...

11class

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-very-young-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:9d4f4a12-21e6-4bed-9840-2d6e1d6f1253Post:8520142a-34f9-4738-adfd-4e55371abf7e">Re: Bridesmaid for a very young bride</a>:
[QUOTE]What about dresses like these for the BM dresses? Macy's "juniors" dresses:  <a href="http://www1.macys.com/shop/juniors/apparel/dresses?id=18109&edge=hybrid" rel="nofollow">http://www1.macys.com/shop/juniors/apparel/dresses?id=18109&edge=hybrid</a> Here are some really budget-friendly bridesmaid quality dresses from Target: <a href="http://www.target.com/Parties-Weddings-Dresses-Clothing-Womens/b/ref=nav_t_spc_1_inc_1_5?ie=UTF8&node=144457011" rel="nofollow">http://www.target.com/Parties-Weddings-Dresses-Clothing-Womens/b/ref=nav_t_spc_1_inc_1_5?ie=UTF8&node=144457011</a> The biggest thing to be careful with dresses if you look online is actually the "overseas knock-off" sites.  They don't have brick-and-mortar stores, and while the price looks really nice, the dress may not be worth it.  (difficulties getting sizing correct, color problems, and if there is a mistake, often you can't return the items that need replacing). Also, you could look at <a href="http://www.netbrides.com" rel="nofollow">www.netbrides.com</a> -- I've seen some good reviews from other brides about that site.  Just make sure that the BM's get measured by a real seamstress, tailor, or bridal shop so that you order correct sizes.  Oh-- and about sizes -- don't be surprised if the dress size you have to order is different from what you wear in "normal" clothes... this is an unusual thing to most, but a norm in the wedding industry.  Most have to order 1 to 2 sizes up, depending on the designer. 
Posted by kellya01[/QUOTE]

Awesome. Thank you very much. I'm glad posting here wasn't a complete waste of time.
Asking for suggestions/advice on the internet - HA! Even my unmatured teenage brain should have known better...

kellya01

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-very-young-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:9d4f4a12-21e6-4bed-9840-2d6e1d6f1253Post:1028aa0b-57b7-42c8-89e2-f3a5b3e8c701">Re: Bridesmaid for a very young bride</a>:
[QUOTE]Asking for suggestions/advice on the internet - HA! Even my unmatured teenage brain should have known better...
Posted by 11class[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Actually, I think if you stick around long enough, you'll discover the knot's message boards to be quite useful.  As with any discussion forum, take the advice or leave the advice... it's always up to you.  Sometimes people who feel strongly about an issue can be very adamant about their opinion and the "flames" really get going on these heated debates.  But, it's a great place to find help from basically anonymous sources, and you can get some really cool resources you wouldn't have otherwise known about.  </div><div>
</div><div>Most of the women on the boards (and the occasional male) seem to mean well, and I really would advocate for using internet message boards especially on things that you feel like those around you can't help you with.</div><div>
</div><div>Best of luck with your friend's upcoming wedding.  

</div>

bablingbrooke

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-very-young-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:9d4f4a12-21e6-4bed-9840-2d6e1d6f1253Post:1028aa0b-57b7-42c8-89e2-f3a5b3e8c701">Re: Bridesmaid for a very young bride</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid for a very young bride : Awesome. Thank you very much. I'm glad posting here wasn't a complete waste of time. Asking for suggestions/advice on the internet - HA! Even my unmatured teenage brain should have known better...
Posted by 11class[/QUOTE]
What a mature response to advice you didn't want to hear...

