kicked out pregnant bridesmaid

noelmiller

I think it's disgusting for your friend to 1) kick you off the wedding party because you are pregnant, 2) tell you over the phone. It's completely inappropriate to let you down like this, but not to do it face to face? That's cowardly on her behalf. I'm appaled to even call her a "friend" after that. She clearly values her wedding's appearances more than sharing that important time with those she cares about (supposedly). Her excuse that you might faint is just a cover up, and her trying to convince herself that it's for your own good. It's just her selfishness. That's all there is to it. There's no other way to put it. As to your MOH situation, if she were my "friend", she'd be off my wedding party pronto. I wouldn't have a selfish brat as my MOH in a million years. She's not really your friend if she can go and hurt your feelings for her own wedding's sake. And as to her saying she has hurt feelings from your "cutting" email, that's what she deserved. Besides, has she REALLY considered how much your feelings have been hurt?

NAOwen

This is also my first time posting to this board. I was so appalled by what I read I was compelled to reply. 

My MOH told me last week that she is due two weeks before my wedding. She said she will be there with her newborn baby! I couldn't be more honored. She is worried her dress might not fit. I don't care if she shows up in a paper bag, she is my BEST FRIEND and I could not be more thrilled that she is conceiving. She will also be bringing her two year old daughter and my other bridesmaid has a baby as well. 

The types of friends you want close are those who are going to grow with you and share your future lives together. If she cannot see the forest for the trees, ie, the true reasons we have friends in the first place, you have to really consider the value she has assigned to your friendship and determine if you want that type of person to be around your future child! Best of luck, this is a difficult one. 

lucinda_marie9

When I told my MOH that one of my bridesmaids was pregnant the first thing that she asked me was if I was mad. I was stunned by this because I was only happy that I would have another addition to my family.  She told me that she would be so mad and I was baffled.  Anyone who can't accept nature doesn't grasp the real reality of life.  They also think that a wedding just comes together so very easily.  I just found it hilarious because when I asked this bridesmaid to be in my wedding (p.s...she is my sister), she told me that she may be pregnant and I told her that the dress I had in mind will work for everyone's body type (we liked this style of dress for my other sister that was supposed to get married but she went with a different style). P.S....my sister will be having a month before hand so the only thing I'm worried about is how is she going to figure out what size she needs b/c they will have only a month to do the alterations.  The nice thing is alterations are included in the price

The reason why she wants you to still help her is because while she thinks you are unable to be a part of the wedding, she knows that you are plenty capable of doing the bullshit work.  And if she is so concerned about you fainting...she could just give you a chair!!!!  Ditch the MOH and get someone who appreciates you for who you are!!

Meli17

Wow Im so sorry this happened to you!!  My bridemaid is also pregnant!!  I gave her the option of being part of my bridal party because I know she's will be financially unstable, having a newborn, buying a house and her first child in private school.  I let her know whatever her decision was, I was ok with it....I want her there no matter what and its ultimately her decision where she wants to stand!!  Pregnancy is a beautiful thing, and now a days they make the cutest dresses!!!  All my bridesmaids are different, sooo different, all ten of them...
You should take all of our advise and think about your friendship with her!!  She seems very superficial.  So no matter what, things wont be good enough.  I would totally think about the friendship before making her MOH, she didnt hesitate on taking you out from her bridal party because you were pregnant.  Pregnancy is not a disease and its not ugly....its sad that she didnt understand that!! 

AngelKatND

I'm so sorry this all has to be so difficult for you.  Weddings should be a time of celebrating your happiness for those around you.  My maid of honor is pregnant and due 5 days before my wedding.  She was afraid to tell me - and all I could do is tell her how amazingly happy I was for her - and that I'll be sad if for some reason she can't make it - as I'd like to be there for her when her child is born.  I would be so sad to not have her there with me - but so excited for both of our futures.

