"Honorary Bridesmaid" Is it really THAT bad??

MelissaJasonWedding13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_honorary-bridesmaid-is-it-really-that-bad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:ead6e2a0-f2c4-4d50-9d93-f5ebc76e0d83Post:00822001-7576-4036-a714-7aa2d39f5df6">Re: "Honorary Bridesmaid" Is it really THAT bad??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: "Honorary Bridesmaid" Is it really THAT bad?? : Including them as bridesmaids would not be objectifying them.  Excluding them or putting them in crap jobs because there aren't guys to "balance them out" is objectifying them. But great job ignoring the obvious.  You might as well stick your head in the sand and pretend that this is an acceptable way to treat people you pretend to care about.  You might as well use your wedding as a tool to hurt people.  
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]



Hahaha! I cannot wait to show my future sister in laws these comments so we can laugh together :)

I'm sorry you're so angry but nothing I tell you is going to make you feel better! Have a good night!

MelissaJasonWedding13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_honorary-bridesmaid-is-it-really-that-bad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:ead6e2a0-f2c4-4d50-9d93-f5ebc76e0d83Post:b890c68b-f045-447f-90fb-a7d919d6cbff">Re:quot;Honorary Bridesmaidquot; Is it really THAT bad??</a>:
[QUOTE]"Nope! Because that is a dinner, this is a ceremony and I want it symmetrical. Thanks for all of your interest though :"
So, this whole thing has nothing to do with OCD and everything to do do with you wanting the sides to be even for aesthetic reasons, right?

If you want to give them special titles in the program, consider listing them as Sisters and Sister in Laws or whatever relationship they are. As an only child, to be listed as a sisterinlaw, would make me feel WAY more important than "personal attendant."
Invite them to get ready WITH you as friends and sisters, not as attendants. This way, you're inviting them to hang out as equals, and not as them being "the help."
You can ask them how they feel, but there is a good chance they could "yes" you, then roll their eyes at you behind your back. All except one person in this thread is trying to tell you this, please consider that, too. I'm not trying to sound snotty, I really just want you to be able to start your marriage out on the right foot with these people and NOT create an issue where they think they're "unpaid help" which is, essentially what they would be.
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]



That makes so much sense. The real issue (besides the even sides, which isn't really an issue... Why is everyone fixating on that?) is that I want them to be special and included. I want them getting ready with me, I want them to process in, I want them in the program. I do really think they will be honest with me, they don't hold back their opinion :)

MelissaJasonWedding13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_honorary-bridesmaid-is-it-really-that-bad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:ead6e2a0-f2c4-4d50-9d93-f5ebc76e0d83Post:2246d0a0-745d-4b67-9e9e-82223a1d9b61">Re: "Honorary Bridesmaid" Is it really THAT bad??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: "Honorary Bridesmaid" Is it really THAT bad?? : Can you respond to me too?  I am curious. Here is my post, from all the way back on page one. Thanks.
Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]



Hi! So sorry I missed you, I was kind of bombarded there... Anyway, my fiancé and I are fortunate enough to have a family that wants to put on this wedding. We are designing and assembling the ceremony platform in our vineyard that is adjacent to his parents house, and the reception in the barn. We sort of have every trade a wedding would need in the family. No, I'm not worried about someone slipping my shoes on and fetching my cocktails. I was looking to give titles to the girls that have volunteered to help plan and put on our wedding. I understand some of these titles might offend some of the people that left comments, and I will give thought to what exactly those titles are.

As far as food service set up and clean up, that will be part of the hired caterers job.

beardownbchs

So what will you do when they tell you that they want to be bridesmaids? Have your fiance grab two more guys off the street to be groomsmen or (gasp!) have the dreaded uneven sides?!?!?