11class

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-very-young-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:9d4f4a12-21e6-4bed-9840-2d6e1d6f1253Post:96a4f33a-3dd8-4d52-93d0-e36840975655">Re: Bridesmaid for a very young bride</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid for a very young bride : Actually, I think if you stick around long enough, you'll discover the knot's message boards to be quite useful.  As with any discussion forum, take the advice or leave the advice... it's always up to you.  Sometimes people who feel strongly about an issue can be very adamant about their opinion and the "flames" really get going on these heated debates.  But, it's a great place to find help from basically anonymous sources, and you can get some really cool resources you wouldn't have otherwise known about.   Most of the women on the boards (and the occasional male) seem to mean well, and I really would advocate for using internet message boards especially on things that you feel like those around you can't help you with. Best of luck with your friend's upcoming wedding.  
Posted by kellya01[/QUOTE]

Thank you :)

AdeleDazeem

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-very-young-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:9d4f4a12-21e6-4bed-9840-2d6e1d6f1253Post:1028aa0b-57b7-42c8-89e2-f3a5b3e8c701">Re: Bridesmaid for a very young bride</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid for a very young bride : Awesome. Thank you very much. I'm glad posting here wasn't a complete waste of time. Asking for suggestions/advice on the internet - HA! Even my unmatured teenage brain should have known better...
Posted by 11class[/QUOTE]

In life, you often hear what it is you don't want to hear.  You offered a situation and we offered advice on said situation.  Nope, it wasn't completely what you were looking for, but it was good advice nonetheless and deserves consideration.

Welcome to adulthood.

mkjpop

One shower idea is to have everyone bring a recipe - it's a nice way to pass along family and friend traditions.

I second the person who suggested Target - they have some really cute and affordable dresses. If there isn't one near you, they have tons of stuff online too. For shoes, go to payless (online too).

Fake flowers (though not the silk kind) are more affordable than real ones. You girls can have cute bouquets for not too much money.

DJ - I know some girls who have made a wedding playlist on an ipod and played that during the reception. Obviously it's not the same as a DJ, but from what I've heard, it's a lot cooler than they expected!

In terms of gifts... you will have more purchasing power if you combine, but that ciould get tricky with your varying budgets. Maybe you could go with a theme? One girl gets a nice knife, another buys a pan... other girls get a cookbook and apron, etc...?

Bachelorette - hire a palm reader, stay in, do some baking and nails? Try to keep it low key... the point is not for the BMs to go broke.

None of us agree with all of our friends all of the time, and sometimes all we can do is support them after we've said our piece. Great job reaching out to try and find ways to make your friend's wedding special

oceana919

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-very-young-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:9d4f4a12-21e6-4bed-9840-2d6e1d6f1253Post:1028aa0b-57b7-42c8-89e2-f3a5b3e8c701">Re: Bridesmaid for a very young bride</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid for a very young bride : Awesome. Thank you very much. I'm glad posting here wasn't a complete waste of time. Asking for suggestions/advice on the internet - HA! Even my unmatured teenage brain should have known better...
Posted by 11class[/QUOTE]

What a classy, mature, level-headed response to advice <em>you</em> solicited.

jaimed99

OP, where in Pittsburgh to you live?

marinabreeze

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-very-young-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:9d4f4a12-21e6-4bed-9840-2d6e1d6f1253Post:4a444e84-909f-4dba-af4b-34f11e0d4224">Re: Bridesmaid for a very young bride</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid for a very young bride : In life, you often hear what it is you don't want to hear.  You offered a situation and we offered advice on said situation.  Nope, it wasn't completely what you were looking for, but it was good advice nonetheless and deserves consideration. Welcome to adulthood.
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

I second this.

11class

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-very-young-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:9d4f4a12-21e6-4bed-9840-2d6e1d6f1253Post:fdccd2cc-4f59-4dd0-8ab2-95600c4c8aa0">Re: Bridesmaid for a very young bride</a>:
[QUOTE]OP, where in Pittsburgh to you live?
Posted by jaimed99[/QUOTE]
Haven't lived in pittsburgh for 13 years. I just use the city for things like this.

jemmini6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-very-young-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:9d4f4a12-21e6-4bed-9840-2d6e1d6f1253Post:1028aa0b-57b7-42c8-89e2-f3a5b3e8c701">Re: Bridesmaid for a very young bride</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid for a very young bride : Awesome. Thank you very much. I'm glad posting here wasn't a complete waste of time. Asking for suggestions/advice on the internet - HA! Even my unmatured teenage brain should have known better...
Posted by 11class[/QUOTE]

Just because it wasn't what you wanted to hear doesn't mean it wasn't good advice.  Believe it or not, we've all been 17 before, we may know a thing or two about relationships at that age.  Generally, when a majority of people are 'against' a certain thing, it's usually for good reason.

