June 2012 Weddings
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Therapy Thursday

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Re: Therapy Thursday

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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_therapy-thursday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:0cd7e028-d4b3-4a85-98b7-ae2a24f111e2Post:cebc9300-67c6-4a41-b123-ba56b01d949f">Re: Therapy Thursday</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Therapy Thursday : Chelsea - have you tried Slacker.com.  I use it more than pandora.  Sorry if someone already suggested it.
    Posted by Cassandra999[/QUOTE]
    FI uses that on his phone and loves it.<div>Also I heart radio?</div>
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_therapy-thursday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:0cd7e028-d4b3-4a85-98b7-ae2a24f111e2Post:934bb66d-ded5-408c-ba50-49aceaa78411">Re: Therapy Thursday</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Therapy Thursday : And if I had the time I would find you information to dispel this.  It might hold some truth in terms of over a couple of years your battery life dying (which they're made to do so you have to buy more product and spend more money on them, technology become obsolete very quickly) but it's really not cut and dry and has much less effect then people think it does.
    Posted by sleblanc72[/QUOTE]
    I definitely agree that phones are built to last 2 years. I've had mine for almost a year and the battery is still great. If you know you're gonna have a phone for 2 years this works. The article says your point is right about waiting til it's dead.
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    MMRoberts11MMRoberts11 member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited February 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_therapy-thursday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:0cd7e028-d4b3-4a85-98b7-ae2a24f111e2Post:934bb66d-ded5-408c-ba50-49aceaa78411">Re: Therapy Thursday</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Therapy Thursday : And if I had the time I would find you information to dispel this.  It might hold some truth in terms of over a couple of years your battery life dying (which they're made to do so you have to buy more product and spend more money on them, technology become obsolete very quickly) but it's really not cut and dry and has much less effect then people think it does.
    Posted by sleblanc72[/QUOTE]

    I agree with you completely and I'd also look up stuff but I don't have the time right now. 

    Chelsea - check your settings to make sure stuff like a GPS is off when you're not using it.  Those kill you battery life.
    image
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    Also Chelsea do you have unlimited data or no? Music apps really drain your data if it's not unlimited
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_therapy-thursday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:0cd7e028-d4b3-4a85-98b7-ae2a24f111e2Post:0465a06e-87e3-45fe-b5ae-5faec52c3e25">Re: Therapy Thursday</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Therapy Thursday : I agree with you completely and I'd also look up stuff but I don't have the time right now.  Chelsea - check your settings to make sure stuff like a GPS is off when you're not using it.  Those kill you battery life.
    Posted by MMRoberts11[/QUOTE]

    And bluetooth
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    I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels that way about the sleeping thing. My parents are really weird about it and think it's a problem. You know, unless we're all spending the night at someone else's house and they don't want to look super controlling. Which only upsets me more.
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    Great suggestions ladies!!

    Zims I dont have unlimited.... but I am on track to be WAY under. I will keep an eye on it though!!!

    MMR- How do I turn off the GPS?
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    Oh and Chelsea, do you know how to REALLY turn the apps off?
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    edited February 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_therapy-thursday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:0cd7e028-d4b3-4a85-98b7-ae2a24f111e2Post:bd94ca3d-644f-4b84-b464-2c9da897e7ba">Re: Therapy Thursday</a>:
    [QUOTE]Oh and Chelsea, do you know how to REALLY turn the apps off?
    Posted by midgetthemighty[/QUOTE]

    I do!! :)
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    Oh wow.  I've never seen Therapy Thursday before, but I think I need it.  
     

    This is a LLLLOOOONNNNGGG story, but I'll try to make it as concise as I can. Much of this my own friends don't know. 


    I was raised by my grandparents.  I signed my own adoption papers when I was 18.  I didn't want the name my bio mom gave me on my high school diploma, or want her to be able to take credit for how I turned out.  She had me during my 1st grade year....and I was miserable.  We were in 3 apts (and 3 schools) in just over a year.  I don't remember any bonding time with her.  I remember being criticized for everything.  I remember being woke up in the middle of the night to go to her BF's house.  I remember praying every Friday that Mom and Dad (I NEVER called them Grandma and Grandpa) would make the 60 mile drive safely to pick me up.  I remember being in 2nd grade (back at HOME with the people I loved) and seeing her talk to my teacher outside the door and thinking "I wish she'd just let me be with Mom and Dad and leave us alone!".

    I finally let it all out in a series of emails last month (at 36 years old).  I've never felt like she accepted me as an individual.  I was her DAUGHTER---a possetion to her.  Nothing I thought was my own thinking.  If she agreed with it, it was because I was her daughter.  If she disagreed, I was influeced (manipulated, brainwashed) by Mom.