MelissaJasonWedding13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_honorary-bridesmaid-is-it-really-that-bad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:ead6e2a0-f2c4-4d50-9d93-f5ebc76e0d83Post:91df7c0a-d09d-4e70-8bcf-b53fe79fcc82">Re: "Honorary Bridesmaid" Is it really THAT bad??</a>:
[QUOTE]So what will you do when they tell you that they want to be bridesmaids? Have your fiance grab two more guys off the street to be groomsmen or (gasp!) have the dreaded uneven sides?!?!?
Posted by beardownbchs[/QUOTE]



Gasp! I guess so!!! You girls are making me laugh :)

bridalmarch

So first, you couldn't stand having two extra bridesmaids "because of your OCD" so you decided to have FOUR personal attendants even though you don't expect anyone to help you with your shoes or get you drinks. Then three pages later, you're fine with having uneven sides, and this is all a laughing matter? 

Well bless your heart. I guess the problem is solved. 

MelissaJasonWedding13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_honorary-bridesmaid-is-it-really-that-bad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:ead6e2a0-f2c4-4d50-9d93-f5ebc76e0d83Post:7034e49d-825b-4c43-bfb1-0635877e8071">Re: "Honorary Bridesmaid" Is it really THAT bad??</a>:
[QUOTE]So first, you couldn't stand having two extra bridesmaids "because of your OCD" so you decided to have FOUR personal attendants even though you don't expect anyone to help you with your shoes or get you drinks. Then three pages later, you're fine with having uneven sides, and this is all a laughing matter?  Well bless your heart. I guess the problem is solved. 
Posted by bridalmarch[/QUOTE]



No, still having even sides :)

MelissaJasonWedding13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_honorary-bridesmaid-is-it-really-that-bad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:ead6e2a0-f2c4-4d50-9d93-f5ebc76e0d83Post:c24d91f0-0d70-4a86-becb-7c9fad1533d0">Re:quot;Honorary Bridesmaidquot; Is it really THAT bad??</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks. I still think inviting them to get ready with you and asking them to do a reading is the best bet. At work we always say,"don't give me a fancy title, give me a raise". Don't give your FSILs titles to make them feel included, actually include them.
Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]



That's a really great point. We did want them to read, but neither liked the idea of getting up in front of people . . . But I'll talk to them about it this weekend. Thanks for the suggestion!

MelissaJasonWedding13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_honorary-bridesmaid-is-it-really-that-bad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:ead6e2a0-f2c4-4d50-9d93-f5ebc76e0d83Post:e86aff78-d1e8-434a-a308-dd3f7384b604">Re: "Honorary Bridesmaid" Is it really THAT bad??</a>:
[QUOTE]Bridalmarch, she has four personal attendants because she's OCD.  She can't have just ONE to put on her shoes.  She has two shoes, so needs one for each foot.  That would be odd, you know.  Two more for the jewelry....one for the necklace, and one for the bracelet. Oops! Don't want you to get twitchy on The Big Day.  Be sure to get TWO bracelets - one for each wrist.  Oh, dear. That means she has THREE pieces of jewelry, including the necklace.  Three is an odd number.  We could add in the earrings, but that makes five. Still odd.  We could throw on another bracelet, and that would even out the jewelry, but make THREE bracelets. Better have one of the PAs bring some Valium just in case.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]




Wow! I'm sorry your so angry :(
I hope you can find your own happiness so you don't have to try to take other peoples! Again, good luck with your own wedding and marriage!

bridalmarch

And to think I have two bracelets and zero personal attendants....

MelissaJasonWedding13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_honorary-bridesmaid-is-it-really-that-bad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:ead6e2a0-f2c4-4d50-9d93-f5ebc76e0d83Post:281529ae-e17f-4d10-8745-d45c6e8a9217">Re: "Honorary Bridesmaid" Is it really THAT bad??</a>:
[QUOTE]And to think I have two bracelets and zero personal attendants....
Posted by bridalmarch[/QUOTE]



Actually, I haven't given jewelry any thought! And, I'm not explaining the personal attendant thing again.... Good luck with working out your details! Don't stress too much.... People might be trying to make something a MUCH bigger deal than it is, but don't sweat it. It's your wedding and whatever you decide will be perfect :)

beardownbchs

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_honorary-bridesmaid-is-it-really-that-bad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:ead6e2a0-f2c4-4d50-9d93-f5ebc76e0d83Post:281529ae-e17f-4d10-8745-d45c6e8a9217">Re: "Honorary Bridesmaid" Is it really THAT bad??</a>:
[QUOTE]And to think I have two bracelets and zero personal attendants....
Posted by bridalmarch[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>I sure hope you're not wearing them both on the same wrist. That would be terrifying. You do know that symmetry is the single most important aspect of a wedding, right?</div>

MelissaJasonWedding13

If anyone else has anymore rude comments or assumption they would like to make about me, please feel free to leave me a private message to discuss. I don't appreciate the childish stabs. I asked a simple question, and a simple "no" would have sufficed. Remember that I am just a girl, trying to plan her wedding too.

