Delete

NMK1208

Delete.

I will ask my question elsewhere because all I'm getting here is criticized without knowing the full story. I feel I do not need to explain the full story as that has no relevance to the question I was asking in the first place.

vicki0508

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_other-roles-besides-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:c18138b9-0372-43c0-8c68-2e6fd9e820ebPost:e8b1ede5-268c-4027-ac6e-4c6eb81619cd">Other Roles Besides A Bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm sure there is already a thread about this, but I can't seem to find it. I recently asked a bridesmaid to step down for various reasons and now trying to find another role for her to be in our wedding. Is there any other role she could play in our wedding besides a bridesmaid? She already made it a point to say she doesn't want to be a guest book person or someone who makes a speech. Just looking for some ideas of what other brides used. Thank you!
Posted by NMK1208[/QUOTE]

JIC

lalap69

You didn't ask her to step down, you kicked her out.  You've already publically slighted her, don't add to it by giving her a job to do.

I think you should apologize to your friend and re-ask her to be a BM, quite frankly.  That was a terrible thing that you did.

saisongbird

Consider yourself lucky that she's still speaking to you.  Go apologize, and ask HER what she'd like to do.

MyNameIsNot

This cannot be real.  This cannot be real.  

megk8oz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_other-roles-besides-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:c18138b9-0372-43c0-8c68-2e6fd9e820ebPost:c3b9e897-a8cc-4c91-9815-ecbf48518da5">Re: Other Roles Besides A Bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]You didn't ask her to step down, you kicked her out.  You've already publically slighted her, don't add to it by giving her a job to do. I think you should apologize to your friend and re-ask her to be a BM, quite frankly.  That was a terrible thing that you did.
Posted by lalap69[/QUOTE]

Co-signed,
      Meg

jagore08

I wouldn't want to be a guest book person either and that would be before you booted me from the wedding party.  I probably wouldn't even want to attend your wedding because I, obviously, would not be that important to you.  

Just let her be a guest and don't try to find a "role" for her.  

pretzelgrrl

You could ask her to be a reader it is not really a speech since it is right in front of her.  It is at least a role that is still important and honored but not a chore or duty.

Robyn5298

I like Pretzelgrrl's idea about asking her to do a reading.  Usher is another role that is  not gender-specific. 

I don't know what the circumstances were as to why she is no longer a bridesmaid, but I'm sure it was uncomfortable on both parts.  My advice is to work on keeping your friendship strong with this girl and not try to find her a job for the big day.  You really don't need a guest book attendant or someone to hand out programs anyway.

aerinpegadrak

Just let her be a guest and be grateful if she even wants to be that.  There's not a person on the planet who would blame this girl if she never wants to speak to you again.

NMK1208

Well excuse me. Make sure you know the full story before you are rude! She was asked to step down and willing to because she was having money issues. On several attempts to go get the bridesmaids dresses, things came up for her not having money. But she was able to spend money on booze, shopping, and out to eat the day before. This has been a constant problem with her. 

NMK1208

You girls are very rude btw! I wasn't asking to be criticized when I posted on here. I even said there were various reasons as to why she was asked to step down. I'm sorry I do not feel I need to tell you all the full story, because my post was not concerning that matter! All I wanted was to get ideas of other roles she could possibly be in our wedding. She completely understands this and wanted me to send her ideas!

Thank you to all the girls who did give me ideas! I really appreciate it.

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_other-roles-besides-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:c18138b9-0372-43c0-8c68-2e6fd9e820ebPost:162b06b2-7788-41ec-89ef-cd2ba1bf14a7">Re: Other Roles Besides A Bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]Well excuse me. Make sure you know the full story before you are rude! She was asked to step down and willing to because she was having money issues. On several attempts to go get the bridesmaids dresses, things came up for her not having money. But she was able to spend money on booze, shopping, and out to eat the day before. This has been a constant problem with her. 
Posted by NMK1208[/QUOTE]

<div>You treated a friend this badly over money, and you have the audacity to call anyone rude?  </div><div>
</div><div>You should be ashamed of yourself.  </div>

aerinpegadrak

Unless she tried to sleep with your FI or stab you, your reasons for kicking her out don't matter.  It's objectively a terrible thing to do to a person.  If she can't afford her dress, it's on you to find something she can afford.  It's none of your business how she spends her money.

