kicked out pregnant bridesmaid

lalap69

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_kicked-out-pregnant-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a2e59173-01e0-44f5-86aa-838e6bb8a003Post:668f2751-5d95-4363-aa82-52d58c8797c1">Re: Flamable Confession</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Flamable Confession : I could've done it, but I didn't. You're welcome.
Posted by Anysunrise[/QUOTE]
How did this get here?

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_kicked-out-pregnant-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a2e59173-01e0-44f5-86aa-838e6bb8a003Post:5becec5a-2fe4-404c-9536-7b7bc9064408">Re: Flamable Confession</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Flamable Confession : How did this get here?
Posted by lalap69[/QUOTE]
Sometimes the Knot will randomly redirect responses.  It's annoying.

ajmarimba

I've never been so pissed off in reading the boards.  Oh, honey, this just gets worse and worse.  I'm so sorry for everything that this jerk is doing to you.

Stop payment on the check.  Get some nice pics for yourself, and pink slip her out of your life.  You don't need "friends" like that.  Who needs enemies then? 

Just think and remember...karma is a bitch.  She will get what's coming to her.  Positive energy to you and congratulations on the arrival of your baby!

amityr1976

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_kicked-out-pregnant-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a2e59173-01e0-44f5-86aa-838e6bb8a003Post:e64f9ded-d7ba-4fa8-8804-5f89001543b1">Re: kicked out pregnant bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Your "friend" isn't really a "friend" at all. In fact, she kinda-sorta-maybe-totally sucks. </strong>

Ditto

vmtorres7

I have my maid of honor and one of my bridesmaids who will be well into their pregnancy for my wedding in March.  I was afraid that because they are pregnant it would be hard for them to move around and they would be uncomfortable but I could never ask them to step down  or kick them out.  I asked them to be there for me on my special day, and they are just adding to my happiness because I have two extra special guests in my wedding party. We picked out dresses that complimented everyone, pregnant or not.

eedmundson

First, I am SO sorry this has happened to you. This is truly horrible.

Second, I would ask her to step down from being my MOH. An MOH is supposed to be someone you can count on for anything, and she hasn't shown that she can do that.  She has been incredibly disrespectful -- and truly showed her true colours when she responded to your email.

I might still attend the wedding, if I wanted to save the friendship, but I wouldn't participate.

Just my thoughts. Good luck.

Erin
Canada

jwhite8209

Get a new friend...and a new maid of honor.

goetzr19

You are not overreacting.  I don't advise kicking out a BM, but she gives a worthy reason for asking her to stepdown as your MOH.  Lots of brides have pregnant BM.  And as for you fainting, it's something as simple as having a chair for you to sit in case you need during the ceremony.  All those in attendance will know why you are sitting down if you have to, and think nothing less of you for doing so.

Asking you to still buy a dress in the wedding colors, but not stand up, instead being your "right hand man" (which translates as "slave" to me) is ridiculous.  You had every right to email her, no matter if you weren't the nicest to her.  She deserved it.  I'm sorry you had to go through this, but it sounds like the friendship is over. 

lyndseybeth

she claims: "friendship is more important than being a bridesmaid anyways." Then she shouldn't care how you look. If all she really cares about is friendship, then she should only care that you are there, at the wedding, and standing next to her. Besides... pregnancy is cute! 

prdoc

I'd just like to say that I am grateful for every single friend that I am lucky enough to have and that they can come to my wedding pregnant, tattooed, barefoot, or in flanel pjs.  The aesthetic of my wedding is joy and as long as that's faithfully adheared to, I'm happy!

prezed

Kick her out of your wedding and your life.  With friends like that...who needs enemies?!

run2bfree

for all the ladies telling you that you did the right thing about telling your friend how hurt you are, I agree. 

for those telling you she's not a good friend - that's BULLSH**. 

What YOU need to remember is that HER wedding is NOT about YOU! Its about her and her husband and what THEY want. You can do whatever you want to do for your wedding. This is not about friendship, its not about you being prego. She simply doesn't want to attention taken of her and her husband by you if you passout. simple as that. 

So dry your tears, decide if you want to bow out and just attend the wedding and share in her happiness or miss being part of it. I commend her for still asking you to be part of the day and still buying you a dress. THAT shows that she does love you and want you to be there... 

rezanin

i am a bride to be and my MOH got pregnant knowing i was getting married in one month. She purposly got knocked up to make her bf stay. i purchesed her dress in a size four (it fits snugg on her before the pregnancy) theres not enough time to altar the gown and she has no money to purches a new one. i dont want our friendship to end but i cant have her in the wedding party. Since your pregnant how do you think something like that should be handled?

Oh and i understand where your friend is coming from, shes really looking out for YOUR well being. However i do believe she could have benn nicer about the way she went about telling you. Although i do know pregnant women are WAY emotional because of hormones. Think about it, maybe its you taking it the wrong way? 

campbellkaitlyn

WOW- sounds like you need some better friends. If you meant something real to her, she wouldnt care about how pregnant you were.
Sounds like she is a real bitch. Do you really want someone like that standing up for you..? I know I wouldnt.

mazinggrace

I am so sorry that your friend has done this to you. My heart really goes out to you because I am sure it hurts that your friend has done this to you. 