We realize that your friend will get married at 17 if she wants to, but you (and her) also need to realize that the odds are stacked against her and she will likely be divorced before she's even old enough to drink.  That's not being mean, that's being honest.  If she really wants to give her marriage a chance, why not wait a few more years??

But anyways, thanks for playing.  If you can't handle the advice you get, then don't post on forums.  Your "unmatured teenage brain" really should have known better (because you know everything, right?)

sister2groom

I agree getting married at 17 is WAY too young, but I also think a high school senior shouldn't be expected to necessarily have the maturity to tell her friend getting married is a bad idea. She would be a much better friend if she said something, but I don't think she's a super cruddy one for not. I mean, I have a hard time with women in their thirties who act like they're 17 or 18, but since she is actually 17 or 18 I think she should probably given a little slack.

Also, I don't think in this case there's anything wrong with pulling the bride aside and gently asking her if she's sure of what she's doing and if she realizes how tough it will be. And then respecting her decision and standing up with her. I think something should be said, but I don't feel you need to take a hard stand (like refuse to stand up for her)unless it's a REALLY bad relationship, like he's abusive or cheats.

kellya01

I teach teenagers for a living... and believe me, once they have their minds made up about something, there is very little anyone can do to reason with them, no matter how irrational or rational the choice is.  We've seen several "teens" on the boards and I think it's right for the experienced brides as well as those still engaged to advise them to wait for marriage!!  

The OP stated that she disagrees with her friend's desire to get married so young, and I think that is commendable.  The OP also said that she has already tried to tell her friend, to no avail.  Now, she's looking for ideas for her friend's wedding.  Part of me agrees with most of you -- I would not support a friend in getting married so young -- however, I'm not in the OP's shoes and I can't make that choice for her.  

I have already stated my personal opinion about the maturity of teenagers (and you guys picked up on the response about being mature!?!?)... but again, rational thought doesn't necessarily rule with teens.  

OP, if you have any more questions, things you're not sure about, please feel free to post and ask what you need to know.  The responses may not be "what you're looking for," but that comes with posting in an online, international forum. 

11class

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-very-young-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:9d4f4a12-21e6-4bed-9840-2d6e1d6f1253Post:415ec5cc-9538-4c67-8a67-e04812a6a6d5">Re: Bridesmaid for a very young bride</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid for a very young bride : Just because it wasn't what you wanted to hear doesn't mean it wasn't good advice.  Believe it or not, we've all been 17 before, we may know a thing or two about relationships at that age.  Generally, when a majority of people are 'against' a certain thing, it's usually for good reason. We realize that your friend will get married at 17 if she wants to, but you (and her) also need to realize that the odds are stacked against her and she will likely be divorced before she's even old enough to drink.  That's not being mean, that's being honest.  If she really wants to give her marriage a chance, why not wait a few more years?? But anyways, thanks for playing. <strong> If you can't handle the advice you get, then don't post on forums. </strong>Your "unmatured teenage brain" really should have known better (because you know everything, right?)
Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]

I posted on the forums to figure out what the hell I'm suppose to do as a bridesmaid. If I wanted to be told how she should wait and I should be the one to tell her, I would have gone and brought the subject of her wedding back up to MY parents. It's not that I can't "handle" the advice being given. The conversation with my parents quite literally went like this:
"Hey, Mom, guess who's engaged....at 17..."
"Who?"
"My friend __ "
-dad walks in to join conversation-
Commence screaming at ME over my friend's engagement.
(and there is a repeat of this every time the subject comes up)
I came here for some help on what to do for a wedding I have no control over, not to be lectured yet again.

