FI and I just got engaged last week! We are very excited and we just announced our engagement, officially, to our families. Everyone is happy and looking forward to our wedding. We've set our date for June 8th of next year.
Today my FI tells me that his Mother asked him how many attendants we were going to have. He told her we were planning on one each (MOH and Best Man). Then he tells me that, in a separate conversation, his Father told him that his Mother told his Sister about our attendants and that now his Sister's and her husband's feelings are hurt that we are not including them in the wedding party.
WTF???
I don't understand what is happening. I adore his Sister, she and I get along great. She has never once mentioned any desire or inclination to be a Bridsmaid at all. And she's been in on our secret engagement (a couple months prior to us officially announcing it) too. Maybe I don't understand because I'm an only child... but I didn't think that siblings were required for all bridal party situations. I was going to ask her later (IT'S LITERALLY BEEN 4 DAYS SINCE WE GOT ENGAGED!) to have her children (son and daughter) to be our Flower Girl and Ring Bearer... why isn't that enough?
We're having a small wedding and they will not be overlooked in my eyes... Am planning to order them both flowers to wear and they will of course be in all the family pictures with us. What am I missing? I just don't get it.
FI says she wants to be more than a spectator. That she wants to be part of the ceremony. At first I didn't believe this about her because she's never behaved in such a presumptuious way. This feels set up... like their Mother is orchestrating this. I mean, it's only been 4 days... why are we worried about the number of attendants already??
I haven't had a chance to talk her myself, and am eager to! She didn't answer the phone when I called, but I'm not going to jump to any conclusions until I talk to her. I just want to know why she would feel this way.
Am I really that stupid that I don't see this? Am I expected to have her as my Bridesmaid simply because she's my FI's Sister? Is it that aweful that, even though I do adore her too, I just want to have my best friend (whom I've known since birth) be my only attendant?
I feel terrible. And confused.
FI says not to worry about it and everything will be fine. But I can't! I'm worried already! I don't want to hurt her feelings or anyones. But I also don't want to change this part of my wedding either. Am I wrong?
Re: Wedding Party Drama -long
[QUOTE]FI and <strong>I just got engaged last week!</strong> We are very excited and we just announced our engagement, officially, to our families. Everyone is happy and looking forward to our wedding. We've set our date for June 8th of next year. Today my FI tells me that his Mother asked him how many attendants we were going to have. He told her we were planning on one each (MOH and Best Man). Then he tells me that, in a separate conversation, his Father told him that his Mother told his Sister about our attendants and that now his Sister's and her husband's feelings are hurt that we are not including them in the wedding party. WTF??? I don't understand what is happening. I adore his Sister, she and I get along great. She has never once mentioned any desire or inclination to be a Bridsmaid at all. And <strong>she's been in on our secret engagement (a couple months prior to us officially announcing it)</strong> too. Maybe I don't understand because I'm an only child... but I didn't think that siblings were required for all bridal party situations. I was going to ask her later <strong>(IT'S LITERALLY BEEN 4 DAYS SINCE WE GOT ENGAGED!)</strong> to have her children (son and daughter) to be our Flower Girl and Ring Bearer... why isn't that enough? We're having a small wedding and they will not be overlooked in my eyes... Am planning to order them both flowers to wear and they will of course be in all the family pictures with us. What am I missing? I just don't get it. FI says she wants to be more than a spectator. That she wants to be part of the ceremony. At first I didn't believe this about her because she's never behaved in such a presumptuious way. This feels set up... like their Mother is orchestrating this. I mean, <strong>it's only been 4 days... why are we worried about the number of attendants already??</strong> I haven't had a chance to talk her myself, and am eager to! She didn't answer the phone when I called, but I'm not going to jump to any conclusions until I talk to her. I just want to know why she would feel this way. Am I really that stupid that I don't see this? Am I expected to have her as my Bridesmaid simply because she's my FI's Sister? Is it that aweful that, even though I do adore her too, I just want to have my best friend (whom I've known since birth) be my only attendant? I feel terrible. And confused. FI says not to worry about it and everything will be fine. But I can't! I'm worried already! I don't want to hurt her feelings or anyones. But I also don't want to change this part of my wedding either. Am I wrong?
Posted by brita722[/QUOTE]
You are a little contradicting in the parts I bolded. Did you just get engaged 4 days ago? Or have you been engaged for months and just announced it 4 days ago? Not that it necessarily matters as far as you having her in your WP, but it probably explains why she's been thinking about it for a while, not just for 4 days.