I myself have a bridesmaid and one of my dearest friends who will be a week or so away from delivering at my wedding. I know she is going to be huge at the time, she was big with her last baby but I could not imagine this day without her there. I even made sure that she could pick her own dress that will fit her. 

Honestly, if your friend thinks that you mean so much to her to be there for her the entire day I would think that she would make it work so that you can have the honor of being her bridesmaid. Like others have suggested I would not take away her honor of being your matron of honor at your wedding, see if the friendship can be mended. But for now you are on the right track, she needs to know that you are hurt. I think that yes she will have a pregnant friend in her wedding pictures but what a glorious moment to capture as you both experience such wonderful joys of life such as marriage and birth. 

BAS1355

OMG, that's awful... how self-centered of her!  My maid of honor will be 6 months pregnant and I view it as a blessing to our union.  She's worried about how she will look, but I'm thrilled!  Dry those eyes and be thankful you know where this so-called friend's priorities are.   XXOO Barb

rezanin

If I were you I wouldn't be so harsh on the bride. This is just one side of the story your hearing. Pluse I'm a diabetic and i know hypogylcemia and hyperglycimea all to well, i bet you didnt know both can lead to seizures and the fetus or unborn baby, however you want to look at it, can get seriously hurt or die. so really who is the bride more concered for, herself or her friends well being and the protection of the baby? 

allurea

Wow.  Just wow.  I've read through the whole thread and I am beyond mad at your so called friend, which is saying something since I don't know who either of you are.

This friend of yours deserves a swift kick in the rear.  Cancel the photographer for the wedding, and have him come out and take some nice pictures of you and yours.

The fact that she had the nerve to say that you hurt her after what she did is just appauling, and I'm completely disgusted that she basically said "continue to be my maid of honour without actually being my maid of honour".... You aren't her freaking lap dog.  And as someone who has suffered from Hypoglycemia since childhood, I can tell you that running around doing little arrands is much more taxing on your blood sugars than just standing there for 15 - 45 minutes.

Your baby belly will in no way take attention away from her on her special day, that excuse is just pathetic.  My MOH and her hubby are planning to start a family so she may very well be pregnant at my wedding, and I couldn't be more happy about it.  Her and I have checked out dresses online that are made for a pregnant belly, and they are CUTE!

You were most definitely not out of line, and your friend is being beyond petty.

Giant *Hugs* for you.  Don't waste your tears on her, she's not worth it.  Keep a positivite attitude about the lovely bundle of joy that you have coming.

Jarowe20

Looking out for her well-being by making her a slave on the day, but not allowing her the honor of standing next to her?

I wouldn't want you, or that bride as a friend if you were to be charged for looking out for my well-being.

britbrat4428

She's worried about people looking at your belly?  Come on!  You have got to be kidding me!  That is possibly the most self-involved thing I've ever heard.  If I were you, I'd call her fiance and her parents and all her other friends and ask them to stage an intervention.  She clearly needs some perspective.

LatentSmile

There aren't many acceptable reasons for removing someone from the wedding party once you've already asked them and they've accepted. She knew that you were expecting; the fact that she doesn't want you to stand up for her IMHO just shows how petty she is! It is very sad and upsetting, especially after you have gone out of your way to help her with the photographer, and I would assume much more!

There aren't many acceptable reasons for removing someone from the wedding party, BUT...in your case, you are totally justified in removing her from your wedding party if this situation results in ending the friendship. It isn't worth keeping her in the party if it's going to ruin YOUR day!

If it were me, it would be too late for it to be mended; she has made a villainous move and I wouldn't want anything to do with someone so vain and self-centered. If she valued your friendship, she would have asked about your comfort in the ceremony. She would have ensured that there was a chair for you to sit on while she recites her vows, a chair NEXT to her!

princesscorpio

HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

You can come be in my wedding! I know you will wear the dress that I am buying and picked out. My MOH told me that she was not wearing the dress that I picked out. She has picked out her OWN dress! WTH?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SuperBusyBride

I would like to say that my best friend found out that she was pregnant a week before I became engaged. And when I became engaged, my first thought about it was: "Is she going to be up for this???"  It certaintly wasn't: "Ew a pregnant MOH.. she might faint!"
What she did to you was terrible. If anything, she should have approached you to make sure YOU were going to be able to handle everything.
Consider this your validation. You made the right decision. It took a wedding for her true colors to shine through. A real friend would NEVER have done what she did. As for her being your MOH, if you guys can get through this, then you have a decision to make. Obviously. My point is, I would have a hard time forgiving and forgetting something like this.
xoxoxo to you!

IowaHoodlum

I'm so sorry, too.  Seeing that marriage symbolizes the beginning of a new family, it seems to me that having an obviously pregnant member of your bridal party would be a bit of good luck.  The bride and groom surrounded by fertility, family, and strong bonds that support your friends and family and will support you as you navigate the treacherous terrain of marriage! 

Pregnancy makes so many women so beautiful!  Maybe you can use some of those photos for some belly shots? Motherhood in all its beauty and pride.

