Moms and Maids

...

13

Re: ...

  • ManwaithielManwaithiel member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    OP, please don't DD (dirty delete) your posts. I know you got a lot of tough love and I know it was probably grating after what your dad has been saying, but the whole story didn't really come out until your third or fourth post. Please don't take it personally. You can take details for granted because you know the whole story, but we really don't. If you don't want to share the whole story, that is completely your perogative, but you have to understand that we won't be able to see the whole picture and respond accordingly.

    And I'm sorry that your dad is like that =(
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers

    Hawaii with my best friend =)
    Photobucket
  • edited December 2011

    Well, I did do as everyone advised: I told her again that I thought she should wait.
    Guess what. I got the boot from the wedding party....by the bride's mother. I'm not supportive enough to be a bridesmaid to her daughter. So...no need for me to be here anymore.

  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-very-young-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:9d4f4a12-21e6-4bed-9840-2d6e1d6f1253Post:a23566cb-50cc-4c20-9e22-caf43bf468a7">Re:...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Well, I did do as everyone advised: I told her again that I thought she should wait. Guess what. I got the boot from the wedding party....by the bride's mother. I'm not supportive enough to be a bridesmaid to her daughter. So...no need for me to be here anymore.
    Posted by 11class[/QUOTE]
    Wow.  I honestly did not see that coming; truly I didn't.  These people are unbelievable.  Mom seems like a real piece of work.  <div>
    </div><div>I'm sure it hurts, but I assure you, you won't miss these people in your life.  ETA: And rest assured, you did do the right thing.  I've found that Harry Potter platitudes are often true, and I think this particular gem of Dumbledore's rings true in this situation: "Sometimes we have to choose between what is right and what is easy."</div>
    Courtesy of megk8oz
    image
    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
  • SSaltzman87SSaltzman87 member
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-very-young-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:9d4f4a12-21e6-4bed-9840-2d6e1d6f1253Post:e6934ffd-2ca5-4be5-82a4-24ad23014bc7">Re:...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:... : Wow.  I honestly did not see that coming; truly I didn't.  These people are unbelievable.  Mom seems like a real piece of work.   I'm sure it hurts, but I assure you, you won't miss these people in your life.
    Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

    Same here, dang! Just know that you indeed did the right thing by expressing your concerns to the bride. That takes balls to do.
    <a href="http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Money Saving Tips"><img src="http://global.thenest.com/tickers/tt17ce82.aspx" alt="Anniversary" border="0"  /></a>

    White Knot

    Planning Bio-Added FOR SALE page, will be adding more stuff to it soon! 
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-very-young-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:9d4f4a12-21e6-4bed-9840-2d6e1d6f1253Post:a23566cb-50cc-4c20-9e22-caf43bf468a7">Re:...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Well, I did do as everyone advised: I told her again that I thought she should wait. Guess what. I got the boot from the wedding party....by the bride's mother. I'm not supportive enough to be a bridesmaid to her daughter. So...no need for me to be here anymore.
    Posted by 11class[/QUOTE]

    <div>Okay, I now have MAJOR issues with the bride-to-be.  She runs to mom when a good friend talks to her about waiting for marriage?  MAJOR TWO YEAR OLD BEHAVIOR.</div><div>
    </div><div>She wants a WP full of people who think she's fantastic and worship the ground she walks on?  MAJOR TWO YEAR OLD BEHAVIOR.</div><div>
    </div><div>Obviously you had better intentions as her friend, and I know that it probably will damage your friendship with this person, but you may be better off not being a close friend with her.  She sounds like a MAJOR TWO YEAR OLD piece of work.  Send her to The Knot.  ... Start with the "etiquette board."  That's where a lot of people who know etiquette and won't mind telling her "like it is" typically are.  The ladies on here will have fun playing with her.  </div><div>
    </div><div>So sorry that the bride's mama kicked you out.  Obviously the bride AND the mom have MAJOR TWO YEAR OLD BEHAVIOR problems.  </div><div>
    </div><div>Best of luck repairing the relationship.  It's best that you did say something though... no one wants a bunch of friends / WP who can't tell you when you're doing something wrong.  Well, change that... I guess THAT bride does. </div>
    July 16, Our Wedding Day, is also International Juggling Day!
    image
  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I think you should consider yourself lucky.  Mom sounds BSC and this "wedding", if it ever happens has all potential to become a circus.  I think you're the big winner here.  I am sorry if it affects your relationship with your friend, but IMO, it just reinforces everyone's belief that she's not old enough to get married.