zitiqueen

How about McDonalds Playland for the bachelorette party?

jemmini6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-very-young-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:9d4f4a12-21e6-4bed-9840-2d6e1d6f1253Post:e191a523-397f-4333-8547-eb18ceb3aba9">Re: Bridesmaid for a very young bride</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid for a very young bride : I posted on the forums to figure out what the hell I'm suppose to do as a bridesmaid. If I wanted to be told how she should wait and I should be the one to tell her, I would have gone and brought the subject of her wedding back up to MY parents. It's not that I can't "handle" the advice being given. The conversation with my parents quite literally went like this: "Hey, Mom, guess who's engaged....at 17..." "Who?" "My friend __ " -dad walks in to join conversation- Commence screaming at ME over my friend's engagement. (and there is a repeat of this every time the subject comes up) I came here for some help on what to do for a wedding I have no control over, not to be lectured yet again.
Posted by 11class[/QUOTE]

I see your point (this explanation is much better and more mature than the 'thanks for nothing' comment you made earlier.  A little bit of maturity goes a long way and you will see that the responses you get reflect directly on the way you word your posts)

I know it's not your wedding and you have no control over it, but people tend to be very 'passionate' over advocating waiting on marriage.  Maybe it's a sign that you should bring this up to your friend that MANY older, more experienced people think it's a bad idea and that maybe she should reconsider.  If one of my friends wanted to get married at 17, I certainly would have at least tried to convince her to wait a few years before I started helping her plan a wedding that I don't agree with (that is if YOU even think she's making a mistake). 

Edit:  As for what you NEED to do as a bridesmaid.  Nothing.  All bridesmaids are required to do is buy the dress and show up on the wedding day.  If you WANT to throw her pre-wedding parties, etc, I think you've gotten some good suggestions for things to do since you are all under-age.

gottahavashorti

[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid for a very young bride : I posted on the forums to figure out what the hell I'm suppose to do as a bridesmaid. If I wanted to be told how she should wait and I should be the one to tell her, I would have gone and brought the subject of her wedding back up to MY parents. It's not that I can't "handle" the advice being given. The conversation with my parents quite literally went like this: "Hey, Mom, guess who's engaged....at 17..." "Who?" "My friend __ " -dad walks in to join conversation- Commence screaming at ME over my friend's engagement. (and there is a repeat of this every time the subject comes up) I came here for some help on what to do for a wedding I have no control over, not to be lectured yet again.
Posted by 11class[/QUOTE]
Do you have control over whether the marriage happens? Nope.

Can you limit your participation in a marriage of which you don't approve? Yes.  And even if you don't step down as a BM, you can still decline to plan and attend things like bachelorettes and showers.

I kind of see situations like this as being similar to this one: I was in middle or high school when one of my cousins got pregnant at 18.  Her boyfriend's mom was excited about it, threw a shower, and asked my cousin's mom to participate in the shower. 

My aunt declined.  The reasoning?  She would accept and love her grandchild, but she was not excited about or going to celebrate the pregnancy of her 18 year old daughter who was probably going to have to drop out of school.  She was waiting until after the shower to see what basic necessities the baby would still need so that she could make sure they were going to be okay.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Listen, I have a friend who got married at 17. With her parents' permission. Then again, her mom and sisters all got married at 18/19 and to her family, being married young was a much better choice than having premarital sex. The marriage didn't last, but I now understand the kind of culture than can encourage young weddings, even if that's unfathomable to most level-headed adult brides (I got married at 28, btw).

I don't think I'd do a bachelorette party in your case, unless it's just a movie night at home with pizza (which would be fine). At your age, I don't think you can rent a limo. I don't even know if you guys have your own cars. It would also probably be difficult to book a hotel room, cabin, or private party room. Plus, I'm assuming you want to keep this as cheap as possible.

