I recently found out I am being bad mouthed by two of the groomsmen. One going the lengths of saying I can't believe he's marrying her. We've been together for 6 years so I'm not sure why this is surprising to him, but that is beside the point.
The fact that my fiance's friends have such an issue with me is obviously upsetting. I find it difficult to think of them standing up there in support of him/us after what has been said, and now that I know the way they feel about our relationship.
My fiance does not plan on saying a word to them about it. I'm not sure if that is a good or bad thing. Opinions, thoughts, advice?!
Re: Groomsmen Troubles with a capitol T
"I can't believe he is marrying her,' can be said in many different ways depending on the inflection. Try it: I can't believe he is finally marrying that wonderful woman. I can't believe he would be desperate enough to marry her. I can't believe he is getting married. See what I mean?
* edited for clarification
[QUOTE]I recently found out I am being bad mouthed by two of the groomsmen. One going the lengths of saying I can't believe he's marrying her. We've been together for 6 years so I'm not sure why this is surprising to him, but that is beside the point. The fact that my fiance's friends have such an issue with me is obviously upsetting. I find it difficult to think of them standing up there in support of him/us after what has been said, and now that I know the way they feel about our relationship. <strong>My fiance does not plan on saying a word to them about it. I'm not sure if that is a good or bad thing</strong>. Opinions, thoughts, advice?!
Posted by kreece22[/QUOTE]
You really don't know if your FI refusing to stand up for you is a good thing or a bad thing?
Your FI is more concerned with his groomsmen's feelings than he is with his future wife's, and yet you're upset with the groomsmen?
Also, did your FI tell you this? I feel like if someone had said this to me about FI I would never tell him. It would only hurt his feelings and it wouldn't change the fact that I love him and am going to marry him.
I know he didnt mean it in a "I cant believe he's getting married" way, because he called my a B***h somewhere in the middle of it all.
We did hear it through the grapevine but, regardless it still hurts and is upsetting. I'm just trying to figure out a way to make peace within myself about it because i guess there isnt much to be done?
I just wanted to hear unbiased opinions, and maybe how other brides would handle to situation.
Now, if the friends say something directly to your fi about you, he should let them know that he will not tolerate any disrespect toward you. All that matters is your fi loves you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you.
I sometimes wonder what would have happened if I sat them both down and told them..but it was not my place.
[QUOTE]Also, did your FI tell you this? I feel like if someone had said this to me about FI I would never tell him. It would only hurt his feelings and it wouldn't change the fact that I love him and am going to marry him.
Posted by FutureJilliannD[/QUOTE]
This. Whoever told you this, FI or otherwise, knew it would hurt your feelings and/or stir up trouble. If FI is the one who told you they said this, knowing he planned to do nothing about it, that's the bigger problem here. You're not marrying the GM but you are marrying him. Why would he share this hurtful information with you if he planned to leave it alone? If it wasn't him, however, then I agree with PP to beware jumping to conclusions about what you hear through the grapevine.
[QUOTE]No neither of us were there when it was said, another groomsman passed on the information after having a few too many beverages. I know he didnt mean it in a "I cant believe he's getting married" way, because he called my a B***h somewhere in the middle of it all. We did hear it through the grapevine but, regardless it still hurts and is upsetting. I'm just trying to figure out a way to make peace within myself about it because i guess there isnt much to be done? I just wanted to hear unbiased opinions, and maybe how other brides would handle to situation.
Posted by kreece22[/QUOTE]
Sorry, I missed this. It is hurtful and it does suck if it's true but again, they are too immature to say it to your face and the person who told you they said it certainly didn't care about your feelings when he did so. So I wouldn't be relying on him too much either. In the end, they're FI's friends, not yours. You're going to love and live with FI the rest of your life, not them. I would let FI know it's bothering and hurting you and then probably let it go. I wouldn't suggest any confrontations with people behaving like children.
If the GM has been respectful of you and your relationship TO both you and FI, then i'm not surprised FI doesn't want to confront him about it. The guy is obviously a good friend of his, and he's doing what a good friend should... being supportive of FI. if he doesn't actually approve of the marraige, then in some ways he's being even MORE supportive by keeping his mouth shut and minding his own business. just because he spewed his personal opinion to someone else shouldn't effect his friendship with FI or you. for all you know, this is the GM that FI always goes to to comoplain when you guys fight, and so most of what he hears is bad stuff. i've def seen that before.
i've been the unsupportive friend before, and it wasn't because i didn't like the groom as a person, but i thought the bride and groom were a horrible couple. i said my piece to each of them, once, WHEN they asked me my opinion, and after that it was left alone. she still asked me to be a bridesmaid and i accepted... why? because i loved her (and him for that matter) and it was her life and her decision. but you better believe that there were still occasions when i would vent "omg, i can't believe they're doing this!" to other trusted friends. it was just my opinion though.
obviously he isn't doing anything to interfere with the wedding or with you and your FI, so i would just leave it alone. he recognizes that you two have the right to live your own lives and make your own decisions. the person who brought this malicious gossip to you is a drama-maker and needs to learn from him how to mind their own business.
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[QUOTE]In Response to Groomsmen Troubles with a capitol T : You really don't know if your FI refusing to stand up for you is a good thing or a bad thing? Your FI is more concerned with his groomsmen's feelings than he is with his future wife's, and yet you're upset with the groomsmen?
Posted by zitiqueen[/QUOTE]
This. All the way. You've got much bigger problems than his groomsman bad mouthing you. You have an unsupportive fiance that isn't willing to stick up for you.
Ok the responsible thing to do (I guess) would be to just ask you FH to ask his groomsmen what happened and see if he has any concerns about him getting married. My sister throws a complete hissy fit when someone gets married... no idea why but she goes on a super rampage so when I told her I was engaged I had to sit her down and be like is anything bothering you, any concerns etc. The conversation can work.
If you don't work this out I feel like there can be some long term resentment and if this GM is around after the wedding you don't want him to get your man down. They need to work it out
[QUOTE]Personally I'd be pretty pissed at the person who told me. There's no reason to do that other than to create bad feelings. You have no idea what the intonation was, or how strongly it was actually worded... you don't even know if he really did call you a bitch. Granted, you obviously trust the person who told you all of this, but the truth is, neither you or your FI really have any idea. If the GM has been respectful of you and your relationship TO both you and FI, then i'm not surprised FI doesn't want to confront him about it. The guy is obviously a good friend of his, and he's doing what a good friend should... being supportive of FI. if he doesn't actually approve of the marraige, then in some ways he's being even MORE supportive by keeping his mouth shut and minding his own business. just because he spewed his personal opinion to someone else shouldn't effect his friendship with FI or you. for all you know, this is the GM that FI always goes to to comoplain when you guys fight, and so most of what he hears is bad stuff. i've def seen that before. i've been the unsupportive friend before, and it wasn't because i didn't like the groom as a person, but i thought the bride and groom were a horrible couple. i said my piece to each of them, once, WHEN they asked me my opinion, and after that it was left alone. she still asked me to be a bridesmaid and i accepted... why? because i loved her (and him for that matter) and it was her life and her decision. but you better believe that there were still occasions when i would vent "omg, i can't believe they're doing this!" to other trusted friends. it was just my opinion though. obviously he isn't doing anything to interfere with the wedding or with you and your FI, so i would just leave it alone. he recognizes that you two have the right to live your own lives and make your own decisions. the person who brought this malicious gossip to you is a drama-maker and needs to learn from him how to mind their own business.
Posted by LoveMuffins[/QUOTE]
I think this is a great reply.