As for your friendship - a lot of women change a bit with weddings, mostly due to the stress.  You said she was planning this very quickly - so maybe she doesn't know how to handle the stress. I don't condone her decision to "undue" her request to you - but only you know how strong your friendship is and can determine what you want later.  Since you are still debating as to whether you want her as your maid of honor- I'm guessing the friendship was pretty strong (and because of your thoughtfullness on the photagrapher - a great gift by the way).  So take some time and maybe call her on the phone once you've cooled down and have a heart to heart.  Conversations aren't always easy  - but true friendships will get past them.

Good luck on your own wedding by the way!! 

KatyLZ11

Maybe she will get pregnant and you will have the opportunity to return the favor

shutupanddance07

OK, hold the phone. "It's about the Bride and Groom"??? Seriously? So all the preparations, the expense, all the big to-do of a wedding is JUST for those two people? That's ridiculous. It's a big a$$ party to celebrate the lives of those two people TOGETHER, and that includes the people who are most important to them. My one MOH (I have two... I couldn't choose between my sister and my best friend and didn't see why I should have to) found out she was pregnant early in the planning process. She's my 19 year old sister. I hate her boyfriend, I think she ruined her life by getting pregnant, an I would never dream of saying that to her because she's my SISTER and I love her. Instead I said "You better not even dream of backing out of my wedding on me", and we found her a dress that would fit her 8.5 month pregnant fat a$$. When she started showing and posted to her facebook that she was gonna look like a blimp at my wedding, I commented and thanked her for being bigger than me. This way I don't have to diet, cuz next to her, I'll look skinny. (I know this all sounds really mean, but this is our relationship... we say mean things to each other in lieu of "I love you" and we wouldn't have it any other way) When they thought her due date might be closer to my wedding or while I was on my honeymoon, I told her to hold that baby in as long as possible, and if she goes into labor at my wedding, to hold it in until the last minute, because I have an OBGYN in my wedding party, so we can deliver the baby at the wedding! (I was kidding... It's a refection of how I couldn't IMAGINE walking down the aisle without my sister, even if she's covered in baby goo, not my wanting her to make sacrifices for me. I'm not insane)

My point here is this: your wedding is about surrounding yourselves with the people who are important to you, drunk uncle, pregnant bridesmaid, boyfriend you hate, and all. He's my nephew's dad, end of story. There's NO EXCUSE that makes it ok for you to exclude someone you care about from your day. Even if you have a small wedding and can't invite everyone you care about, you can always have another more low key party later to include all those people. Uninviting people is rude. Nobody likes rude people. In the case if DIYbridemama, I think uninviting her friend to her wedding might be justified, because turnabout is fair play. BUT, I think it hits home a little harder for her so called friend if she doesn't. 

I liked whoever said that thing about your wedding giving you super powers and a platinum vagina... 

Brides are ridiculous sometimes. I mean, who CARES, in the end? It's a big party. It's supposed to be fun. relax a little!

I've never posted here before, but I felt like it needed to be said... Your wedding isn't the most important day of your life if the people who are important to you aren't part of it.  The point is that the people you love and who love you are there with you. Nothing else matters. How could you possibly have missed that?

gweddette

First off no woman is fat or ugle when they are pregnant, so when she has the pleasure of having a life inside her she will be sorry. Second I agree with you, not would I not go to the wedding I wouldn't continue to be her friend. How can anyone be embarrassed or concerned about a pregnant bridesmaid? Crazy yes pregnant no. As far as her email goes, I am sorry to say but your friend sounds like a child to me and def not ready to be married but thats for her and her future husband. She is the one ruined the friendship the minute she kicked you out and then told you to still do things. Stand your ground and protect your baby, I wouldn't go nor continue to be friends with her. Congrats on the baby.