For a shower, why not do an afternoon tea? The point is to host what you can afford. You can ask other BMs to chip in, but if they can't, just work with whatever budget you have. You can have tea, water, lemonade, pastries, finger sandwiches. You can get old tea cups and dishes from a thrift store or ebay. Again, you can host this at your house or at her parents' house. Maybe ask her mom for help if mothers host showers in your area. Not all women who are invited to the wedding need to be invited to the shower - just those closest to her, like her friends, immediate family, the groom's immediate family, maybe cousins if they're close.

i'd do your own hair and makeup - no need to pay big bucks for that. Try to wear your own shoes - like if black shoes go with the dress, just see if you can wear what you have. Same with jewelry. You can do your own nails. It doesn't have to be expensive.

As a wedding gift, maybe consider making/paying for her cake or some other expense she would like but might not be able to afford. You could also all chip in a gift you can afford from her registry.

11class

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-very-young-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:9d4f4a12-21e6-4bed-9840-2d6e1d6f1253Post:885029d7-1e2c-4551-8da1-118215e55f98">Re: Bridesmaid for a very young bride</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid for a very young bride : I see your point (this explanation is much better and more mature than the 'thanks for nothing' comment you made earlier.  A little bit of maturity goes a long way and you will see that the responses you get reflect directly on the way you word your posts) I know it's not your wedding and you have no control over it, but people tend to be very 'passionate' over advocating waiting on marriage.  Maybe it's a sign that you should bring this up to your friend that MANY older, more experienced people think it's a bad idea and that maybe she should reconsider.  If one of my friends wanted to get married at 17, I certainly would have at least tried to convince her to wait a few years before I started helping her plan a wedding that I don't agree with (that is if YOU even think she's making a mistake). 
Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]

I believe I've said this before but I guess maybe I didn't, I have talked to her about it. She's dead set on not waiting.
She wanted a small, close family church wedding. But both families said no way, they want this to be huge (both are the only child of their respective parents...so I suppose it's understandable). So that's where the bridesmaids came in and she happened to ask me.

11class

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-very-young-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:9d4f4a12-21e6-4bed-9840-2d6e1d6f1253Post:a7b32c07-955c-4c9c-822f-c20cc734e5d7">Re: Bridesmaid for a very young bride</a>:
[QUOTE]Listen, I have a friend who got married at 17. With her parents' permission. Then again, her mom and sisters all got married at 18/19 and to her family, being married young was a much better choice than having premarital sex. The marriage didn't last, but I now understand the kind of culture than can encourage young weddings, even if that's unfathomable to most level-headed adult brides (I got married at 28, btw). I don't think I'd do a bachelorette party in your case, unless it's just a movie night at home with pizza (which would be fine). At your age, I don't think you can rent a limo. I don't even know if you guys have your own cars. It would also probably be difficult to book a hotel room, cabin, or private party room. Plus, I'm assuming you want to keep this as cheap as possible. For a shower, why not do an afternoon tea? The point is to host what you can afford. You can ask other BMs to chip in, but if they can't, just work with whatever budget you have. You can have tea, water, lemonade, pastries, finger sandwiches. You can get old tea cups and dishes from a thrift store or ebay. Again, you can host this at your house or at her parents' house. Maybe ask her mom for help if mothers host showers in your area. Not all women who are invited to the wedding need to be invited to the shower - just those closest to her, like her friends, immediate family, the groom's immediate family, maybe cousins if they're close. i'd do your own hair and makeup - no need to pay big bucks for that. Try to wear your own shoes - like if black shoes go with the dress, just see if you can wear what you have. Same with jewelry. You can do your own nails. It doesn't have to be expensive. As a wedding gift, maybe consider making/paying for her cake or some other expense she would like but might not be able to afford. You could also all chip in a gift you can afford from her registry.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

The tea idea is cute. And affordable. I like it.

Thank you.