My maid of honor is going to be 8 months pregnant at my wedding, but our story is different:  The wedding is in central Puerto Rico, about 1.5 hours drive from a hospital.  Despite this, she was confident of being able to attend for quite a long time.  I had said to her that I would understand completely if she decided that she did not want to travel so close to her due date, and after several months of pregnancy she and her husband eventually decided not to travel to PR.  I could be wrong, but I don't think there was an ounce of offense on any side.  I would have loved to have her beautiful self in my bridal party, but it just didn't work out. Instead, we'll have a great bridal shower early enough to permit comfortable travel.

Even if she had been able to come to the wedding, you can be sure I wouldn't be asking her to run around doing menial tasks for me on the day of my wedding.  I'd want to give her an honored spot and celebrate her good fortune along with mine.

Anyway, sorry to take up so much space with this, but I just wish it had turned out so differently for you and that your pregnancy would be celebrated rather than treated as an inconvenience.  I will hope for a dramatic change of heart (coming to senses) on the part of your friend.

Raivyn79

I agree with what megk8oz said. This is crap. I'd not only write her another email without filtering myself, I'd kick her out of my bridal party and then cancel the expensive photography I paid for (or have the photog do me a service instead). If your health mattered at all, she'd not ask you to do a more exerting job than just standing there at her side; she was clearly tossing that at you to either keep your photography gift or out of guilt. What gets me is she knew you were pregnant. Much like the coming of Christmas, pregnancy is not some surprise: people get bigger over the course of nine months. Duh. If this was a problem, she should never have asked you in the first place.

While it is her wedding and she should make her day perfect for herself, that does not mean she should eff over and hurt other people to do so. A sudden mind change and demotion delivered so rudely is NOT justified by it being her wedding day. I'd never, ever do this to my friends, nor would they to me. And if you were my MOH and fainted? So what? I'd be concerned about you and get you taken care of, but looking back on the day we'd all get a good giggle out of it, I'm sure. I tell you what, people sure as heck won't forget that wedding ever :P

The wedding is NOT all about the bride. It's about the joining of two people and the subsequent celebration. This chick is a selfish cooter that only cares about being a celebrity for a day, as if people will come to a wedding and go "Holy crapapples, Bob! Look, a pregnant woman! We've never seen one of those before!!!! *STARE*" Give me an effin' break. Good riddance to Miss Twatwaffle and a *Hug* for you for enduring this bullpoop.

WarmShade

Put it in perspective: I have a friend That is heavy and the way her wieght distributes she looks pregnant and I wouldn't even dream of exculuding her.
Not to mention that the number one cause of bridal party/bride/groom fainting at weddings is that people don't remember not to lock their knees. I almost fainted at my sister's wedding because of it, and I've never fainted befoer that in my life.
Unless She has you in the weddings at full capacity and titled position and give you an appropriate apology for her extremly offensive behavior; I wouldn't let her be aloud at yours. Negative people are ubundant in this world and you don't want people like that to be a part of your day. Blessings on your day and anyone else who thinks different doesn't really need to be there.

NikiBoBiki

ALSO!

Make sure you ask HER to step down as Maid of Honor before she gets a chance to step down herself.

AND...tell her some rediculous excuse, like you want a MAID of honor, not a MATRON of honor...as she is now married. That's just about as rediculous as her excuse.

I was the Maid of Honor at my friends wedding, you are going to want someone you trust has your best interests in mind....she CLEARLY does not.

hb212001

I actually have a bridesmaid in my wedding who will be about as far along as you when my wedding roles around. She was nervous to tell me because I asked them all to hold off on getting pregnant as much as possible...not because I cared that they were pregnant because that is an exciting time in ones life, but because I didn't want them to spend money on a dress that wouldn't fit.

When my friend told me she was pregnant she was almost in tears when she told me and she said that she understood if I didn't want her in it. Is she crazy??? I told her that I wanted her to be in it, but I didn't want her to spend money on a dress that didn't fit. She said "is that all"? She said that she wasn't worried about that...apparently they have baby bumps to try on with dresses to get an idea of what size you will be approximately at David's Bridal (I thought this was hilarious).

Point being that if they are a true friend they will not kick you out! Regardless of anything that goes on she will be the center of attention and she should not worry about that piece.

On the reverse side I also had a friend who was just having a baby around the time that dresses had to be tried on so I didn't feel like she would know what size she would be and I didn't want her to have to worry about it so I spoke to her about the situation and she is doing a reading in my wedding.. which I think is way more important than helping you the day of. At least she is still in and a part of my day.

All I can say is I am soooo sorry that this situation happened to you.

tlcoopi7

I am not sure if your friend knows about this, but there are bridesmaid dresses for pregnant women. Talk to your friend about that option.

Felicia2144

Your friend sounds like a ...well, it rhymes with witch. I would go to her wedding in the exact opposite colors that she asked of you as just a guest. That way the only one stressing about you not being in the wedding is her, as I'm sure people that know you are friends will be asking her about why youre not in the party. You don't need that stress while pregnant. Then simply have her in your wedding as a bridesmaid, if you want her to be and have someone else as your MOH.
BEST OF LUCK TO YOU!