    If she can't stand up to her mom and say "Mom, this is one of my dearest friends, and she WILL be in my WP", then she's clearly not ready to stand up for herself, and that's a big, big part of being married.  When exactly is your friend planning to make her own decisions?
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • LD1970LD1970 member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-very-young-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:9d4f4a12-21e6-4bed-9840-2d6e1d6f1253Post:dfd0de41-cb5f-469c-bd62-38b687b84bb3">Re: Bridesmaid for a very young bride</a>:
    [QUOTE]Two of my friends were only 18 and 19 when they decided to get married. She was not pregnant. Its been a year since their wedding and they are very happy together and are now expecting their first child (she got pregnant five months after the wedding). The husband works full time and they live completely on their own. I would never suggest getting married that young, but it can work. Its best for you not to say anything negative about it if she has her mind set already because it will only hurt the friendship. They did everything on the cheap for their wedding- no bachelor/bachelorette parties, no rehearsal dinner, had their reception in a small hall very early in the afternoon, didn't have any flowers, the bride bought her dress off of ebay for under $100, no honeymoon, etc.
    Posted by junebug62511[/QUOTE]
    They've only been married a year and the kid's not even here yet!  Wait 'til they're dealing with the stresses of a newborn and then toddler, the emergencies, decisionmaking, scheduling... just wait.<div>
    </div><div>Wait 'til they grow up a few years and realize they missed out on their childhoods.</div><div>
    </div><div>I'm a divorce lawyer.  I've seen it.</div>
    You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough. ~Mae West
  • LD1970LD1970 member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-very-young-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:9d4f4a12-21e6-4bed-9840-2d6e1d6f1253Post:a23566cb-50cc-4c20-9e22-caf43bf468a7">Re:...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Well, I did do as everyone advised: I told her again that I thought she should wait. Guess what. I got the boot from the wedding party....by the bride's mother. I'm not supportive enough to be a bridesmaid to her daughter. So...no need for me to be here anymore.
    Posted by 11class[/QUOTE]
    Assuming you still want to be friends with her, stick around her life.  She'll need you to be there when everything falls apart.<div>
    </div><div>In the meantime, know that you're building yourself a reputation as an honest friend.  I'm that same person to my friends.  When they want validation, they go elsewhere.  When they want the real deal with no pulled punches or sugarcoating, they come to me.  And they value me for it.  Your friends will value you too, once they grow up enough to realize it.</div>
    You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough. ~Mae West
  • ManwaithielManwaithiel member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Where the hell does her mom get off saying who and who is not in her daughter's wedding party?? I would have ripped my mother a new one if she dared to presume she made decisions like that.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers

    Hawaii with my best friend =)
    Photobucket
  • zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    I have to know where you live. Like, what state?

  • Beachy730Beachy730 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    This just screams MUD, but sadly I don't at all think that it is.  It's absurd to me that there are families out there that would be ecstatic about their 17 year old daughter getting married.  Or that there are mothers who would kick a BM out. 
    imageBabyFruit Ticker
  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Anyone want to bet MOB is ~35?  Would explain a lot...
    Courtesy of megk8oz
    image
    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
  • Beachy730Beachy730 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-very-young-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:9d4f4a12-21e6-4bed-9840-2d6e1d6f1253Post:36d00109-5837-4a42-b0e3-21fd6300fbab">Re:...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Anyone want to bet MOB is ~35?  Would explain a lot...
    Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

    That's what is referred to as a suckers bet. 
    imageBabyFruit Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-very-young-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:9d4f4a12-21e6-4bed-9840-2d6e1d6f1253Post:36d00109-5837-4a42-b0e3-21fd6300fbab">Re:...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Anyone want to bet MOB is ~35?  Would explain a lot...
    Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

    MOB is likely 36 who didn't get a big PPD because her baby daddy wouldn't marry her. So she is living vicariously through her daughter.
    Anniversary image
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-very-young-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:9d4f4a12-21e6-4bed-9840-2d6e1d6f1253Post:8455be6c-1626-46c7-b63a-617615200b98">Re:...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:... : Assuming you still want to be friends with her, stick around her life.  <strong>She'll need you to be there when everything falls apart</strong>. In the meantime, know that you're building yourself a reputation as an honest friend.  I'm that same person to my friends.  When they want validation, they go elsewhere.  When they want the real deal with no pulled punches or sugarcoating, they come to me.  And they value me for it.  Your friends will value you too, once they grow up enough to realize it.
    Posted by LD1970[/QUOTE]