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_honorary-bridesmaid-is-it-really-that-bad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:ead6e2a0-f2c4-4d50-9d93-f5ebc76e0d83Post:d6db5bd9-ac7f-4401-bb65-3db35ae4b64a">Re:quot;Honorary Bridesmaidquot; Is it really THAT bad??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:quot;Honorary Bridesmaidquot; Is it really THAT bad?? : That makes so much sense. The real issue (besides the even sides, which isn't really an issue...<strong> Why is everyone fixating on that?</strong>) is that I want them to be special and included. I want them getting ready with me, I want them to process in, I want them in the program. I do really think they will be honest with me, they don't hold back their opinion :)
Posted by MelissaJasonWedding13[/QUOTE]
To the bolded part... because you did in your first post. This whole issue is all because you dont' want uneven sides. If you'd be okay with uneven sides or even gender-crossed sides, you wouldn't be in this predicament. They'd be bridesmaids or groomswomen and this thread wouldn't be 3 pages long.

<strong>I want them getting ready with me, </strong>
They don't need titles for that. Heck, my friend's aunt was there to help her get dressed and she didn't give her aunt a special title because "Aunt" IS a special title.

<strong>I want them to process in, </strong>
Go for it! They can totes do that.

<strong>I want them in the program.</strong>
Again, go for it! You can list them in there.

<strong>I do really think they will be honest with me, they don't hold back their opinion :)</strong>
If you are always honest with everyone, you're not being honest with me.
My friend once showed me a picture of her at a wedding and asked me what I thought of the dress. I told her it looked great and she looked amazing in it. That's the truth. What I didn't tell her was that it was completely innapropriate for the wedding she went to.  People, even if they usually don't hold back their opinion, sometimes hold back. That's how we function in society and maintain relationships.

I vote for Sisters and Sister-in-Laws or Bridesmaids. Anything else is a booby prize.

MelissaJasonWedding13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_honorary-bridesmaid-is-it-really-that-bad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:ead6e2a0-f2c4-4d50-9d93-f5ebc76e0d83Post:4e98b5bd-372d-44f6-ad59-ed27be795d28">Re:</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re::

I don't believe for a second that a "simple no" would have sufficed, since you already had your simple no before you even got on this board. The first few posts were also pretty simple and directly answered you, but you argued with them.

Also, you can't dictate how people post, that's the beauty and the beast of the Internet. You put it out there but people get to react however they want within the bounds of law and rule.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]



I left you a private message earlier yesterday. If you would like to discuss your opinion of me, please feel free to responde to that message and leave this thread to people's opinion of honorary bridesmaids... Which I think you already made very clear.

MelissaJasonWedding13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_honorary-bridesmaid-is-it-really-that-bad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:ead6e2a0-f2c4-4d50-9d93-f5ebc76e0d83Post:890be7c7-8b04-4ecd-9c45-5ff8dd73a4a5">Re:quot;Honorary Bridesmaidquot; Is it really THAT bad??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:quot;Honorary Bridesmaidquot; Is it really THAT bad?? : To the bolded part... because you did in your first post. This whole issue is all because you dont' want uneven sides. If you'd be okay with uneven sides or even gender-crossed sides, you wouldn't be in this predicament. They'd be bridesmaids or groomswomen and this thread wouldn't be 3 pages long. I want them getting ready with me, They don't need titles for that. Heck, my friend's aunt was there to help her get dressed and she didn't give her aunt a special title because "Aunt" IS a special title. I want them to process in, Go for it! They can totes do that. I want them in the program. Again, go for it! You can list them in there. I do really think they will be honest with me, they don't hold back their opinion :) If you are always honest with everyone, you're not being honest with me. My friend once showed me a picture of her at a wedding and asked me what I thought of the dress. I told her it looked great and she looked amazing in it. That's the truth. What I didn't tell her was that it was completely innapropriate for the wedding she went to.  People, even if they usually don't hold back their opinion, sometimes hold back. That's how we function in society and maintain relationships. I vote for Sisters and Sister-in-Laws or Bridesmaids. Anything else is a booby prize.
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]




I think the sisters on my finances side could definitely be the solution! Thanks for the helpful input!