Manwaithiel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-very-young-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:9d4f4a12-21e6-4bed-9840-2d6e1d6f1253Post:e191a523-397f-4333-8547-eb18ceb3aba9">Re: Bridesmaid for a very young bride</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid for a very young bride : I posted on the forums to figure out what the hell I'm suppose to do as a bridesmaid. If I wanted to be told how she should wait and I should be the one to tell her, I would have gone and brought the subject of her wedding back up to MY parents. It's not that I can't "handle" the advice being given. The conversation with my parents quite literally went like this: "Hey, Mom, guess who's engaged....at 17..." "Who?" "My friend __ " -dad walks in to join conversation- Commence screaming at ME over my friend's engagement. (and there is a repeat of this every time the subject comes up) I came here for some help on what to do for a wedding I have no control over, not to be lectured yet again.
Posted by 11class[/QUOTE]

Dad's are really silly sometimes. They hear your friends are doing something they feel is stupid and they immediately get all over your case to insure that YOU won't be so stupid. Try not to take it personally. Unless he's usually like this, and I'm sorry if he is, he probably is just freaking out over the possibility of you thinking "This is a great idea!!" I doubt you're thinking that and I think your dad is definitely taking it the wrong way and dealing with it poorly.

I would suggest asking her if she's alright with this course of events, really try and explain things to her, and if she's still set upon it, then stand with her if you want to. I think that's perfectly acceptable.

I think your friend is rushing it. But I understand your position.

As far as dresses are concerned, Ann Taylor, Target, Macy's, etc. all have pretty dresses. If you stay away from those labeled "Bridesmaid dress" you'll end up paying a lot less for equally classy attire.

Bachelorette party: keep it low key. Baking brownies, getting movies from Netflix, and home done mani/pedis etc. Just make it a nice girl's night in. Make a nice dinner or order carryout from a restaurant (no tip then!!) and bring it home. Yay!

Anyway, if you need more ideas, please feel free to ask. Just understand that it is really hard to give advice on something that one does not agree with. And I am vehemently opposed to marriage before some kind of higher education (even if it's just beauty school or a paralegal certificate, just something that allows you to make money in the real world) because it's just asking for trouble. I really do think you should have a tete a tete with your friend and once you see that she's confident in her decision and she seems rather reasonable about it and you feel comfortable participating, then by all means participate.


ETA: Just saw your follow up. Sounds like the families have taken the reins. So use your suggestions from here and throw you friend a nice party =). If she's just as good with a small wedding as a huge blowout, then I believe she's getting married for the right reasons. Even if it doesn't work out, it doesn't sound like something she's doing just to have a princess day.

jemmini6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-very-young-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:9d4f4a12-21e6-4bed-9840-2d6e1d6f1253Post:3bbcfef4-e1cd-47c8-86da-a2143cb310e5">Re: Bridesmaid for a very young bride</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid for a very young bride : I believe I've said this before but I guess maybe I didn't, I have talked to her about it. She's dead set on not waiting. She wanted a small, close family church wedding. But both families said no way, they want this to be huge (both are the only child of their respective parents...so I suppose it's understandable). So that's where the bridesmaids came in and she happened to ask me.
Posted by 11class[/QUOTE]

It definitely makes it harder to convince someone to wait when their parents are all into it.  If you are really opposed to her marrying now, you can still stand up with her at her wedding (you can still be friends with someone even though you don't agree with their choices) but as a PP mentioned, decline to throw her any pre-wedding parties.  You can choose to attend or not if someone else throws one, but as a bridesmaid, you are certainly not required to throw her anything.

Habs2Hart

Wow...  It's one thing to get married at 17 and have your friends support it because "OMG isn't it just the CUTEST!" but it's a whole other ballgame when the parents are pushing for it... 

That is so young.  So here are some ideas.  I work with high school age youth.  We do a lot of fun things together and when we have "girls nights" we do a spa night which they love.  We give the girls manis and pedis and do mud masks and stuff.  They think it's pretty fun.  We watch girlie moves.  You could make girlie mocktails and have a slumber party for the bachelorette party and be overly girlie (if you guys are into things like that). 

Keep it simple.  She cannot expect you guys (at 17 and 18) to buy her expensive gifts.  So pool money together (even $20 each) and buy them something off their registry for a shower gift or a wedding gift.

