_

emilykathleen511

aisle=pathway
isle=small island

Just FYI.

banana468

So you're pefectly fine if your husband walks with a stranger when you have no ties to the wedding party at all.   Then, he'd be away from you as a married man and walking with a complete stranger with you sitting in a pew watching all of this happen -  but THAT wouldn't be against your vows.

It's only against your vows when both of you are in the wedding and then BOTH of you would be walking with other people?   

As I said previously, you do seem really fired up about this.

But if an entire forum of strangers from all walks of life are telling you that it's silly to make a big stink over this, why are you continuing to do so?

jeanna85

if you're going to obsess over it this much, drop out of the wedding party. sounds like you cant handle sucking it up and making your family happy.

saisongbird

You need to take a deep breath, and calm down.  Seriously.

YOU are the one creating the drama.  Brooke and Banana are giving you fantastic advice and YOU are the one insulting them and doing the name calling.

If the bride was making you sit the entire night or dance with someone other than your husband, you would be in the right.  But unless you've been holding out on us here, they're not.  You need to walk with someone for 20 seconds.  You won't be talking, you'll be smiling and focusing on walking smoothly.  And then you'll stand in line with some other women who you may or may not know, and watch the ceremony.  And then, after the bride and groom kiss and leave, you'll walk back out with the same random person for 20 seconds.  This stranger is in the BP, like you - he's probably NOT an axe murderer.

There are some decisions where the bride should include the opinions of her bridesmaids.  This is not one of them.  If you can't handle this little bit of lack of control in your life, then you shouldn't be a bridesmaid.

trix1223

Wow.  You are so going to look back on this someday and realize that you were completely over-reacting to this.  It's a 20 second blip on a radar screen.  20 freakin' seconds of your life. 

I agree with other posters, there's clearly something else going on here.  Because no one, NO ONE, would have this visceral a reaction to a 20 second walk up the aisle after a wedding ceremony.  No one.

megk8oz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_not-pairing-spouses-wedding-party-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:51113e32-cd57-44bb-9e89-24c7ad433463Post:7e7fae8c-bb27-4ada-8ea5-f8ca9bbb08b2">Re: NOT pairing SPOUSES in WEDDING PARTY!!! DRAMA!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NOT pairing SPOUSES in WEDDING PARTY!!! DRAMA!! : I'm a grown adult woman with children and a life of my own, not an immature teenager.
Posted by mommy2KittyKate[/QUOTE]

Considering that you've been insulting everybody that's tried to tell you that you're over-reacting, and throwing people "off your thread", I really have to question this. Sorry, but you're acting like a child.

A "grown adult woman" would understand that this is a 20 second walk, and that it's not a big deal.

saisongbird

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_not-pairing-spouses-wedding-party-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:51113e32-cd57-44bb-9e89-24c7ad433463Post:995a93ab-c06d-4ee3-8a03-9759fa23189c">Re: NOT pairing SPOUSES in WEDDING PARTY!!! DRAMA!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NOT pairing SPOUSES in WEDDING PARTY!!! DRAMA!! :   I am not some jealous teenager for God's sake, give me a break.
Posted by mommy2KittyKate[/QUOTE]

<div>Then quit acting like one.</div>

mm45737

wow. i feel very sorry for you that you are so insecure in your relationship w/ your husband that you can't allow him to walk a maximum of 20 seconds w/ someone other than you. i don't think i've even been to a wedding where the BM and MOH DIDN'T walk together. well, one- but that's because the BM was waiting at the alter w/ the groom and the MOH walked in by herself. but they still walked out together. and usually the BM and MOH are paired up in pictures too- what will you do then?!?!?!? good luck!!! life is too short to cause unnecessary drama w/ your family over this..........just walk w/ whomever they pair you up with and get over it. 

tannymcgee

be a big girl and walk with the nice groomsmen down the aisle. 

it's just a walk.  simma down.

ps. it's not all about you and your husband.  this day is actually about your brother in law and his soon to be wife.  you are the one who is not respecting.

mommy2KittyKate

I asked for opinions on my situation, not what you think about me as a person. You people don't know me. I'm guessing that most of you women are not married yet, so we're on completely different pages. You're all planning your weddings so you've got the "this is my wedding, not yours" attitude. I've been there. Obviously you are going to side with another bride-to-be and not even consider another persons feelings. I should have known.

megk8oz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_not-pairing-spouses-wedding-party-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:51113e32-cd57-44bb-9e89-24c7ad433463Post:fec534ef-d10d-4307-b173-c8ef5aadea7e">Re: NOT pairing SPOUSES in WEDDING PARTY!!! DRAMA!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I asked for opinions on my situation, not what you think about me as a person.
Posted by mommy2KittyKate[/QUOTE]

My opinion on your situation is "get over it". Like it's already been pointed out several times: it's a 20 second walk.

mommy2KittyKate

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_not-pairing-spouses-wedding-party-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:51113e32-cd57-44bb-9e89-24c7ad433463Post:9b15140f-1758-4794-aae6-218aba29e0c2">Re: NOT pairing SPOUSES in WEDDING PARTY!!! DRAMA!!</a>:
[QUOTE]wow. i feel very sorry for you that you are so insecure in your relationship w/ your husband that you can't allow him to walk a maximum of 20 seconds w/ someone other than you. i don't think i've even been to a wedding where the BM and MOH DIDN'T walk together. well, one- but that's because the BM was waiting at the alter w/ the groom and the MOH walked in by herself. but they still walked out together. and usually the BM and MOH are paired up in pictures too- what will you do then?!?!?!? good luck!!! life is too short to cause unnecessary drama w/ your family over this..........just walk w/ whomever they pair you up with and get over it. 
Posted by mm45737[/QUOTE]


Just to clarify, I am definitely not insecure in my relationship with my husband, and actually HE is more upset about this than I am. You know what you are when you assume things, right? This is not a jealousy issue.

bablingbrooke

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_not-pairing-spouses-wedding-party-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:51113e32-cd57-44bb-9e89-24c7ad433463Post:fec534ef-d10d-4307-b173-c8ef5aadea7e">Re: NOT pairing SPOUSES in WEDDING PARTY!!! DRAMA!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I asked for opinions on my situation, not what you think about me as a person. You people don't know me. I'm guessing that most of you women are not married yet, so we're on completely different pages. You're all planning your weddings so you've got the "this is my wedding, not yours" attitude. I've been there. Obviously you are going to side with another bride-to-be and not even consider another persons feelings. I should have known.
Posted by mommy2KittyKate[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm married.  I still think you're overreacting.</div>

mm45737

who said anything about you as a person? my opinion is- walk w/ the person the bride and groom pair you up w/ and get over it.  

ps- i am married and i think most of the other girls that gave you good advice are as well........

banana468

MANY people on here are married.

I've been married for over two years and Brooke has been married for a while as well.

And many of the brides or married ladies on here have been with their husbands or FI's for years.  And as a married woman, I can tell you that the validity of my relationship did not change TO ME once we were married.    If I was going to feel like our relationship was marginalized in some way, I would have felt that way from the day we began dating so your theory that this is why a forum of women feel this way is just not valid.

And this is why I'll go back to saying that a forum of women (many of  whom are married) are telling you that it's silly to make a big stink over this.  Why are you not listening to them?  It almost seems like you're trying to come up with a reason why you should be ignoring the advice. 

JHS16

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_not-pairing-spouses-wedding-party-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:51113e32-cd57-44bb-9e89-24c7ad433463Post:fec534ef-d10d-4307-b173-c8ef5aadea7e">Re: NOT pairing SPOUSES in WEDDING PARTY!!! DRAMA!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I asked for opinions on my situation, not what you think about me as a person. You people don't know me. I'm guessing that most of you women are not married yet, so we're on completely different pages. You're all planning your weddings so you've got the "this is my wedding, not yours" attitude. I've been there. Obviously you are going to side with another bride-to-be and not even consider another persons feelings. I should have known.
Posted by mommy2KittyKate[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm totally considering your feelings.  You have 3 choices: </div><div>
</div><div>1) Do what the bride and groom requested and make them happy.</div><div>2) Insist that you walk with your husband with the possibility of upsetting them.</div><div>3) Bow graciously out of the wedding party. </div><div>
</div><div>Which do you prefer?  Why do you really want to be IN the wedding party if they are being disrespectful of your marriage??  Please answer this. </div>

emilykathleen511

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_not-pairing-spouses-wedding-party-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:51113e32-cd57-44bb-9e89-24c7ad433463Post:fec534ef-d10d-4307-b173-c8ef5aadea7e">Re: NOT pairing SPOUSES in WEDDING PARTY!!! DRAMA!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I asked for opinions on my situation, not what you think about me as a person. You people don't know me. I'm guessing that most of you women are not married yet, so we're on completely different pages. You're all planning your weddings so you've got the "this is my wedding, not yours" attitude. I've been there. Obviously you are going to side with another bride-to-be and not even consider another persons feelings. I should have known.
Posted by mommy2KittyKate[/QUOTE]

You couldn't be more off base. Over half the regulars on this board are already married and we repeatedly tell brides all day long that the second they include others on "their day" that it is no long "their day." For matters of attire, the bride should ask the bridesmaids before-hand what her budget is, should include them in the decision making, and the bride should not require matching shoes or matching jewelry--unless she pays for it. For issues of planning parties, we tell brides that if no one offers to host one, then she doesn't get one. For matters of brides whining about bridesmaids not helping her, we tell her that bridesmaids don't need to help her--it's her wedding to plan.

BUT, in this instance, this is one time, where it SERIOUSLY is the bride and groom's wedding ceremony and they should have it how they want it (unless they are committing major faux paus--but everyone here is telling you that they are NOT). Sure, it would be nice if they just let you walk with your husband, but since  they are not, we're telling you not to make a big deal out of it, because it will make you look like an arse to your in-laws (and anyone else who hears about it). It's not a big deal, so let. it. go.

mommy2KittyKate

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_not-pairing-spouses-wedding-party-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:51113e32-cd57-44bb-9e89-24c7ad433463Post:8567ee18-6ee8-41d4-8bf1-8f898a9566e9">Re: NOT pairing SPOUSES in WEDDING PARTY!!! DRAMA!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NOT pairing SPOUSES in WEDDING PARTY!!! DRAMA!! : My opinion on your situation is "get over it". Like it's already been pointed out several times: it's a 20 second walk.
Posted by megk8oz[/QUOTE]

<font color="#800080">Thanks for your opinion. I think the first time you gave it was enough. "Get over it" is something my 16 year old brother would say. </font>

megk8oz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_not-pairing-spouses-wedding-party-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:51113e32-cd57-44bb-9e89-24c7ad433463Post:fec534ef-d10d-4307-b173-c8ef5aadea7e">Re: NOT pairing SPOUSES in WEDDING PARTY!!! DRAMA!!</a>:
[QUOTE] Im guessing that most of you women are not married yet, so we're on completely different pages. You're all planning your weddings so you've got the "this is my wedding, not yours" attitude. I've been there. Obviously you are going to side with another bride-to-be and not even consider another persons feelings. I should have known.
Posted by mommy2KittyKate[/QUOTE]

Also, this board 90% of the time does <strong>not</strong> take the bride's side. Women get told all the time "It's not 'your' day when you involve other people", and are constantly told to keep their BPs feelings in consideration when making certain decisions. Most of the regs here actually are married, so they have "been there, done that" and can offer a good perspective on a situation.

This is one occasion where the bride and groom are acting perfectly reasonable. It's a 20 second walk. You're not being separated for dinner. You're not being forced to dance with somebody else.

Unless during the 20 second walk they're forcing you and your H to wear giant signs that say "I HATE MY SPOUSE, THAT'S WHY I'M WALKING WITH SOMEBODY ELSE!!!!", they haven't done anything to "disrespect your marriage".

banana468

Your 16 yo brother sounds wise.

gottahavashorti

My opinion is still that you're overreacting.  If they are separating you at dinner, after dinner, doing a WP dance, etc. that would be an issue.  A 20 second walk is not that big of a deal.

mm45737

if its not a jealousy issue then what the heck is it?!?!?!? and if he's more upset than you than you are both acting ridiculous. the maid of honor and the best man are the people the bride and groom consider closet to them, and hence why they got chosen for the role. they are always the last to walk in, just before the bride and groom and always stand closest to the bride and groom. so why in the world do you think you are so special as to just change the order of all that to walk w/ your husband? do you think you should get to stand next to him too? i've been in weddings where people were married that didn't walk down the aisle together. usually it was for height purposes, etc.....and guess what- they all lived and no one said a word about it. 

banana468

Now that you know many of the posters are married, what is your opinion?  All these married women are saying that they really don't think it's prudent to make a big deal of this.

And if your DH feels more strongly about this, let him fight the battle.  But it wouldn't be prudent for either of you to do so.

gottahavashorti

I am interested to know what your 16 year old brother things of this situation.

SimplyIndulgent

I don't get it, its not your wedding, it is a 20 second walk, and they've experessed that they really want a certain set up.  You seem to be acting like this is your wedding.  Just let them have their set up.  Why is it such a big deal?  Why do you think its disrespectful?  Why do you think its an attack against you?  Its just a detail of their wedding, one that they would like to see a certain way.  Your family might do it one way, but this isn't your family.  Its theirs.  Its their everything.  They aren't attacking you by doing this, they care about you thats why you're there.  You are acting like a stubborn teenager who isn't getting her way.  Otherwise, you'd understand that its important to them, and its their wedding.

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_not-pairing-spouses-wedding-party-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:51113e32-cd57-44bb-9e89-24c7ad433463Post:fec534ef-d10d-4307-b173-c8ef5aadea7e">Re: NOT pairing SPOUSES in WEDDING PARTY!!! DRAMA!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I asked for opinions on my situation, not what you think about me as a person. You people don't know me. I'm guessing that most of you women are not married yet, so we're on completely different pages. You're all planning your weddings so you've got the "this is my wedding, not yours" attitude. I've been there. Obviously you are going to side with another bride-to-be and not even consider another persons feelings. I should have known.
Posted by mommy2KittyKate[/QUOTE]

I've been married for 31 years.  I've been MOG and MOB.  I think I'm probably, by your standards of wanting to hear from married women, qualified to comment, right?

You're overthinking this, and over-reacting.  You're just making yourself look silly.

I'd get your hissy fit if:   you were not going to be sitting with your DH for the entire party.

 If you were going to have to participate in a WP dance and not be paired with your DH

If you were expected to show some PDA with the GM you're walking with.

But geez....are you really going to stay this worked up over a 20 second walk up the aisle after a ceremony?

And whatever ARE you going to do when they want a picture of the B&G with their MOH and BM?  Will you throw a temper tantrum then too?

Really, lovey, you need to let this go.  You're just digging that hole you're in deeper and deeper and deeper.

mommy2KittyKate

Thanks to everyone who gave some reasonable advice in a non-attacking way. I didn't come on here to argue. Just wanted to get public opinion.

saisongbird

We get that you're upset.  But this is an international forum where you're going to get people speaking honestly - and you were pretty attacking yourself.  All we did was try to give you public opinion, but you blamed everyone on here and called us names and insulted us instead of accepting the advice.  I really hope you're taking the advice now - at the end of the day the focus should be on the bride and groom, and I would hope that you can support that.

aerinpegadrak

Wow.  I'm really not sure how it's disrespecting a couple to have the wife escorted by someone else.  At a formal wedding, the ushers will often escort the woman by the arm while her date (often her husband or fiance) walks behind.  If this is so insulting, why would it be standard etiquette?  The same applies to the processional and recessional.

I think you need some distance from the situation before you can really assess it rationally.  Pour yourself a good stiff drink, put on a movie, play a violent video game if you're into that sort of thing.  (I recommend God of War.  Nothing like climbing on a Cyclops' back and ripping out his eye to work out some rage.)  Once you've calmed down a bit, you'll hopefully realize that it's not remotely a big deal, and you'll let it go.

mommy2KittyKate

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_not-pairing-spouses-wedding-party-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:51113e32-cd57-44bb-9e89-24c7ad433463Post:66b6604f-a70e-4670-a9db-b2f33bc3a04f">Re: NOT pairing SPOUSES in WEDDING PARTY!!! DRAMA!!</a>:
[QUOTE]We get that you're upset.  But this is an international forum where you're going to get people speaking honestly - and you were pretty attacking yourself.  All we did was try to give you public opinion, but you blamed everyone on here and called us names and insulted us instead of accepting the advice.  I really hope you're taking the advice now - at the end of the day the focus should be on the bride and groom, and I would hope that you can support that.
Posted by saisongbird[/QUOTE]

<font color="#800080">I wasn't on here calling you names.. bablingbrooke called me a nut, so I returned the favor. I blamed everyone on here? For what? My posts had nothing to do with anyone on this board. Either way, I don't have to TAKE the advice that was given. That's my choice obviously, and you're all complete strangers and don't know me, or my family. If I decide to take the advice or not it's not your business. This was my original post and I am also allowed to speak honestly, thank you.</font>