SKCrocombe

I just couldn't imagine doing something like she did. I'm getting married next summer and I'm hoping one of my bridesmaids gets pregnant soon so she will have a cute "pot" for my wedding. She has been trying since before I got engaged and I can't wait to celebrate a pregnancy with her! Good luck with everything!

driana2382

Your reaction was completely justified.  It was a hurtful thing for her to have done.  Not knowing either of you, though, makes me feel that I have to add that she might just be one of those people who truly doesn't "get" why it's an incredibly evil thing to have done (especially considering your presumably enhanced emotional state).  You know her better than anyone on here and only you can guess what her true intentions were.

If you believe she is shallow enough to have not cared about your feelings then by all means, give yourself the break and forget any relationship with her.  However, if you believe that she acted poorly, realized it and wanted to apologize but was angry b/c she felt as if you were attacking her (once again b/c she could be one of those completely oblivious people) then it might be worth further discussing.

A lunch date where you both air all of your feelings in a neutral setting without being accusatory (say "I felt" instead of "you did" etc.) might be helpful.  If she is supposed to be your Maid of Honor then you two have obviously got some history.  Stress does strange things to people-almost as strange as hormones-and this could truly be a mistake that was made and could be corrected.

Another suggestion: if your friendship does not survive intact but you don't wish to lower yourself to the same level, consider still including her as a bridesmaid but replacing her with someone you trust more as your Maid of Honor.  Remember, grace and dignity will carry you through the most impossible seeming situations.  Good luck and Blessed Be.

jadehakai

That is TERRIBLE, and you should tell her to find someone else to do her dirty work. If any of my bridesmaids were pregnant, I'd be just thrilled for them- they are my best friends! And later, I could show the baby the wedding pictures and point out the bump and say, "You were in my wedding!" What a connection she is throwing away for one day.

munsterchick

I agree with Trix...there is no way this girl is looking out for you...she is all about herself... Cancel the photographer and uprade your own package......or like some of the other girls have suggested get baby photos taken. The choice is yours re her being your MOH... but how are you going to feel if she is standing there on your day ...will you be thinking about how she didn't think you were good enough to stand with her on her day??
I have seen a lot of pregnant BM's at my cousins wedding last Christmas the BM was actually due the same day. and guess what she didn't steal the brides thunder didn't go into labour and to be honest no one gave her any more attention than any other bridesmaid.... it was the bride and grooms day.
sweetie you are in a very horrible situation and I hope your other friends are supporting you this girl does not sound like a true friend.

meagan318

Your friend is heartless and you did do the right thing. Three days after I got engaged, one of my best friends told me she was pregnant and her due date was literally a week after the wedding. So needless to say she will be very large, feet hurting and standing will be uncomfortable during the wedding. Because she is my best friend, I still included her in my wedding as the reader. She is wearing a different dress than the bride's maids, but still the same fabric and color. She will be involved in all of the events and recognized...she's just lucky enough to get to sit down. Maybe your friend should have considered alternatives for your inclusion in other areas besides duties for you. Especilly since you were pregnant before.

zshack

That's terrible. I was pregnant when I was supposed to stand up in a friends wedding. I removed myself because I didn't want to look fat in her pictures, but that was my decision, not hers. I actually ended up getting licensed online and performing her ceremony. It was great! I looked like Mother Earth! I don't know how far your friendship goes back, but maybe another MOH for your wedding would be appropriate.

monique_1984

I know the feeling.  My sister asked me to be in her wedding in front of the whole family on Christmas, then told me that she wanted me to be an usherette and still buy a bridesmaids dress.  In the end, I was a usherette, had to buy a black cocktail dress, while all 3 of my other sisters got to be bridesmaids.  Now, it's time for my wedding.  I went around and asked all my other sisters, my soon to be sister in law, and a friend to be in the wedding.  The sister that did that to me is having no part of my wedding, neither is her husband.
  If you ask me, your so called friend is not a friend at all.  If she was having concerns about you being the maid of honor in the beginning with you being pregnant, she should've said somethiing then.  Plus, she knew that you were pregnant to begin with.  I just think that she's being really shallow and thinks that you'll steal her thunder on her day.  Obviously, your friendship means jack**** to her, so it should mean the same to you.
  I would kill her with kindness and act like it really doesn't bother you, even if it does, show up to her wedding as a guest, and look better than she does.  By the end of the day, she'll be regreting what she did to you and try sucking up.  Just don't let her.  Make her squirm for awhile.  Also, i'm totally on your side about telling her how you felt and what was going through your head.  If you didn't, she might have thought that you were just going to sit back and take it.  I'm really glad that you didn't.  She needs to know how you feel and what she has done to you.  Now she will most likely feel like s***.

