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Wedding Party
h1lloyd
member
Sister-in-law pregnant and stealing show
My sister-in-law is a bridesmaid in our month-away wedding and she just told me she is 5 weeks pregnant. I'm very excited for her and my brother and I can't wait to be an aunt. However, I found this out the night before my bachelorette party and bridal shower this past weekend. The day of, she spent the whole time sitting around, showing up late, not helping clean up or set-up, telling everyone she could she's pregnant and talking about her plans for the new baby. At my shower and party! I can't help feeling a little upset. She is very self-centered and princess-y and I've had trouble dealing with this in the past. I don't want to hurt my brother so whenever she has a total "look-at-me, cater-to-me" moment I smile and do my best to bite my tongue and walk away if need be. While her pregnancy is very exciting news, I can't help but feeling like she could've been a little more helpful and less self-centered, and perhaps she stole some of my thunder. I've got a chip on my shoulder and I'm having a hard time getting it off. Any suggestions on how to deal with this?
Thanks! This wedding is making me a little crazy! 
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Sister-in-law pregnant and stealing show
[QUOTE]My sister-in-law is a bridesmaid in our month-away wedding and she just told me she is 5 weeks pregnant. I'm very excited for her and my brother and I can't wait to be an aunt. However, I found this out the night before my bachelorette party and bridal shower this past weekend. The day of, she spent the whole time sitting around, showing up late, not helping clean up or set-up, telling everyone she could she's pregnant and talking about her plans for the new baby. At my shower and party! I can't help feeling a little upset. She is very self-centered and princess-y and I've had trouble dealing with this in the past. I don't want to hurt my brother so whenever she has a total "look-at-me, cater-to-me" moment I smile and do my best to bite my tongue and walk away if need be. While her pregnancy is very exciting news, I can't help but feeling like she could've been a little more helpful and less self-centered, and perhaps she stole some of my thunder. I've got a chip on my shoulder and I'm having a hard time getting it off. Any suggestions on how to deal with this? Thanks! This wedding is making me a little crazy! :)
Posted by h1lloyd[/QUOTE]
No, it's YOU who's being self-centered. A baby is a bigger deal than a wedding. <div>
</div><div>I think pregnant women should be given a pass on manual labour/clean-up. It's not her job to help out, anyway.</div><div>
</div><div>These are thoughts you shouldn't even be having in the first place, but since I agree you're going crazy, just hold thy tongue. You'll find people aren't so forgiving about this sort of thing. It's very self-centered and princess-y to complain that someone else is stealing attention from you and your wedding. You get one day. You will get your one day. But that day is not today.</div>
"I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.
A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
bio
Repeat this to your self: My Wedding Party is made of my family and friends and I should treat them as such.
Generally, I think it's ok to have the feelings for a couple minutes, but you have to get over it. And definitely don't say anything about it, or you will cause much more unnecessary drama.
If you were anything like me, when you first got engaged, you could turn any conversation into a wedding conversation. We all have our moments of annoying others unintentionally, this is just your turn on the receiving end.
AKA GoodLuckBear14
[QUOTE]Wow, thank you for putting me in my place!
Posted by h1lloyd[/QUOTE]
Props to OP for seeing the light!
Of course, your SIL was talking about being pregnant. It's a huge deal. Especially when it's your first. (But it's a huge deal everytime!)
OP: You have two options here. You can pout and talk about someone "stealing your thunder" and everyone will judge you. Poorly.
OR
you can embrace the excitement that is happening within your family now. A wedding AND a new baby.
You can be the excited aunt-to-be or the pouty bride-to-be. Which is a prettier choice? Actually, I'm wrong: you can be the excited aunt/bride-to-be.
Finally: you can't control what other people do/say. You can only control how you respond to their actions. Your decision.
Congrats on becoming an auntie. It is soooooooooooooooooooo wonderful!
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Sister-in-law pregnant and stealing show : Props to OP for seeing the light!
Posted by frogurt814[/QUOTE]
Ditto - she posted while I was writing.