NMK1208

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_other-roles-besides-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:c18138b9-0372-43c0-8c68-2e6fd9e820ebPost:1f498367-2d2b-44c6-9a78-5aad73da3e7d">Re: Other Roles Besides A Bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]Unless she tried to sleep with your FI or stab you, your reasons for kicking her out don't matter.  It's objectively a terrible thing to do to a person.  If she can't afford her dress, it's on you to find something she can afford.  It's none of your business how she spends her money.
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>She knew how much the dress cost and the 2 times we were suppose to go order the dress she never showed up or called! Try waiting at an Alfred Angelo for an hour on someone who was suppose to show up but didn't. I think you would be a bit irritated as well. Her excuse was she had a hangover, this was at 3pm in the afternoon. I finally heard from her the next day. Heck even a wedding she was suppose to be in, she never even showed up to!</div>

NMK1208

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_other-roles-besides-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:c18138b9-0372-43c0-8c68-2e6fd9e820ebPost:9b642b79-2533-4e57-8fd5-72a7c9c58afb">Re: Other Roles Besides A Bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Other Roles Besides A Bridesmaid : You were wrong.  The number 1 rule of BM dress shopping is that you ask their budget and then pick a dress, not tell them the price and expect them to pay it.   There is 0 reason for everyone to order the dresses at the same time.  If the dress was selected and in her budget, she can go order whenever she wants. Quite frankly, she has done nothing wrong.  I am surprised this is the only bridesmaid that didn't fall in line with your demands.  I'm sure she isn't the only one that resented them.   Kicking her out was a horrible thing to do.  It is a friendship ending move and sends the message that you care more about a dress than you do about her.  If you want to salvage this relationship and stop looking like such a horrible brat, you should apologize to her, grovel for your embarrassing behavior, ask her budget on a dress, and make it work.  
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>She was fine with the cost of the dress! But now everytime we try to go get the dress she never has the money all of a sudden. She knew about this since June. The 1 week she told me she was ready to go buy the dress 3 days later told me she didn't have the money anymore(she went out for dinner and shopping apparently). Makes me obviously feel my wedding is not that important, when she doesn't show up or even bother to call. </div><div>
</div><div>I have nothing to apologize over. She understands and wanted to be apart of the wedding some other way. I'm getting married in May and the dresses need to be ordered now.

</div>

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_other-roles-besides-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:c18138b9-0372-43c0-8c68-2e6fd9e820ebPost:b408fbab-a7dd-4183-873a-cd6b500e4585">Re: Other Roles Besides A Bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Other Roles Besides A Bridesmaid : She was fine with the cost of the dress! But now everytime we try to go get the dress she never has the money all of a sudden. She knew about this since June. The 1 week she told me she was ready to go buy the dress 3 days later told me she didn't have the money anymore(she went out for dinner and shopping apparently). Makes me obviously feel my wedding is not that important, when she doesn't show up or even bother to call.  I have nothing to apologize over. She understands and wanted to be apart of the wedding some other way. I'm getting married in May and the dresses need to be ordered now.
Posted by NMK1208[/QUOTE]

