor/bachelorette parties, no rehearsal dinner, had their reception in a small hall very early in the afternoon, didn't have any flowers, the bride bought her dress off of ebay for under $100, no honeymoon, etc.
  • edited December 2011
    Okay. Besides tell me how wrong the situation is, and how I am not a good friend for telling her she's being stupid (I would be the only one telling her this, by the way: his and her families are bouncing off the walls in excitement for this wedding), does anyone have any worth-while advice for the event that(despite what anyone else thinks) will be happening?
  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-very-young-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:9d4f4a12-21e6-4bed-9840-2d6e1d6f1253Post:f80d2237-a547-4256-9a3b-1b3ef0187251">Re: Bridesmaid for a very young bride</a>:
    [QUOTE]Okay. Besides tell me how wrong the situation is, and how I am not a good friend for telling her she's being stupid (I would be the only one telling her this, by the way: his and her families are bouncing off the walls in excitement for this wedding), does anyone have any worth-while advice for the event (despite what anyone else thinks) will be happening?
    Posted by 11class[/QUOTE]
    I'm not saying you're not being a good friend to her, I'm saying that if you truly are against this, it's not right to participate.  I personally would not want to stick around for this train wreck.  But I'm saying this from the POV of my 26-year-old self, not my 17-year-old self, so I can understand not wanting to take that step.  And the word "stupid" need not come into play--just tell her all the things she'll be missing out on by getting married so young.  The list is endless; pick anything you want.<div>
    </div><div>What a shame that her parents are so thrilled this is happening.</div><div>
    </div><div>And no, I have no advice because, frankly, the bride is too young to do anything bach-party related (drinking, clubbing, driving in the same car as her friends in some states, you can't even get hotel rooms in your own names, etc.).  I literally have no suggestions for you.  Which should be a big ol' sign to her.</div>
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    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

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  • edited December 2011
    Your original post asks for advice on dresses, gifts, parties, etc...

    I posted a lot of my initial thoughts in an earlier post.  It seems that the youthfulness of the bride in your circumstance is making it hard for a lot of TK members to give you the advice you're trying to find, and I understand why they can't get around the age factor... I had to ignore that part to type the following: 

    Something to consider is thinking of this event  like a big celebration with close friends and family.  If you were to host a small gathering of friends and family at your house for a party, what would you do?   Food and drink, definitely.  Music might be nice, but don't go overboard.  Having a theme for the party is optional, although you'll find some brides on here have themed bridal showers such as a lingerie party (the gifts usually fall in line with the theme), a kitchen/baking party (complete with lots of baked items), a spa day party (complete with gifts from the bath section of the gift registry and perhaps an in-home masseuse team or something fun like that)... there are tons of ideas for a bridal shower or wedding party. 


    As far as other things a group of bridesmaids can do for the bride, IF YOU WANT TO... you can go dress shopping with the bride, you can accompany her to bridal shows in your area (there is usually a good show around New Years in my neck of the woods)... you can also help her address invitations, put together her favors, package the bird seed / rice / bubbles for the departing moment...

    If you're really new to weddings... check out TK's resources for bridesmaids dresses.  There are a ton of designers out there.  Ask your friend (the bride) if she plans to pick the BM dress so that you all can plan either to accept her choice or begin looking for a dress you can all decide on.  

    If there are any other specific areas of wedding planning and bridesmaids that you're interested in, any more specific information or questions you can put would be very helpful. 

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  • tldhtldh member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Brooke is right.  Ask her if she can honestly answer one question:  Would she be just as happy to get married at the Justice of the Peace as she would to have a big wedding celebration?  The wedding was a bonus for me and I will admit having a lot of fun planning it.  However, I'm in my 30s and would have been just as happy at the JOP.

    All I can advise is to use a senior prom as your guide because that's the extent that your friend will be able to do for anything.
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-very-young-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:9d4f4a12-21e6-4bed-9840-2d6e1d6f1253Post:77307255-29ef-4504-853c-0e85af5fc54e">Re: Bridesmaid for a very young bride</a>:
    [QUOTE]Your original post asks for advice on dresses, gifts, parties, etc... I posted a lot of my initial thoughts in an earlier post.  It seems that the youthfulness of the bride in your circumstance is making it hard for a lot of TK members to give you the advice you're trying to find, and I understand why they can't get around the age factor... I had to ignore that part to type the following:  Something to consider is thinking of this event  like a big celebration with close friends and family.  If you were to host a small gathering of friends and family at your house for a party, what would you do?   Food and drink, definitely.  Music might be nice, but don't go overboard.  Having a theme for the party is optional, although you'll find some brides on here have themed bridal showers such as a lingerie party (the gifts usually fall in line with the theme), a kitchen/baking party (complete with lots of baked items), a spa day party (complete with gifts from the bath section of the gift registry and perhaps an in-home masseuse team or something fun like that)... there are tons of ideas for a bridal shower or wedding party.  As far as other things a group of bridesmaids can do for the bride, IF YOU WANT TO... you can go dress shopping with the bride, you can accompany her to bridal shows in your area (there is usually a good show around New Years in my neck of the woods)... you can also help her address invitations, put together her favors, package the bird seed / rice / bubbles for the departing moment... If you're really new to weddings... check out TK's resources for bridesmaids dresses.  There are a ton of designers out there.  Ask your friend (the bride) if she plans to pick the BM dress so that you all can plan either to accept her choice or begin looking for a dress you can all decide on.   If there are any other specific areas of wedding planning and bridesmaids that you're interested in, any more specific information or questions you can put would be very helpful. 
    Posted by kellya01[/QUOTE]
    I did read your earlier post and appreciate the advice being on the topic of what I asked for.
    She actually already has her dress; the bridemaids dresses are still needed. She left us with an idea of what she'd like but it's up to us to find and buy. (a slight issue with minimum wage jobs)
    Gift wise: would it be best to have her bridesmaids chip in on something off her registry? Or should it be seperate? Or something else entirely?
  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Any of the options you suggested would be fine etiquette-wise.  But wait until the wedding to buy a gift.  God willing, she and her "FI" will come to their senses before this, and I get the impression she's not the type to return a gift if the wedding's called off.
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    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
  • edited December 2011
    What about dresses like these for the BM dresses?

    Macy's "juniors" dresses: 

    Here are some really budget-friendly bridesmaid quality dresses from Target:

    The biggest thing to be careful with dresses if you look online is actually the "overseas knock-off" sites.  They don't have brick-and-mortar stores, and while the price looks really nice, the dress may not be worth it.  (difficulties getting sizing correct, color problems, and if there is a mistake, often you can't return the items that need replacing).

    Also, you could look at www.netbrides.com -- I've seen some good reviews from other brides about that site.  Just make sure that the BM's get measured by a real seamstress, tailor, or bridal shop so that you order correct sizes.  Oh-- and about sizes -- don't be surprised if the dress size you have to order is different from what you wear in "normal" clothes... this is an unusual thing to most, but a norm in the wedding industry.  Most have to order 1 to 2 sizes up, depending on the designer. 
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