Wedding Party

Height issues!

I am 5'5. Most of my bridesmaids are 5'2 or 5'6. However my oldest sister and one of my bridesmaids are 5'8. With 3 inch heels on they are like almost 6 feet tall. This is cool any other day but not on my wedding day. I don't want them towering over me on my day. Do I sound a little selfish? But can't I be selfish on my wedding day? I am planning to let them both know that they can't wear the same shoes as the other girls. I have located 5 different pairs of shoes with a much lower heel on them. I feel that if they are reasonable they will understand how I feel. Am I asking too much?
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Re: Height issues!

  • You sound a lot selfish. Let them pick their own shoes; whatever makes them comfortable. I think ALL or 2 of the 3 of my bridesmaids are taller than I am and may have been taller than I at my wedding. Wanna know why I don't know for sure? 'Cause I was the one in the big white dress, and NO ONE, INCLUDING ME, noticed!
  • Yes you sound very selfish - let them pick their own shoes All of my bridesmaids were taller than me and no one cared
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  • Please do not take any of these comments as personal attacks. I and I'm sure many people worry about needless things during the early stages of planning and I wish I had waited to make some decisions that I had made at first because I was excited and simply didn't know better. #1- This is your sister and your good friend. No one will be towering over you on your wedding day and even if they are taller you will be the bride and you will be beaming! #2- Yes they will probably understand and not wear high heels, but would find it very odd that you would request that and even if they understand, they will probably be hurt that you are so focused on their height. #3- Yes you are being selfish, and yes you can be selfish on your wedding day. Just realize that all of your actions have consequences and you have to decide if risking hurt feelings is worth it. #4- Do not have all of your girls wear the same shoe. Everyone has different feet and what is comfortable for one person is usually not comfortable for someone else and you would be suprised at the number of people that have feet problems. Try to stick with just a color such as black, silver, gold, etc. that will go nicely with the dress color. #5- You are a year away from your wedding. This is way to early to be worrying about bm attire. Look at this again in about 5 months. #6- If you are really worried about the girls being really tall in the photos, you can have them stand at the end of the group, that will minimize the obvious hieght difference. Also use stairs. Have the taller girls stand on the lower steps with you at the top. Also, you could wear heels as well to help keep the hieght difference the same. In the end, yes you are asking too much, but I hope you understand why and will take into consideration some of the listed suggestions.
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  • Who cares if your BMs are taller than you? Get over it. Seriously. Yes you are being selfish.
  • I think you should just boot your oldest sister and the tall bridesmaid from your wedding party altogether and replace them with shorter people. Everybody knows pretty pictures are much more important than interpersonal relationships anyway.

  • i have to say that's a twist on selfish that I haven't seen before.  Do you really think people won't know who the bride is if someone in the BP is taller than you are?  Do you think people are going to sit in their seats going "OMG, the BM's are taller than the bride!!  What a travesty!"?  You are being unreasonable and asking not only too much, but a ridiculous too much.
  • My fiance is shorter than me... but he will still be standing next to me all day regardless of his height. If height were an issue with all brides, I would NEVER be in a wedding.....
  • I agree that you are being a bit unreasonable. Ditto on letting them pick their own shoes. One of my BM is 6ft tall, and she will be standing on the end, next to a 5'2" girl. She offered to wear flats, but I thought THAT would look weird. But, I don't really give a crap about their shoes, since no one will notice, nor will they remember. I want all of my girls to be comfortable. Why don't you just boot out the BMs and stand up there alone? Then there will be no one around you to compete for everyone's attention. Oh wait, your new husband will be standing next to you too. Better get rid of him...
  • No, it would be perfectly acceptable to ask them to hunch over for the day.  It is all about you, after all.   /sarcasmYou really  think their height is going to matter?  It's not like they can control it and it means squat in a relationship with them so why should it matter on your wedding day?
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  • I feel that if they are reasonable they will understand how I feel.Honestly, I think that if you are thinking reasonably then you'll understand that this notion is ridiculous.Dictating the height of their shoes is really micromanaging to the nth degree.  It unfortunately comes across that you're slightly jealous of your BMs if you do this - and there's no reason to be.  You're the bride!  Relax and go with the flow when it comes to heel height.  Let them wear any shoe of the color you choose and understand that just like you can't make your groom taller or shorter, you really can't do the same for your BMs.FWIW, here's a photo from my wedding.  Do DH and I look like we care that we're standing near people taller than us?  No way!  :-)[img]http://tinyurl.com/yf2xkug[/img]
  • You are being selfish, and if this rattles your cage your in for a long road to wedding day. Things happen that you can't control in this process (and in general). Just relax. Everyone will know who the bride is and bigger issues WILL come along. So pace yourself. GL!  
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  • banana - I don't think I've ever seen any of your wedding pics other than your siggy pic.  Very nice!  :-)
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  • Thanks Mrs. B!! 
  • I'm 5'3", and ALL of my BMs are taller than me by at least an inch, and they all picked heels. My MOH for cripe's sake is 5'10" in FLATS. Not to mention she's built like a super-model (Stick thin, would look great that day if she just rolled out of bed and threw on the dress). A few stupid people even tried to tell me I SHOULDN'T pick her as my MOH because she's "too pretty" and would "steal the show". I'm pretty sure everybody's going to know by the white dress and veil who the "star" is that day.I'm going to be the shortest person in my WP (Since everybody picked heels, by at least 2 inches). And frankly, I'm actually kind of HAPPY about this. It makes me feel like a petite little fairy (I have a very warped sense reality, I will thank you to not mock my "easily amused" syndrome).You're being ridiculous, you can't dictate shoes to people unless you plan on buying them, and nobody really gives a duck's butt if you're shorter. Get over yourself, come back when you have a "real" problem.