    I was just thinking this. 
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • edited December 2011
    I feel bad for not offering actual wedding advice since that's what you wanted, but I agree with most everyone else... tell her to wait... have her read all these responses.
    My fiance and I started dating right before our senior year in high school and knew at that time that we wanted to get married. Fortunately, my now fiance wasn't naive and though I thought I was ready to get married at 18... he kept saying we needed to wait. And so we did... nearly 6 years later, we're still together and going stronger than ever. I seriously tell him weekly how glad I am that he made me wait because we have grown so much since then and I know that though it was a long wait, it was worth it. It will make that walk down the aisle that much sweeter. 
  • lalap69lalap69 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-very-young-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:9d4f4a12-21e6-4bed-9840-2d6e1d6f1253Post:a23566cb-50cc-4c20-9e22-caf43bf468a7">Re:...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Well, I did do as everyone advised: I told her again that I thought she should wait. Guess what. I got the boot from the wedding party....by the bride's mother. I'm not supportive enough to be a bridesmaid to her daughter. So...no need for me to be here anymore.
    Posted by 11class[/QUOTE]
    I'm so sorry.
    Planning Our Wedding - Updated 04/11/11
    imageWedding Countdown Ticker
    "If you can't think of something nice to say, don't say something nice" - Stephen Colbert
  • zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-very-young-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:9d4f4a12-21e6-4bed-9840-2d6e1d6f1253Post:8a023fc8-7249-4e70-9033-32bb943c6345">Re:...</a>:
    [QUOTE]This just screams MUD, but sadly I don't at all think that it is.  It's absurd to me that there are families out there that would be ecstatic about their 17 year old daughter getting married.  Or that there are mothers who would kick a BM out. 
    Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

    I know a girl from Tennessee who was married and divorced by the time she was 18. That's why I was asking what state OP lives in. In some regions it's definitely encouraged to go from a high school graduation gown to a wedding gown within a matter of weeks.

  • junebug62511junebug62511 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Bridesmaid for a very young bride:
    "In Response to Re: Bridesmaid for a very young bride : They've only been married a year and the kid's not even here yet!  Wait 'til they're dealing with the stresses of a newborn and then toddler, the emergencies, decisionmaking, scheduling... just wait. Wait 'til they grow up a few years and realize they missed out on their childhoods. I'm a divorce lawyer.  I've seen it."
     
    I know youl think young marriage is doomed from the beginning, but my friends are very serious about their marriage. They have been doing marriage couseling at their church since the day they decided they were going to get married and have still continued it a year later. They are taking classes at the hopsital about learning how to deal with and raise a baby. Every situation is different and we can't all just lump young brides into one category.
    You also have to remember cultural differences. When I was in high school there was a number of latina girls who were already married and pregnant with their 2nd child as juniors in highschool and it was nothing they had to feel ashamed or embarrassed about and they definately did not need to defend themselves.
    And as to a post about whether she just wanted the big wedding or if she would be perfectly happy to get married at JOP, meaning her wedding wasnt just for the wedding. I definately would not be happy to get married in a courthouse. But its not that I want the huge wedding either its because I need to be married in a church....thats just my beliefs.
    I posted earlier that I did not suggest anyone getting married that young but its their choice. If their parents are ok with it then it is none of our business. I am not here to judge anyone, there is no way we can know the full situation.