    FI doesn't care for her and likes her even less once I showed him the emails I sent her.  He's seen how she sets me off and how she treats me for the past 3 1/2 years,  I literally start to pace when I know she's coming---I'm preparing for a fight,  She treats everyone like they are mentally handicapped 2 year olds.

    Well, she stopped by last week while she was in town.  She comes in and tells FI she backed into his car (she has a HHR and he has a 1984 Toyota).  He asks about it and she says "it probably did more damage to mine than yours."  He says he'll took at it after dinner before she leaves.  The rest of the visit is uneventful and kinda pleasant (about as good as it gets with us).

    When we go out to check the cars, her car is fine, but FI's bumper is pushed back a couple inches.  She makes excuses "your dark car is hard to see, I didn't want to hit the trash can. the road narrows and I didn't want my car hit (it doesn't)".  FI is about to blow, but tells her to forget about it and goes inside. 
    Once she leaves, FI and I realize that with all her talking she didn't once appoligize!

    The next day FI sees that his bumper was also cracked.  It wouldn't be a big deal if she apologized, but she didn't. She stops by again that night and FI doesn't speak to her.  When she's about to leave, she notices and says "I guess i pissed him off".  I then telll her about the bumper and how she didn't even say she was sorry.  She once and trys to make excuses "you didn't seem too worried when I told you" etc.).  FI said all he wanted was an apology instead of her acting cavalierly about it ("more damage to my car" etc).

    She started crying and left.  She sent me a V-day card (to DAUGHTER of course) with "I never take things cavalierly with you and FI. I wish you'd take the time to get to know me.  I haven't responded.


    We weren't trying to upset her or get the car fixed.  It's just the last straw.  What do you think?  I honestly don't get anything from our relationship except stress.  The only real reason I make an attempt is because I here Mom's voice in my head saying "she means well, she's doing her best."  But this doesn't feel like her best. 



    Opinions please!
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    Shelly, I'd be pissed if someone hit my car and didn't appologize. I'd also be demanding they pay for it. I don't think you're in the wrong; it seems like your whole life she's manipulated you and is just doing the same now.
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    Chelsea, that's good!

    Shelly, just from the information provided, it seems like she is trying to reconnect with you and FI and make up for her mistakes. She should have apologized and not made excuses, but you can't change what was said. Hopefully she'll apologize now/soon and if/when she does, you and FI should accept it and move on. It really sounds like she's trying.
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    So I just bought a shower gift for a girl who is marrying my FI's really good friend (he is a GM).  I feel really guilty because as soon as I submitted my order I thought about how expensive it was to buy them a shower gift and a wedding gift and a tux for my FI to be in the wedding and possibly a night at the hotel.  How terrible is that of me??  I am hoping that people come to my wedding and here I am thinking these thoughts about someone elses wedding.  :(  I feel guilty.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_therapy-thursday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:0cd7e028-d4b3-4a85-98b7-ae2a24f111e2Post:6e4f22b1-84aa-4f32-8532-1e6cfdf1d490">Re: Therapy Thursday</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Therapy Thursday : This! <strong>I'm so excited to come home from our honeymoon and start our life together</strong>
    Posted by ncd5015[/QUOTE]
    we are staying at our house for the first time together on our wedding night. I can't wait
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    Laura, I feel that way about everything right now. Donating to people/causes/church, gifts, etc. We're just on a tight budget with the wedding and it makes me feel bad when I would love to do more for someone but can't. I've always prided myself in being a generous gift giver.

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    edited February 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_therapy-thursday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:0cd7e028-d4b3-4a85-98b7-ae2a24f111e2Post:7a00a9ac-45d2-4abe-9b27-903333642e52">Re: Therapy Thursday</a>:
    [QUOTE]Laura, I feel that way about everything right now. Donating to people/causes/church, gifts, etc. We're just on a tight budget with the wedding and it makes me feel bad when I would love to do more for someone but can't. I've always prided myself in being a generous gift giver.
    Posted by midgetthemighty[/QUOTE]
    I wish I could donate more. I have a mental list of charities I want to donate to but just not in the point of my life where I can. I donate clothes to good will and any blankets, sheets, etc to the humane society.
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    edited February 2012
    I wish the week was over!

    I am in a real bittchy mood and have been since yesterday. It doesn't help that FI has been in a mood and he can't seem to get out of it either. He's appoligized for being in a sulky mood lately and he just thinks he needs to find a new job. His boss isn't the most reliable person when dealing with money and FI is constantly worrying whether or not he'll get paid every Friday

    Last night at my church meeting I almost flipped my lid. We were going over a document needed for our safe-church policy regarding sex offenders. I've worked on this document for countless hours with a few other members and one "new" member wanted to change the wording. I almost had a kinipshon because the way they wanted to change it didn't make any sense. Luckily another member spoke up and helped out with the situation.