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  • You're seriously worried about height? Cripes. I'd hate to see how you handle a REAL problem. How on earth do you think it's appropriate or sane to control someone's HEIGHT just because it's your wedding day? Not trying to be mean, but, really ... please take a step back, re-read your post and realize how utterly ridiculous this sounds.
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
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    Wow, you are over thinking this.  Their height is not going to take away from you.   How long are they even going to be standing directly next to you anyway?Doesn't your FI have friends taller than him or did he pick his party based on height? btw - My sister is 5 foot even.  I'm 5'8", another one of her friends is 5'11"..  Actually not one BM was under 5'6".  It never occured to her to ask us to wear low heels. Not that it would have done much anyway.  Even without heels I'm still taller than her in heels.  






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • I'm in a somewhat similar situation: I realized at one point that every member of the wedding party, all five bridesmaids and the groomswoman, have bigger boobs than me.  Significantly.  Want to know how I handled it?  I laughed and moved on.  It's not like something they can control, and as long as they don't pick cleavage-tastic dresses (which I'm not worried about), then they're not going to distract from me.  I'm the chick in the white dress.  Everyone is there because of me, even if I do have the smallest rack at the altar.Seriously, let it go.  Nobody cares but you.
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
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    meg - I love your thought process.  My sister felt the same way. We have an awesome shot with her in the middle and all of us surronding her.  She was so small she was able to stand in front of us without having to bend down.  It's a really cute shot.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • Lyn-Thanks! Idk, I was always "short" compared to a lot of people growing up, and like my super-pale skin (Transylvanian great-grandparents, I swear to God!) and being the only child of 5 that has blue eye, I used to be really self-conscious about it ... cut to x amount of years later, and I'm deliberately looking for ballet flats for my wedding (After I knew the BMs picked heels!) ... which I did wind up getting a heel, but it's a very low one.Like the other things, as I grew up, I learned to embrace these things. For the most part, I like how I look, FI loves how I look ... and honestly, I know HE'S not going to be paying attention to how tall/short we look by comparison (At 5'6", he's actually the shortest GUY in the BP, lol, our kids will not make it to the NBA), he's going to be looking at ME.And honestly, that day, HIS opinion is the one I care the most about. If the guests are stupid enough to "form opinions" and then even stupider to SAY them, then that's rude on their part, and I could care less what a stupid, rude person has to say.

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  • On that note - you should kick out any BMs that are skinnier than you too.  You wouldn't want to look like a heifer in your wedding photos either.And if you require them to buy specific shoes - you pay for them, fyi.
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  • I'm 4'11" even if i wear 5 inch heals...and my bridal party all wear flats most of them will still be taller than me...its life. get over it.
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  • Seriously? I hope this is MUD. There was a fake bridezilla email making its rounds through the inboxes a few years ago that dealt with this same thing. Everyone had a good laugh at how completely unreasonable the bride was being. Here's hoping this is a continuation of that spam and not a real person. The email even made it on snopes: http://snopes.com/weddings/embarrass/bridezilla.asp
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  • Courtesy of megk8oz
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    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
  • This may actually be the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen on this board.  There are no words.
  • Brooke, the really sad thing that came to mind while reading the "real" letter from 1976:"At least she's allowing BP dates to sit at the head table ... if they dress properly", lol.

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  • Okay, I'm coming in late to this, but Lolo, to answer your questions:Do I sound a little selfish?No, you sound a great big lot of selfish.But can't I be selfish on my wedding day?Why, oh why is your wedding day any different from any other day?  Would you really ask, can't I be selfish on the third Tuesday of each month?Am I asking too much?Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes you are.Everyone at your wedding will know that the girl in the big puffy dress is the center of attention.  It won't matter if you're surrounded by small girls, tall girls, or chimpanzees.Stop being so silly.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • im the shortest of all my friends, and im 5'6! ive just got giant friends. but i love them, and i dont care if theyre 8 feet tall, and no one else cares either. whats more important to you? friendship or pictures?
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  • Damnit, why didn't I have chimpanzees in my wedding party?! That would've been so FUN!
  • lucky for me i'm 6 feet tall, so no one in my wedding party could be taller than me. seriously though, this is a funny post. please just let them pick their own shoes. i was in a wedding 2 weeks ago, and the bride is 5'4", and i wore heels. the whole bridal party was taller than her, and no one cared or thought about it at all.
  • I am 5'11". My sister is 5'6". If/when I stand up next to her, I will wear whatever shoes she wants me to wear. Heck, I will go barefoot! She's my sister, that's what I would do for her on her wedding day. But no matter how you cut it, I will be "towering over" her on her day (she never wears heels due to foot problems.) I would be so offended to hear that I couldn't wear certain types of shoes as your bridesmaid because of my height. That is like saying that I can't wear my hair a certain way because you want to be the only one with curly hair or I can't wear a sleeveless dress because my deltoid is bigger than yours.Your request is beyond offensive- it's ridiculous! And as a tall woman who has taken several years to be comfortable with "towering over" most of my friends, family, and fiance, I would be hurt and embarassed by your request.
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