JennK78

This has probably already been said by now, but unfortunately, she is not a true friend. Someone who is a true friend would not care if you are pregnant and would want you standing up there next to her, anyway. A true friend would not care even if you were overweight (not because of pregnancy). I'm sorry that you had to find out this way.

Also, she sounds like a very manipulative person to have the nerve to tell YOU that your email to her was "cutting". She doesn't know the meaning of the word because obviously, she was obtuse enough that she didn't even know (or care) how hurtful she was to YOU.

Chalk it up as lesson learned and that you found out now, rather than later. In a way, she did you a favor because you found out the kind of person she really is: shallow and narcissistic. And if I were you, I wouldn't consider having her in your wedding at all when the time comes because she doesn't know the meaning of true friendship.

couvills

My MOH Just called and told me she ijust found out she's pregnant... She will be 6 months at the wedding. and honestly I would not ask her to step down. She is still my friend and I know she will do all of the things I expected of her even though she is pregnant and to me that is what matters. And besides this gives me time to be around her throughout her pregnancy and help her if she needs anything. To me what your bride is doing to you is just selfish. Ya its her day, but she has to acknowledge the people that got her there. If you're up to being her MOH then she should not have a problem.

rosebudbynicky

WOW that sucks I would't buy a dress for bp and as for your wedding well play it out things could really change untill then. I wanted to get a. Little off topic because I have been planing my wedding but nothing set in stone just engaged and no details. Well today I found out I'm pregnant and a pragnancey was far from the picture and now it's right up front Im really curshed for selfish reasons I guess but I want your opion specificly. You are pregnant and going to have a wedding with the same man I'm sure and I really wana no how u feel and some advice. Thank you and good luck with everything

nikisjackson

I don't see it like everyone else does. 71/2 months pregnant is a delicate time for you. In her excitement, your friend probably didn't realize how fragile that stage can be, but it sounds like she's looking out for your health.

If you faint at her wedding during the ceremony. The next closest person to catch you will be (in most settings) 20 feet away. And the closest hospital... who knows?

An injured unborn child and mom? Not on my watch.

You 2 should find a way to honor your friendship that doesn't put you in danger. And remember this is ONE day- your friendship can survive it. 

rrsinclair

I was in a similar situation with my maid of honor.  We got into a huge fight a week after I got engaged and I'd already asked her to be my maid of honor.  When I tried to sit down with her weeks later to discuss the fight she said very hurtful things to me and basically attacked my personality.  I was up in the air for a very long time about what to do because I wasn't sure I wanted to maintain a friendship with her anymore.  I took some space and waited it out and we are beginning to get better.  Luckily I had over a year before my wedding when the fight happened.  I agree with most everyone else that what she did was pretty crappy and that her apology was full of excuses and basically putting the blame on you.  But, if you're still hopeful about working out your friendship you probably still can, but it may take time.  And only if you really want to.