    And today isn't any better. Everyone just seems to be getting on my nerves and some for no apparant reason. I just can't wait until tonight - my mom is having a Pure Romance party so it should be some good laughs (and maybe a bit of ackwardness).
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    Okay, maybe this is weird to be absolutely PO'ed about but my coworker came into my lab this morning and decided to sit on the table that is next to my desk to tell me some stupid story - despite there being four extra chairs in the room.  All of the furniture is old so I said please be careful, as in, please don't break the table.  She says "Oh no, I'll be okay, don't worry."

    I just poured out a bag full of air cassettes onto the table and they all rolled off the flipping table onto the floor.  I looked and it is leaning terribly, she must have broke the one leg when she sat on it.  Thanks a freakin lot.
    image
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_therapy-thursday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:0cd7e028-d4b3-4a85-98b7-ae2a24f111e2Post:bcb7800f-9e34-4409-af01-f21452bd0b62">Re: Therapy Thursday</a>:
    [QUOTE]Seriously... why would you block youtube and pandora at work. WTF! I am sooooo mad. I have to sit here all day with no music... just the sound of others typing and talking on the phone. I AM GOING TO GO INSANE!!!!!!!!!!
    Posted by chelseakopperud[/QUOTE]

    Do they block Yahoo! too?  That's how I got my music fix at work.  If I didn't I would seriously hurt some people, listening to their crap all day.

    The Yahoo! music is just like Pandora, as plays recommended songs based on your initial song choice.  I just plugged my headphones into the computer and enjoyed music until 5.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_therapy-thursday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:0cd7e028-d4b3-4a85-98b7-ae2a24f111e2Post:f0092c38-4fb2-478a-bc78-80d4bcfe0352">Re: Therapy Thursday</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Therapy Thursday : I wish I could donate more. I have a mental list of charities I want to donate to but just not in the point of my life where I can. I donate clothes to good will and any blankets, sheets, etc to the humane society.
    Posted by Zimsgirl[/QUOTE]

    Oh yes. A Goodwill just opened up really close to my house and I was really excited. We also give a lot of clothes/things to Amvets, Mountain Mission and local schools.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_therapy-thursday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:0cd7e028-d4b3-4a85-98b7-ae2a24f111e2Post:8102b6a9-d1c6-4c58-bf5a-a35789fe1db6">Re: Therapy Thursday</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Therapy Thursday : Oh yes. A Goodwill just opened up really close to my house and I was really excited. We also give a lot of clothes/things to Amvets, Mountain Mission and local schools.
    Posted by midgetthemighty[/QUOTE]
    I also feel so good when I can drop off a bunch of stuff.  It's a great load off me to worry about and hopefully someone who needs stuff will be able to get use out of it!
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.weddingchannel.com/main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_therapy-thursday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:0cd7e028-d4b3-4a85-98b7-ae2a24f111e2Post:5a05e024-df2f-4dca-8873-40817fc2849f">Re: Therapy Thursday</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Therapy Thursday : Jess, I agree. FI and I are the odd ones in our group of friends since we don't live together. It's something we have agreed on since we got serious. <strong>Besides the wedding day, living together is the next thing I am most excited about</strong>.
    Posted by Ash61612[/QUOTE]

    Me too!
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_therapy-thursday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:0cd7e028-d4b3-4a85-98b7-ae2a24f111e2Post:1f7f7d29-c06a-46ab-954b-acc5cd087067">Re: Therapy Thursday</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Therapy Thursday : I also feel so good when I can drop off a bunch of stuff.  It's a great load off me to worry about and hopefully someone who needs stuff will be able to get use out of it!
    Posted by sleblanc72[/QUOTE]

    I love donating stuff to Goodwill for this very reason
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_therapy-thursday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:0cd7e028-d4b3-4a85-98b7-ae2a24f111e2Post:d4591800-76c2-428a-975d-103a05926099">Re: Therapy Thursday</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Therapy Thursday : Do they block Yahoo! too?  That's how I got my music fix at work.  If I didn't I would seriously hurt some people, listening to their crap all day. The Yahoo! music is just like Pandora, as plays recommended songs based on your initial song choice.  I just plugged my headphones into the computer and enjoyed music until 5.
    Posted by littleluckypenny[/QUOTE]

    Oh man I REALLY thought this was going to work.... but its blocked :(
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    Why do they block so many sites at your work Chelsea?
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_therapy-thursday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:0cd7e028-d4b3-4a85-98b7-ae2a24f111e2Post:9e1105b1-955e-4a1a-a43e-0995fa996c1d">Re: Therapy Thursday</a>:
    [QUOTE]Why do they block so many sites at your work Chelsea?
    Posted by Zimsgirl[/QUOTE]
    I don't know about Chelsea's work but a lot of places have policies that don't allow you to do personal stuff at work and so to ensure it they block most sites that could be considered being used for a personal use.
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    edited February 2012
    I'm generally pretty weary of statistics, there is almost always two sides.  There are way too many factors that go into that.  Ie those who decide not to live together until postmarriage could also be more religious and thus more willing to work through problems than give up in a marriage etc.