    As to the OP, I'm sorry you are going to lose your friendship over something like this. I did however tell you not to say anything but the older brides here don't understand or its been a while since they have had to deal with a situation like this. I posted earlier about my two young friends getting married and how it worked out for them....well in the beginning my bf and I did all we could to convince them that they were making a mistake and the friendship was almost completely ruined. And still they were going on with the wedding as planned. There is nothing you can do or say to change it. Its her decision and I think you would feel pretty crappy if 10 years from now they are still married and happy but you are no longer in their lives because you couln't just be happy that she was happy.
  • heyimbrenheyimbren member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-very-young-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:9d4f4a12-21e6-4bed-9840-2d6e1d6f1253Post:c04bd568-2c16-4cb7-b40d-34e483672d9f">Re: Bridesmaid for a very young bride</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid for a very young bride :
    As to the OP, I'm sorry you are going to lose your friendship over something like this.<strong> I did however tell you not to say anything but the older brides here don't understand or its been a while since they have had to deal with a situation like this. </strong>I posted earlier about my two young friends getting married and how it worked out for them....well in the beginning my bf and I did all we could to convince them that they were making a mistake and the friendship was almost completely ruined. And still they were going on with the wedding as planned. There is nothing you can do or say to change it. <strong>Its her decision and I think you would feel pretty crappy if 10 years from now they are still married and happy but you are no longer in their lives because you couln't just be happy that she was happy
    </strong>Posted by junebug62511[/QUOTE]

    Um no. It's her decision yes, but I don't see how not saying something to a friend is good. When my friend got engaged (very young) and she was going on about it, I did speak up and say something (gently, politely). You know what she did? She thanked me for being honest with her and giving her another perspective to think about. In the end they decided to go ahead and get engaged now anyways, and I can respect that decision but she still thanked me again later on for what I had said to her. This isn't about people "not understand" being a young bride (which you seem to fancy yourself a martyr for) but about realizing what friends are for. And in this case, it wasn't even the bride but the MOTHER who kicked her out.

  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    As to the OP, I'm sorry you are going to lose your friendship over something like this. I did however tell you not to say anything but the older brides here don't understand or its been a while since they have had to deal with a situation like this. I posted earlier about my two young friends getting married and how it worked out for them....well in the beginning my bf and I did all we could to convince them that they were making a mistake and the friendship was almost completely ruined. And still they were going on with the wedding as planned. There is nothing you can do or say to change it. Its her decision and I think you would feel pretty crappy if 10 years from now they are still married and happy but you are no longer in their lives because you couln't just be happy that she was happy.

    Right, older brides can't possibly understand what it's like to be 17 and think you know everything.  Oh, wait, yes we do...we were all there at one point.  

    Just because a wedding is involved doesn't mean that everyone has to fall in line.  I think OP was absolutely right to speak up.
    Courtesy of megk8oz
    image
    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
  • zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-very-young-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:9d4f4a12-21e6-4bed-9840-2d6e1d6f1253Post:c4df6202-0b82-4ea3-ab0e-32f46bf7e54d">Re: Bridesmaid for a very young bride</a>:
    [QUOTE] And in this case, it wasn't even the bride but the MOTHER who kicked her out.
    Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]

    And nothing screams "mature enough to get married" like having your mommy make all of your decisions for you.

  • ManwaithielManwaithiel member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-very-young-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:9d4f4a12-21e6-4bed-9840-2d6e1d6f1253Post:c04bd568-2c16-4cb7-b40d-34e483672d9f">Re: Bridesmaid for a very young bride</a>:
    [QUOTE] As to the OP, I'm sorry you are going to lose your friendship over something like this. I did however tell you not to say anything but the older brides here don't understand or its been a while since they have had to deal with a situation like this. I posted earlier about my two young friends getting married and how it worked out for them....well in the beginning my bf and I did all we could to convince them that they were making a mistake and the friendship was almost completely ruined. And still they were going on with the wedding as planned. There is nothing you can do or say to change it. Its her decision and I think you would feel pretty crappy if 10 years from now they are still married and happy but you are no longer in their lives because you couln't just be happy that she was happy.
    Posted by junebug62511[/QUOTE]

    Don't you get all high and mighty on me.

    I'm only 21. I'm getting married in less than 3 weeks. And I definitely had disucssions with my parents, pastor, FI, and my best friend about whether or not we were rushing it. We've decided it's fine, and we're willing to commit to this.

    I'm only a couple years away from 17. I definitely would have killed myself if I married the guy I was dating then. Even just a college degree gives you more freedom and experience. You need to at least stop living with your parents and pay some bills before you can tell someone you're ready to get married. It's just the reality of life and how today's world works.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers

    Hawaii with my best friend =)
    Photobucket
  • tldhtldh member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I did however tell you not to say anything but the older brides here don't understand or its been a while since they have had to deal with a situation like this.