To answer your question, no, it's not required for you to have <em>anyone</em> in your WP, your family, FI's family or otherwise. However, if you two are close, I can see how she might have assumed that she might be, especially if she didn't know you only wanted one attendant. Just call her up and explain that you'd planned on only having one attendant, but that doesn't mean you don't value the relationship you have with her. You can ask her if there is anything specific she'd like to help with either in planning, or at the wedding itself. Perhaps she could do a reading? Again, just reiterate that it's by no means a slight to her and you are sorry if it hurts her feelings, but you want to keep it small.
[QUOTE]FI and I just got engaged last week! We are very excited and we just announced our engagement, officially, to our families. Everyone is happy and looking forward to our wedding. We've set our date for June 8th of next year. Today my FI tells me that his Mother asked him how many attendants we were going to have. He told her we were planning on one each (MOH and Best Man). Then he tells me that, in a separate conversation, his Father told him that his Mother told his Sister about our attendants and that <strong>now his Sister's and her husband's feelings are hurt that we are not including them in the wedding party. WTF???</strong> I don't understand what is happening. I adore his Sister, she and I get along great. She has never once mentioned any desire or inclination to be a Bridsmaid at all. And she's been in on our secret engagement (a couple months prior to us officially announcing it) too. Maybe I don't understand because I'm an only child... but I didn't think that siblings were required for all bridal party situations. I was going to ask her later (IT'S LITERALLY BEEN 4 DAYS SINCE WE GOT ENGAGED!) to have her children (son and daughter) to be our Flower Girl and Ring Bearer... why isn't that enough? We're having a small wedding and they will not be overlooked in my eyes... Am planning to order them both flowers to wear and they will of course be in all the family pictures with us. What am I missing? I just don't get it. FI says she wants to be more than a spectator. That she wants to be part of the ceremony. At first I didn't believe this about her because she's never behaved in such a presumptuious way. This feels set up... like their Mother is orchestrating this. I mean, it's only been 4 days... why are we worried about the number of attendants already?? I haven't had a chance to talk her myself, and am eager to! She didn't answer the phone when I called, but I'm not going to jump to any conclusions until I talk to her. I just want to know why she would feel this way. Am I really that stupid that I don't see this? Am I expected to have her as my Bridesmaid simply because she's my FI's Sister? Is it that aweful that, even though I do adore her too, I just want to have my best friend (whom I've known since birth) be my only attendant? I feel terrible. And confused. FI says not to worry about it and everything will be fine. But I can't! I'm worried already! I don't want to hurt her feelings or anyones. But I also don't want to change this part of my wedding either. Am I wrong?
Posted by brita722[/QUOTE]
I stopped reading after the bolded part. This is exactly why you don't ask anyone until about 6-9 months in advance.
Let your FI handle this as it's not your place to get involved.
[QUOTE]In Response to Wedding Party Drama -long : You are a little contradicting in the parts I bolded. Did you just get engaged 4 days ago? Or have you been engaged for months and just announced it 4 days ago? Not that it necessarily matters as far as you having her in your WP, but it probably explains why she's been thinking about it for a while, not just for 4 days. To answer your question, no, it's not required for you to have anyone in your WP, your family, FI's family or otherwise. However, if you two are close, I can see how she might have assumed that she might be, especially if she didn't know you only wanted one attendant. Just call her up and explain that you'd planned on only having one attendant, but that doesn't mean you don't value the relationship you have with her. You can ask her if there is anything specific she'd like to help with either in planning, or at the wedding itself. Perhaps she could do a reading? Again, just reiterate that it's by no means a slight to her and you are sorry if it hurts her feelings, but you want to keep it small.
Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]
<div>
</div><div>We decided that we wanted to get married 3 months ago and shared that with her only... We wanted to wait until we had the ring to get officially engaged and announce it to our parents, friends, and extended family members. </div><div>
</div><div>I never spoke of wedding party attendants or any other particulars for the ceremony or reception. I haven't officially asked anyone yet, even though I know in my mind whom I would like to ask. And I was going to wait until we were about 8 or 9 months away before even discussing the Flower Girl & Ring Bearer with her. </div><div>
</div><div>This all just bubbled over in the first few days of our official engagement. I think (and so does my FI) that in the excitement his Mother started asking questions (which we've already decided we won't be answering anymore to avoid more of this) and then relaying information in "her way" -and by that I mean, she likes to boast that she knows more or has the inside track on whatever is at the center of a situation because she always needs to have the spot light. I think whatever she said to his Sister was in a tone that may have hurt her feelings and then the disappointment of not being a Bridesmaid (if she was really hoping to be) then felt worse... </div><div>
</div><div>I am going to talk to her and figure this out. My FI and I have discussed it and we are just going to stay calm and not let everyone else's drama and expectations ruin our wedding. </div><div>
</div><div>Hope that clears up any initial confusion of my orignal post.</div><div>And thank you for your input.</div>