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_kicked-out-pregnant-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a2e59173-01e0-44f5-86aa-838e6bb8a003Post:6b5ff755-0118-48cc-8991-df4c56af569c">Re: kicked out pregnant bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't see it like everyone else does. 71/2 months pregnant is a delicate time for you. In her excitement, your friend probably didn't realize how fragile that stage can be, but it sounds like she's looking out for your health. If you faint at her wedding during the ceremony. The next closest person to catch you will be (in most settings) 20 feet away. And the closest hospital... who knows? An injured unborn child and mom? Not on my watch. You 2 should find a way to honor your friendship that doesn't put you in danger. And remember this is ONE day- your friendship can survive it. 
Posted by nikisjackson[/QUOTE]

OMG.  Have you ever been pregnant?  Pregnancy is NOT a disability.  Pregnancy does not make people so stupid that they are no longer capable of making decisions for themselves about their health.

I worked until, literally, 15 minutes before I went into labor with my first child.  I then called my DH (who was at a friend's), gathered my things, and went to the hospital to give birth.

I teach preschool.  We have women who bring their kids to school and have a baby that night.  There are millions of very pregnant women who will be walking around the stores today to finish their Christmas shopping.  They do not have to be refrained from doing things because of their "delicate" condition.

I assure you that I was completely, totally capable of making intelligent decisions for myself even when I was pregnant.  I didn't suddenly become a simpering little woman.

In addition, had you actually read follow up posts, you would have seen that OP's <fomer /> friend made comments about women with an "attention belly" not being appropriate for a wedding party.

You can try to spin this any way you want,  and I have to say that you're spinning very, very hard, but the reality is that a bride kicks a friend out of her wedding for being pregnant, and there's only ONE person who looks ridiculous.  Look in the mirror. 

tldh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_kicked-out-pregnant-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:a2e59173-01e0-44f5-86aa-838e6bb8a003Post:6b5ff755-0118-48cc-8991-df4c56af569c">Re: kicked out pregnant bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't see it like everyone else does. 71/2 months pregnant is a delicate time for you. In her excitement, your friend probably didn't realize how fragile that stage can be, but it sounds like she's looking out for your health. If you faint at her wedding during the ceremony. The next closest person to catch you will be (in most settings) 20 feet away. And the closest hospital... who knows? An injured unborn child and mom? Not on my watch. You 2 should find a way to honor your friendship that doesn't put you in danger. And remember this is ONE day- your friendship can survive it. 
Posted by nikisjackson[/QUOTE]

And yet women work up to the time they go into labor.  Are you an OB/GYN with a magic crystal ball who can see if this particular bridesmaid is going to need to be on bed rest?

My SIL had a bridesmaid who was 40 weeks pregnant with twins ont he weeding day.  Three days later she delivered without complications and the kids were perfect on both Apgar tests.

mkrupar

I can't believe this thread is still alive. But I gotta agree with Trix on her response to the latests post. My coworker, who is due on the 27th of this month (Monday!!) is coming in to work today. She's not handicapped. She's 4 days from her due date and still working. Thinking that someone at 7 1/2 months is a fragile flower is just ridiculous. Anyone trying to justify the awful behavior of the bride in this scenario should just stop. There is no reason to treat your friends like crap. None, not even for your wedding.

Manwaithiel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_kicked-out-pregnant-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a2e59173-01e0-44f5-86aa-838e6bb8a003Post:6b5ff755-0118-48cc-8991-df4c56af569c">Re: kicked out pregnant bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't see it like everyone else does. 71/2 months pregnant is a delicate time for you. In her excitement, your friend probably didn't realize how fragile that stage can be, but it sounds like she's looking out for your health. If you faint at her wedding during the ceremony. The next closest person to catch you will be (in most settings) 20 feet away. And the closest hospital... who knows? An injured unborn child and mom? Not on my watch. You 2 should find a way to honor your friendship that doesn't put you in danger. And remember this is ONE day- your friendship can survive it. 
Posted by nikisjackson[/QUOTE]

I can see that you've been pregnant numerous times to account for this, yes?

gogators87

omgoodness.. she is an awful friend.... my best friend just found out shes pregnant a couple months ago.. and shell be 6.5 months preggo in my wedding... so ya know what im doing.. CHANGING my dresses... youre friend is awful...and i hope her wedding is awful too... =[