    How exactly is getting married any different from any other major life decision? It's s choice that will impact the rest of your life.  The difference between our responses and yours is that we have the benefit of experience with life in general and can see where forks in the road lead.
    image
    AKA GoodLuckBear14
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-very-young-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:9d4f4a12-21e6-4bed-9840-2d6e1d6f1253Post:c04bd568-2c16-4cb7-b40d-34e483672d9f">Re: Bridesmaid for a very young bride</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid for a very young bride : "In Response to Re: Bridesmaid for a very young bride : They've only been married a year and the kid's not even here yet!  Wait 'til they're dealing with the stresses of a newborn and then toddler, the emergencies, decisionmaking, scheduling... just wait. Wait 'til they grow up a few years and realize they missed out on their childhoods. I'm a divorce lawyer.  I've seen it."   I know youl think young marriage is doomed from the beginning, but my friends are very serious about their marriage. They have been doing marriage couseling at their church since the day they decided they were going to get married and have still continued it a year later. They are taking classes at the hopsital about learning how to deal with and raise a baby. Every situation is different and we can't all just lump young brides into one category. <strong>You also have to remember cultural differences.</strong> <strong>When I was in high school there was a number of latina girls who were already married and pregnant with their 2nd child as juniors in highschool and it was nothing they had to feel ashamed or embarrassed about and they definately did not need to defend themselves. </strong>And as to a post about whether she just wanted the big wedding or if she would be perfectly happy to get married at JOP, meaning her wedding wasnt just for the wedding. I definately would not be happy to get married in a courthouse. But its not that I want the huge wedding either its because I need to be married in a church....thats just my beliefs. I posted earlier that I did not suggest anyone getting married that young but its their choice. If their parents are ok with it then it is none of our business. I am not here to judge anyone, there is no way we can know the full situation. <strong>As to the OP, I'm sorry you are going to lose your friendship over something like this. I did however tell you not to say anything but the older brides here don't understand or its been a while since they have had to deal with a situation like this.</strong> I posted earlier about my two young friends getting married and how it worked out for them....well in the beginning my bf and I did all we could to convince them that they were making a mistake and the friendship was almost completely ruined. And still they were going on with the wedding as planned. There is nothing you can do or say to change it. <strong>Its her decision and I think you would feel pretty crappy if 10 years from now they are still married and happy but you are no longer in their lives because you couln't just be happy that she was happy.</strong>
    Posted by junebug62511[/QUOTE]

    About "cultural differences," not every Latina person has this mentality, so please don't go there.  Also, just because a behavior is common in your circle doesn't mean it's a good idea.  I am black American, and I went to a predominately black high school.  A lot of people I went to high school with ended up becoming teen single mothers, and a few even dropped out.  Many of them were products of single moms and absent dads so they thought it was okay.  My friends who had kids young will tell you as they have gotten older (10-15 years later), and they've experienced LIFE, as much as they love their kids, they wish they had made different decisions.  And even though it was common in my high school circle, I don't blame it on race/ethnicity or "cultural differences."  Bad decisions are bad decisions, even if they are common within some circles.

    And in your case, what if your high school classmates, God forbid, later on in life have their husbands walk out on them, or their husbands die prematurely?  Without having that solid experience in knowing who they are and being able to support themselves, what will they do with themselves and their kids?  Go on the public dole and not have a clue how to get off of it?  Bounce from man to man because they don't know how to live without one?  Again, just because something is common in your circle doesn't mean it's a good idea.

    I don't think it's right for you to try to make the OP feel bad or say something to the effect of "I told you so" for expressing her reservations to the bride.  If they are true friends, she should be able to try to watch out for her friend and tell her how she feels.  This isn't just a situation where the bride was marrying someone that OP just didn't like, it's the bride making a decision that will alter the rest of her life, and most likely not in a good way.  If your friend was about to marry someone who beat her, would you say, "okay great, as long as you're happy?"  I surely hope not or you'd really suck as a friend. 

    Ultimately, the OP did the right and mature thing, and the bride handled it poorly.  The fact that the bride ran off and told mommy, and then mommy has the power to remove the OP from her WP shows the bride's immaturity and the fact that she is not ready for marriage.