Anyone crafty?  Can you make her something she'd love (like a scrapbook of wedding planning or high school memories or something) as a gift to her that she can hold onto?

If she asks you guys to buy something you cannot afford, just flat out tell her.  Be honest and say "I cannot afford this.  If you want me to be in your wedding party, then you'll have to find a more affordable option."  Which might get difficult because from the sounds of it, mommy and daddy are running the show. 

Good luck to you, and them.  They will need it. 

I would suggest that you strongly emphasize that they should do councelling leading up to the big day.

11class

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-very-young-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:9d4f4a12-21e6-4bed-9840-2d6e1d6f1253Post:afffe81c-c17e-484b-9927-1cd3f3770c34">Re: Bridesmaid for a very young bride</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid for a very young bride : Dad's are really silly sometimes. They hear your friends are doing something they feel is stupid and they immediately get all over your case to insure that YOU won't be so stupid. Try not to take it personally. Unless he's usually like this, and I'm sorry if he is, he probably is just freaking out over the possibility of you thinking "This is a great idea!!" I doubt you're thinking that and I think your dad is definitely taking it the wrong way and dealing with it poorly. I would suggest asking her if she's alright with this course of events, really try and explain things to her, and if she's still set upon it, then stand with her if you want to. I think that's perfectly acceptable. I think your friend is rushing it. But I understand your position. As far as dresses are concerned, Ann Taylor, Target, Macy's, etc. all have pretty dresses. If you stay away from those labeled "Bridesmaid dress" you'll end up paying a lot less for equally classy attire. Bachelorette party: keep it low key. Baking brownies, getting movies from Netflix, and home done mani/pedis etc. Just make it a nice girl's night in. Make a nice dinner or order carryout from a restaurant (no tip then!!) and bring it home. Yay! Anyway, if you need more ideas, please feel free to ask. Just understand that it is really hard to give advice on something that one does not agree with. And I am vehemently opposed to marriage before some kind of higher education (even if it's just beauty school or a paralegal certificate, just something that allows you to make money in the real world) because it's just asking for trouble. I really do think you should have a tete a tete with your friend and once you see that she's confident in her decision and she seems rather reasonable about it and you feel comfortable participating, then by all means participate. ETA: Just saw your follow up. Sounds like the families have taken the reins. So use your suggestions from here and throw you friend a nice party =). If she's just as good with a small wedding as a huge blowout, then I believe she's getting married for the right reasons. Even if it doesn't work out, it doesn't sound like something she's doing just to have a princess day.
Posted by Manwaithiel[/QUOTE]

Yes, my dad is always like that...

Alright, small party, Target dresses, got it. Thank you. :)

(by the way, I do believe she too young. I, myself, will not be considering marriage till after graduate school.)

ashbosity

Just wanted to say that I have three friends from high school, one got married in October after we graduated (had only been 18 for 3 months) and the other two got married the following summer (18 and just turned 19). All of them are still married and we're all 30 now. The marriage isn't instantly doomed to fail, but its chances of surviving aren't good. Most people aren't who they will be for the rest of their lives at that point. Its just a matter of whether the couple can grow together. 

Anyway, I think the idea of looking for prom dresses is good, maybe even clearance if you can still find some around. You will be limited on color choices, so hopefully she hasn't picked burnt orange or something for her colors. The number of bridesmaids will also be a factor, cause finding 2 of the same dress is obviously way easier than finding 8.

For bachelorette party/shower ideas I like a home spa day. Maybe you could get someone who does makeup or Mary Kay or something to come in. There are also tons of recipes online to make homemade facial masks and scrubs and stuff. If you haven't already joined Groupon for your area, do it. We saved tons of money on several things that way. Take advantage of the holiday sales for wedding gift buying and good luck!

