Jewish wedding night - why two beds?

shoegal715

Ok, I'll admit I'm very ignorant on many religious aspects, but also very curious. I could tell my friend didn't want to go into details, so I didn't ask. I'm wondering if anyone else knows this.
My friends said that on her wedding night next month she needed to find a hotel with a suite and seperate beds for her and her new husband. She said "It's really gross, so I won't go into the reason."
Now I'm curious!! LOL 
Can anyone explain? 

Jeni35

The reason? In strict Orthodoxy, husband and wife sleep in different beds or a separated bed when the menses time arrives. The wife has to go to a mikvah when she is done, so she is "pure" again or clean. At least that is my knowledge...

JoelsGirl07

But I was under the impression that strict othodox will schedule the wedding around her menstrual cycle....is that not done anymore? And it's called Niddah, if you want to google it.

LBRM_NJ

They do schedule around the time of her period, however, we all know that, sometimes, especially under times of stress, sometimes our cycles change.  My assumption was that, when they scheduled the wedding a year ago or so, the timing was good, but, now that she's a month out, the wedding is going to come during her niddah (12 days).

Rachiemoo

question - is a woman considered niddah if she bleeds after losing her virginity??  that is the only thing i could think of, besides if she is on her period.

slbriz34

I believe she does, so after the initial consumation, there is a period of separateness - so separate beds are required.

talgirl84

Niddah means "to seperate" not "impure" or "dirty". It is the time used to describe when a woman is menustrating and it is time to physically seperate from her husband to let her womb heal since the menustration is likened to an open wound. I think  you are right and after a woman intially bleeds from intercourse for the first time, there is a law about how she is allowed time to heal before she can have intercouse again.

What's gross is my future MIL was watching Dr. Oz and they were encouraging women to have intercouse during their periods because it helps with the cramps. My rebbitzin told me you are more likely to obtain yeast infections with intercourse around that time of the month which my gyno confirmed during my annual.

It was interesting when I asked about fertility and my gyno said you are most likely to conceive about 12- 14 days after the first day of  your period which is coinicidently the time that niddah ends.

talgirl84

I found the info:
According to all Orthodox authorities, the first time a virgin has sexual relations, she also becomes niddah as a result of her hyminal blood flow. This is observed even if in fact there was no blood present. However, she only counts four days before performing a hefsek tahara (inspection cloth), instead of the usual five

Rachiemoo

[QUOTE] It was interesting when I asked about fertility and my gyno said you are most likely to conceive about 12- 14 days after the first day of  your period which is coinicidently the time that niddah ends.
Posted by talgirl84[/QUOTE]

I don't think it is a coincidence at all - G-d says we're supposed to be fruitful and multiply, right? 

For most women, following the family purity laws sets one up to get pregnant perfectly, like your gyno said.  If you have shorter or longer cycles, it might not though and a Rabbi might allow you to wait a shorter time period.

talgirl84

Having never grown up with any Jewish traditions and now coming into contact with it, it is nice to see scientific evidence backing up Jewish law. My Israeli sister is staunchly against religion and was trying to convince me that  woman is most fertile right before a woman has her period. I'm going to have to break it to her gently when I see her next week..in ISRAEL

Shoshie

FYI: On our wedding night we were so zonked that DH could have fallen asleep in a chair and I was thisclose to sleeping on the floor. (he had gotten sick right before our wedding and got me sick). We could barely move to get undressed, let alone do anything but sleep that night.

LBRM_NJ

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_jewish-weddings_jewish-wedding-night-two-beds?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:399Discussion:d26b021d-cdbc-4c5a-b3a0-0157dd3897c6Post:78ee6c2d-5e07-4349-9c8c-604d1ec57989">Re: Jewish wedding night - why two beds?</a>:
[QUOTE]Having never grown up with any Jewish traditions and now coming into contact with it, it is nice to see scientific evidence backing up Jewish law. My Israeli sister is staunchly against religion and was trying to convince me that  woman is most fertile right before a woman has her period. I'm going to have to break it to her gently when I see her next week..in ISRAEL
Posted by talgirl84[/QUOTE]

I think your sister needs a lesson in female biology and fertility!

talgirl84

She doesn't like religion. I told her how niddah is suppose to enhance a marriage and she just tells me "Oh the men go to prostitutes when they can't get it from their wives." Secular men can do that too!

But she was trying to prove to me that scientifically, the laws of niddah are incorrect. She's wrong!

Jeni35

Although this is the rule, I think the truth will only be between a wife and husband. When my mum was growing up (she was born and raised Orthodox), niddah was impure. They have now made it sound less misogynistic in my opinion. 

talgirl84

I only meant that the Hebrew definition of niddah is "to seperate". Over time, it seems that other people have used it as a defining between pure and impure.

parker624

so that means orthodox jews only have sex 2 weeks a month?  That sucks!

Rachiemoo

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_jewish-weddings_jewish-wedding-night-two-beds?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:399Discussion:d26b021d-cdbc-4c5a-b3a0-0157dd3897c6Post:7335e6b7-046d-4851-bacf-6aa04e0bc030">Re: Jewish wedding night - why two beds?</a>:
[QUOTE]so that means orthodox jews only have sex 2 weeks a month?  That sucks!
Posted by parker624[/QUOTE]

yes approximately 2 weeks, depending on an individual's cycle. they also can not even touch each other during the niddah period.  it may seem like it sucks, but for a lot of people i know who practice it, they say it actually keeps their marriage exciting!  there are two ways to look at everything i suppose :)

slbriz34

I definitely has moments where I want my own personal space - so in my own way, I've initiated a niddah period.