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_honorary-bridesmaid-is-it-really-that-bad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:ead6e2a0-f2c4-4d50-9d93-f5ebc76e0d83Post:d647fc02-cc8c-40cd-89bd-c6bb5cdf341b">Re:quot;Honorary Bridesmaidquot; Is it really THAT bad??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:quot;Honorary Bridesmaidquot; Is it really THAT bad?? : I think the sisters on my finances side could definitely be the solution! Thanks for the helpful input!
Posted by MelissaJasonWedding13[/QUOTE]

This can only be ok if your FI wants to have his sisters on his side.  You cannot dictate who he includes just like he can't dictate who you include.

If you FI really wanted them on his side he would have asked them.

[Deleted User]

Wow...after reading everything, just wow.

OP - Look, it's great you find being a PA an honor, but while I would agree to be one for a friend, I would really hate the title. To me, the title basically says that you made them help you out with chores but they weren't special enough to make the BM cut. If you want them there to get you ready, awesome, as long as they're down for it too. And list them in the program. But  instead of listing them as PAs, put a note in your program saying "thank you to suzie, mary, and janie for helping me plan and prep for this wedding. I love you girls and couldn't have done it without you." I think that would be MUCH nicer. For one thing, it wouldn't put them in direct comparison to bridesmaids (and draw attention to the fact that they didn't make the cut). For another, it thanks them for offering to help instead of listing them as people who were drafted into service.

Maybe that's just me but I would FAR prefer that to the other title.

ETA: bizarre typo...

Simply Fated

In Response to Re::[QUOTE]In Response to Re:quot;Honorary Bridesmaidquot; Is it really THAT bad??:In Response to Re:quot;Honorary Bridesmaidquot; Is it really THAT bad?? : I think the sisters on my finances side could definitely be the solution! Thanks for the helpful input!Posted by MelissaJasonWedding13This can only be ok if your FI wants to have his sisters on his side.nbsp; You cannot dictate who he includes just like he can't dictate who you include.If you FI really wanted them on his side he would have asked them. Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

Not necessarily. Maybe he doesn't know girls can be on the grooms side. It's worth the OP looking into. What harm is there in bringing up the subject with her fianc? If he says no, then she's back to the drawing board, is all.

daveANDkristen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_honorary-bridesmaid-is-it-really-that-bad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:ead6e2a0-f2c4-4d50-9d93-f5ebc76e0d83Post:cb64b1d8-fd76-46d2-84ca-c1dd758dcf50">Re: "Honorary Bridesmaid" Is it really THAT bad??</a>:
[QUOTE]As someone who actually has OCD, I think uneven sides would very good exposure therapy for you. The more you feed a disorder or obsession, the worse it gets. The first time I let my turn signal blink for a number that wasn't a multiple of 10, I was certain I would die. Years later, I don't even count anymore.  PPs have had very good points. You are literally telling people that pretty pictures mean more to you than they do. Think of it outside the box. What is more important to you, honoring the people you love or having an even number of people standing for your ceremony (which is a very small fraction of the typical wedding day). And if symmetry is so important, what will these 4 extra women be doing while the actual wedding party is taking their pictures? Will they get to be in these pictures? Where will they stand? Because, god forbid, those picture would be uneven!! Where will they sit for dinner? They couldn't possible sit with the rest of the "real" wedding party!! You have four reasonable options, in my opinion:  1. Have uneven sides. Get over it.  <strong>2. Have uneven sides and have the entire wedding party (except maybe the MOH & best man) sit in the first row during the ceremony</strong>. 3. As a PP suggested, have your two friends on your side and your sister-in-laws on FI's side (do genital differences scare you as much as number differences?). 4. Continue what you are doing and look like a giant ass. But please, don't come here for advise if you're going to dismiss every response and get all pissy.
Posted by beardownbchs[/QUOTE]

This is what I was coming back to suggest.  In Catholic weddings (not sure if all or just some) the MOH and BM stand (kneel) at the alter with the B&G, but the rest of the WP processes in and then sits in the front row for the ceremony.  OP, I understand that many people have even sides, probably more often than not.  But the bottom line is, there is no reason for it.  Even your fondness for symmetry cannot possibly be more important than having your dearest friends as full-fledged members of your WP.