    I don't think that the "older" brides are saying that getting married young will never work.  Of course, there are some cases when it does...you can find exceptions to everything.  But at the same time, getting married young does hurt your chances of success in marriage for the long term.  There is value in getting to know yourself and developing your own sense of independence before pairing yourself off with another.  In general, it becomes easier to discern the kind of partner that you will be compatible with for the long-term, not just when you're young.  Maybe some of us who are "older" DO get it, it's just that we have the experience to take the long view and come to a different conclusion that may serve the bride better in the long term.
  • jemmini6jemmini6 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-very-young-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:9d4f4a12-21e6-4bed-9840-2d6e1d6f1253Post:a23566cb-50cc-4c20-9e22-caf43bf468a7">Re:...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Well, I did do as everyone advised: I told her again that I thought she should wait. Guess what. I got the boot from the wedding party....by the bride's mother. I'm not supportive enough to be a bridesmaid to her daughter. So...no need for me to be here anymore.
    Posted by 11class[/QUOTE]

    Honestly, they probably did you a favor.  If someone can't accept that people will (obviously) think she is too young, runs to mommy crying about it, then has her mom kick you out...she probably isn't someone you'd want to be friends with anyways.  She is obviously way too immature to be getting married and when her marriage ends, very soon probably, she'll realize she should have listened to her 'true' friends that weren't afraid to speak their minds.

    You sound like a mature teenager(aside from deleting your post) and you will have no problem meeting other like-minded friends in the future that will be thankful to have honest friends.
    Anniversary
  • junebug62511junebug62511 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I agree with what most of you say, but she did already say that she told the bride that she thought she should wait. There is no point in pounding the issue. She gave her her opinion and she still wanted to go ahead with the wedding. So now the only thing she can do if she wants to keep the friend is to be there for her. She doesn't have to agree with it but I think from now on she should just keep it to herself. What should she do after they get married, keep on telling her what a mistake it was? Then they definately will not be friends anymore.
    And I'm sure everyone of us can think of a couple who got married very young and are still together 10, 20, 30, even 50 years down the road.
    If you are concerned that she should wait because of college, maybe she isn't planning on going. You don't have to go to college. I think its better if you do but I know pleanty of people who have made a decent living without having a single year of college under their belt.
    She can tell her all she wants that she thinks its a mistake but I highly doubt she is going to listen and its her choice to do so.
  • ManwaithielManwaithiel member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-very-young-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:9d4f4a12-21e6-4bed-9840-2d6e1d6f1253Post:f6f015f2-f64f-4118-89ca-649410b90a2a">Re:...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I agree with what most of you say, <strong>but she did already say that she told the bride that she thought she should wait. There is no point in pounding the issue.</strong> She gave her her opinion and she still wanted to go ahead with the wedding. So now the only thing she can do if she wants to keep the friend is to be there for her. She doesn't have to agree with it but I think from now on she should just keep it to herself. <strong>What should she do after they get married, keep on telling her what a mistake it was?</strong> Then they definately will not be friends anymore. And I'm sure everyone of us can think of a couple who got married very young and are still together 10, 20, 30, even 50 years down the road. If you are concerned that she should wait because of college, maybe she isn't planning on going. You don't have to go to college. I think its better if you do but I know pleanty of people who have made a decent living without having a single year of college under their belt. She can tell her all she wants that she thinks its a mistake but I highly doubt she is going to listen and its her choice to do so.
    Posted by junebug62511[/QUOTE]

    Uh-huh, except that she withheld that little tidbit until several of her posts were on the thread. She didn't say that in the OP, so everyone gave her that advice. I didn't read anywhere where people stated, "Clearly she didn't hear you...go say it again." I even folowed up one of my posts with "So you've had this conversationw with her already. Great. Then if you still want to, stand up with her and here are some tips for doing it on the cheap." If she decided to bring it up again that's her business. And nobody said that she should keep bringing it up after they get married.

    Quit trying to be an "I told you so" and blaming this latest development on us. Especially since you're taking everything out of context.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers

    Hawaii with my best friend =)
    Photobucket
  • leia1979leia1979 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    OP, I think you did a good thing by saying something to your friend.

    It sounds like mom should be throwing her a cotillion or debutante ball instead if they want a big pretty princess party.
  • Cynthia1207Cynthia1207 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Wow.  I'm so sorry you got kicked out of the wedding by the girl's MOTHER.  That's just beyond my comprehension.  Anyway you do sound like a mature enough teenager with a good head on her shoulders so don't let this get to you.  You're headed in the right direction with your way of thinking. 

    I would be so tempted to show this mother this thread.  See what she has to say about it.  Make her post as well.
    AnniversaryBaby Birthday Ticker Ticker
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards