MOH who needs some advice

jillsky2280

My best friend is getting married in August and I am her maid of honor.  She lives in one state while the all but 1 of the bridesmaids and I live in another.  The wedding will take place where we live which is where the bride is originially from.  She is coming home next month and we are going to go look at bridesmaid dresses. Over the weekend, she told me that the salon where are going to look has ordered two samples dresses for us to try.  She then emailed the dresses to me and the rest of the bridal party.  Both dresses are completely inapporipriate for a wedding. 

How to do I tell her that these dresses are not appropriate for her wedding without her getting angry? 

jillsky2280

Here is the dress: 

http://www.everything4pageants.com/Dave-and-Johnny-Gown-Style-8662-8662-Dave-and-Johnny-Gown.htm

She hasn't asked me what my budget is so I'm not sure if she's asked anyone else what they budget is. This above dress is $264.

beardownbchs

Is she getting married in a nightclub? That would be the only way I would see these hideous dresses as even maybe kinda-sorta appropriate. 

misssunshine17

Oh, honey... those dresses are horrible. I think you can also say that you can only spend X. No need to qualify- she doesn't get to dictate how you spend your money. 

jillsky2280

This dress was actually suggested by place we are going to look at dresses.  She said it was more elegant than the other dress that the bride wants us to try on.  I have no faith whatsoever in the place where we are going if this is what she thinks is elegant.  

I have until the middle of February to try and come up with some sort of alternative. 

msuprincess04

Hmm.. How about some of these for alternatives:

has a similar hankerchief hemline as the back: 

http://www.alfredangelo.com/collections/styles/7196

http://www.alfredangelo.com/collections/productdisplay.aspx?ProductId=88d0750c-ad2c-4dab-83c8-efd24d7a8e81&CategoryId=caed91b4-d73a-4a83-9c04-2608cd65d718

Has similar hi-lo hemline:

http://www.newyorkdress.com/Pretty_Maids/22532.html

http://www.newyorkdress.com/Alfred_Angelo/6471ANG.html

http://www.newyorkdress.com/Pretty_Maids/22429.html

Some sparkle:

http://www.newyorkdress.com/Alexia_Designs/2904.html

http://www.newyorkdress.com/Bari_Jay/235BJ.html

Out there, but close to the original:

http://www.newyorkdress.com/Pretty_Maids/22511.html

SlothGoals

Oh wow.

Is it even remotely possible that this is all a joke?? Maybe she's just trying to be funny. I would definitely be emailing her back and letting her know that $264 is above your price point and that you would appreciate wearing something that covers up a bit more. You are completely within your rights to ask her for other options because wearing a dress like this would make you uncomfortable.

jillsky2280

She was home for christmas and we did look for dresses.  I thought we had one picked out but one of the bridesmaid's whose fairly large chested tried it on and it wasn't going to work.  

I've already started putting together a list of dresses from David's bridal and Alfred Angelo.  I feel those two places have a good selection that we could probably chose from.  

There are 6 bridesmaid in her wedding and 4 of them are her cousin's whose parents are paying for the dresses.  So it's really just me and her friend from Texas who have to worry about budgets.

I guess I should also mention during our conversation about the dresses, she mentioned wanting all of us to have similar hairstyles.  She is turning into a complete brideszilla and it's so out of character for her.

I just don't know what to do.

SlothGoals

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-who-needs-some-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:5bed3286-0633-47a2-ad54-0a6c332cbd80Post:63aee803-8c5f-4256-9b8e-c4c38d5dbbb4">Re: MOH who needs some advice</a>:
[QUOTE]She was home for christmas and we did look for dresses.  I thought we had one picked out but one of the bridesmaid's whose fairly large chested tried it on and it wasn't going to work.   I've already started putting together a list of dresses from David's bridal and Alfred Angelo.  I feel those two places have a good selection that we could probably chose from.   There are 6 bridesmaid in her wedding and 4 of them are her cousin's whose parents are paying for the dresses.  So it's really just me and her friend from Texas who have to worry about budgets. I guess I should also mention during our conversation about the dresses, she mentioned wanting all of us to have similar hairstyles.  She is turning into a complete brideszilla and it's so out of character for her. <strong>I just don't know what to do.</strong>
Posted by jillsky2280[/QUOTE]

<div>Tell her about this great website you found called The Knot. They have awesome message forums where brides can share their ideas and get feedback.</div><div>
</div><div>The ladies here will take care of the rest.</div><div>
</div><div>ETA: If one of the BMs is big-chested that first dress is definitely not going to work. You could email her back and let her know that she should be looking for options that take into consideration her BMs body types.</div>

jillsky2280

This is the other dress that she sent us .... this is a little bit better but from conversation between her and her aunt who is helping plan the wedding, this is even more expensive than the first.

AddieCake

Oh, dear God. Jill, I have no words....only condolences! 

Kate61487

yikes.  Are all of the BMs like a size 2?  There's no way I'd be comfortable showing that much thigh.  and what's with her need to have stringy pieces hanging off your butts?

I'd let her know your thoughts before she comes to town, so hopefully you don't waste an entire day/trip.  Like PPs have said you should mention the price point as well as the fact that it's pretty skimpy (in an "I wouldn't be comfortable wearing something so __low cut / short / strappy / etc.___" way).  and give her some alternatives.   You might consider emailing her privately or doing a reply-all.  On one hand I imagine if you say something in a reply-all maybe some of the other girls will jump on board and back you up.  At the same time you don't want to cause more drama with her feeling embarassed that you shut her down in front of the other girls.  You'll have to play that one based on your knowledge of the bride and the group.

Good luck!  and seriously, point her our way if she's resistant!

Fancypantsamy

Did the bride watch the November Rain video recently? Ick. 

Maggie0829

You need to let her know your thoughts on the price of the dress pronto.  Let her know that the $264 is way over your budget and that you can only spend $X on a dress.

As for the dress she sent you.  If it didn't have that weird train thing in the back and was not in a neon color (hello highschool prom) but rather black it really wouldn't be so hideous.  Just tryingn to be a bit optimistic for you.

Your budget should be important to her as well as your comfort level and not feeling like you look like a highlighter.

jillsky2280

I am 32 will be 33 in 19 days .  The bride is 30 and will be 31 on her wedding day. She works in fashion which is why this is so completely confusing for me.    

jillsky2280

I really wish this was a joke but she forward me the email that her aunt had sent her with the dress which is telling me this is not a joke.  I will definitely keep everyone posted about this one.  This is also my first time being a maid of honor so I'm pretty sure I'll be back to these boards for more advice.

Viczaesar

To be completely frank, I'd drop out of the wedding party before I'd wear that in public.  I don't have to be uncomfortable and feel unattractive and spend money I don't have to demonstrate to someone that I love them.  (Plus, my sister got married when I was 7 and my BFF hates the idea of marriage, thank god.)

Jager1219

So sorry!!!  One word of advice about Alfred Angelo - while they have a very nice selection of dresses, they don't really carry any with straps.  My sister has a large bust and I found them to be limiting for her as a store.  My BMs got dresses from Jasmine (price range was 150-200).

jillsky2280

Dropping out of the wedding is not an option for me and I honestly don't want to drop out.  I'm hoping that when we go to try on these dresses, she will see how completely wrong they are. I'm hoping to talk to her sometime this week and see if she got any feedback from the other girls.  Maybe someone else will say something.

LDubHawksFan

At first I was resistant to DB, but after a China website disaster, we went with DB for the BM dresses.  The girls all found one they loved and it was $139!  It looks discontinued, but I found this one that might be similar to what she chose (I don't get the weird mullet dress look though).  At least this one is reasonably priced and hits the knees.

http://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_High-Low-Mesh-Dress-with-Floral-One-Shoulder-8420BW1B_Bridal-Party-Bridesmaids-All-Bridesmaid-Dresses

ETA: Both of the original dresses are terrible!  Do yourself and the other BMs a favor and speak up.  Bride should have asked a price point and it is fair game to set her expectations straight from a financial standpoint....and she should be considering your comfort while wearing those hideously short dresses.

Peledreamsofrain

Unfortunately, the current fashion for dresses IS what I personally refer to as Promhideous. I completely believe that the bride works in the fashion industry and got swept away by the hype. Maybe you could try appealing to her inner 'fashionista', and approach her from the 'this won't be in style by the time your wedding happens'. Suggest something more classic that won't make her kids giggle at her wedding photo 30 years from now. Although I have to admit I do have fun bringing up lace froth and white suits to my dad just to watch him squirm, lol.

mlg78

When I first saw this post I thought to myself, "oh no, a rude MOH who is complaining about a bride choosing a dress when it is the BRIDE'S day..." but then I saw the dress.  HOLY CRAP.  I have no words.  I mean, the colors are listed as neon....there's no hiding the trashiness of it!  

Whatever you do...good luck.

AdeleDazeem

Hugs, Jill.  It's all I have to add.

Dreamergirl8812

Unfortunately, I think it's up to you to snap her out of it. If I was turning into a bridezilla I hope my MOH would explain some stuff to me.

And you need to counter her aunt. Not sure why her aunt is picking out bm dresses. I know she's paying for some of them but that's weird.

On the bright side, you could wear your bm dress again for Halloween. Fairy-stripper anyone?

And I think this is a cheaper, normal version of the dresses she likes and it comes in lots of colors. This was going to be my bms' dresses but it doesn't come in the EXACT shade of blue I want. Oh lord.

http://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_Strapless-Chiffon-Dress-with-Layered-Skirt-F14169_Bridal-Party-Bridesmaids-Short-Bridesmaid-Dresses

SB1512

Oh man that dress is awful.  Another vote for David's Bridal.  2 of my BMs are large chested and they both picked out this dress

http://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_Short-Cotton-Dress-with-Y-Neck-and-Skirt-Pleating-83690_Bridal-Party-Bridesmaids-Short-Bridesmaid-Dresses

My sister, who is very petite is wearing this dress

http://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_Cotton-Sateen-Strapless-with-Ruching-and-Pockets-83312_Bridal-Party-Bridesmaids-Shop-By-Color

David's might not be the best quality, but you can't beat the price and there is something for all body types.

Barbiiieee

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-who-needs-some-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:5bed3286-0633-47a2-ad54-0a6c332cbd80Post:63aee803-8c5f-4256-9b8e-c4c38d5dbbb4">Re: MOH who needs some advice</a>:
[QUOTE]She was home for christmas and we did look for dresses.  <strong>I thought we had one picked out but one of the bridesmaid's whose fairly large chested tried it on and it wasn't going to work.</strong>   I've already started putting together a list of dresses from David's bridal and Alfred Angelo.  I feel those two places have a good selection that we could probably chose from.   There are 6 bridesmaid in her wedding and 4 of them are her cousin's whose parents are paying for the dresses.  So it's really just me and her friend from Texas who have to worry about budgets. I guess I should also mention during our conversation about the dresses, she mentioned wanting all of us to have similar hairstyles.  She is turning into a complete brideszilla and it's so out of character for her. I just don't know what to do.
Posted by jillsky2280[/QUOTE]

I can't imagine how this new dress she has chosen would work on somebody who is large chested.

I would just tell her your budget is less than that dress, especially since you absolutely will not be able to wear it again, ever. I also agree with PP that maybe you can suggest something a little less trendy and more classic. I know every time I look at pictures from my parent's wedding, all I can do is laugh hysterically that my dad and his GM all wore powder blue tuxedos.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-who-needs-some-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:5bed3286-0633-47a2-ad54-0a6c332cbd80Post:0c55a61f-5074-4111-b819-919961da82dc">Re: MOH who needs some advice</a>:
[QUOTE]So sorry!!!  One word of advice about Alfred Angelo - while they have a very nice selection of dresses, they don't really carry any with straps.  My sister has a large bust and I found them to be limiting for her as a store.  My BMs got dresses from Jasmine (price range was 150-200).
Posted by Jager1219[/QUOTE]

<div>My BM got their dresses from AA and they were able to add straps to some of their dresses.  The dress we chose was strapless, but had the option to add spaghetti straps.  One of the BM chose to do this and it worked well.</div><div>
</div><div>OP, that dress is hideous.  I hope you are able to confince the bride of a more appropriate alternative.</div>

Jager1219

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-who-needs-some-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:5bed3286-0633-47a2-ad54-0a6c332cbd80Post:fe3bba8c-9aae-41bf-b9c1-bf8e65a0930e">Re: MOH who needs some advice</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH who needs some advice : My BM got their dresses from AA and they were able to add straps to some of their dresses.  The dress we chose was strapless, but had the option to add spaghetti straps.  One of the BM chose to do this and it worked well. OP, that dress is hideous.  I hope you are able to confince the bride of a more appropriate alternative.
Posted by cajitasazules[/QUOTE]
You're correct - you could add spaghetti straps.  I just found that on my sister (who is large chested) the spaghetti straps were completely useless.  I was hoping for a dress with thicker straps and maybe a deep V neck.  So I was personally disappointed with AA because I was hoping that they would have more variety other than everything being basically strapless.  PS - I was also only looking at chiffon dresses, so there might have been other options for other fabrics.

Grozikn

Oh my God. I am so sorry... I hope she changes her mind.

B2Z728

I'm so sorry that she likes these dresses. But I honestly can't see either dress working well for someone who is large chested, so hopefully that at least will deter her away from it. It seems that she likes dresses with interesting hem lines. As other PP's have mentioned, I'd try finding other dresses with the hi-lo hem line, and something that comes in a somewhat brighter color. You may not like the color, but you could probably have it dyed black if you wanted to wear it again. And absolutely bring up your budget with her privately. She should not be picking a dress that expensive - especially not a hideous one. 

beckygopop

Jill...I feel your pain.  I'm MOH at my friends wedding inSeptember.  She didnt ask anybody what their budget is and picked out a $290 dress.  While its pretty and I could wear it again for a fancy occasion (two birds bridesmaid) some of the WP cannot and one was practically hyperventilating when the dress was mentioned.  I don't think she will say anything.  Also the bride is telling us what she wants to do for her b-pary.  Ugh.  I might buy her the Miss Manner wedding book and mail it to her anonymously.