<div>Obviously, she is not ok with the cost of the dress.  </div><div>
</div><div>If you fail to see how putting a dress ahead of your friend leaves you nothing to apologize for, you are beyond help.  </div><div>
</div><div>You are not a good person.  </div>

andy71781

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_other-roles-besides-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:c18138b9-0372-43c0-8c68-2e6fd9e820ebPost:b408fbab-a7dd-4183-873a-cd6b500e4585">Re: Other Roles Besides A Bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Other Roles Besides A Bridesmaid : She was fine with the cost of the dress! But now everytime we try to go get the dress she never has the money all of a sudden. She knew about this since June. The 1 week she told me she was ready to go buy the dress 3 days later told me she didn't have the money anymore(she went out for dinner and shopping apparently). Makes me obviously feel my wedding is not that important, when she doesn't show up or even bother to call.  I have nothing to apologize over. She understands and wanted to be apart of the wedding some other way. I'm getting married in May and the dresses need to be ordered now.
Posted by NMK1208[/QUOTE]


man I think your friend is lucky she's not in your wedding.

megk8oz

Honey, you've been quoted. Every. single. time.

So there was no point in taking your ball and going home.

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_other-roles-besides-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:c18138b9-0372-43c0-8c68-2e6fd9e820ebPost:0e30b514-acfd-4087-b8f9-1f4dfb919309">Re: Other Roles Besides A Bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Other Roles Besides A Bridesmaid : I worked hard to make that loophole stick, you damn well better remember it.
Posted by megk8oz[/QUOTE]
I grovel at your feet for forgiveness for having forgotten.

megk8oz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_other-roles-besides-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:c18138b9-0372-43c0-8c68-2e6fd9e820ebPost:3ecadd60-6ce0-45e7-84a6-5ed10eb03e7c">Re: Other Roles Besides A Bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Other Roles Besides A Bridesmaid : I grovel at your feet for forgiveness for having forgotten.
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

You are forgiven, peasant. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-tongue-out.gif" border="0" alt="Tongue out" title="Tongue out" />

NMK1208

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_other-roles-besides-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:c18138b9-0372-43c0-8c68-2e6fd9e820ebPost:1702ba64-4ebc-4512-99d7-364b308f9272">Re: Delete</a>:
[QUOTE]Honey, you've been quoted. Every. single. time. So there was no point in taking your ball and going home.
Posted by megk8oz[/QUOTE]

<div>I will quote myself! I did nothing wrong. My friend wants to be part of the wedding another way and all I wanted was help on coming up with another role in the wedding. She didn't want to be a guest book person because she wanted to stay at the ceremony while we are getting pictures done. </div>

SD3194

you could have her pull you around in one of those chinese rickshaws all night...that seems to be what you're going after.

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_other-roles-besides-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:c18138b9-0372-43c0-8c68-2e6fd9e820ebPost:c1fde328-8a4c-4d81-aeea-216c973d5e23">Re: Delete</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Delete : I will quote myself! I did nothing wrong. My friend wants to be part of the wedding another way and all I wanted was help on coming up with another role in the wedding. She didn't want to be a guest book person because she wanted to stay at the ceremony while we are getting pictures done. 
Posted by NMK1208[/QUOTE]

<div>If you really thought you'd done nothing wrong, you wouldn't have deleted your original post.  </div><div>
</div><div>I'd be embarrassed if I'd treated another human being the way you treated your "friend", too, so I don't blame you.  </div>

jagore08

I would love for your booted BM to come on here and tell us that she was more than happy to be kicked out of your wedding party because you didn't approve of the way she spent her money.

And for the record.  Several people did give you an answer to your question.  You're choosing to look at all the other information instead.  My advice, grow up and treat your friends like they actually mean something to you and not just a "role" to fill in your wedding.

lalap69

I stand by my original statement.  You should apologize.  Say, "Friend, I don't know what I was thinking putting a dress before your friendship.  I thought we had agreed on the price of the dress but clearly things have changed, so let's find you a new dress you can wear if you still want to be my bridesmaids.  I lost sight of the big picture there for a moment.  I hope you can forgive me."

You're acting like a baby.

squeakyduck

My (former) friend asked me to step down when I couldn't afford the dress she picked out for her wedding. You're lucky if this girl even still wants to come to your wedding. 

