Southern Baptist Traditions vs Modern Weddings w/ Drinking and Dancing

ee524

Hey Girls.  
I am engaged to be married to a wonderful man this August.  I found a beautiful venue to allow for an outdoor ceremony and an indoor reception.  We are inviting about 180 guests, but about 20 of them are of the conservative Southern Baptist faith.  Their religion frowns upon dancing and drinking.  I come from an Irish Catholic family, where there is lots of dancing and drinking.  Several of those family members of the Southern Baptist faith may choose not to come to the reception, among them, my future in-laws.  As of now, they can't look past the fact that other people around them will be drinking.  I would be very disappointed if they do not come, especially my in-laws.  One solution we had was delaying the open bar from 6:00 to 7:00, but I don't think thats fair to the other 150 guests for whom this is not an issue for.  Are there any other brides out there for which this is a similar issue for?  Any advice on how to handle this?

ootmother2

How does your FI feel about this as it's primarily his side with the drinking and dancing situation?

I would discuss this in detail with him asap and present a united front, whatever you decide.  You really both get equal say here.

GL

redheadfsu

When you say in-laws, do you mean his parents? As in his parents won't come if there is drinking? If so, then I would have tea and cookies for a hour or so.

But OOT is right. What does your FI think? It is really his call as it is his family and they might not show if there is drinking.

kmmssg

I posted on your other thread on this.

ElisabethJoanne

There's lots of steps between open bar and no alcohol. From no alcohol, there's just wine, or just beer, or just wine and beer, and these only by request in an inconspicuous corner or whole other room (not that you're banishing the alcohol, just setting up the bar to the side). Then there's beer, wine, and signature cocktails. There's wine only with the meal, and only at some tables (seat non-drinkers together).

All that said, I get that religious convictions can be hard to work around. I would recommend against discussing options with these in-laws, but have options to discuss with your future husband. Will his family really bail if there's alcohol anywhere at the reception, or will one of the other options work?

AurorasEnvy

I agree with PPs, you and your FI need to decide together.  I assume if they are that judgemental of other people that they can't even be AROUND other people drinking, especially at an event as big as a wedding, that they will leave as soon as they realize you are seving alcohol.

IMO, if myself and my FI wanted a reception with drinking and dancing, that's what we would have.  Their loss if they can't accept that enough to even be present at your reception.

MelissaC315

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_southern-baptist-traditions-vs-modern-weddings-w-drinking-dancing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:d4f82c12-05dd-4046-824e-80716b80d4b5Post:51dfa1c9-2c48-4872-ad72-e1a869a1727c">Re: Southern Baptist Traditions vs Modern Weddings w/ Drinking and Dancing</a>:
[QUOTE]I would make certain there was a variety of non-alcoholic drinks to serve the non-drinkers.  Save the dancing for after the dinner, so that the conservative relatives can leave at that point.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

This! Have a variety of both alcholic and non-alcholic drinks so people can drink what they please. As far as dancing goes, have dinner first (obviously) and do the usual wedding traditions (if you're doing them), such as garter/bouquet toss, first dance, mom/son, dad/daughter dances, cake cutting, etc. Then open dancing can begin and those who are uncomfortable with dancing can leave and they haven't missed anything.

Amanda1443994

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_southern-baptist-traditions-vs-modern-weddings-w-drinking-dancing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:d4f82c12-05dd-4046-824e-80716b80d4b5Post:84ac0482-8054-4cae-910f-1529b791aa50">Re: Southern Baptist Traditions vs Modern Weddings w/ Drinking and Dancing</a>:
[QUOTE]IIMO, if myself and my FI wanted a reception with drinking and dancing, that's what we would have.  Their loss if they can't accept that enough to even be present at your reception.
Posted by AurorasEnvy[/QUOTE]

ditto this. If they are not paying for the wedding, I would have dancing and drinking if that's what I wanted. It's your wedding, not theirs.

MairePoppy

Do your FILs go to restaurants where alcohol is served? If they are so strict that they do not, you could have a cake and punch reception in place of the cocktail hour, immediately following the ceremony. Then proceed to the dinner, drinks and dancing reception after that. No one should feel cheated with that.

ee524

haha.  Thanks for the great suggestions.  My FH and I are completely on the same page about this.  It's not even all of his family members, several of his father's family members are looking forward to an open bar.  It is mainly his mom that has a huge issue with it.  I know that I can work something out.  If it's still not good enough, then they can leave after dinner...It would be a shame, but I want all of the guests to have a good time.

coleyjay

I think it's reasonable to delay the open bar until the dancing starts. It's an compromise that I don't think has any truly negative effect on your other guests. 

The delayed bar is something we're considering as well (my parents actually do try not to visit restaraunts where alcohol is served). I'll admit it, the bar is one of my favorite parts of wedding receptions, and I know it is for my extended (German Catholic ) relatives and future in-laws. But, I have a hard time throwing a party that my parents feel religiously obligated to boycott, when I think they should be some of the most important guests. Also, while I don't try to prentend I live their lifestyle, I try not to flaunt my [drinking, premarital sex, reading Harry Potter], because it genuinely makes them feel they have failed me as parents (and since I love them I don't like for them to feel that way). Is FI in that situation, too? The delayed bar might also make him more comfortable in that case.

2012FutureMrsB

My family is pretty conservative Christian, but my sister had an open bar the entire reception. She seated my parents and other conservative family and friends at the same table and they had a wonderful time. FI and I don't drink much at all, but we do enjoy one with a meal, so we gratefully accepted the free drinks and enjoyed some dancing as well. My dad complained at first when he heard my sister was having alcohol, but he got over it. And a friend of the family, who is also very conservative, had a great time taking pics of us dancing!  Apparently, the dance floor was the entertainment for the night for the "conservative" table


ETA: For our wedding, FI and I will most likely do the reception at our church. The Pastor already told us to rent a dance floor (his idea!) - they're totally ok with dancing b/c they know we'll keep it clean, but we definitely can't serve alcohol, which is totally ok with us b/c we can't afford it and we don't drink much anyway.

morenachica110

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_southern-baptist-traditions-vs-modern-weddings-w-drinking-dancing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:d4f82c12-05dd-4046-824e-80716b80d4b5Post:84ac0482-8054-4cae-910f-1529b791aa50">Re: Southern Baptist Traditions vs Modern Weddings w/ Drinking and Dancing</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree with PPs, you and your FI need to decide together.  I assume if they are that judgemental of other people that they can't even be AROUND other people drinking, especially at an event as big as a wedding, that they will leave as soon as they realize you are seving alcohol.<strong> IMO, if myself and my FI wanted a reception with drinking and dancing, that's what we would have.  Their loss if they can't accept that enough to even be present at your reception</strong>.
Posted by AurorasEnvy[/QUOTE]

<div>This. Especially the bolded part.</div>