    That said, I don't give a F who lives with who and who doesn't. It doesn't effect me AT ALL.  Do what works for you, it's all good.  No one shold care because hello it's not their damn life.

    Chels I was going to suggest that you remember to turn your apps off too because having 20 running can kill your battery.  I have a car charger so I'm usually not concerned about battery life.

    My vent is that the top of my foot is hurting again today so I had to take the day off.  Bleh. 
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_therapy-thursday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:0cd7e028-d4b3-4a85-98b7-ae2a24f111e2Post:a01d9332-a1fb-4503-8a2e-a9d970d35a75">Re: Therapy Thursday</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Therapy Thursday : I have also looked this up and everything I have found has shown that cohabitation before marriage leads to higher divorce rates and a higher rate of unsatisfactory marriages. Most of them said that if the cohabitation doesnt start until a wedding date is set that it can offset that......
    Posted by chelseakopperud[/QUOTE]

    Don't forget to think of all the mediating circumstances surrounding that statistic.  Couples who live together before getting married are less likely to have families or religions that prohibit divorce in the first place, and other studies have shown when divorce IS NOT an option whatsoever, couples will say their relationshpis are better or more satisfactory than they really are.  For example, in the poor economy the divorce rate has gone down and "marital satisfaction" has gone up, because divorces are expensive and couples can't afford them, so they're forced to just deal.

    I'm not trying to argue one way or the other, I think regardless of the specific  reasons for living together or not living together, we're all doing the right thing for ourselves. But there is always a flipside or alternate possible reason! 
    Mrs. Abbe Peanut Butter || Planning Bio
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.weddingchannel.com/main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_therapy-thursday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:0cd7e028-d4b3-4a85-98b7-ae2a24f111e2Post:301f6167-db2b-46a9-bc35-143deefc65bb">Re: Therapy Thursday</a>:
    [QUOTE]Chelsea, that's good! Shelly, just from the information provided, it seems like she is trying to reconnect with you and FI and make up for her mistakes. She should have apologized and not made excuses, but you can't change what was said. Hopefully she'll apologize now/soon and if/when she does, you and FI should accept it and move on. It really sounds like she's trying.
    Posted by midgetthemighty[/QUOTE]

    I believe that she thought things would be fine with us after Mom died because she always blamed Mom for the problems between us.  It wasn't Mom at all.  It was how she's always behaved towards me.  I honestly don't think she realizes how she sounds sometimes.  For instance, I got a new (to me) car a couple years ago.  It's 20 years old, but in great shape and a 1000 times better than my old car.  I tell her about and the first thing out of her mouth is "I wish you could have gotten a new car!".  I could get a new car, but don't choose to be in debt the way she is.  When I told her FI had proposed, she goes on this speil about how none of her relationships have worked out and that she won't say "Congratulations" to me because it's in bad taste to congratulate the woman for getting engaged (seriously?  Are we in the 1800's?).  She asked me how FI's parents felt about our engagement.  I said they loved me and were happy for us.  Her reply?  Welll, I thought X's parents loved me too when we first got together, 

    It's like talking to Eeyore!  She's got some sad comeback for everything I tell her! And she wonders why I don't share things with her.  I geniunely feel bad for her, but I do not want a mother/daughter relationship with her.  This wedding's not going to change that.  She wants to help with things, but I know that she'll try to take over like she always has.  She can just forget about any MOB priveledges.  Maybe we can salvage some sort of a friendship, but I don't want anymore than that.
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    My grandma is sick. It is hard and sad to see my grandma go through cancer. It is also hard to watch my mom deal with it as well. The whole situation is taking an emotional toll on everyone. My whole family is pulling together to help wherever we can. However, I have one cousin that is acting like a total brat and is completely insensitive to everyone and everything. She used to be like a sister to me but now I don't even know her.
    Cappadocia, Turkey
    June 2012 March Siggy Challenge: Honeymoon location
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    image 215 Invited so far!
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    image 30 Will be missing out!
    image 25 Are MIA!
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