You came here to ask if it's really <em>that </em>bad.  You found some of the responses rude, and that's your prerogative, but the bottom line is that dozens of people have answered this question for you.  We are regular women, just like your FSILs.  Do you really think that they will feel so differently than we do about this?  My SIL got married 7 weeks after H and I.  If she had asked me to be an Honorary BM, I would <u>not</u> have been flattered.  It is a meaningless title.  I processed out of the ceremony on my husband's arm because I was family.  That was enough. 

daveANDkristen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_honorary-bridesmaid-is-it-really-that-bad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:ead6e2a0-f2c4-4d50-9d93-f5ebc76e0d83Post:7eda133d-4ec1-49cf-92d4-512f7799f06e">Re:</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: : Some good points. I guess I wanted to title them so the have special recognition in the programs and such. Ive decided to have a conversation with them and see how they feel about it. <strong>Maybe I'll just have them come in as part of the procession but listed as SOTG</strong>. However I know they will be with all the girls getting ready in the morning!! Thanks for the suggestion!
Posted by MelissaJasonWedding13[/QUOTE]

DO THIS.  Please.  They can still get ready with you (anyone can, if you want them to/they want to).  The problem I am having with the HBM title is that it indicates that they are just short of being a BM.  It sends the message that even sides are more important to you than including them in the wedding party.  Please, enjoy your morning getting ready with everyone, including these girls if they wish, and then let them be honored guests as family members, not as almost bridesmaids.

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_honorary-bridesmaid-is-it-really-that-bad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:ead6e2a0-f2c4-4d50-9d93-f5ebc76e0d83Post:e2b37bc5-e66c-429f-a118-b7e876060057">Re:quot;Honorary Bridesmaidquot; Is it really THAT bad??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:quot;Honorary Bridesmaidquot; Is it really THAT bad?? : I don't agree.  If I had not been set that my best friend was going to be my man of honor from the beginning, I know for a fact it would have never even occurred to H to ask his two groomswomen to stand with him. <strong> Not because he's sexist or didn't really want them standing with him, but just because he'd never ever seen or heard of it before and it wasn't something he would think of on his own.</strong>
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]
That's what I'm thinking, too. My bf is far from sexist, as am I, but neither of us has seen that and before I came here I didn't even know it was done. I thought, boys on one side, girls on the other. I dont' know why it never occured to me that sides could be mixed... but now I know better.

MelissaJasonWedding13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_honorary-bridesmaid-is-it-really-that-bad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:ead6e2a0-f2c4-4d50-9d93-f5ebc76e0d83Post:211271fa-dee8-4d87-b91e-b0fb3f84f914">Re:quot;Honorary Bridesmaidquot; Is it really THAT bad??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:quot;Honorary Bridesmaidquot; Is it really THAT bad?? : This can only be ok if your FI wants to have his sisters on his side.  You cannot dictate who he includes just like he can't dictate who you include. If you FI really wanted them on his side he would have asked them.
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

<div>Yes. He did suggest it once, but we didn't go any further into it at that point.</div>

MelissaJasonWedding13

Hey! I'm just gonna let you girls go at it. I've made up my mind, so you can continue this HEATED debate without me. Again, I really appreciate those that expressed there opinion in a mature and decent way. I'm really sad to see how quickly this turned into a bully bandwagon for a girl looking for some advice. Thanks and good luck to all!! 