AKA GoodLuckBear14
[QUOTE]My sister-in-law is a bridesmaid in our month-away wedding and she just told me she is 5 weeks pregnant. I'm very excited for her and my brother and I can't wait to be an aunt. However, I found this out the night before my bachelorette party and bridal shower this past weekend. The day of, she spent the whole time sitting around, showing up late, not helping clean up or set-up, telling everyone she could she's pregnant and talking about her plans for the new baby. At my shower and party! I can't help feeling a little upset. She is very self-centered and princess-y and I've had trouble dealing with this in the past. I don't want to hurt my brother so whenever she has a total "look-at-me, cater-to-me" moment I smile and do my best to bite my tongue and walk away if need be. While her pregnancy is very exciting news, I can't help but feeling like she could've been a little more helpful and less self-centered, and perhaps she stole some of my thunder. I've got a chip on my shoulder and I'm having a hard time getting it off. Any suggestions on how to deal with this? Thanks! This wedding is making me a little crazy! :)
Posted by h1lloyd[/QUOTE]
<p style="margin:0in 0in 0pt;" class="MsoNormal"><strong><font face="Times New Roman" size="3" color="#000000">Okay so she’s a little excited about the baby.<span> </span>Of course she is telling everyone about the baby. She can tell anyone what she wants and that is not your business.<span>
</span>Coming on here to complain about her not helping set up or clean up in pretty petty.<span> </span>She doesn’t have comply to your every demand.<span> </span>I am sure other bm’s were there to set up and clean up.<span> </span>It doesn’t take an army to get the job done.<span>
</span>It doesn’t matter that it is “your party”.<span> </span>People at parties are not there to talk all about you.<span> </span>They are there to mingle and catch up and talk about what is new in their life.
<span> </span>I am soo sorry that they weren’t talking about you the whole time and about your wedding which is over a month away.<span> </span>You get one day, not a whole month leading up to it.<span>
</span>You’re the one who is self-centered and princess.<span> </span>Her talking about her baby only shows her excitement about the new member of her family.<span> </span>Any excited mother would do the same.<span> </span>She is not gonna remain hush about it.<span> </span>
Bridesmaids can talk about whatever they want at a bachelorette including where they got their dress they are wearing today, how they did their hair like that.. therefore being self-centered and all about them to your standards….soooo why can’t someone talk about a baby??? Really.<span>
</span>Also about her not being helpful, did you ask for her to help?? She is not a mind reader after all! If she sees other bridesmaids are taking control, she might as well assume it’s all under control.<span> </span>Like I said, if you or other bm’s REALLLLLY needed so much help, they would have asked.<span>
</span>I think it all was under control though so what are you whining about.<span> </span>Ooohhh stole your thunder?? Really.. awww too bad, I feel so bad she stole your thunder from you.. poor you
I feel sorry that you felt that way that your FSIl was talking about her upcoming baby at "your party".. wow</font></strong></p>
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Sister-in-law pregnant and stealing show : Props to OP for seeing the light!
Posted by frogurt814[/QUOTE]
I concur! Try to look at this as a positive--you're both going through big life changes at the same time. Be happy for her, not annoyed.
"I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.
A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.
Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
[QUOTE]Peony, you should really read through the entire thread before you respond...
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]
Agreed, you really seem to jump down practically every girl's throat who posts on this board in a non-constructive way.
Too often, people ask a question, and when they don't get affirmation, they get whiny or very defensive. Sometimes it's just time for a well needed reality check.
Congrats for coming back to reality. Come back and play!
And I do mean it about being an aunt! It's so much fun.
And LD, I actually also commend you for speaking your mind about choosing to be child-free. Parenthood is most certainly not for everyone, and people's choices about being (or not being) a parent should be honored.
I know people here say that baby trumps wedding, and I don't really agree with that either. But I think that both states of being: pregnant women and engaged women should be able to co-exist without worrying about stealing each other's thunder. That's where I get disappointed. Women have worked too hard to even have choices to allow ourselves to be torn apart for our life decisions.
::steps off my soapbox and backs away quietly::
[QUOTE]And LD, I actually also commend you for speaking your mind about choosing to be child-free. Parenthood is most certainly not for everyone, and people's choices about being (or not being) a parent should be honored. [/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Thanks. That's a much better reaction, as far as I'm concerned, than my mother, who's pointed out cute baby clothes repeatedly and told me all the stuff she'd buy if I had a kid (as if that's a valid reason to have one!) or her yenta friends who ask her "what's wrong" with me. Yeah, for real. Thank god my sis had a baby. My nephew is the most adorable kid on the planet (and I swear I'm not biased at all! LOL) and my mother and father can dote on him and have mostly been leaving me alone on the subject, except the occasional pointed comment regarding how good I am with him.