11class

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-very-young-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:9d4f4a12-21e6-4bed-9840-2d6e1d6f1253Post:5f40ef16-867d-49e8-9765-a5243753e285">Re: Bridesmaid for a very young bride</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow...  It's one thing to get married at 17 and have your friends support it because "OMG isn't it just the CUTEST!" but it's a whole other ballgame when the parents are pushing for it...  That is so young.  So here are some ideas.  I work with high school age youth.  We do a lot of fun things together and when we have "girls nights" we do a spa night which they love.  We give the girls manis and pedis and do mud masks and stuff.  They think it's pretty fun.  We watch girlie moves.  You could make girlie mocktails and have a slumber party for the bachelorette party and be overly girlie (if you guys are into things like that).  Keep it simple.  She cannot expect you guys (at 17 and 18) to buy her expensive gifts.  So pool money together (even $20 each) and buy them something off their registry for a shower gift or a wedding gift. Anyone crafty?  Can you make her something she'd love (like a scrapbook of wedding planning or high school memories or something) as a gift to her that she can hold onto? If she asks you guys to buy something you cannot afford, just flat out tell her.  Be honest and say "I cannot afford this.  If you want me to be in your wedding party, then you'll have to find a more affordable option."  Which might get difficult because from the sounds of it, mommy and daddy are running the show.  Good luck to you, and them.  They will need it.  I would suggest that you strongly emphasize that they should do councelling leading up to the big day.
Posted by Habs2Hart[/QUOTE]

I like the scrapbook idea. (One of the bridesmaids can't go a without working on a scrapbook...)
I'm hoping that Target/Macy's dresses will be up to par for the parents...

Thanks.

11class

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-very-young-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:9d4f4a12-21e6-4bed-9840-2d6e1d6f1253Post:52de0a79-7c8a-4738-a4fd-e5debe60752a">Re: Bridesmaid for a very young bride</a>:
[QUOTE]Just wanted to say that I have three friends from high school, one got married in October after we graduated (had only been 18 for 3 months) and the other two got married the following summer (18 and just turned 19). All of them are still married and we're all 30 now. The marriage isn't instantly doomed to fail, but its chances of surviving aren't good. Most people aren't who they will be for the rest of their lives at that point. Its just a matter of whether the couple can grow together.  Anyway, I think the idea of looking for prom dresses is good, maybe even clearance if you can still find some around. You will be limited on color choices, so hopefully she hasn't picked burnt orange or something for her colors. The number of bridesmaids will also be a factor, cause finding 2 of the same dress is obviously way easier than finding 8. For bachelorette party/shower ideas I like a home spa day. Maybe you could get someone who does makeup or Mary Kay or something to come in. There are also tons of recipes online to make homemade facial masks and scrubs and stuff. If you haven't already joined Groupon for your area, do it. We saved tons of money on several things that way. Take advantage of the holiday sales for wedding gift buying and good luck!
Posted by ashbosity[/QUOTE]

Thank you!

aerinpegadrak

And here I thought you had at least a little maturity, then you go and delete your OP.  Wow.

bablingbrooke

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-very-young-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:9d4f4a12-21e6-4bed-9840-2d6e1d6f1253Post:07eaa38c-c204-4ab0-a87b-b3f7876c5550">Re: Bridesmaid for a very young bride</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid for a very young bride :  (by the way, I do believe she too young. I, myself, will not be considering marriage till after graduate school.)
Posted by 11class[/QUOTE]
Good girl. 

tldh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-very-young-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:9d4f4a12-21e6-4bed-9840-2d6e1d6f1253Post:07eaa38c-c204-4ab0-a87b-b3f7876c5550">Re: Bridesmaid for a very young bride</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid for a very young bride : Yes, my dad is always like that... Alright, small party, Target dresses, got it. Thank you. :) (by the way, I do believe she too young.<strong> I, myself, will not be considering marriage till after graduate school.)
</strong>Posted by 11class[/QUOTE]

I think this was the worry of most of the posters here.  We've seen a few baby brides and it makes all of us cringe because we know what we would have missed out on had we been married as teenagers or even to our highschool sweetheart.  You have the maturity to make this good decision, please show more maturity and don't delete anything.  It doesn't do you any good anyway since you've been quoted by others.