Knowing that the "perfect vision" she had for her pretty princess day was more important than my being up there for her hurt me so much. We had been friends for a very long time. I'm still hurting over this. 

I know you feel attacked, and I don't want you to feel that I am attacking you, but being asked to step down made me feel like crap. It is a very hurtful thing to do to someone. Don't be surprised if she is unwilling to stay friends after this.  

NMK1208

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_other-roles-besides-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:c18138b9-0372-43c0-8c68-2e6fd9e820ebPost:cb3df628-7796-4398-a6bc-29fc6aeb127f">Re: Delete</a>:
[QUOTE]My (former) friend asked me to step down when I couldn't afford the dress she picked out for her wedding. You're lucky if this girl even still wants to come to your wedding.  Knowing that the "perfect vision" she had for her pretty princess day was more important than my being up there for her hurt me so much. We had been friends for a very long time. I'm still hurting over this.  I know you feel attacked, and I don't want you to feel that I am attacking you, but being asked to step down made me feel like crap. It is a very hurtful thing to do to someone. Don't be surprised if she is unwilling to stay friends after this.  
Posted by rentaduckie[/QUOTE]

<div>I appreciate you saying this. It was a mutual understanding between her and I with having her step down. She is completely fine with this and have been saying it from the beginning. We are still really good friends. There are some other personal issues from her side that I would rather not discuss. All I tried to do is come on her and get ideas on what other roles she could be in our wedding. I am suppose to call her tomorrow to discuss what else we can think of. She doesn't want to be a guest book person because she wants to be at my ceremony to see our pictures get done. Nor does she want to be someone who reads a speech(she hates public speeches). </div><div>
</div><div>It wasn't me pointing the finger at her saying if you can't afford the dress then you can't be in my wedding. I'm not like that. Granted, I was irritated with the no show at the bridal store and getting led on, but I would not do that to her! There is alot more to this than the money. That is what I am trying to point out, that I came on here asking what other roles she could be in our wedding besides a bridesmaid.</div>

bablingbrooke

Utterly curious about what this girl did that made her unable to be a BM but could still perform unpaid labor at your wedding.  And yeah, I think you're 100% in the wrong.

bablingbrooke

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_other-roles-besides-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:c18138b9-0372-43c0-8c68-2e6fd9e820ebPost:d5eaa853-c486-4795-882f-6f3e5f9c60fa">Re: Delete</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Delete : I appreciate you saying this. It was a mutual understanding between her and I with having her step down. She is completely fine with this and have been saying it from the beginning. We are still really good friends. There are some other personal issues from her side that I would rather not discuss. All I tried to do is come on her and get ideas on what other roles she could be in our wedding. I am suppose to call her tomorrow to discuss what else we can think of. She doesn't want to be a guest book person because she wants to be at my ceremony to see our pictures get done. Nor does she want to be someone who reads a speech(she hates public speeches).  It wasn't me pointing the finger at her saying if you can't afford the dress then you can't be in my wedding. I'm not like that. Granted, I was irritated with the no show at the bridal store and getting led on, but I would not do that to her! There is alot more to this than the money. That is what I am trying to point out, that I came on here asking what other roles she could be in our wedding besides a bridesmaid.
Posted by NMK1208[/QUOTE]

bablingbrooke

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_other-roles-besides-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:c18138b9-0372-43c0-8c68-2e6fd9e820ebPost:9487d1f7-d8eb-486d-b0e6-f801dfaf46dc">Re: Delete</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Delete : She couldn't afford the BM dress that OP picked out, but had the audacity to spend money on other things, like herself.  At least that's all we can get out of OP.  Apparently the full story isn't "relevent to the question".
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]
OP, if that's what went down that makes you a terrible friend and I wouldn't blame your friend for a second if she never spoke to you again.  Two yards of fabric is so not worth all of this.  Hopefully, after the wedding when you realize that yes, it was just a party after all, you'll be able to eat enough dirt to get her speaking to you again.  But you ought to be ashamed of yourself.