<div>
</div><div>[QUOTE]I know people here say that baby trumps wedding, and I don't really agree with that either. But I think that both states of being: pregnant women and engaged women should be able to co-exist without worrying about stealing each other's thunder. That's where I get disappointed. Women have worked too hard to even have choices to allow ourselves to be torn apart for our life decisions. ::steps off my soapbox and backs away quietly::
Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]
Absolutely it should all be able to coexist. That was kind of my point too - my wedding, to me, is more important than someone else's baby. Their baby is more important to them than my wedding. And that's the way it should be!</div></div><div>
</div><div>Funny thing is, I"m an AW of the highest order... but I guess I have enough of an ego that I don't rankle at supposedly stolen thunder. I make sure I get enough attention in my life, I don't need 100% of it 24/7.</div>
[QUOTE]What I was mostly annoyed with at my shower was that she wasn't lifting a finger while my other bridesmaids showed up early, stayed late, cleaned up, etc. Yes, my other bridesmaids asked for her help - she was supposed to show up early. I've known my SIL to do this on several other occasions, when she was not pregnant. I felt bad that everyone else was doing so much and that she was not contributing.
Posted by h1lloyd[/QUOTE]
Yeah, it sucks that she's not more helpful. I was raised that if you're at a party or dinner or whatever sort of situation, you offer to help with things even when you're NOT a host. You also clear your plate, and clear the plates of those around you as well. Not everyone was raised with the same manners, so try not to take her (lack of) action to heart. It's just how she is.<div>
</div><div>A word of warning - it'll likely get <strong>worse</strong> while she's pregnant. My sis was really sick during her pregnancy, and your SIL sounds like if she feels at all "eh" she'll milk it for all it's worth. Just roll with it.</div><div>
</div><div>:D</div>
It can be irritating if she didn't help but also keep in mind that there can be restrictions on pregnant women. I'll assist as I can (I'm 20 weeks) but there have been times that I'm just achy in the legs or arms and many pregnant women can have morning sickness that goes on for months.
Now if she's the type who wouldn't have lifted a finger prior anyway, just go with the flow on it and know that's how she is. But also understand that being pregnant can throw your body for a loop that you (the mom) just don't understand and the only solution at times can be to sit still.
I also agree that a baby doesn't trump a wedding. They're two different fantastic milestones. At my friends' wedding in two weeks, their weddign is more important than my growing bump.
This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.
Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
"I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.
A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
But I think if you look at it in context: getting married IS a huge deal when you're engaged and it becomes pretty consuming. And it's like any other huge life moment.
You think you know what college will be like, and then you get there, and find out if's more and/or different than your thought it would be. But applying to schools, and then waiting for those acceptances, and then celebrating when they came was the biggest thing on your mind at the time.
And then you're in college, and you hear from someone...."you think this is exciting (or challenging, or hard, or a lot of work?? Just wait until you get into med. school~or law school." You know it's probably true, but it's annoying nonetheless.
I think the same applies to getting married (or living with someone). You're pretty sure you know what it's going to be like, so you go in with assumptions. And then you find out that it's more and/or different than you thought it would.
And planning the wedding is exciting and consuming. (Not saying letting it consume your every moment is right, but it does happen). And I think it's annoying as a bride to hear: "You think this is exciting? It's nothin' compared to having a baby!"
And then the same scenario presents itself again when you get pregnant. And so it goes.
Boy that was long. But do you know what I'm trying to say?
"I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.
A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
Hawaii with my best friend
I wouldn't think of it as the wedding being the big event, but the marriage. And I have said this before (as I posted something similiar to this in a response to someone else, how I was upset the my FSIL was pregnant and due very close to our wedding, but I got over it pretty quick) that weddings and pregnancy are mutual exclusive. One does not trup the other. Perhaps I should say marriage and pregnancy. A marriage SHOULD be a lifelong commitment when you make it. That's why you vow to death do you part. I may not be responsible for my husband in the same way as our children, but you can bet he is my priority in my life. And yes, my life will change when I marry, for both of us. It is no longer about ME but about US and that is a huge diffference. Perhaps people take that a bit too lightly. A wedding may be a party, yes. But the marriage is a huge deal and a life changing event.
"I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.
A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
[QUOTE]Marriage doesn't change your life that much. It didn't change ours; it did alter our perspectives a bit, but I know that day to day, life was pretty much the same. It's something that you THINK changes everything before you do it, but just being married doesn't change your relationship or your life all that much. But that may be my own experience--what do others think?
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]
We talked quite a bit about our expectations for marriage, mainly because I'd read a piece on Offbeat Bride talking about long-term couples getting married and then breaking up because they bring in all this baggage about what they think the marriage will be. So we both came to the conclusion that we were already functionally married and just throwing a big party to celebrate, and that marriage wouldn't change much. We're only three months in, but other than adding "husband" and "wife" to our disgustingly cute terms of endearment, nothing really has chaged.
This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.
Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284