MelissaJasonWedding13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_honorary-bridesmaid-is-it-really-that-bad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:ead6e2a0-f2c4-4d50-9d93-f5ebc76e0d83Post:f8928f39-0510-428b-b7e3-6c410ddb7318">Re: "Honorary Bridesmaid" Is it really THAT bad??</a>:
[QUOTE]I just checked my PMs.  Melissa, I hope the messages you are sending the other ladies are not similar to the one you sent me.  If you send me another PM like that I will have no choice but to ban you.  The only reason I didn't do it already was because this is Banana's board.  I'm leaving it to her to deal with you, unless you send me another such PM. Ladies, please forward your PMs to Banana, and reference this thread.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

<div>Oh, and for those dying of curiosity, this is the PM I sent::</div><div>
</div><div><p style="margin:0px 0px 12px;background-color:#f1f6fb;">Hi,</p><p style="margin:0px 0px 12px;background-color:#f1f6fb;"> </p><p style="margin:0px 0px 12px;background-color:#f1f6fb;">i just wanted to remind you that there is a human being on the opposites side of all of your rude comments. That just like you, I am planing my wedding day. I'm not sure why you find it necessary to latch on to the fact that I prefer a symmetrical wedding party, or why you think it's acceptable for you to make fun of me, personally attack me and suggest that your opinion of an asymmetrical wedding party is any more valid than mine. Well, actually, mine is more valid since your commenting on MY WEDDING. I have no issues with how you plan your wedding. If you want an asymmetrical wedding party-- good for you! Am I going to attack you and make condescending comments about how unplanned and unorganized I think that looks?? No, I am going to congratulate you on finding the love of your life and wish you luck on planning YOUR wedding. Now, you have more than made your opinion known about me, which is sad because you've read about 3 paragraphs from a question I posted for advice in a forum. Ok. I get it. You can take your fangs out now.</p><p style="margin:0px 0px 12px;background-color:#f1f6fb;"> </p><p style="margin:0px 0px 12px;background-color:#f1f6fb;">I would just ask that you respond to these forums with a little more tact. Girls who post here feel like they have no where else to turn. And what I have I gotten? Endless messages of people assuming I'm a *** because I was attempting to make my sisters in law feel more special. Message received, loud and clear. I will be limiting my questions to loved ones, not strangers.</p><p style="margin:0px 0px 12px;background-color:#f1f6fb;"> </p><p style="margin:0px 0px 12px;background-color:#f1f6fb;">So, I will say it again; good luck with your plans. I truly hope you get the wedding you are dreaming of. </p></div>

AdeleDazeem

I can't believe I just read this long post of 100 replies over the stupidest non-issue ever.

Problem solving skills.  Get some, OP.

zitiqueen

Come on, ladies. Everybody knows that the absolute minimum number of PAs a bride needs is two -- one to lift the dress and one to wipe. The other two are there for the shoes and the bracelets.

beardownbchs

The thing is, we all gave you good, honest advise. You dismissed all of it. We're adults and we're not going to feed into the childish nature of "I came here to ask for "advise", but allI really wanted is justfication for my own shltty behavior and I will ignore any comments that don't agree exactly with my poor etiquette and treatment of people". 

Peledreamsofrain

Somewhere out there, everytime a bride tantrums over not having bad ideas supported, a knot fairy cries.

MelissaJasonWedding13

I'm shocked and sad that no one read my comments of "Great idea!" "Good point!". I haven't thrown any sort of tantrum, or returned any kind of animosity . . . I was simply trying to get a reaction on the term honorary bridesmaid. Which I've gotten, and them some. The comments suggesting readers, and standing on my FI's side, and being involved with no title have been very helpful! And I've expressed gratitude and well wishing to everyone. I'm excited to bring these ideas up to my FSILs. But the assumptions that I'm not going to pay for the flowers my FSIL is doing? That I'm selfish for trying to come up with alternative ideas of how to have these 9 important girls with me? That I need to give a friend a title in my weeding so she'll wipe me in the restroom?? That I will be twitching over how much jewelry I'm wearing? All harsh assumptions. I came here to get peoples reactions, which I did. I wish it could have stopped there before all of the teasing and insults started flying my way. I will, again, thank you all that have taken the time to share you opinion and tried to help me. We've decided to have his sisters stand up with him, and my 2 girls with me. 

And, again, I wish you all the best.